The days are warm, the skies are sunny, and the box office is blooming. April brings with it the hope of entertaining movies. Be careful, stargazers; like the Bradford pear trees that are currently in bloom, some movies may be pretty to look at, but get close enough and their stench is unavoidable.
With that in mind, let's look at the nine major releases (according to IMDB) opening this month. The most tempting releases don't arrive until late in the month, but can't you just feel the excitement?
Exercise the Right To Cinematic Celibacy.
The Back-up Plan (04.23) Jennifer Lopez dropped out of the movies for four years to have two kids with her husband. Her triumphant return is playing a woman who orders up her double shot of baby juice with foam from Starfuck's because she can't find Mr. Right. So believable that J-Lo can't find a single man in NYC to put the cream in her sugar bowl. Plus, it looks just as dumb as the premise sounds.
Eww, who'd ever have sex with that?!The Last Song (03.31) Thanks to Jess at Insight for Entertainment, I've finally taken the plunge into the death-glazed, love doughnut recipe that Nicolas Sparks has used to get six of his books turned into movies. I'm a sucker for Kinnear's extremely earnest grin, but it'd be safest to view Miley from as small a screen as possible.
Why Did I Get Married Too? (04.02) You've got to wonder if it's Tyler Perry's mission to make Janet Jackson look as to' up as possible. I am excited that they've given Malik Yoba a role beyond being the tired-looking brother sitting in the corner. Still, it's been two years since I've seen a TP film in theaters and I'd like to keep it that way.
It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.
Death at a Funeral (04.16) This movie was hilarious!...when I saw it in 2007. Chris Rock must be praying that no one saw Frank Oz's original back then. The most disturbing fact is that Peter Dinklage plays the EXACT same character! You gotta wonder if he and Tony Cox had to wrestle for the role, ohh! Sorry, was that a low blow...oh, um, I didn't mean 'low.' I quite enjoy Mr. Dinklage's work; just hate that he has to stoop to a repea- oh wait, I did it again! Time to stop while I'm ahead, just like Chris Rock should have done.
Peter "Da Fuckin' Man" DinklageClash of the Titans (04.02) Finally! Warner Bros. is releasing that damn Kraken Liam's been screaming about for the past five months. It doesn't look impressive enough to rush to see, but my adventure-starved brain can't resist the hype or Alexa Davalos.
Date Night (04.09) Tina Fey and Steve Carell are the royal family of NBC comedy and have seen moderate success at the box office. Just imagine the kinda bank a team-up can generate! If James Franco can take a week off from his hectic General Hospital schedule and Common can dust off his SAG card, the least I can do is catch a matinee.
Moist With Antici...Pation!
A Nightmare on Elm Street (04.30) Technically, you can't call this Freddy's new nightmare; that was released in 1994. This is more a nightmare for Freddy fans who wish Michael Bay would stop paying music video directors to shit all over our fond horror flick memories. Nevertheless, I enjoy a slasher flick way too much to pretend I'm not still excited to see this.
The Losers (04.23) An exciting-looking, shoot-em-up action flick based on a comic of the same name. The trailer gives off a poor man's A-Team vibe, but it should still be a good opportunity to hear cheesy one-liners, watch shit blow up, and wonder how Zoe Saldana can lift a bazooka that weighs more than she does. Plus, fanboys can see the newly dubbed Captain America Chris Evans prove he's got the chops to wield the shield.
Kick-Ass (04.16) Kick-Ass looks like a bloodbath of vulgar, violent ass-whoopings and shoot-outs. Why wouldn't I go see this? I am so hoping the trailer is just a taste and not the whole cake; I'll be sorely disappointed if advertisers have already blown the movie's load in the trailers.
***That's all she wrote for April stargazers. Actually, there are just as many limited-release films as major releases, and a few show promise. My top three; Don McKay, The Joneses and Warlords.
What are you most excited to see in April?
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I think you just about summed up my feelings on all of these flicks exactically.
ReplyDeleteThough don't forget another limited release - the Ed Norton double-starring (he plays twins) Leaves of Grass. 'Bout time he had another flick (of quality; I'm not counting Hulk).
Why Did I Get Married Too? is going to be my guilty pleasure, but I'm most excited about Date Night. I just can't get enough Tina Fey, and this should help me get over the upcoming summer hiatus of 30 Rock.
ReplyDelete@Fletch- You're right. It's been a minute since Ed Norton has done something really good. Saw the trailer for Leaves last year and it looked like fun. I didn't realize it was out this month.
ReplyDelete@Dodge This!- Yes, yes I know you want to see WDIGM2. I guess I should have taken you over the weekend. I will wait for you on Date Night, Tina Fey is a trip.
Kick-Ass and Nightmare. I'm there.
ReplyDeleteI just caught Kick-Ass over the weekend. Need to finish my review so I can post and then check out yours.
ReplyDeleteNightmare is this weekend, I can hardly wait!!