Thursday, January 31, 2008

Trailer Trash: The February Gang Bang

January has flown by and February is upon us. Now's when I open myself up to the barrage of movie trailers that heralds the good and mostly not-so-good films releasing over the next twenty-nine days. And after seeing these, it's hard to believe so much crap can be squeezed into such a short month.

I'd like to mention one change I have decided to make with the Gang Bang. In the past, I have reviewed nearly all of the films to be released during the upcoming month, both limited and wide releases. I come to realize that most limited releases rarely make it to Po'Dunk, NC. From this point on, I plan to be a little more selective and will only review limited-release films I feel have the potential to reach my redneck of the woods. Enough about Trailer Trash business; it's down
to business time.

Moist with Antici...Pation!
Strange Wilderness
(02/01
) First time I saw this trailer I was not impressed despite the headlining Steve Zahn. On the second go-round, I noticed the cast features members of the Broken Lizard troupe, the Happy Madison crew, and a couple of Apatow’s usual suspects, not to mention Joe Don Baker! This may be the movie equivalent of the Traveling Wilburys/LSG/Velvet Revolver (pick your favorite musical collabo). It could also really suck, but I’m willing to take that chance.

Definitely, Maybe (02/15) Ryan Reynolds is all growed-up and has Abigail “Dakota’s Death-Knell” Breslin starring as his adorably sassy and intelligent daughter. This trailer tugs at all the right hallmarks of love and tenderness (and syrupy sappiness), but Reynolds has the chops to make this work. Throw in the yummy, funny goodness of Elizabeth Banks and Isla Fisher and I can overlook the fact that Rachel Weisz also stars.

The Spiderwick Chronicles (02/14) As the luster of the Harry Potter franchise continues to dull with each installment, Freddie Highmore grabs the fantasy reins where other films have failed (cough Narnia cough). I’m excited at the prospect of a new enjoyable series and welcome this film and all its awesome-looking effects.

Vantage Point (02/22) This star-studded suspense trailer has me on the edge of my seat every time I see it. Granted, the whole duplicate official schtick was done in last year’s Hitman, but I can forgive the redundancy for what I hope will be a tight, action-packed story. My only question is how Matthew Fox managed to get in on this!? Isn’t he like Noah Wyle’s less-talented second cousin?

Charlie Bartlett (02/22) The future face of the Star Trek crew, or at least that of Chekov, can be seen here! After a great performance in Alpha Dog, I can hardly wait to see how he tackles the snarky dialogue and situations here. I know this has been shelved and shuffled for quite a while but I think there’s something salvageable here.

Be Kind Rewind (02/22) When I first got wind of this film, it was through its viral ‘Sweded’ trailers and I was far from impressed. The more conventional trailers soon followed, and the combination of Jack Black and Mos Def at the hands of director Michel Gondry has me sold. Besides, I can’t hate since my buddies and I have our own version of Death Wish 4: The Crackdown in the can.

Penelope (02/29 ltd.) In this kid-friendly fare, Christina Ricci stars as Penelope, the girl with the pig nose. The supporting cast of Catherine O’Hara, the suave James McAvoy, and a wild Reese Witherspoon make this vibrant and fun film a solid sell. My luck it’ll be May before it makes it to these here parts.


It's Friday, I don't want to be alone.
The Eye (02/01) In her futile search to find a genre she’s good at, Jessica Alba tries her hand at an Asian-horror remake. The coolest thing about this movie is the freaky hand-out-of-the-eye teaser poster. I’d prefer to see the original because the creepy crawlies don’t look much creepy or crawly in this version, but peer pressure and her pouty lips may win out.



Vince Vaughn's Wild West Comedy Show: 30 Days & 30 Nights - Hollywood to the Heartland (02/08 ltd.) Hmmm, so Vince Vaughn, a.k.a. Trent Walker, thought it would be so money to assemble a gaggle of comedians and film them touring the country for thirty consecutive days. Here’s the catch: this comedy show doesn’t look funny.

Jumper (02/14) Shouldn’t this film be subtitled The Silver Samuel vs. Darth Lame? This suspiciously reminds me of an X-Men Nightcrawler spin-off sans Nightcrawler. Doug Liman has yet to do any wrong by me, but if this is even marginally more jittery than his last Bourne film, it’ll be like watching the camera have an epileptic seizure.

The Other Boleyn Girl (02/29) This story is about the sordid affairs of Henry the VIII with the Boleyn sisters. Since I am ALWAYS being mistaken for Eric Bana on the streets, I can‘t wait to experience the idea of Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman fighting over me (although an R-rated version would have been preferable).

Semi-Pro (02/29) I was determined to be first in line for this film after watching the teaser last year. Then the official trailer was released and I quickly moved to the back of the line. It’s inevitable that one out of every three or four films Will Ferrell stars in will be painful, and he is past due. The only reason I have hope for this film is that my spidey-sense is tingling for a hilarious performance by Woody Harrelson.

Exercise the right to Cinematic Celibacy.
Over Her Dead Body
(02/01) This looks like one of those “best parts were in the trailer” trailers. And if these are the best parts, I would hate to see the weaker material.

Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins (02/08) I really want to like this movie. There’s tons of great talent involved like James Earl Jones, Monique, Cedric the Entertainer and Mike Epps. It’s written and directed by Malcom D. Lee of Best Man, Roll Bounce, and Undercover Brother notoriety. But then there’s Martin Lawrence in the starring role, and we all know he hasn’t made a good film since…since…well, in a long damn time! Gonna have to pass on this one, Sheneneh.

Fool’s Gold (02/08) UGH! I don’t know what’s worse: watching the sickening mating patterns of two bronze-blonde goofballs or watching a film from the guy who inflicted Hitch on the world. This will make tons of money while I stay at home pinching my pennies and wondering when McConaughey’s career started circling the bowl.

The Hottie and the Nottie (02/08) I don’t know if I can stress this enough but NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE, should ever, ever see a film starring Paris Hilton! If you have to see one, choose House of Wax where, at least, you can see her face caved in by a steel pipe. Nutty, slutty self-important bitch aside, this looks like the most unfunny, gag-inducing film ever made.

Step Up 2 the Streets (02/15) I don’t have to tell you that MTV hasn’t shown music videos in over a decade. The new generation of whipper-snappers has to get its choreographed dance sequences by paying for them in theatres instead of tuning into Michael, Janet, etc. The sad part is that the young’uns are shilling for the likes of Cassie and Briana Evigan…last name sound familiar? Yeah, it’s Greg Evigan’s daughter (and maybe Paul Reiser’s,too). The only way I’ll go see these chits bust a move is if the Bear shows up to krump.


If you want to take a look at the limited releases I excluded check out IMDB’s February Release List. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to clean myself up before I go blind.


Large Association of Movie Blogs

5 comments:

  1. Jumper I assume, is based on the book by the same name written by Steven Gould. I read it back in 92. It was a decent read and I'm glad to see it coming to the big screen.

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  2. In order:

    I'm with you on Strange Wilderness. It's gotta be fun with a cast that good. Joe Don rocks - I, of course, will never think of him as anything but the chief of police from Fletch, though. :)

    I like Ryan Reynolds, but Definitely, Maybe looks like ass. And I can't buy him as old enough to be Breslin's dad (even if it's technically possible).

    Vantage Point looks reaallly generic (think Nick of Time), but I still like the cast enough to want to see it.

    I will watch anything Michel Gondry directs.

    I'd rather die than watch the last 4 movies you mention. Crap on a stick.

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  3. @Shawn - You're right, it is based on the Gould book. I really want this movie to be awesome considering Liman and David Goyer are involved but I'll have to wait one more week to find out.

    @Fletch - I saw Strange Wilderness this weekend and it was..something else. I hope to post my opinion in the next day or two.

    I too think RR seems too young to be Breslin's dad and this may turn into a sob-fest that will make me wanna hurl.

    I'm glad I'm not alone on those final four. I have free tix to see Roscoe Jenkins tonight but I think my time would be better spent catching up on last night's Sarah Connor Chronicles instead.

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  4. "I have free tix to see Roscoe Jenkins tonight but I think my time would be better spent catching up on last night's Sarah Connor Chronicles instead."

    Just a hunch, but your time would probably be better spent clipping your toenails than watching Roscoe...

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  5. Another good reason to stay home, my talons are getting quite large!

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