In the past, one of my readers has asked me to do an extensive Trailer Trash segment for a whole month. Well folks, I present to you the November 2007 Gang Bang. This is a list of all the films competing to slip their probing members into your warm wallets and steal your cash cherry. I've corralled the studs by anticipated enjoyment and listed them by release date within each of the three stables. Enjoy.
Moist With Antici...Pation!
American Gangster (11/02) Denzel Washington, Russell Crowe, and Ridley Scott – let’s just call it a Cinematic Trifecta.
Before the Devil Knows You're Dead (11/02 ltd.) Why would anyone not wanna see a Philip Seymour Hoffman flick? If we’re lucky, maybe Lumet figured a way to work ‘sharted’ into the script for the Mattress Man.
No Country for Old Men (11/09 ltd.) Heads: It’s a Coen Brothers Film. Tails: Tommy Lee
Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium (11/16) This may prove to be the first Walden Media film worth seeing (Yeah, I said it, Narnia fans!) The incomparable Hoffman, the funny Bateman, and the badass Ms. Portman trumps any issues I may have with Walden.
Love in the Time of Cholera (11/16) I think this is some kinda love-story-for-the-ages I should've read in high school. All I know is the soundtrack is by Shakira, and that is enough for me.
Southland Tales (11/16 ltd.) An ensemble cast wielded by “Donnie Darko” creator Richard Kelly. Looks like a cross between “Rocky Horror Picture Show” and the “Matrix.” It may wind up being incomprehensible but I bet it'll still look really cool.
Enchanted (11/21) Sure, it looks nauseatingly cute and Patrick Dempsey’s a douche, but Amy Adams and James Marsden look like they’re giving it their all to make it paradoxically amusing.
I'm Not There (11/21 ltd.) This is an awesome concept look into the life of Bob Dylan. Plus, Cate Blanchett looks to be the best Bob of the bunch. Watching it is the only one way to know for sure!
Hitman (11/23) This video-game adaptation looks like an opera of blood and gun violence and the buzz says likewise. I’ve heard Fox bitched out and tried to do some re-edits to tone it down, but let’s hope their effort got shot down.
The Savages (11/28 ltd.) Again, why would you not go see a Philip Seymour Hoffman flick?! Add Laura Linney and a quirky script and we’ve got another winner!
It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.
Martian Child (11/02) The way I figure it I somewhat enjoyed “I am Sam” and “K-Pax” so this can’t prove much worse or better than either of those.
Darfur Now (11/02 ltd.) The cause is inarguably noble, but this looks a bit slapped-together for the purpose of exploiting people’s holiday charity through guilt.
Joe Strummer: The Future is Unwritten (11/02 ltd.) For the Clash fans of the world comes a documentary into the life of front man
Lions for Lambs (11/09) With Redford and Streep chewing up the dialogue, I can ignore Suri’s “daddy” being in this. But Cruise’s presence aside, this looks even preachier than “Darfur Now.”
P2 (11/09) Looks like a little bit of the torture porn genre has survived past Halloween for those of us depraved enough to care.
Margot at the Wedding (11/16 ltd.) I loved Baumbach’s “Squid and the Whale” and while I fully support Jennifer Jason Leigh getting more roles, I’m not sure how Kidman and Black will fare in this dysfunctional tale.
August Rush (11/21) Keri Russell has earned much love from me with “Waitress” and
This Christmas (11/21) I despise Chris Brown with a passion. But mainstays such as Loretta Devine, Regina King and Delroy Lindo make me think this predictable holiday tale will be worth checking out.
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (11/30 ltd.) This devastatingly inspiring French film is based on the true story of a paralyzed man who dictates his memoir by blinking. I’m depressed just thinking about it.
Exercise the Right to Cinematic Celibacy
Bee Movie (11/02) Oh my fucking head! Who would’ve thought Seinfeld is kid-worthy material?! I hope audiences find themselves to be as allergic to this film as I am.
Fred Claus (11/09) This film looks like crap-on-a-stick even with a yummy Elizabeth Banks in hot holiday wear. Vince Vaughn should be banned from film-making for a full year after this. And WTF is up with Ludacris as a big-headed elf?!
Beowulf (11/16) Once upon a time, I was super-excited about this film. After watching many trailers, I think I’d rather play a video game of Beowulf since that’s all this looks like. Though the animated Angelina Joie justifies the validity of hentai appeal.
Stephen King's The Mist (11/21) Isaac, Carrie, It, Jack, and Cujo this menace is not. This menace is a friggin’ mist, a mist with big-A bugs and lots of annoying people trapped in a store. I sat through two Fogs; I think I’ve suffered enough.
Awake (11/30) Hey look it’s Terrence Howard in his 75th film appearance this year! This nauseating, scatterbrained trailer shows Jessica Alba in, like, her 37th movie still trying to prove she is legit, though this will be another argument for her to quit.
November Releases Not Included:
Saawariya (11/09 ltd.)
Om Shanti Om (11/09) These two films were not added because I have never seen a Bollywood production and did not want to skew your opinion.
After Dark Horrorfest (11/09) This one week horror series features 8 Films to Die For and is worthy of a separate column, if readers are interested.
Teeth (11/30 ltd.) No trailer was available at the time of posting but the premise of this film almost guarantees it to be a must-see!
Now...
If you'll excuse me I need to go find some ice.
Excellent presentation/twist of this feature.
ReplyDeleteThe only sad thing about animated Angelina is that the real one looks exactly the same or better. At least Ray Winstone got to "get in shape" and drop 20 years.
I think you'll wish you had gone to see Stephen King's The Mist. It's nothing like either Fog movie. It's much more about what happens because of the fog with the people in the supermarket. It's a psychological thriller as only Stephen King can do it. I personally cannot wait for the 21st.
ReplyDeleteTo fletch - I agree on Angelina...I think that's why I was once so interested in the film. Glad you liked this feature, I may have to continue it
ReplyDeleteTo the mist - Don't get me wrong, trailers are notoriously misleading and as a movie whore, I will find myself in the theater the weekend this opens. It is still a King story after all.