Trailer Trash: June 29 of 2012

If you live around my neck of the woods, you already know it's going to be fucking hot this weekend. I, for one, will be staying inside as much as possible. Inside the theater that is. No need to burn my own electricity to keep me cool when I can use someone else's! The big question is whether the movies opening this weekend will be as enjoyable as the cool, dark comfort of the theater. Let's have a look-see.

Madea's Witness Protection I give Tyler Perry a lot of shit, but that's mainly because he's done the same to us. He's just trying to earn a living, albeit a livin' much larger than mine. My latest bone to pick isn't this movie (which looks absolutely terrible in every way possible), but that he's starring as Alex Cross. I'll give him props for his Madea persona, but I can't get down with him as a legitimate lead.


Verdict:  Exercise the Right to Cinematic Celibacy.

Magic Mike Hi everyone, my name is Wayne, I am a man, and I am excited to see Magic Mike. It's mainly because I believe McConnaughey will be chewing up and spitting the scenery into a spittoon from across the room. Besides every woman I know has already asked me to come along. Who knows, maybe this will be the role that really showcases Tatum's acting prowess.


Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!

Ted I'm not exactly sure how I feel about Ted. I enjoy Wahlberg and Mila Kunis has quickly risen on my list of must-see VFVH (very funny, and very hot) ladies. My hang up isn't even the premise as much as it is Ted himself. I LOATHE the Family Guy and Peter's damned voice is really turning me off. Plus I worry the comedy may be a little too close to that show's same repetitive, idiotic vein.  


Verdict: It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.

Whatever movie you find yourself watching this weekend, I hope it's in a cool theater!