MILF Rendezvous: The Gang Bang

I'm sure you've been wondering if Man, I Love Films and I have been quarreling. Things have just been hectic on the home front lately, but rest assured I am still getting my biweekly post on, if you know what I mean. To make sure you're privy to all the new shit, here are the posts I've offered up since Junior.

Children of the Corn

The plan here at the vault was to dedicate the month of August completely to babies. But babies grow up to become children and, now that I’m a father, it’s important to raise those babies right. After all, no one wants to let their babies grow up to be psychopaths.

Based on the short story by Stephen King, Children of the Corn follows Burt (Peter Horton) and Vicky (Linda Hamilton) as they travel through Nebraska on their way to Seattle. Burt hits a young child with his car, but the situation seems fishy so the couple veer into the nearest town, Gatlin, to seek help. Little do they know the children of the town follow the leadership of a creepy child, Isaac (John Franklin), who preaches the ways of He Who Walks Behind the Rows.

Rendezvous...

Nine Months

The wheel in the sky keeps on turnin’. The wheel being the creative minds at the MILF. Two months ago the vault inducted Saved! into its hallowed halls. Comments on that review sparked Kai to generate a list of his Top 5 Pregnancy Films. Landing on his list is the Hugh Grant-Julianne Moore film, Nine Months, a rom-com I had never experienced. If I had to guess, in 1995 I instead chose to enjoy Julianne Moore starring alongside Sylvester Stallone and Antonio Banderas in Assassins. With the vault continuing to cover all things baby, it seemed the perfect time to finally get around to watching Nine Months.

Samuel Faulkner (Hugh Grant) and Rebecca Taylor (Julianne Moore) are enjoying another day of non-wedded bliss with a picnic at the beach when Samuel’s blindsided by Rebecca’s marital desires and then by the Dwyers’ kite. Marty Dwyer (Tom Arnold), his wife Gail (Joan Cusack), their three girls, and their dog rush over to apologize for their interruption, but succeed only in cementing Samuel’s desire not to become a breeder such as them. Soon after fate intervenes and Rebecca discovers she’s pregnant. Averse to the idea of marriage and fatherhood, Samuel has to come to terms with his rapidly changing life before his baby is full term.

Rendezvous...

The Hand That Rocks the Cradle

Babies come with a lot of needs and since both parents work to pay the bills, they have to look into supplementary care such as day care or, if they can afford it, a live-in nanny. It pleases the vault to offer up this cautionary tale if you and your significant other are in the market for the latter for your little one.

Claire Bartel (Annabella Sciorra) delivers a healthy baby boy, despite the stress caused by being molested by her seedy new obstetrician, Dr. Victor Mott (John de Lancie). With all of Claire’s responsibilities; volunteering at the local nursery, supervising their handi-capable handyman, Solomon (Ernie Hudson), and building her own hobby greenhouse, her husband, Michael (Matt McCoy), worries Claire will wear herself out by also cooking and caring for their newborn Joey and their older daughter, Emma (Madeline Zima). Their search for a nanny is fruitless until Claire meets Peyton Flanders (Rebecca De Mornay), who has an instant rapport with everyone. Peyton seems to be a godsend for the Bartels until Claire realizes she’s being displaced within her own family.

Rendezvous...

Mr. Mom

Just last month the vault praised Michael Keaton for his turn as the caped crusader in Batman. Keaton could throw down with the Joker and still make it home in time to snuggle up to Vicki Vale. However, is Batman up to the challenge of being a stay-at-home dad?

After engineer Jack Butler (Michael Keaton) is “furloughed” by his boss Jinx (Jeffrey Tambor), Caroline (Teri Garr), Jack’s wife and stay-at-home mom to their three kids Alex (Frederick Koehler), Kenny (Taliesin Jaffe) and Megan (Courtney White, Brittany White), makes a few inquires about finding her own employment. A confident Jack gives her one-hundred-to-one odds that he’ll find work before her. In the blink of an eye, Jack’s cinching up the apron strings and handing over a crisp hundred while Caroline is making quite an impression in the advertising world and on her boss, Ron Richardson (Martin Mull).

Rendezvous...

MMM: Forever Changed

Good morning stargazers! It's been a minute since I've posted, but times have been a changing. Thinking about change, it's funny how a song is forever changed when used to great effect in a movie or TV show. I touched on this two weeks ago with my last Monday Mood Music, The Michelle Williams Effect. Then, it was Michelle's glowing screen presence that placed that song in a new light.

This week's selection has been forever changed thanks to the smarmy self-portrayal Rick Springfield gave in season 3 of Californication. Every time I hear Jessie's Girl now, I picture Rick sidling up to Eva Amurri, belting out a few lines of his famous tune, confident his sheer star power will melt her, making her another notch in his bedpost. Thanks to that episode, I will never think of it the same way.

Rick Springfield - Jessie's Girl

MILF Rendezvous: Junior

What a rich career Arnold Schwarzenegger has had. Less than two weeks ago the vault showcased him liberating the inhabitants of Mars from tyrannical rule and this week he’s making remarkable advances in the field of women’s fertility. Is there nothing he cannot do? On a totally random, but quite interesting note, Breaking Bad‘s Dean Norris helped Arnold out on Mars, but it was Breaking Bad‘s Anna Gunn who made him comfortable at Casitas Madres. Small world.

Junior

Dr. Alex Hesse (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is a research biochemist developing the new fertility drug, Expectane, with gynecologist Dr. Larry Arbogast (Danny DeVito). Their successful animal trials aren’t enough to staunch the FDA’s wicked bad news. No human testing means no revenue and the department’s dean, Noah Banes (Frank Langella), evicts their project and brings in  cryogenics researcher, Dr. Diana Reddin (Emma Thompson). Alex is headed back to Austria when Larry convinces him to administer the drug on himself using a donated ovary. The data they collect may save the project, but the complications that arise are more than Larry bargained for.

Rendezvous...

MMM: The Michelle Williams Effect

Yesterday I went to see Take This Waltz. It's a thoughtful, emotional film about a woman who, though happily married, falls in love with another man. Michelle Williams plays the conflicted spouse, Margot, and thanks to her, I have a new-found appreciation for the Buggles hit, Video Killed the Radio Star.

Released in 1979, the song made it to #1 on several foreign singles charts, and climbed to #40 on the US Billboard Hot 100. It always ranked as an okay tune in my book, but now it will be forever associated with Michelle's smiling face. While I doubt the song played every time she rode the Scrambler during filming, if it did, I wonder how she feels about it now? What about you; this a love it or hate it tune for you?

Buggles - Video Killed the Radio Star

MILF Rendezvous: Parenthood

If you missed Tuesday’s announcement, the vault’s gone gaga over all things baby. With my own little house ape preparing to slip into the cold light of day, there’s a whole new world of responsibilities coming my way. Since the movies teach us so much, I turn to Parenthood to address those forthcoming parental woes.

Parenthood

Frank Buckman (Jason Robards) married Marilyn (Eileen Ryan) and begat Gil (Steve Martin), Helen (Dianne Weist), Susan (Harley Jane Kozak), and Larry (Tom Hulce). Gil worries he’ll be as terrible a father as Frank, but that didn’t stop him from begatting Kevin (Jasen Fisher), Taylor (Alisan Porter) and Justin (Zachary La Voy) with his wife Karen (Mary Steenburgen). Gil’s scrambling to earn a promotion at work while coaching Little League in an effort to keep Kevin out of special school.

Helen is a struggling single mother with no hope of a social life thanks to her two kids and deadbeat ex-husband. She’s at her wit’s end trying to raise the reclusive Garry (Joaquin “Leaf” Phoenix) and keep his older, headstrong sister, Julie (Martha Plimpton) away from That Tod (Keanu Reeves) before she goes and does something stupid like choose marriage over college.

Since the birth of Patty (Ivyann Schwan), there’s been no time in Nathan’s (Rick Moranis) strict parenting regimine for him and Susan to be intimate. Amidst all this, Larry returns and announces that Cool (Alex Burrall) is the result of his begatting with a Vegas showgirl. The return of the prodigal son to his parent’s tiny abode forces Grandma (Helen Shaw) to be shuffled between the home of his siblings. Welcome to the world of the Buckmans.

Rendezvous...

Trailer Trash: August 10 of 2012

With all the big doings on the home front, I'm not sure if I'll make it to the theater this weekend. A shame really, considering this is the most cinematically excited I've been since the opening weekend of The Dark Knight Rises. Here's what's got me so amped:

The Bourne Legacy  The inevitable success of Jeremy Renner has never been a question in my mind. Ever since the Somnambulist episode of Angel over ten years ago, I knew he was going places. Now look at him; MI:4, The Avengers and The Bourne Legacy all in the last twelve months. That's a lot of big dollar franchises and a lot of entertaining. Legacy marks his first chance to shine as the lone hero, and I for one want to be there to see it.  


Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!  

The Campaign  Ted and Dark Shadows were mediocre at best, The Watch and That's My Boy looked absolutely horrible and Seeking a Friend... vanished before it even had a chance.  The Campaign seems to be my last hope for a funny summer movie. I'm confident Zack and Will can muster up a few knee slappers and, at under ninety minutes, it should wrap up before the premise grows tired. Fingers crossed. 


Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!  

Maybe I can squeeze both these in, wish me luck!

MILF Rendezvous: Undercover Blues

Faithful readers of the vault may have noticed my slight fascination with birthdays. Second to making connections to up-and-coming theatrical releases, it’s an easy way to identify potential inductees and celebrate a milestone for a celebrity that stargazers admire. One day this month will set a milestone for me as the wife and I introduce a new cinephile into the world. In honor of such a momentous occasion, the rest of August will be all about babies. If you have a favorite, I’ll add it to the queue.

Undercover Blues

Jefferson ‘Jeff’ Blue (Dennis Quaid) and Jane Blue (Kathleen Turner) are nonchalant spies and new parents relaxing in New Orleans. Their extended maternity leave is cut short when their boss, Frank (Richard Jenkins), begs them to take an assignment to recover C-22, an experimental plastic explosive, and apprehend the crafty and elusive Paulina Novacek (Fiona Shaw). They begrudgingly accept, but with police detectives Lt. Ted Sawyer (Obba Babatundé) and Sgt. Ed Halsey (Larry Miller) hounding Jeff for his recent altercation with the town’s renown mugger, el Muerte (Stanley Tucci), the Blues have a lot of balls in the air.

Rendezvous...

MMM: Expanding Cultural Horizons

The history of the band responsible for today's selection needs more explanation than I care to give. Thankfully, Wikipedia has a lengthy explanation behind the phenomenon that is AKB48. For those too lazy to delve into the full version, here's the short of it:

AKB48 is a girl group with 64 members based on the concept of "idols you can meet." The girls, who are from ages fourteen to twenty and over, are broken into four teams of 16 and they perform live every day at their own theater in Akihabara, Tokyo (btw, it's the source of their name A-K-B). They have become insanely popular in Japan and the concept, and the girls, are expanding worldwide.

This week's selection is AKB48's seventeenth single from 2010. Enjoy!

AKB48 - Heavy Rotation

Their appeal really is a mystery, isn't it?

MILF Rendezvous: Total Recall

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Trailer Trash: August 3 of 2012

July is behind us and as summer winds down, so does the flow of interesting summer movies. August does till hold a few enticing options, but it appears to be starting off with a whimper.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days  The term 'dog days' means a period of sluggishness. I can't think of a better title to associate with a series that's worn out it's welcome so quickly. Even by the poster looks tired and uninspired. Maybe one day I'll give these movies a chance. After all, if Steve Zahn is in them they can't be all that bad... 
right? 

Verdict:  Exercise the Right to Cinematic Celibacy. 

Total Recall Bad buzz surrounding the Recall remake is flooding the internets today, but who cares. Didn't we all know there was no way it'd live up to the awesomely violent goodness of the original? Absolutely. It still doesn't mean that Colin Farrell, Bokeem Woodbine, Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Biel, and Bryan Cranston won't give us plenty of action-packed scene-chewing to enjoy. Considering I've seen ever other movie that's in theaters now, I'm game.

Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!  

Slim pickings and guilty pleasures all around, might be time to check the art house theater for something with a little more substance.