Thursday, November 8, 2012

MILF Rendezvous: The Blustery Gang Bang

With Halloween, my birthday and the election all happening these past couple of weeks, I've been delinquent in rendezvousing with Man, I Love Films. Before I dig my hole any deeper, let me bang out a few all at once to get back on track.


The vault’s Halloween hoopla continues as does our all-too-favorite practice of celebrating celebrity birthdays! It was this day fifty years ago that the world welcomed the actor that would one day be known as the Dread Pirate Roberts, or to Psych fans as Pierre Despereaux. He also has the distinction of starring in two films about the vampire Dracula. The first, 1992′s Bram Stoker’s Dracula is a more traditional retelling of the legend while the second, today’s selection and a more innovative retelling, is the 2000 film Shadow of the Vampire.
Director Friedrich Wilhelm Murnau (John Malkovich) is filming the last of his studio shots in Berlin for his masterpiece, Nosferatu. The next day he and his crew embark for Czechoslovakia to join their principal star, Max Schreck (Willem Dafoe). Schreck, who will portray Murnau’s vampire Count Orlok from his thinly veiled plagiary of Bram Stoker’s Dracula, always appears to the crew in character; full dress and make-up, demanding only to be shot at night. Unbeknownst to them, Schreck’s predilections are not a product of his acting style, but because he is in fact the vampire Count Orlok that Murnau has struck a shady bargain with in order to add authenticity to his work.
Rendezvous...

Today is October 30th, the day before Halloween, and the night which is referred to as Devil’s Night. The Crow is the first time I ever heard of Devil’s Night and, since the story centers on events occurring on this night of mayhem and mischief, I could think of no better choice for this month’s last vault selection.
It’s Devil’s Night and Eric Draven (Brandon Lee) returns home to find his fiancée Shelly (Sofia Shinas) being beaten and raped by four thugs. Though he attempts to stop them, he is stabbed, beaten, shot and thrown from their window to his death for good measure. One year later those responsible; T-Bird (David Patrick Kelly), Funboy (Michael Massee), Tin Tin (Laurence Mason), and Skank (Angel David), get pumped for another night of arson, debauchery and wanton destruction on behalf of their boss Top Dollar (Michael Wincott). Elsewhere, a crow ushers Eric from his grave. He’s returned from the dead to inform their murderers that, as he explains to Sergeant Albrecht (Ernie Hudson), “they’re all dead, they just don’t know it yet.”

Rendezvous...


If you’re living in America, especially in a battleground state, you have got to be absolutely sick of all this election hoopla. Candidate ads monopolize every commercial break. I never thought I’d be so relieved to see that herpes commercial or even Pepsi’s idiotic dancing baby ad. Well, maybe I’m not that relieved. At any rate, the vault can not ignore the importance of the electoral process so we’re throwing out a single bone before moving on to less wearisome subjects.
Early one Omaha morning, high school history teacher Jim McAllister (Matthew Broderick) runs into the peppy, enterprising Tracy Flick (Reese Witherspoon) in preparation to bid for Student Council President. Jim doesn’t much care for Tracy, especially since he considers her responsible for the dismissal of his friend and coworker Dave (Mark Harelik). The overachieving Tracy quickly amasses the required signatures to run, and is anxious to start her campaign though she’d be running unopposed. In the spirit of healthy competition, Mr. McAllister convinces the simple-minded jock, Paul Metzler (Chris Klein), to throw his hat in the political ring. Shortly thereafter, Paul’s apathetic, malcontent sister Tammy (Jessica Campbell) decides to run against her brother since her special lady friend Lisa (Frankie Ingrassia) left her for Paul. As tensions run high, McAllister finds himself drowning in personal and professional dilemmas.
Rendezvous...


Today is huge. Sure, sure, it’s election day, but what’s more important is it’s my birthday! Like all of us, I share my birthday with quite a number of talented celebrities. I ultimately decided to honor 81-year-old comedian, director, producer and writer Mike Nichols who’s been at the helm of memorable projects since his first Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? to his most recent, Charlie Wilson’s War. Of his projects, I have chosen the 2004 play adaption Closer because it’s also my birthday and ogling Natalie Portman as she sports a sequined lavender thong that barely covers her jungle book and executes a spread eagle split on the back of a plush purple couch seemed like a nice treat to myself.
Obits writer Dan (Jude Law) is traversing the crowded London streets on his way to work when he’s enamored of the vibrant, disarming woman approaching. Her mystique is cut short when she’s hit by an oncoming taxi. Dan rushes to her aid and so begins his romance with Alice (Natalie Portman). Later, Dan visits photographer Anna (Julia Roberts) for head-shots for his upcoming novel and confesses he’s been instantly smitten with her. Denied his heart’s desire, Dan enters a cyber-sex chat room pretending to be Anna and woos Larry (Clive Owen) into a lewd rendezvous. The prank backfires and Anna and Larry become romantically involved. Much later, they all meet at Anna’s exhibition, revealing their loving relationships are anything but.
Rendezvous...

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