People, I am pissed! With a nice big 3D kiddie film fiasco opening this weekend, I was all set to see Drive Angry 3D shift over to a smaller, less obnoxious screening area so I could finally enjoy Cage and Fichtner chewing up the screen for ninety minutes without being disgusted by the lame technological gimmickry. So of course I am teed off to find Drive Angry has disappeared from my town completely! Two weeks and it's vanished. I didn't expect it to have an Avatar-sized following, but even Season of the Witch stuck around longer than that. For this indiscretion, I should boycott 2011 movies altogether!
You, however, know me better than that. I will instead attempt to find solace in one of this week's three new releases listed over at IMDb. Let's check them out.
Battle: Los Angeles If Resident Evil, S.W.A.T., and Avatar have taught us anything, it's that Michelle Rodriguez looks hot in uniform. However, I wouldn't make that my main reason to catch this. If it's anything like the trailer lets on, B:LA will be two hours of unbridled carnage and destruction. It'll probably be overkill (no pun intended), but I'm due a good bone-rattling movie.
Verdict: It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.
Red Riding Hood I can't really blame Catherine Hardwicke for the whole Twilight film explosion; if those fans actually cared about the story's quality they'd be cursing her for making such a dazzlingly dull first installment. However, RRH looks visually stunning, even if Oldman's purple pimp-chic outfit seems a bit weird. This weekend, I'll opt to watch to get my wolf fix via BBC America's Being Human.
Verdict: It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.
Mars Needs Moms I feel like every time a new kid's movie starts advertising, I can't do anything but shit all over how painful it looks. Maybe if there were better story ideas than having meatballs rain from the sky, gnomes fighting over turf, or a bunch of funky Martian stealing moms I'd be more amiable to the animated. Then again, they can't all be a Toy Story sequel; sometimes we have to settle for another Cars.Verdict: Exercise the Right to Cinematic Celibacy.
Can you believe I've only seen three 2011 releases since January?! It's mind-bottling how sad the offerings have been so far. Maybe I can start making up for my lack of posting soon. Any suggestions?
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Ha - nevermind, I got my Drive Angry answer. Your gain...I saw it and thought it pretty well sucked. You'll have to wait until DVD to really disagree with me, I guess...
ReplyDeleteSucked?! Actually, that's not all that surprising. I hoped the cheese factor would make it a fun movie, but often times this isn't the case.
ReplyDeleteWhen I do see it, I'll make sure to post about it.
Speaking of, I actually saw 2 new movies this weekend (Battle LA, Cedar Rapids)! Now if I can just write about them.