Trailer Trash: The September 30th Quickie

Since I'm running late with this week's edition, I'll just get down to brass tacks. Here's my knee-jerk reaction to the trailers of the three major films on IMDb's release list. 


50/50 From 3rd Rock from the Sun to 500 Days of Summer to 50/50, I'm starting to think JGL has a thing for numerically titled projects. No matter, I love the fella enough to overlook his eccentricities. This film was originally in my Fall Top 10, but now I'm 70/25 about it; 70% wants my JGL fix, 25% is tired of Rogen's fugly mug (see poster at right). The other 5%? Stuck on determining the hotness of Anna Kendrick.


Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!


Dream House Maybe this is a fantastic mystery or maybe Daniel Craig just pulled the short straw out of the Great-Actors-Swindled-Into-Overly-Twisty-Thrillers jar. Considering that I'm not a big fan of Craig's costars and that the trailers are murky at best, I'm going to wait and see this when I can pause it for stretch breaks.




Verdict:  It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.

 
What's Your Number? You know I love you, don't you Anna? But why do you test our love so? Love can only take so much. This plot seems about as complex as a maze with no turns, but Anna and her supporting cast (Martin Freeman, Ari Graynor, Thomas Lennon, etc.) should help liven up the plodding path. Might be time to dig up Just Friends and remember the good times.



Verdict:  It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone. 

Looks like 50/50 tops my must-see list this weekend... right below Killer Elite which I didn't have a chance to see last week. What's on your must-see in theaters list right now?

MMM: Wake Up!

Yaaaawwwwn!!! Oh, g'morning stargazers. It's been hard to get up and get moving (That's what she said!). Luckily the caffeinating magic of Mountain Dew is flowing through my veins which should keep me upright and attentive at least until lunch. I'm guessing I'm not the only person dragging along this Monday so here's a song with some teeth that'll dig into our ears and keeps us shook up. Even though the first line is Wake Up!, the sentiment is a little deeper than keeping yours eyes open.

System of Down - Chop Suey!

For the trivia buffs out there, Chop Suey! earned System of a Down their first Grammy nomination. And if you didn't know, now you know.

Trailer Trash: The September 23rd Quickie

Stargazers, I have been dreading this week for longer than I care to remember. It's not because I've spent the week being barraged by Now-on-DVD adverts touting the brilliance of the woefully undeserving Bridesmaids, although that doesn't help. No, according to IMDb, what will no doubt be the most awful action film of the year releases today. You'll have to read on to discover which one, but I bet you can guess.


Dolphin Tale "Hi there! Now what seems to be the problem here? This dolphin doesn't have a tail you say? No worries, for I, Harry Connick, Jr. will combine my jazz talent with the vocal stylings of Kris Kristofferson, that purdy smile on Ashley Judd, and the magic of this kindly black man to infuse her aquatic soul with a funky-folky groove that'll have her swimming like Michael Phelps in no time." (Sorry Harry, love ya!)

Verdict:  It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.



Moneyball Brad Pitt plays the major league coach who gives a tubby, nonathletic youth a sporting chance to knock it out the park with his newfangled scouting scheme. Jonah Hill isn't nearly endearing, or ethnic, enough to make this a mega-hit like Blind Side, but I'm always game to see Brad on the big screen. So dreamy. 




Verdict:  It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.

 
Abduction If a shit could take a shit, this would be the rancid, stinking pile left behind. And if you put that turd in a bag, set it on fire then doused it with water, Taylor Lautner would still not be able to act his way to freedom. I like to believe all the other talent (Singleton, Weaver, Bello, Molina) were attached before they cast the cardboard cutout. If it weren't for Killer Elite also opening, I'd swear Hollywood is trying to kill the action genre.

Verdict:  Exercise the Right to Cinematic Celibacy.

 
Killer Elite Now when I think action, this is what I'm thinking about! Not Clive Owens pedo 'stache, but the ass-whooping Jason Statham is going to lay on him for growing such a pervy thing! Not sure why De Niro is in this, but as long as it delivers on its R-rated promise, you won't hear me complaining.





Verdict:  Moist With Antici...Pation!


Let's make a pact to make Killer Elite the #1 film at the box office this weekend. Action fans unite!

MMM: A Little Teaser

Good week to you stargazers! You can consider this Monday Mood Music selection a hint as to what my Vault Review will be tomorrow over at Man, I Love Films. It's a phenomenal jam, and for that reason, it's a shitty clue. According to IMDB, Green Onions has been credited two dozen times in TV shows and films, but I'm guessing there are even more. While that does narrow down which film is up for review, it's far from a dead giveaway. You'll have to wait until tomorrow to read my vault review, but you can listen to Booker T. & the M.G.'s right now. It's guaranteed to put you into a funky, feel good mood for the week.

Booker T. & the M.G.'s - Green Onions

Trailer Trash: The September 16th Quickie

The weekend is once again upon us! If you've been suffering from Mad Men withdrawal or more specifically, buxom redhead withdrawal, this is the weekend you need to be at the theater. Christina Hendricks has supporting roles in two of the three major releases, at least that's what IMDb tells me, and it's not a site prone to lies. It's no surprise she couldn't find a role in Straw Dogs; having her and Alexander Skarsgård share the screen would have been too much hotness for one movie. If Hendricks isn't reason enough to buy your ticket, here's a few more. 


Drive Have you seen this trailer? If so, then there's no need to convince you to see Drive because you know it looks fucking fantastic! Following the Damon method, Gosling's poised to achieve action star status now that he's proven himself a talented dramatic actor. The film features an exceptional supporting cast and a highly praised director. How could you not see this?



Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!

 
I Don't Know How She Does It That would be the answer to the question; how does SJP still star in films? My disdain for Parker isn't the killing factor; Kinnear and Brosnan are enough to cancel her out for me. No actress, not even Maria Bello or Laura Linney could make this dopey premise appealing. Also, is it just me or does the poster remind you of Sesame Street's One of These Things (Is Not Like the Other) game?


Verdict:  Exercise the Right to Cinematic Celibacy.


Straw Dogs Straw Dogs is one of my must-see fall movies. I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe I have a soft spot for James Marsden. Maybe I just like films about good ol' country boys fucking with outsiders. Actually, it's probably because I'm a sucker for brutal violence and this appears to have it in spades. It has nothing to do with a shirtless Skarsgård; I get plenty of that in True Blood.  



Verdict:  Moist With Antici...Pation!

 
 Now that I'm thinking about it, this weekend is looking like television has invaded the movies with all the TV actors scoring so many parts in the offerings. I guess that's one way to ensure I'll get up off the couch and into a theater seat!

MMM: Grrrr... Shawkat

It's been a while, but I've returned with a new-ish tune for your ears. It's off the debut album of the Los Angeles indie rock band, Best Coast. The video for this single was directed by Drew Barrymore and features more than a few familiar faces for you film and TV buffs. I've already given one away, but see who else you recognize.  

Best Coast - Our Deal

Get More: MTV Supervideo, Music, Best Coast

Now I'm off to get this week started!

Trailer Trash: The September 9th Quickie

While I have been MIA for the past week, I'm guessing all my stargazers were like this:

DOCTOR

Unfortunately, he's away at a nerd festival.

STARGAZER

Right. Uh, so can I read some new content?

DOCTOR

I'm sorry. Your blogger is out of town.

STARGAZER

(pausing) 

What are you talking about? What happened to him?!

WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?!

Okay, so maybe my dear readers weren't that bent out of shape, but I hope my absence was noted. Now, I'm back to discuss the three major releases, as listed by IMDb. 


Contagion If you didn't notice, I'm more than a little excited about Contagion. A great director with a stellar cast, including Matt Damon yelling at people. I didn't need to see anything else to sell me, although the inclusion of a second Spank Bank inductee, Sanaa Lathan,  was icing on the cake. 





Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!

 
Warrior Sigh. I can't even count all the ways I'm not interested in this. Sadly, I feel like I should be at least moderately psyched to watch Warrior. It's got Tom Hardy and Jennifer Morrison. It's got fighting. But it has also got icky-stick tendrils waiting to lash out and latch onto my heartstrings and yank the shit out of them. That's something I'm just not in the mood for right now.



Verdict:  Exercise the Right to Cinematic Celibacy.


Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star Oh, Nick Swardson, I so want you to have a hit comedy movie, but the trailers are telling me that this will not be that movie. The raunchy premise is one that the Reel Whore can't ignore, but I prefer to be pleasantly surprised at the second-run theater than disappointed on opening weekend.




Verdict:  It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.

 
Being out of town last weekend has put my severely behind in movie watching, so I need to gets to getting. I hope you find a fun film diversion; that's my plan.