Friday, January 8, 2010

Trailer Trash: The January Gang Bang

It's the first official week of 2010 releases, and the January Trailer Trash is raring to go! While the next couple months are typically reserved for catching up on all those dramatic films contending for the coveted Oscar, Hollywood still manages to squeeze out a few attempts at entertainment.

I say attempts because it's widely known that films released early in the year are a crapshoot at best. The studios aren't confident they'll draw an audience so they throw them in a quality-saturated market and wait to see what sticks.

In January 2010, ten major releases are being loosed upon the world, according to the largely dependable IMDB. As with every gang bang, I've put the worst of the bunch first because you got to save your best film for the climax.

Exercise the Right To Cinematic Celibacy.

The Spy Next Door (01/15) You're a great guy, Jackie, a legend really, but this madness has to stop. A babysitting spy?! Actually, what's worse is you're a babysitting spy who needs the help of said kids to save the day. ACTUALLY, Billy Ray Cyrus get a "with" credit. I'm dumbfounded.

Tooth Fairy (01/22) When is Dwayne Johnson going to return to bruising baddies? Now he seems content to bruise his acting cred with these painful kid's movies. He was much less emasculated when his tights didn't come with a matching bag and fairy wings. Curse you, Walden Media!


Legion (01/22) Speaking of horrid things borne on wings, have you seen this craptastic trailer about the angel invasion? Not the current action-packed thrill ride, but the August red-band which showcased the lame story, piss-poor effects, and revealed the death of a major character. If that's not enough to send you running, the fact it's an effects-laden sci-fi flick not offered in Hollywood's holy grail 3D format is telling enough.

Extraordinary Measures (01/22) It looks like Brendan Fraser plays My Sister's Sister's Keeper this time around because both his children are on the verge of death. I'm certain Fraser and Keri Russell will be full of heart-wrenching emotion while Harrison Ford will mumble his way through a decent performance. Still, I'll save this for its Lifetime premiere.

It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.

Leap Year (01/08) Amy Adams can make any movie watchable, but her New in Town turn opposite this scraggly European seems so beneath someone of her talents. Surprisingly, that scraggly Brit is Matthew Goode, whom you've seen a dozen times, but probably don't remember...and I wouldn't expect that to change with this movie.

Edge of Darkness (01/29) I'm guessing Mel Gibson saw Taken last year and thought, "Liam can sure play bad-ass and crazy, but I am crazy! We don't want it to seem too similar, so let's make the daughter the highly-trained spy, but her dad can still run around and wreck shit." Thus, Edge of Darkness was born.

When in Rome (01/29) I pretty much decided to buy my ticket when I discovered it was a Kristen Bell vehicle. Then I nearly gouged my eyes out during the first half of the trailer. Luckily, the retardedly goofy, last minute antics of Dax Shepard breathed new life into an otherwise stale concept.


Daybreakers (01/08) Being one of the first major releases of the new year is usually a bad sign, but I cannot help but be intrigued. Vampire obsessions and Ethan Hawke aside, you can normally count on Willem Dafoe and Sam Neill to, at a minimum, pick interesting roles.

Moist With Antici...Pation!

Wonderful World (01/08 LA/NY) I usually omit limited run films, but seeing as how this is Sanaa Lathan's first starring role since 2008, she needs the hype. Looks like Broderick's Ben will be contending with Stiller's Greenberg for dourest man of the new decade. Aside from that, it stars Sanaa Lathan!!!


Youth in Revolt (01/08) I should be concerned because this Michael Cera flick is a January release, but this has a Fight Club 2: The Wonder Years charm to it. Just the premise of seeing Cera play a devious, duplicitous douche named Francois Dillinger will put my ass in the seat opening weekend.


The Book of Eli (01/15) If you like your post-apocalyptic survival movies a little darker than filthy-mugged Viggo, why not roll with an unkempt Denzel? In their first film in nearly a decade, the Hughes brothers serve up a fanatical Gary Oldman, a hot Mila Kunis and a legendary book. More importantly, Denzel returns to his dark-souled, Man on Fire roots as he sojourns to put a fist up Satan's flame-kist anus!

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Aside from slipping in a limited release, those are your ten January movies. Do any of them qualify as must-see events, or will you continue playing catch-up on Oscarbait?


Large Association of Movie Blogs

4 comments:

  1. Losers...all of them. The only one I've heard anything good about is Youth in Revolt, so maybe I should hold my tongue a bit on it.

    Glad I wasn't the only one that noticed the spoilerific early Legion trailer.

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  2. Besides Youth & Eli, I could care less if anything else is decent.

    Those first trailers for Legion were just painful. it's sad b/c I enjoy Dennis Quaid. I also like what I've seen of Kevin Durand (in 3:10 to Yuma) and Doug Jones. Hope this is only a speed bump for them.

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  3. I was interested in seeing extraordinary measures, but I definitely concur on the Harrison Ford comment. He needs to stop the lazy acting and get back into a really hard serious role. I saw Youth in Revolt and Daybreakers over the weekend and would say they are worth watching. The blood was good on the big screen in Daybreakers, but it still has a lot of problems. Youth in Revolt I had fully expected to be terrible, but often low expectations leave room for better enjoyment; as was the case here. I would actually say it was a pretty good film.

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  4. I still haven't seen Youth in Revolt. I need to hurry up, the number of showings is evaporating quickly around here. I'll hold off on Daybreakers until it gets to the cheap theater.

    No pun intended, but someone needs to crack the whip on Harrison Ford!

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