MILF Rendezvous: Necessary Roughness

You may be wondering why in the hell would I review this particular movie when the preceding film about a baseball team of lovable losers is SOOOO much better. I was in the market for a Scott Bakula movie for my convention preparation and either the movies were too new, like The Informant!, his role was too small, like in American Beauty, or I never want to see the movie again, like Lord of Illusions. Not that Scott was bad in Lord of Illusions, but because what’s not to like in Necessary Roughness?

Necessary Roughness

After committing a slew of regulatory violations, Texas State University President Purcell (Fred Dalton Thompson) enlists Ed “Straight Arrow” Gennero (Hector Elizondo) to rebuild and coach a new, morally-principled Fightin’ Armadillos football team. After tryouts reveal the slim pickings available from the student body, defensive coach Wally “Rig” Riggendorf (Robert Loggia) recruits 34-year old Paul Blake (Scott Bakula), a promising quarterback who gave it all up years ago to run the family farm. With such a meager squad, Gennero and Rig resort to playing iron-man football and recruiting a university teacher, Andre Krimm (Sinbad), and soccer player, Lucy Draper (Kathy Ireland), to keep the program alive and away from the chopping block of the football-hating Dean Elias (Larry Miller).

Rendezvous...

Trailer Trash: June 1 of 2012

Can you believe it stargazers? My Trailer Trash is out a whole day earlier. That's because I am in the final stages of departure for my latest nerd convention and won't be around to sate your curiosities tomorrow. Let's have at the latest releases, shall we?

Snow White and the Hunstman If I were looking for the fairest of them all, the dark-haired maiden with the flawless complexion that comes to my mind would not be Kristen Stewart. Not that in certain circles she wouldn't be pretty, but those circles would have to exclude Rosario Dawson, Sanaa Lathan, Mila Kunis,... um, you get the point. This isn't about Snow White, it's about the awesome action and effects, and a wicked Charlize. Also, Hemsworth is batting a thousand in my book, so I have faith he won't steer me wrong.

Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!

 

Piranha 3DD Overall, 2010's Piranha remake was pretty damned terrible. I mainly went to see if it would spark Elisabeth Shue's triumphant return to mainstream. Okay, I also went for the nudity, the blood, the breasts, the gore, the sex, and the violence, but I was very happy to see Shue on the big screen. Shue's not in 3DD, and buzz is it's worse than the original. I'd pass on this completely, but it does still have loads of carnage and nekkidness, so my eventual attendance is really out of my control.


Verdict: It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.


Well, I will be off to Philadelphia before long to rub elbows with the Huntsman himself, Chris Hemsworth. I won't get a chance to enjoy his latest blockbuster until next week so don't go spoiling it for me!

MILF Rendezvous: Out of Time

In just a few short days I will be road tripping it up the East coast to go to yet another convention. In addition to all the last minute planning and packing I have to do, I am also trying to squeeze in a few movies starring celebrities that I may meet. Dean Cain of Lois & Clark fame is one such celebrity. In Out of Time, Cain trades in the morals of the Big Blue Boy Scout in favor of a more unsavory role.

 Out of Time

 
In the sleepy little Florida town of Banyan Key, police chief Matt Whitlock (Denzel Washington) spends many of his nights doing the same thing; walking the quiet streets to keep the city safe, drinking away the pain of his impending divorce, and sleeping with his high school sweetheart, Ann Merai Harrison (Sanaa Lathan). His tryst with Ann is complicated considering her abusive husband Chris (Dean Cain) and that she’s dying of cancer. Matt steals $450,000 from a recent drug bust so they can run off together, but before they ride off into the sunset, Matt’s called to the scene of Ann’s burning home. With all evidence pointing to him as the prime suspect in the murder of Ann and Chris and the DEA looking for the drug money, Matt has to use all his skills to stay a step ahead of the case’s lead detective, his estranged wife Alex (Eva Mendes).

Rendezvous...

MILF Rendezvous: Gunmen

As I continue to prepare for my next convention, I’ve dug up a movie that’s as bizarre as it is obscure. Aside from being a big fan of Christopher Lambert, I believe I rented Gunmen back in 1994 because it was an opportunity to see Patrick Stewart out of his Star Fleet captain’s uniform. Admit it; we’ve all secretly wanted to see that. Before and since Star Trek: The Next Generation, Mr. Stewart has portrayed a wide range of characters, but I’ll never forget Loomis, the fearsome, foul-mouthed, convalescent drug baron central to the plot of Gunmen.

Gunmen

Loomis (Patrick Stewart), a fearsome, foul-mouthed, convalescent drug baron has been robbed! His bag man Carl hid his 400 million dollars on a boat somewhere in South America and vanished. Loomis enlists hard-ass Armor O’Malley (Denis Leary) and a band of mercs to recover his cheddar for a ten percent finders fee. Elsewhere, New York bounty hunter Cole Parker (Mario Van Peebles) busts Carl’s brother, Dani Servigo (Christopher Lambert), out of a Boa Vista jail. Parker knows the boat’s name, but Dani knows its location and Parker must find it to help the DEA take down Loomis. The lawman and the smuggler form an unlikely, and untrusting, alliance to locate the money before Armor and his crew find them.

Rendezvous...

MMM: I Pity the Violins

Exciting news stargazers! Exciting for me, but it should also be exciting for you. Regina Spektor has a new album releasing tomorrow! I can't wait to hear it from start to finish. For now, I will settle for the previously released single. If you've never heard her, today's the perfect opportunity to become a fan. Enjoy!

Regina Spektor - All The Rowboats

Trailer Trash: May 25 of 2012

It's Memorial Day weekend, a three day weekend ahead. If only there were new movies at the theater. Oh wait, there are, they just look oh so forgettable. Don't believe me...

Chernobyl Diaries A.K.A. The Ukranian Hills Have Eyes. I was stoked to see CD from the first set of trailers released. Foreign mutants preying upon pathetic Americans stupid enough to treat the worst nuclear disaster in history as a tourist getaway. Awesome...except the latest trailers are angling for a plot of "radiation make puny Americans see crazy things not really there." WTF?! Seriously? I must have confirmation of mutant carnage forthwith before I agree to see this!

Verdict: It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.

 

Men In Black III  Damn if Josh Brolin doesn't do a killer Tommy Lee Jones! At least, from the trailers I've seen his imitation is uncanny. MIB3 looks like a lot of good, silly fun and Smith always aims to please, unless you're a frisky reporter. I'm just hoping they've polished the special effects since the earlier trailers. The artificial looks of that big fish and those gyro-bikes is pathetic by today's standards. 


Verdict: It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.

 

Moonrise Kingdom Is Wes Anderson's latest, not doubt to be outstanding, film releasing in my area? No. Am I pissed about that? Absolutely. How dare you make me wait for the blessed union of Bruce Willis with the quirk of Wes Anderson!!! Why must I wait for my Bruce/Wes fix?!?!





Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!


Ahem. Sorry about that. I hope you find some cinematic enjoyment this weekend and I'll catch you on the flipside.

MILF Rendezvous: Weird Science

Today’s vault selection has two very excellent reasons behind its choosing. I will soon be headed to yet another convention, and for any must-meet guests in attendance, I always like to watch a few choice films to get amped. Anthony Michael Hall is an actor I’ve enjoyed for decades on both the big screen and television. As Dylan recently attested in his post, Top 5 Stars Deserving Of a Comeback, Hall is long overdue for a role more substantial than an occasional guest spot on television, although his appearance on Community was cool, cool, cool.

Weird Science

Gary Wallace (Anthony Michael Hall) and Wyatt Donnelly (Ilan Mitchell-Smith) fantasize about being the cool kids; the guys wooing the ladies, throwing the parties, and being envied by the masses. In reality, they are repeatedly beaten and ridiculed by their classmates Ian (Robert Downey, Jr.) and Max (Robert Rusler) and relentlessly antagonized by Wyatt’s freakish asshole of a brother, Chet (Bill Paxton).  With another lonely, depressing weekend ahead of them, Gary convinces Wyatt to use his computer to simulate an ideal girl, one that will teach them the secret to coolness. They surpass their wildest dreams when, through some sort of weird science, they create living, breathing perfection… Lisa (Kelly LeBrock).

Rendezvous...