Week of Reel Whorror!: The Invasion Will Not Be Televised - Day 7

It's here.... The moment you've all been waiting for. Of all the alien invasion films to chose from, the question remains, which is worthy for inclusion in the Week of Reel Whorror!? Naturally, Reel Whore has to end The Invasion Will Not Be Televised series with a personal favorite; a film featuring an alien invasions that's both gory and sexy.


Species

Release: 07.07.95
Rated R
1 hour, 48 minutes



Full Price




Xavier Fitch (Ben Kingsley) is a government mule whose been ordered to terminate his latest little science project. The project is a young girl, Sil (Michelle Williams), who isn't ready to be gassed and instead escapes into the night. Fitch reaches out to a handful of experts, Dr. Stephen Arden (Alfred Molina, Spider-Man 2), Dr. Laura Baker (Marg Helgenberger), an empath Dan Smithson (Forest Whitaker, Body Snatchers) and Preston Lennox (Michael Madsen, Reservoir Dogs), to assist in locating and neutralizing any threat Sil may pose.

Of all the invasion plots, this is by far the most clever. Aliens send their DNA sequence and an instruction manual on how to incorporate it within our genetic makeup over radio waves. Humans, being the curious creatures that we are, mix up the alien cocktail which grows to be the super hot blonde with an overwhelming desire to procreate. Obviously, no one's going to turn down sex from a horny Natasha Henstridge so presto fucko, you've got an instant alien invasion force being cranked from her womb.
  
Species doesn't quite get that far. Instead it shows the evolution of Sil from the young Michelle Williams (I still can't believe that's her!) to the sultry Natasha Henstridge. Adult Sil is naive to the ways of the world, and director Roger Donaldson (The Bank Job) deliberately shows Sil learning how to interact socially as well as other things like driving. This illustrates her high level of adaptability and helps to explain how she can elude the task force sent to annihilate her. 

Sil suffers from what can best be described as nightmarish wet dreams, monsters and demonic trains race through her sleeping mind, hinting at the big bad alien which lies underneath that soft complexion. These further prove how undeniably cheesy Species is. Another reason to love Species is the casting; usually you might have one actor whose now a big name, but almost everyone here has quite the reputation.  
 

Dirty Undies

Did I forget to mention that Henstridge is naked more often than clothed? Gratuitous?...Most likely, but if you ever need the perfect distraction for an alien invasion, it's pretty damned effective. Men, and women, seem to lose all rational thinking when Sil appears before them in the buff. She sidles up all innocent-like and, if she doesn't like what she sees, it becomes a bloodbath of alien tentacles and spikes. For audiences looking for sex and slaughter, it's a win-win. 

The Money Shot

Many a slasher movie tries to awkwardly wedge in sexual situations to gratify audiences. Species does us one better by intertwining sex with the impending carnage. It's shameless, but effective; the result being an alien invasion that at least half the planet would be helpless to withstand.

Week of Reel Whorror!: The Invasion Will Not Be Televised - Day 6

The sixth day of my Week of Reel Whorror! is nearly over which means Halloween is right around the corner. For today's selection, I have chosen last month's Apollo 18 to join the ranks of The Invasion Will Not Be Televised. 


Apollo 18

Release: 09.02.11
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 26 minutes



A Netflix Night




 Commander Nate Walker (Lloyd Owen, TV: The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles), Captain Ben Anderson (Warren Christie, TV: Alphas), and Lieutenant Colonel John Grey (Ryan Robbins, TV: Sanctuary) are tapped by NASA to man the Apollo 18 mission to the moon. Although officially, the Apollo program had ended with the seventeenth mission, the Department of Defense green-lights their mission to install early detection equipment to warn of missile launches from the USSR. With Grey manning the Freedom Command module, Nate and Ben make moonfall in the Liberty lunar module and begin to work. It isn't long before the two begin to suspect the camera equipment is meant to identify something far more dangerous than Soviets.

Maybe it was some sort of solidarity move or maybe just coincidence, but the theater showcasing Apollo 18 was completely without heat, so I and one other patron sat there, in the vast dark, struggling to stay warm as the "found-footage" of the Apollo 18 mission flashed before us. You'd think my numb toes and chattering teeth would have been enough to keep me alert, but it wasn't long before my eyes were rolling into my head like Regan MacNeil.

Apollo 18 suffers from a few issues.The most annoying issue is the end-of-reel cuts and the intentional low quality blurring. In an effort to give the story an authentic feel, these effects were added to the scenes. Over time it just grows more annoying, especially since the end-of-reel cuts always end on some foreboding moment. Even more annoying is the constant static and buzz Nate and Ben encounter when communicating with John and Mission Control. It feel incessant, and detracts from the characters.

Which is the major problem for Apollo 18. Some equate it to a Paranormal Activity ripoff, and there are some obvious similarities, the difference is the audience is barely given time to sympathize with the characters. Nate, Ben and John spend the first act rattling off space jargon; launch protocols, equipment installation and sample collection. While it's an accurate portrayal of life during a moon mission, it's hard to develop a connection when non-astronauts are listening to their technical jibber-jabber.

Dirty Undies

Apollo 18 deserves credit for providing a few jump scares, but don't expect much in the way of gore. There's one dusty corpse, an infected laceration, and a pair of bloodshot eyes in dire need of Visine. I can't say that I was all that impressed by the alien menace, but I'll spare the details so as not to spoil it.

The Money Shot

I had hoped Apollo 18 would be mildly entertaining, and that's exactly what I got. So if the trailers piqued you're interest, it may be worth your time. Even though Apollo 18 was shooting for the moon, it didn't land among the stars of alien horror.
 

Week of Reel Whorror!: The Invasion Will Not Be Televised - Day 5

Wow, it's already the fifth day of Reel Whore's Week of Reel Whorror! Next up in The Invasion Will Not Be Televised series I have another John Carpenter classic from the '80s, which is an adaptation of Ray Nelson's short story Eight O'Clock in the Morning.


They Live

Release: 11.04.88
Rated R
1 hour, 33 minutes



Full Price

One thing is for certain; John Carpenter loves adapting stories about aliens. It can also be said that he loves to work with Kurt Russell, except that the hero in They Live is wrestler Roddy Piper (Hell Comes to Frogtown). Piper plays a drifter who arrives in Los Angeles looking for work. You see, times are hard, the economy is in the toilet and people are fed up with the wealthy elite running the country into the ground. Times haven't changed that much, huh? However, in They Live, aliens disguised as humans are at the root of the financial imbalance. They reward humans who aid them in their exploitation of Earth's people and resources. And they would have continued to rape the planet for decades had the lowly drifter not found those spanky sunglasses. 

As silly as it sounds, a small resistance force develops sunglasses and contact lenses that allow humans to see the aliens and their subliminal, consumerist messages. The drifter gets his hands on a pair, and like any red-blooded American confronted with a malicious alien menace, grabs the first gun he can find and starts wrecking shit. 

For this self-nominated savior, there are few better choices than Piper. He stomps around kicking ass and spouting some great one-liners. If you've ever heard the quote, "I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass...and I'm all out of bubble gum," you can thank Piper for delivering one helluva ad-lib. He's not the most adept at the softer scenes he shares with the striking-eyed Meg Foster (Blind Fury), but '80s audiences liked their heroes hard so that's not too important.

They Live also features one of my favorite knock-down, drag-out beatings. The drifter basically tries to convince his new-found friend Frank (Keith David, The Thing) of the alien menace by stomping a mud hole in his ass in the middle of a dirty alley. Piper puts his wrestling training to good use as David isn't one to go down easy. After several grueling minutes, Frank joins the cause and they go off to kick ass and chew bubblegum together. 

Dirty Undies
The drifter and Frank rack up a healthy alien body count as they run roughshod through LA. There isn't a lot of blood or gore, but it's action for action's sake, which keeps the pace moving. If you're patient, Carpenter slips in a sexual situation at the very end; it does have its purpose, and the nudity is a bonus.  

The Money Shot
They Live is still an awesome flick twenty-three years later and its social commentary is, unfortunately, still relevant. Carpenter sets up the story, gets to the meat of the matter and doesn't dawdle after the resolution. If you're tired of seeing Michael Myers loiter on the streets of Haddonfield, watch Rowdy Roddy mop up in LA.

Week of Reel Whorror!: The Invasion Will Not Be Televised - Day 4

The weekend is upon us and so is Day 4 of The Invasion Will Not Be Televised. I couldn't really do an alien horror recap without including at least one film about the pod people!

Body Snatchers

Release: 10.14.11
Rated R
1 hour, 27 minutes



Group Rental




There's quite a few films based on the Jack Finney novel The Body Snatcher, this just happened to be the one I could get my hands on most easily. Having now suffered through it, I understand why. I'm getting ahead of myself so let's start at the beginning. 

Marti (Gabrielle Anwar, For Love or Money) is none too happy about being moved to a military base with her dad Steve (Terry Kinney, Sleepers), little brother Andy (Reilly Murphy) and step-mom Carol (Meg Tilly, The Two Jakes). Dad works for the EPA and has to run samples on the toxic goo General Platt (R. Lee Ermey) is storing on-site. To make things worse, her brother and Major Collins (Forest Whitaker) are ranting about the strange behavior of the base's inhabitants. As everyone is consumed by pod people, the only plus for Marti is the hunky chopper pilot Tim (Billy Wirth, The Lost Boys) who has taken an interest in her.

Despite the Netflix rating, I was kind of excited to see Body Snatchers. Gabrielle Anwar, R. Lee Ermey and Forest Whitaker made for a nice cast pedigree. Plus I was psyched, Abel Ferrara, director of Bad Lieutenant was at the helm. Even with all this going for it, Body Snatchers seriously sucked. Granted, it does have its moments. Whitaker's insane, pill-popping rant opposite Ermey is a must-see scene. Tilly's freaky "Go Where" interrogation is a chilling turning point. Then there's everything else. The impending doom of the body snatchers is barely developed before the shit hits the fan. There are tons of squandered opportunities to show the take over by the pod people, but instead audiences are given a slew of characters who just randomly turn up as cabbage heads two scenes later.

Dirty Undies

To its credit, Snatchers gives audience some decent podding effects and gore as well as a few flashes of nudity. There's even one seductive scene featuring Anwar which is both hot and creepy. Hot because she's hot, but creepy considering she's portraying a seventeen year old (by the by, she was in her early twenties when this was filmed). There's also a random display of Rambo: First Blood Part II carnage, though it served more to pad the runtime rather than contribute to the story.

The Money Shot

Ultimately, Body Snatchers is a whole lot of staring and a little but of running. If what Andy says about the pod people is true and they do get you when you sleep, their best chance to snatch you will be if decide to queue this up.

Week of Reel Whorror!: The Invasion Will Not Be Televised - Day 3

Hey stargazers! After tackling John Carpenter's The Thing yesterday, why not roll into Day 3 of The Invasion Will Not Be Televised with the recent rehash starring North Carolina's own Mary Elizabeth Winstead.

The Thing

Release: 10.14.11
Rated R
1 hour, 43 minutes



Full Price




In 1982, scientists at a Norwegian research station discover an alien spacecraft buried beneath a 100,000 years worth of ice. Paleontologist Kate Lloyd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Black Christmas) is recruited by the project lead, Dr. Halvorson (Ulrich Thomsen, Hitman), to catalog and identify the accompanying life-form found outside the craft. But once the alien ice pop is brought to the lab, the warm, monstery center explodes from its casing before the crew can even get in their three licks. As the creature preys on the staff, the remaining crew begin to suspect one another as the latest host of this unknown menace.

I went in to The Thing 2011 believing it to be a remake of the John Carpenter's take on John W. Campbell Jr.'s story Who Goes There?. Turns out this version is a prequel which I though was a phenomenal concept. Instead of attempting to tweak, or directly copy, elements of Carpenter's version, first-time film director Matthijs van Heijningen Jr. and writer Eric Heisserer are given a chance to interpret the idea of fighting this alien menace as they see fit.

By doing this, audiences are treated to a new group with a differing set of flight-or-fight responses to their hunted status. It's like having the new crop of killees in a Freddy or Jason flick; the viewers know the threat, but the enjoyment comes from watching the potential victims try to a) work out a means to survive and b) work together to do it. Like in Carpenter's version, dissension within the ranks happens quickly, especially considering Lloyd and Dr. Halvorson were already embroiled in a pissing contest before the alien threat. Overall, the cast nail that frantic uncertainty.

Dirty Undies

I'm torn about the monster effects. There's something magically creepy about the latex and goo of the Carpenter "things," but CGI allows the new and improved "things" to move, twist, and destroy in ways that were cost and logistically prohibitive back in the '80s. The new "things" had a few noticeable improvements to amplify the gut-n-gore factor without being an orgy of effects.

This go 'round, the research station was manned with a couple of non-mans which provided some nice equal opportunity ogling. Still they're in Antarctica, so not much of chance to catch either sex in their skivvies.

The Money Shot    

Solid acting, gruesome deaths and an excellent bridge to the Carpenter version, The Thing 2011 gave me a theatrical experience I honestly hadn't expected. Like the alien, The Thing 2011 is an extension of The Thing 1982; it's part of the whole, but it's also a separate beast out to infect it's viewer with tingly feelings of fear and dread.

Week of Reel Whorror!: The Invasion Will Not Be Televised - Day 2

Welcome to Day 2 of Reel Whore's Week of Reel Whorror! Next up in The Invasion Will Not Be Televised series is the classic '80s adaptation (but not the first adaptation) of John W. Campbell Jr's short story Who Goes There?


The Thing

Release: 06.25.82
Rated R
1 hour, 49 minutes



Full Price




It took me the better part of nineteen years watch John Carpenter's The Thing. To be fair, I would have been six when this was released and my folks weren't real big on going to the movies. Upon the addition of VHS to our home, I was more excited about perusing the new release racks than revisiting all those old films. Luckily, Hollywood felt the need to remake The Thing this year, so I queued up the original and now I hate that I put it off watching it for so damned long!

In a most bizarre beginning, a sled dog is racing across Antarctica being chased by a rifleman in a helicopter! The pooch  makes it to an American research outpost just as the crew heads out to see the commotion. The crazed rifleman, a Norwegian unable to speak English, springs from the the chopper and, after nearly killing one of the Americans is shot for fear that he'll kill them all. In the commotion, a sinister creature has infiltrated their camp. Trapped by a winter storm with a creature that can assume the appearance of their prey, the men begin to point fingers and guns at the one's they think are the threat.

Heading the cast is Kurt Russell who plays the chopper pilot, MacReady. Though he's not the big man on the totem pole, when the shit goes down, you know everyone turns to Russell. In addition to Russell, The Thing is chock full of great '80s actors like Wilford Brimley, T.K. Carter, Charles Hallahan, Richard Masur, Donald Moffat and Keith 'Mutha Fuckin' David! You couldn't ask for a better group of guys to be trapped with an alien in the freezing cold. Well, except that Brimley's Dr. Blair goes nutso and wrecks shit in an attempt to save humanity. Together these guys are so believably freaked out by the events that even the audience wonders who's who.

Dirty Undies
I'm not sure if it's that the drugs of the '80s were just that good or if Carpenter and creature creator Rob Bottin were still high on '70s opiates, but the creatures are amazingly freaky. Watching The Thing is kinda like attending a pig pickin'; live things are killed and torn to shreds, blood is splattered everywhere, and every once in a while a meaty chunk gets barbecued. Speaking of meat, this was cast as a sausage fest in an icebox so don't expect any enticing sexual imagery.

The Money Shot

Thanks to great creature efffects, wonderfully paranoid acting, and shit getting torched or blown up every few minutes, The Thing holds up amazingly well. It's so tense that you barely wonder why you don't always see people's breath when their exposed to the elements or how folks can run out into the cold, Antarctic night AND THEN put their jacket on. Small foibles aside, The Thing is a creature feature you should not let stay hidden.

Week of Reel Whorror!: The Invasion Will Not Be Televised - Day 1

There's only one week left before Halloween, and that means it's time for the official raising of the Reel Whore's Week of Reel Whorror! This year's whorror theme is The Invasion Will Not Be Televised. For those a little slow on the uptake, this means the Reel Whore is getting invaded by ALIENS! But you can damn well bet I'm the one that'll be doing the probing!

Let's kick off this party with a flashback to one of 2010's better alien movies featuring a monster we should all know, respect and fear:

Predators


Release: 07.09.10
Rated R
1 hour, 46 minutes


Full Price



Ever have those dreams where you're falling? You wake up and all is okay. Well, the mercenary Royce (Adrien Brody, The Thin Red Line) has it worse. He wakes up to find himself in a freefall over a jungle. His chute opens automatically just as he plummets through the canopy. He lands next to an enforcer named Cuchillo (Danny Trejo, Desperado). After a series of awkward icebreakers, seven of the baddest mofos from Earth and one spazzy doctor (Topher Grace, Spider-Man 3) band together on an alien planet to defend themselves from being shredded by a group of Predators.

You would think a small group of highly-trained killers armed with a variety of weapons would be unstoppable, but the Predators' massive size, hunting skills, and advanced tech makes these folks look like children with slingshots. Surprisingly, the underdogs turn out to be quick learners, surviving far longer than you might expect. That, in large part, is due to Royce and his super-mercenary skills. For a lone gunman, he quickly brings the group under control, guides them through the foreign terrain, and even identifies the many hunting techniques being employed against them. The only ability he didn't have was using that ginormous bill to sniff out the cloaked creatures.

Like any diverse array of victims, um, I mean characters, they won't all go down in a shining blaze of glory. I was mostly pleased by each person's encounter with the Predators. The first casualty totally pissed me off; not in execution (pardon the pun), but in the executed. My only major qualm with the choices of director Nimród Antal (Vacancy) is that he fails to capitalize on one particular character in earlier scenes. Had this character been better established, it would have made for a stronger climax. Sorry for being vague, but I'm trying to not ruin anything for audiences.

Dirty Undies
Tense and violent, Antal really captures the hunted vibe of the original Predator. The creatures look amazing and if anything has changed from their original look, it's that they are more menacing. I have to agree with Walton Goggins (TV: Justified); Alice Braga (I Am Legend) does have an awesome ass. She can also kick ass with the best of 'em. But, of all the gun-toting, ass-whooping humans on the planet, nobody beats Goggins's portrayal of death row inmate Stans. Had the man actually had a firearm, I can only imagine the hurt he would've put on those aliens.

The Money Shot
Predators is not without its problems, but did anyone seriously expect it to be a masterpiece of cinema? No. I went in expecting Predators to kill some folks, but also get what they had coming to them, and somewhere along the way, see some shit explode. It achieves all three while staying true to the heart of the original concept. What more can you really ask for?