Counting Down the Zeroes: Run! Rabbit! Run!

This post is part of COUNTING DOWN THE ZEROES, brought to you by IBETOLIS of FILM FOR THE SOUL.

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House of 1000 Corpses

Release: 04.11.03
DVD Release: 08.12.03
Rated R
1 hours, 29 minutes


Matinee



I have to go on record as saying House of 1000 Corpses is perhaps one of the best and one of the worst horror films I have ever seen. Approximately three-fourths of it is edgy and phenomenal in its delivery; the remaining just utter filth and a waste of good celluloid. Then again, the horror genre has a wealth of depraved avenues one can traverse; I just prefer some concepts more than others.

The debut picture from musician turned writer-director Rob Zombie opens on All Hallow's Eve with four college kids traveling along the back roads of Texas (has a familiar ring to it, right?). Captain Spaulding (Sid Haig, Jackie Brown) runs the roadside Gasoline, Fried Chicken, and Horror Museum where the kids stop to stock up for the last leg of their voyage home. The museum tour chronicles notorious mass murderers, including the local legend, Dr. Satan, which sparks the kids’ need to drive out to the fabled killer's remote stomping grounds in the cold, rainy dead of night. One hitchhiker named Baby (Sheri Moon) and one flat tire later, the kids end up at the home of the Firefly family. After partaking in the Firefly Halloween celebration and getting the car repaired, their fun really begins.

To read the full post, head over to Film for the Soul...

The Jizt! Paul Blart: Mall Cop

In this fast-paced world of blogging, tweeting and fly-by-night film voyeurism, sometimes one doesn't have the time to give a film proper treatment. More importantly, others do not always have the time to read it. Sometimes you just have to take it around back and squeeze one out in three quick strokes. Think of The Jizt as the wham, bam, thank you ma'am of reviews.


Paul Blart: Mall Cop

Release: 01.16.09
DVD Release: 05.19.09

Rated PG
1 hour, 31 minutes

Group Rental



Cast: Kevin James (I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry), Keir O'Donnell (The Break-Up) Jayma Mays (Smiley Face)


The Build-up: Mall Cop spins the Die Hard premise so that Reggie Vel Johnson, not Bruce Willis, is trapped with terrorists, and he's going to need a whole lot of Twinkies to stave off the villains AND his hypoglycemia!

The Blurt-out: When is Anna Faris going to let Jayma Mays share a little more of her adorably-cute-and-funny-girl spotlight?

The Jizt: Had Paul Blart been a Twinkie-eating Reggie Vel Johnson, I might not have forgotten seeing the film by the end of the credits.



...I'll go get you a towel.

MMM: Best Things in Life are Free

I thought you stargazers would enjoy a little local flavor for this Monday Mood Music. On Saturday I went to Raleigh Downtown Live, a free bi-weekly concert series. The wife and I hadn't planned on sweltering in the summer heat to watch all the bands being showcased. In fact, we came for a specific group I had only just recently heard on the local radio station WKNC.

The trip Downtown was worth it. Durham group The Beast had the crowd jumping with their jazz-hip hop groove. The only bad thing was they were on stage for less than an hour. Still, I got pumped, met the lead singer Pierce Freelon, and picked up their first EP.

Their second EP, The Catalyst, is available for FREE at thebeastmusic.com. I highly encourage everyone to give them a listen. The Beast would appreciate it if you made a donation to the Durham Arts Council instead of paying for their latest EP.

If you are looking to hear the next big thing, look no further than The Beast. Here's the group with Nnenna Freelon recording Once Again for their Free Catalyst EP:

The Beast featuring Nnenna Freelon
Once Again

Like it? Love it? Let people know.

A Quickie: Public Enemies

Public Enemies


Release: 07.01.09
Rated R
2 hours, 20 minutes

Matinee

IMDB's synopsis for Public Enemies reads "The Feds try to take down notorious American gangsters John Dillinger, Baby Face Nelson and Pretty Boy Floyd during a booming crime wave in the 1930s." Almost. Moreover, Dillinger (Johnny Depp, Blow) & Company are the primary targets of J. Edgar Hoover's (Billy Crudup, Mission: Impossible III) war on crime. His G-Men, led by Melvin Purvis (Christian Bale, Equilibrium), birddog every connection of Dillinger's until there's nowhere left to run.

I was drawn to the prospect of seeing a Michael Mann (Miami Vice) directed period action-drama hosting a cavalcade of starpower. To its credit, Public Enemies delivers exactly that, but little else. Depp's Dillinger is the focal point; the remaining "Most Wanted" being little more than a footnote in his notorious career. Henchmen and partners pass through his spotlight, but you can't tell one from another save the orange-haired "Red" (Jason Clarke, Death Race). The thugged-out performances by Stephen Dorff (Shadowboxer), Channing Tatum (Havoc), Giovanni Ribisi (Gone in Sixty Seconds), and Stephen Graham (Snatch) aren't bad, but their few seconds of screentime don't add up to a significant role.

Even the great white hunter Purvis is little more than an emotionless, straight-faced cameo by the second-billed Bale. It's quite an impressive feat for a director to pull in all this talent to essentially be day players. The only healthy-portioned role other than Depp's is that of Dillinger's lady friend, Billie Frechette, played by the lovely Marion Cotillard (Big Fish).

When Enemies isn't aflurry with cameos, guns fire a flurry of bullets across the thoroughfare. Cars give moderately speedy chases (it IS the 30's) and yet the only lasting impression any of it leaves is the numbness in my ass. Despite Depp and Cotillard's rousing performances, the languid minutes that pass in this largely forgettable film are the real public enemies.

Today I Feel Like This...

The Jizt: Knowing

Come one, come all (no pun intended)! Reel Whore is unveiling a new series. Most days I try to please my audience with full-length reviews, but there are times when I only have time to squeeze in A Quickie. What I've discovered is that in this fast-paced world of blogging, tweeting and fly-by-night film voyeurism, sometimes one doesn't even have the time to give a film proper treatment. More importantly, others do not always have the time to read it. To remedy this situation, I've created The Jizt. Like Mr. Owl, The Jizt can knock out a film review in three licks:

A One...
The Build-up: A one-sentence synopsis of the film.

A Two...
The Blurt-out: A random statement one might say as if in the throes of passion.

A Three!..
The Jizt! A one-sentence opinion of the film.

As always, the film's basic information will be provided. I will also list three of its actors. With The Jizt explained, who better to help me demonstrate this new feature than Nicholas Cage with his film which coincidentally releases on DVD today, Knowing.

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Knowing

Release: 03.20.09
DVD Release: 07.07.09
Rated PG-13
2 hours, 1 minute

Group Rental




Cast: Nicholas Cage (Wicker Man), Chandler Canterbury (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button), Rose Byrne (Sunshine)


The Build-up: A widowed astronomy professor, Koestler, and his son come to possess a fifty-year-old piece of paper full of numbers that foretell humanity's imminent destruction.

The Blurt-out: As a fellow Ford owner, I was comforted knowing the roomy interior and tight turning radius of a mighty F-150 transported Koestler & Co. to the apocalypse with ease.

The Jizt: Knowing Nic Cage's track record, I knew enough to pay only $1.50 to see Knowing, but had I known Knowing was such a mess I'd have been better off blowing the cash at Wendy's, know what I'm saying?

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Counting Down the Zeroes: They Can't All Be Winners!

This post is part of COUNTING DOWN THE ZEROES, brought to you by IBETOLIS of FILM FOR THE SOUL.

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Bad Santa

Release: 11.26.03
DVD Release: 6.22.04
Rated R (DVD: UR)
1 hours, 28 minutes
(UR: 1 hour, 38 Minutes)

See It, Take a Friend, Buy the DVD!



Around this time of year, you will inevitably hear ads pitching Christmas in July sales. I bet you never thought you'd come upon a website promoting a Christmas movie in July! Specifically, a review of a live action interpretation of Dr. Seuss's How the Grinch Stole Christmas. If you're picturing Jim Carrey in green makeup and a matching fur suit, you're thinking of the wrong antagonist.

You should actually picture Willie Stokes (Billy Bob Thornton, Slingblade), an unshaven, unclean wretch who's just shy of alcohol poisoning. Every Christmas Willie portrays the appropriately titled Bad Santa at a random shopping mall while his partner Marcus (Tony Cox, Friday) dresses as Santa's elfin helper. They suffer through the prattled wishes of dullard children until Christmas Eve arrives. As mall patrons and employees are nestled all snug in their beds, the two rob the mall clean of its expensive goods and stacks of cash.

To read the full post, head over to Film for the Soul...