Sunday, September 30, 2012

MILF Rendezvous: Brick

As I mentioned at the beginning of September, I’ve had a major hard-on in anticipation of the release of Looper. Today, I can finally have my cinematic urges gratified. Bruce Willis and Joseph Gordon-Levitt working together under the direction of Rian Johnson should be awesome. The question is, will it be as awesome as Johnson and JGL’s first endeavor, Brick?


Panicked, high school student Emily (Emilie de Ravin) calls her loner ex-beau, Brendan Frye (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), and before he can glean who, or what, has Emily so terrified, she hangs up. After finding her dead body, Brendan with the help of his friend the Brain (Matt O’Leary), begins to shake down everyone from the school’s upper crust like Brad (Brian White) and Laura (Nora Zehetner) to the pie-pan grease like Dode (Noah Segan) to solve her murder. All Brendan’s kicking around puts him in the sights of the Pin (Lukas Haas), head of the local drug trade, and the Pin’s hotheaded muscle, Tugger (Noah Fleiss).

Rendezvous...

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Tuesday, September 25, 2012

MILF Rendezvous: Born in East L.A.

These September Tuesdays, the vault has paid respect to celebrities lost to us this year. To close our In Memorium series I have chosen to honor an actress who has most definitely been seen by anyone who’s ever turned on a television or watched a film. One of my favorite That Ladies, Lupe Ontiveros, who passed away just two months ago.

Rudy (Cheech Marin) is a mechanic born and raised in East Los Angeles. Rudy still lives with his mom (Lupe Ontiveros) who, as she leaves for Fresno, asks him to pick up his cousin Javier (Paul Rodriguez) from the factory. Simple enough until La Migra, that’s the INS, a.k.a. the United States Immigration and Naturalization Services, raid the factory and toss Rudy into the truck along with the factory’s undocumented workers. Having left his wallet at home, Rudy’s dumped in Tijuana where his American attitude and poor Spanish language only get him into more trouble. That is until he meets Jimmy (Daniel Stern), an American expatriate hustler who can get him back across the border, but only once Rudy works off Jimmy’s fee.
Rendezvous...

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MILF Rendezvous: Judge Dredd

With Karl Urban donning the mantle of judge, jury and executioner in today’s highest profile release, was there any other choice for a vault selection? Absolutely. Plenty of alternatives, but as Stallone would decree, “I AM THE LAW!” and what I say goes.
In the third millennium, the Earth has become a barren desert where humanity can find no purchase, save for refuges like Mega-City One. An elite force known as the Judges were created to police the huddled and violent masses, but Judge Griffin (Jürgen Prochnow) urges the rest of the council to impose stricter codes and employ more Judges to suppress the escalating crime. Chief Justice Fargo (Max von Sydow) is more optimistic thanks to exemplary Judges like Joseph Dredd (Sylvester Stallone) who keep the peace and are faithful to the law. Fargo’s faith is shattered when Dredd is convicted of the murders of reporter Vartis Hammond (Mitch Ryan) and his wife. When the opportunity to clear his name surfaces, Dredd, though stripped of his Lawgiver gun and rank, returns to Mega-City One to exact justice.

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Monday, September 24, 2012

MMM: Brenda Lee's Coming On Strong

Morning stargazers! Personal commitments kept me from choosing a mood music last week, but I couldn't let a second week start off without a little tunage.

This is one of those songs that is no doubt being played on a rock station somewhere in the world at any given moment of the day. I've never really given much thought to the title or lyrics. It wasn't until today that I read along with the song and I now understand it's essentially a song about a booty call, and a telepathic one at that! The lyrics never concerned me nearly as much as the kickass tempo and all around great rhythms this Dutch band crafted. If you find yourself on the road, I highly recommend you queue this up to amp your drive. By queue this up I mean just the song, not the video... not looking to cause an accident!

Golden Earring - Radar Love

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Wednesday, September 19, 2012

MILF Rendezvous: The Eiger Sanction

Week three of the vault’s In Memorium series focuses on the work of producer Richard D. Zanuck who passed away two months ago. Zanuck is responsible for such classics as Jaws and Driving Miss Daisy. His more recent memorable films include Road to Perdition, Big Fish, and Sweeney Todd. His career featured many movies to choose from, but when I saw he was executive producer on one of the few Clint Eastwood films I’d never seen, I had the perfect selection.

Dr. Jonathan Hemlock (Clint Eastwood) is a man of many talents; art professor, collector of black market masterpieces, accomplished mountaineer, and retired assassin. Hemlock is content lecturing to lascivious young coeds, but his old employer C2, a secret government agency headed by Mr. Dragon (Thayer David), insists he return for two more sanctions, or hits. Dragon convinces Hemlock to return by first leveraging his illegal art collection then by playing on his sympathies for a fellow assassin and close friend. For his second hit, the “Eiger Sanction,” Hemlock must train with his old buddy Ben Bowman (George Kennedy). Bowman is also the ground man for the impending north face Eiger climb. Replacing the team’s American climber, Hemlock joins three other mountaineers, Freytag (Reiner Schöne), Meyer (Michael Grimm), and Montaigne (Jean-Pierre Bernard), any one of which could be the killer he seeks.

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Saturday, September 15, 2012

MILF Rendezvous: Resident Evil

Today marks the release of the thirty-seventh installment of the Resident Evil film series. I kid. The latest, Resident Evil: Retribution, is only the fifth of the video-game-adapted-into-surprisingly-successful franchise. Being as I’m in the minority of cinephiles who, like a moth to a flame,  inexplicably returns to be burned by the latest, increasingly subpar chapter, I am certainly qualified to critique the original that has infected my judgement.


When a thief steals the experimental T-virus and purposefully contaminates an underground genetic research facility known as the Hive, its computer-controlled security system, the Red Queen (Michaela Dicker), initiates lock-down. Commandos, led by One (Colin Salmon), infiltrate the Hive’s emergency entrance where they apprehend a local cop, Matt (Eric Mabius), and unsuccessfully attempt a sitrep with the Hive’s undercover security agents, a young woman (Milla Jovovich) and her “husband”, Spence (James Purefoy), who suffer from short-term memory loss as part of the lock-down measures. Together, they infiltrate the Hive to discover what activated the security measures, but only one seems prepared for the repercussions and she needs her memory back first.

Rendezvous...

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Tuesday, September 11, 2012

MILF Rendezvous: Sleepless in Seattle

Tuesdays in September here in the vault have been designated as an In Memorium series featuring celebrities lost in 2012. Today I’d like to shine a light on writer, producer, director Nora Ephron by covering her highest-grossing feature.

On Christmas Eve, a year and a half after losing his mother to cancer, Jonah Baldwin (Ross Malinger) calls up a national talk radio program in search of a new wife for his despondent father, Sam (Tom Hanks). The heartbreaking story told by Sam, dubbed Sleepless in Seattle by the host, infatuates hundreds of impassioned women across the country, including recently engaged Baltimore reporter, Annie Reed (Meg Ryan). Annie’s deeply in love with her delicate beau Walter (Bill Pullman), but finds herself drawn, as if by magic, to this somber man she’s never met.

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Monday, September 10, 2012

MMM: Say It Ain't So

It's Monday. I'm tired. No upcoming holidays to look forward to. Say it ain't so.

Weezer - Say It Ain't So

Sure, the song isn't really about my sentiment, but whatever works.

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Saturday, September 8, 2012

MILF Rendezvous: Shadowboxer

I understand it will be the end of September before Looper releases, but my anticipation for its release has me stoked. Including the upcoming Looper, 2012 has been Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s biggest year in terms of mainstream roles, but he’s had quite the prolific career for a man of his age. Today’s vault selection may take some readers off the mainstream path, but it’s all for the love of JGL.

 
Diagnosed with terminal cancer, assassin Rose (Helen Mirren) reflects over the evil she’s done with her apprentice and lover, Mikey (Cuba Gooding Jr.). Contacted by their intermediary on behalf of Clayton Mayfield (Stephen Dorff), Rose agrees to one last job; to kill Clayton’s wife, Vicki (Vanessa Ferlito), for her suspected infidelity. The hit is running smoothly until the pregnant Vicki’s water breaks in front of Rose. Instead of completing the contract, Rose delivers the baby, and with the help of Mikey and Dr. Don (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), hides the very much alive Vicki and her son from the sadist Clayton.

Rendezvous...

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Wednesday, September 5, 2012

MILF Rendezvous: The Last Boy Scout

After focusing on baby movies throughout August, I was at a loss as to what type of movie to induct into the vault next. When I find myself in this situation, I turned to my two most trustworthy sources of inspiration; upcoming releases and celebrity birthdays. I can hardly wait for Rian Johnson’s upcoming Looper and today is Damon Wayans birthday which led me to choose The Last Boy Scout. More importantly, the selection reminded of our recent loss of Tony Scott, so every Tuesday post in September will recognize a celebrity we’ve lost in 2012.

“Nobody likes you. Everybody hates you. You’re gonna lose. Smile, you fuck.” That’s the motto private dick Joe Hallenbeck (Bruce Willis) has adopted to motivate himself. His wife Sarah (Chelsea Field), daughter Darian (Danielle Harris) and everyone he meets hate him nearly as much as he hates himself, but life wasn’t always this bad. Joe was a decorated Secret Service agent before his morality got him fired by Senator Baynard (Chelcie Ross). In need of money, Joe agrees to bodyguard a stripper Cory (Halle Berry) for his friend Mike (Bruce McGill). When this simple task goes sideways, Joe and Cory’s boyfriend, former quarterback Jimmy Dix (Damon Wayans), become unlikely partners in order to uncover the trouble Cory was into.

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MILF Rendezvous: Three Fugitives

We’ve reached the end of August which brings to a close the vault’s month-long coverage of all movies baby. I had hoped to end the series with a bang, but like roadside fireworks, you don’t know if it will fizzle until you try it.

After a five-year stint at McNeil Island Prison for fourteen counts of armed robbery, Daniel Lucas (Nick Nolte) is released with a check for $1,740 in his pocket for all his work at the prison laundry. Lucas is greeted at the pier by his arresting detective Dugan (James Earl Jones) and Dugan’s partner, Tener (Alan Ruck). Fully expecting Lucas to slip back into his old thieving ways, Dugan jokingly drives Lucas to a bank. Dugan’s jovial grin disappears when he’s called to an in-progress robbery of the very bank he just left. With the heist botched, Lucas confronts the teams of police, not as the perpetrator, but as the hostage of the actual inept thief, Ned Perry (Martin Short).

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