You're My Boy, Blue!

With November at an end, I was at a loss for what flick to induct into the vault before embarking on December and the inevitable string of holiday fare. Being a sucker for a pretty face and for celebrating a birthday, I looked to my celebrity calendar and voila, the answer appeared in the petite, shapely form of hilarious Happy Endings costar Elisha Cuthbert. Cuthbert turns 30 today, but the funny Canadian cutie was just 21 when the world was introduced to her in the Todd Phillips feature, Old School.

Old School

After Mitch Martin (Luke Wilson) discovers his girlfriend Heidi (Juliette Lewis) is more adventurous than he realized, he leases a house near Harrison University. His friend, Beanie (Vince Vaughn), sees the house as the perfect party pad to get Mitch back in the game and to be an escape from his own wife and kids. Their recently married buddy, Frank (Will Ferrell), also sees it as a reprieve from his wife Marissa (Perrey Reeves). Mitch, Beanie and Frank make a huge impression on campus with Mitch-A-Palooza, drawing the attention of Dean Pritchard (Jeremy Piven), who rezones the house for university use in order to remove his former college nemeses. Beanie and Frank convince Mitch to create a fraternity, enlisting a rag tag bunch of pledges to keep their dream alive, the parties going, and to stick it to the Dean.

Rendezvous...

Will Ferrell, Adam McKay, and John C. Reilly...

Step Brothers
Release: 08.01.08
Rated R
1 hour, 35 minutes

Matinee ($$$) <
>Second-Run Seats ($$)


"You gotta fuck one, kill one and marry one, go!" That's just one of the plethora of utterly asinine exclamations from the minds of the three gentlemen pictured above. It's also a question I found myself asking as I pondered my feelings for Step Brothers.

But I digress. If you don't know, Step Brothers is the story of Dale Doback (John C. Reilly, Walk Hard) and Brennan Huff (Will Ferrell, Kicking & Screaming). They are two forty-year-old men (and presumed virgins) whose respective father and mother, played by Richard Jenkins (Say It Isn't So) and Mary Steenburgen (Elf), get hitched. That in itself should be a happy event, except Dale and Brennan still live with their parental units. Now the duo must learn to share the spoiled spotlight. Hijinks and hilarity ensue; at least, that was the plan.

The answer to my question is no contest: fuck John C. Reilly, kill Adam McKay and marry Will Ferrell. Why? I love Reilly and he's almost the marrying type. He's a multi-talented actor of stage and screen. He's given great performances both serious and ridiculous (this one the latter) but let's face it, he's been working his way up the stardom ladder for a long time and is used to a good pounding. Plus, he looks all plush and pliable. He loses the ring to Will Ferrell who, career-wise, is a consistent treat to watch. He can play the hell out of the cowbell and he just looks like a cuddler. I'd kill Adam McKay because I feel he's the Rob Schneider of the partnership. I always thought Chris Kattan was going to ride Ferrell's coattails into adequate stardom, but it's becoming increasingly apparent McKay is the leech.

Anchorman and Talladega Nights were really, really funny...in parts. Step Brothers made me burst into laughter as Reilly described his young-calf machismo and as Ferrell 'tainted' Reilly's drum set. I sat back snickering as the Shake-n-Bake duo tossed ad libbed insults across their shared bedroom. Then I stopped laughing. McKay's SNL writer-director skills surface as he draws out this three-minute skit into an awkward sequence of randomness. Problem is, this concept is threadbare and frayed when stretched over the film's ninety-minute runtime. In fact, when Step Brothers takes on the semblance of a plot in the final act, the stench of SNL randomness pervades its resolution like an onion and ketchup fart.

Dirty Undies
Reilly and Ferrell have a knack for two things in Step Brothers: bruise-inducing physical comedy and Tourrett's-induced exclamations of profanity and vulgarity. Wifey finds it disturbing yet comical when I string together random words like 'vaginal discharge' and 'monkey tits,' but I got nothing on these guys. Reilly's Dale experiences sexual situations that are more disturbing than amusing. Ferrell breaks out the huevos for all to enjoy - hmm, I wonder if flashing those gave him that marrying edge?

The Money Shot
Step Brothers has enough funny moments to make it watchable, but be prepared to suffer through dangling plotlines, sloppy edits, and a cameo from the excruciatingly painful Horatio Sanz (Road Trip) trying to jump the sinking Fallon ship. They do sport some cool retro tees, even if the Star Wars one is overused. Let me close with a quote from Will Ferrell, "In the galaxy of This Sucks Camel Dicks." Yeah, take that as you will.

Repeat Bidness: Glorious

Blades of Glory

Release: 03/30/2007
DVD: 08/27/2007
Rated: PG-13
1 hour, 33 minutes

Matinee <> FULL PRICE

The bad boy of figure skating, Chazz Michael Michaels, played by Will Ferrell (*Wedding Crashers), and golden child Jimmy MacElroy, played by Jon Heder (*The Benchwarmers), were the unquestioned leaders of men’s singles competition. But since there can be only one champion, their bitter rivalry erupted on the ice, leaving them banished for life. Three and a half years later, Jimmy’s stalker, Hector, portrayed by Nick Swardson (*Grandma’s Boy), tells Jimmy of a loophole that will allow him to skate…in pairs competition. Soon after, Jimmy crosses paths with Chazz and their hatred explodes, landing them in jail until Coach, played by Craig T. Nelson (The Family Stone), approaches them with the crazy idea of skating together. With nothing to lose, the two men set out to qualify for Nationals assuming they don’t maim each other first.

By simply looking at the cast pedigree listed so far, there should be no doubt that this film was designed to be silly, stupid and funny. Simply put, it exceeds all expectations. First-time feature length film directors Josh Gordon and Will Speck give Ferrell wide berth to be the wildly egotistical front man he plays so well. Heder plays the more sympathetic character, and is equally effective. Fans of figure skating may find “Blades” to be insulting to the sport, but the absurd routines that the “skaters” perform wouldn’t be funny if they weren’t. Besides, it couldn’t be too offensive if the film managed to include cameos from Nancy Kerrigan, Scott Hamilton, Peggy Fleming, Dorothy Hamill, Brian Boitano, and Sasha Cohen! But the film isn’t all Ferrell, Heder, and former stars of the ice. Actors such as the aforementioned Swardson and Nelson play extreme caricatures and are extremely hilarious doing it. I’d love to give you an example but they must be seen to be believed.

Amy Poehler (Mean Girls) and Will Arnett (Let’s Go to Prison) will both creep out and amuse audiences in classic Boris-and-Natasha style as the Michaels-MacElroy duo’s main competition; Stranz and Fairchild Van Waldenberg.

Dirty Undies
Jenna Fischer sheds her “Office” attire for the role of Katie Van Waldenberg. Jenna turns on both her cutesy, girl-next-door charms and her inner call girl to entice the Michaels-MacElroy duo into dissention and pique audiences. “Blades” also tosses in some gratuitous cleavage shots from nubile skaters and even an EMT, but they all pale in comparison to a towel-clad Ferrell with his flowing black locks, numerous tats, and generous pudge. Okay, maybe not.

Not since the days of Tonya Harding has ice skating been so brutal a sport. Ferrell and Heder crack one another’s skulls and bust each other’s balls on more than one occasion. For good measure, they even manage to abuse not one, but two skating mascots!

The Money Shot
If you find the thought of an 6’ 3 1/2” mildy overweight man being a champion figure skater ludicrous, it’d be in your best interest to save your hard-earned dollars. For the rest of us, "Blades of Glory" is a multi-faceted achievement; it continues to build Ferrell’s killer comedy resume, boosts the reputation of many deserving up-and-coming actors, and it revives the nearly dead film career of Jon Heder. While the story’s premise may be skating on thin ice, rest assured the comedy is able to nail the landing...and that’s what will have audiences on their feet cheering.