Trailer Trash: The August 19th Quickie

I'm sure many of you noticed last week's Trailer Trash was absent. I apologize and hope this week's proves doubly entertaining for you. August offers up another four new releases to feast our senses upon, at least that's what IMDb reports. The big question is are any of them worth watching?  


Conan the Barbarian With all the sword-fighting and carnage and mayhem, you'd think I'd be chomping at the bit, whipped into an action-crazed frenzy to see Conan. I'm not really feeling this, though. The R-rating will inevitably draw me into the theater, but I guess I just prefer a Conan that speaks fewer words, wears less eye liner and uses less product.  




Verdict:  It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.


Fright Night Colin Farrell has a knack for playing a douchebag; just check out Horrible Bosses if you need proof. You can't get more douchey than playing a vampire neighbor named Jerry who's hellbent of snacking on all your friends and family. With David Tennant and my favorite up-and-comer Anton Yelchin being pitted against the Irishman, I can't think of a single reason why I'd miss this!

 

Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!


One Day Jeez, if this film is even one-tenth as tedious as its trailer, audiences are in for one long ass day at the theater. I enjoy the more vampy Anne Hathaway from recent films like Valentine's Day and Love and Other Drugs to this dull and dowdy version. She's put her Princess Diaries days behind her and so should everyone else.


 

Verdict:  It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.

 
Spy Kids: All the Time in the World in 4D Smell-o-Vision? That's your big selling point. It's not enough I have to wear dumbass 3D glasses to see a piss-poor film, but now I have to get whiff of a postcard during the film? Unless there's a scratch-n-sniff patch of Alba's snatch, I'm not seeing many audiences clamoring to experience this gimmick. Sad thing is, there probably is a scent patch to smell the talking dog's anus.


Verdict:  Exercise the Right to Cinematic Celibacy.

And on that note, I'm calling it a week. I've got a lot of friends to catch up with, lots of movies to watch and for some reason the weekend is still only two days long! Catch ya on the flip side.