Thursday, January 3, 2008

Trailer Trash: The January Gang Bang

Happy 2008 Stargazers! I will forego the obvious pun about starting off the new year and instead launch into my first post of 2008. I must say, I didn't realize just how bleak the January dumping grounds were until I sifted my way through the trailers for these seventeen films currently listed on IMDB's January 2008 Release List. Notice that only eleven will be wide releases making January a great time to catch up on must-see December cinema. For those dedicated readers, you may notice that two of the films have been mentioned in earlier Trailer Trash postings, but due to schedule shifts have re-emerged, for now, here. Enough rambling; get in line for your turn.

Moist with Antici...Pation!
27 Dresses (01/18) As some of my friends would say, I don't dig chick flicks. This is a case where they are wrong cuz this looks worth my time. I don't sport a massive boner for Katherine Heigl, or for a rugged-looking James Marsden, for that matter, but I do love me some Judy Greer, and for those AD fans in the know, it's been a while since I've seen these!!


Cloverfield (01/18) As my fellow blogger, Fletch, pointed out in his End of Year Spectacular all the hype surrounding this may leave it destined to be disappointing, but I am willing to take the risk. Oh, is it just me or does that silhouette in the trailer look like King Koopa?
Teeth (01/18 ltd.) I don't even know what to say about this; it looks a little like May without the lazy eye and a lot more flirtation. A coming of age story with a delightfully demented twist I can't wait to experience...um, cinematically that is.
Taxi to the Dark Side (01/18 ltd.) I have never been one for documentaries, and my wife will attest that I need to see more, so I resolve in 2008 to at least start the year with good intentions. This is also a good chance to see Bush & Co exposed for their war-time transgressions, yet again.
Rambo (01/25) Stargazers be in awe; we are in the midst of a Stallone Renaissance! Rumor has it Sly ponied up to do two Rambo films in order to get his beloved "Poe" produced. What a boon it is for us! In all honesty, this should be the only film on your January must-see list and not because of the so-so trailer they're hyping now, but because of the original R-rated massacre released back in September. Missed it? Enjoy.



The Air I Breathe (01/25 ltd.) The story seems lost on me in this interwoven tale, but hey, if Forest Whitaker, Emile Hirsch and Kevin Bacon thought it was worth their time then why shouldn't we? Plus I haven't seen Brendan Fraser in a minute (except for those pesky Encino Man reruns on cable).
4 Months, 3 Weeks, and 2 Days (01/25 ltd.) The privileged few have been exalting this foreign gem since it got limited release and I truly hope its expansion includes my area. The trailer draws you in from the start so I can only imagine what the entire film is capable.

It's Friday, I don't want to be alone.
One Missed Call (01/04) Ugh. I am so sick of this trailer! It looks like a wannabe Final Destination that suffers more from the lameness of trash like White Noise or Pulse. So why would I care to see it? Three reasons:Azura Skye is a creepy kind of cool that girl; Meagan Good equals yummy; and because I am a whore for horror, even PG-13 suckfests.
The Killing of John Lennon (01/04 ltd.) I am torn on this film. The actor Jonas Ball sounds like Steve Buscemi and looks like Mark Ruffalo so kudos for piquing my interest in that regard. On the other hand, the story of Mark David Chapman's insanity, which led to him killing John Lennon as a box office draw? Um, not so much.
First Sunday (01/11) I do enjoy Katt Williams, and the answer to the hole left by Arrested Development, a.k.a. 30 Rock, is home to my fav looney, Tracy Morgan, so I can forgive them for teaming up with Ice Cube - though he deserves props for getting funny people to keep his career treading water.
Cassandra's Dream (01/18 ltd.) Sparkly man candy Ewan McGregor shares the screen with skeazy man candy Colin Farrell. Woody Allen seems to have been on a winning streak with his last few movies so why do I get the feeling that his luck is about to run out? Maybe excellent acting by the pretty boys and Tom Wilkinson may keep him afloat a little longer.

Exercise the Right to Cinematic Celibacy.
The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie (01/11) What's worse than having the B-52's classic "Rock Lobster" defiled by singing vegetables dressed as pirates as they run from evil cheese doodles? Every person who spends their hard-earned money supporting something as asinine as this. And they will know his name is the Lord when he lays his vengeance upon thee.
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (01/11) What good reason does any actor have for working with director Uwe Boll? Leelee Sobieski, Claire Forlani, Matthew Lillard-- well, they're hard up. John Rhys-Davies is still waiting for The Hobbit to start filming and Burt Reynolds is simply cashing in. But for shame Jason Statham! And Ray Liotta, Boll's got him dressed up like a broke-ass seventies pimp in the Middle Ages spouting lines like he's on meth. Didn't realize all these people had sold out? Have you been swindled by the latest trailer? Check out this first international trailer:

'Nuff said.
Mad Money (01/18) After a wonderful turn in Something's Gotta Give, Diane Keaton can't do anything but stink up the screen. Mix in Queen Latifah and Katie "I'm with Crazy" Holmes and we've got a movie recipe that's far from diponomically delicious. I bet the British version of this film will be far quirkier and more endearing and I plan to watch it in lieu of seeing this.
Meet the Spartans (01/25) Damn the Wayans. Thanks to Scary Movie's success audiences are forced to endure spoof after painful spoof. I guess on the plus side Carmen Electra is getting paid for her services, something she's been missing since Navarro stopped the checks.
How She Move (01/25) MTV doesn't show music videos anymore; they just plaster the big screen with poorly written and produced dance movies. The most recognizable person in this '08 rehash is Keyshia Cole... let's hope it is solely a speaking role and she's not allowed to sing.
Untraceable (01/25) So let's get this straight; a movie full of nobodies a la Hostel or Saw and it's labeled torture porn ,but get Diane Lane to star and we got a bona fide thriller with a message. I got a message for Miss Lane--try finding better films that don't have the mind-numbing obviousness I predict in this one.

Aahhh!
I don't know if it was the shorter list of participants or if I am becoming numb to the impact but that wasn't too difficult. I hope it was enjoyable for you too. Once I ice down it will be onto my 7 part posting series for the Best Releases of 2007! Be sure to come again soon if you don't want to miss out.

Large Association of Movie Blogs

3 comments:

  1. A friend was telling me about In the Name of the King and I thought he was making it up. What an odd cast, to say the least. The trailer looks somewhat passable considering how outlandish it sounded.

    Thanks for the AD memories ("Say goodbye to...these!")

    And no, I won't be seeing Rambo (or any Stallone flick) anytime soon, unless Demolition Man 2 comes out soon. ;)

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  2. My boys at the movie theater watch Cloverfield. They were pleased. Whatever that means to you...ha

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  3. @Fletch - It's always good to find a fellow AD lover. I have passed my DVDs onto a coworker to bolster awareness.

    tsk, tsk, you don't sound like a Sly fan?! "Demolition Man" was a great film with its only flaw being it began in the far off future of 1996!

    I am still bitter at Boll for "House of the Dead" though it gave the world a first look at Erica Durance's topless goodness. As a man who suffered through "D-War" in theaters last year, I plan to skip low budget fantasy in '08.

    @Sheamus the...- I am glad to here positive marks for Cloverfield. There's a sneak peek slated for the 16th here and I'm hoping to be there.

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