Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Trailer Trash: The 2011 Blowout!

Afternoon stargazers! I missed last week's Trailer Trash, but can you blame me? It's the holiday season and it's like diarrhea of the theaters right now. IMDb lists new releases opening nearly every day for the next couple of weeks. Instead of trying to pigeon hole all these releases into an end of the week round up, I'm just going to run through them all in one fell swoop. Enjoy!

Alvin & the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (12.16) I've yet to suffer through any of Alvin, Simon and Theodore's cinematic shenanigans. I enjoyed watching them growing up, but the CGI of this latest version is a travesty. Besides I can't support any movie that shills any variation of Willow Smith's Whip My Hair.




Verdict:  Exercise the Right to Cinematic Celibacy.


Sherlock Holmes: A Games of Shadows (12.16) The first installment of RDJ as SH was decent enough, but it didn't have me itching to come back for a sequel despite it's wide-open ending. Surprisingly, I'm kinda stoked about seeing the deuce. It has more to do with Noomi Rapace's stateside debut more than Holmes' and Watson's heterosexual lifemate sich, but I'm sure studios don't care as long as it puts my ass in a seat. 


Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!  

Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol (12.20) The Hipster-Cruise look on the poster needs to go. I get they need it; this series started while most of its target audience was in utero. Hoodie aside; the action is tight, Pegg is funny, Patton is smokin', and Renner's big screen presence continues to expand. I've been on his band wagon since Somnambulist, but see him shine before the overexposure of the Avengers kicks in.


Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation! 

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (12.20) My feeling about this is the original Swedish Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is pretty much a perfect film in every aspect so I have absolutely no need for an Americanized remake. This is one of those times when I tell people to suck it up and read the damned subtitles! I'm sure Craig will do a good job, but Mara has some huge platform boots to fill to convince me she's Lisbeth Salander.


Verdict: It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.

The Adventures of Tintin (12.21) Until I saw the first trailer for this, I thought this was going to be the story of Rin Tin Tin. I'd never even heard of the old cartoon series. The thing that makes me most excited about Tintin is that with Spielberg's involvement we might finally get a Academy Award category for motion capture just so Andy Serkis can get that long overdue Oscar!



Verdict: It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.

We Bought a Zoo (12.23) I tell ya, I'd buy a helluva lot more than a zoo if I got to cozy up to Scarlett Johansson on the regular. Then again, if I looked like Matt Damon, I could probably buy her stuffed giraffe and be in there like swimwear. As for the movie, this looks to be the film that rinses the bad taste of Vanilla Sky and Elizabethtown Cameron Crowe left us with years ago. But if the kid starts talking about the weights of animal heads, all bets are off!


Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation! 

The Darkest Hour (12.25) Nothing like a little horror-styled counter-programming during the holidays. I'm still recovering from the burns Black Christmas left on my eyes years ago, so it's a safe bet I'll be passing on this. Besides, there's nothing like a faceless alien menace to make me even less excited about a film.




Verdict:  Exercise the Right to Cinematic Celibacy.


War Horse  (12.25) I'm not sure if it's the John Williams score or the warm inviting Spielberg polish of War Horse, but I'm actually pretty excited to see this. I gave it a middling rating, however, because if I see this it'll be all by my damned self since no one else has the slightest inkling of interest in it. I'll no doubt see it at some point, but those warms tones and soothing music will be coming from my home theater set up.


Verdict: It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.


Happy Holidays Everyone! 
 

Large Association of Movie Blogs

4 comments:

  1. I'm curious about only three of these so I guess I'll depend on your blog for reviews of the others. Make your review of War Horse a Quickie; the trailer alone is exhausting.

    ReplyDelete
  2. TGWTDT was alright but like you said, the original is better.

    ReplyDelete
  3. @Film-Bokk: I finally got to see TGWTDT and it was really good, but Noomi's Lisbeth is just so much better.

    ReplyDelete