Counting Down the Zeroes: My Sweet Dick, It's Magic!

This post is part of COUNTING DOWN THE ZEROES, brought to you by IBETOLIS of FILM FOR THE SOUL.

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Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

Release: 06.18.04
DVD Release: 12.07.04
Rated PG-13
1 hours, 32 minutes


See It, Take a Friend, Buy the DVD!



The summer of 2004 was one of those fortuitous moments when the fantasy of the movies and my routine reality crossed paths. Having recently seen Dodgeball in theaters, my girlfriend and I were walking around quoting lines incessantly. One day, a flyer at our apartment announced a dodgeball game convening at the tennis courts. A resident with a handful of those hard rubber balls, inked with stylish Spongebob and Spider-Man artwork, beckoned us to join in the fun. This weekly stress relief evolved into joining our city league, and five years later, we still find ourselves enjoying this 'child's game.' Those who know dodgeball know it's not for the weak of heart...

Peter La Fleur (Vince Vaughn, Starsky & Hutch), owner of Average Joe's Gymnasium, has learned that his gym is near the brink of foreclosure; partly due to his laid-back business tactics, but mostly due to his rival, White Goodman (Ben Stiller, Zoolander). The narcissistic Goodman wants Joe's shutdown so he can add extra parking for the members of his corporate Adonis factory, Globo Gym. With little time, La Fleur and with his rag-tag band of employees and clients do the only thing possible to generate the needed cash: enter the American Dodgeball Association of America International Dodgeball Championship in Las Vegas. The Joes' quest and their pathetic dodgeball skills catch the attention of seven-time all-star dodgeball champion Patches O'Houlihan (Rip Torn, Men in Black) who offers his expertise to help defeat Goodman's Purple Cobras team, win the $50,000 and save their gym.

I hold writer-director Rawson Marshall Thurber in high regard mainly because he, like me, believes Ghostbusters to be the best comedy ever made. Prior to Dodgeball, Thurber directed the Terry Tate, Office Linebacker commercials for Reebok. After shopping his script around, Ben Stiller's Red Hour Films picked it up, and with Thurber attached to direct, the fun began. In the commentary, Thurber mentions an old adage that "90% of directing is casting." In this instance, I couldn't agree more.


To read the full post, head over to Film for the Soul...

Counting Down the Zeroes: Run! Rabbit! Run!

This post is part of COUNTING DOWN THE ZEROES, brought to you by IBETOLIS of FILM FOR THE SOUL.

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House of 1000 Corpses

Release: 04.11.03
DVD Release: 08.12.03
Rated R
1 hours, 29 minutes


Matinee



I have to go on record as saying House of 1000 Corpses is perhaps one of the best and one of the worst horror films I have ever seen. Approximately three-fourths of it is edgy and phenomenal in its delivery; the remaining just utter filth and a waste of good celluloid. Then again, the horror genre has a wealth of depraved avenues one can traverse; I just prefer some concepts more than others.

The debut picture from musician turned writer-director Rob Zombie opens on All Hallow's Eve with four college kids traveling along the back roads of Texas (has a familiar ring to it, right?). Captain Spaulding (Sid Haig, Jackie Brown) runs the roadside Gasoline, Fried Chicken, and Horror Museum where the kids stop to stock up for the last leg of their voyage home. The museum tour chronicles notorious mass murderers, including the local legend, Dr. Satan, which sparks the kids’ need to drive out to the fabled killer's remote stomping grounds in the cold, rainy dead of night. One hitchhiker named Baby (Sheri Moon) and one flat tire later, the kids end up at the home of the Firefly family. After partaking in the Firefly Halloween celebration and getting the car repaired, their fun really begins.

To read the full post, head over to Film for the Soul...

Counting Down the Zeroes: They Can't All Be Winners!

This post is part of COUNTING DOWN THE ZEROES, brought to you by IBETOLIS of FILM FOR THE SOUL.

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Bad Santa

Release: 11.26.03
DVD Release: 6.22.04
Rated R (DVD: UR)
1 hours, 28 minutes
(UR: 1 hour, 38 Minutes)

See It, Take a Friend, Buy the DVD!



Around this time of year, you will inevitably hear ads pitching Christmas in July sales. I bet you never thought you'd come upon a website promoting a Christmas movie in July! Specifically, a review of a live action interpretation of Dr. Seuss's How the Grinch Stole Christmas. If you're picturing Jim Carrey in green makeup and a matching fur suit, you're thinking of the wrong antagonist.

You should actually picture Willie Stokes (Billy Bob Thornton, Slingblade), an unshaven, unclean wretch who's just shy of alcohol poisoning. Every Christmas Willie portrays the appropriately titled Bad Santa at a random shopping mall while his partner Marcus (Tony Cox, Friday) dresses as Santa's elfin helper. They suffer through the prattled wishes of dullard children until Christmas Eve arrives. As mall patrons and employees are nestled all snug in their beds, the two rob the mall clean of its expensive goods and stacks of cash.

To read the full post, head over to Film for the Soul...

Counting Down the Zeroes: Secretary

This post is part of COUNTING DOWN THE ZEROES, brought to you by IBETOLIS of FILM FOR THE SOUL.

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Secretary

Release: 09.20.02
DVD Release: 04.01.03
Rated R
1 hours, 44 minutes

Full Price




I've never considered myself someone who enjoys romance films, yet here I am writing about yet another romantic flick for Counting Down the Zeroes. Traditional romances have always seemed so predictable: guy meets girl, they fall in love, some stupid misunderstanding occurs and splits them temporarily, but all ends happily ever after and we all leave the theater full of warm fuzzies. Big whoop. What makes Secretary so different?

Lee Holloway (Maggie Gyllenhaal, Donnie Darko) is a young woman returning home from a mental hospital on the eve of her sister's wedding. By the reception, her dysfunctional family has Lee running back to her old bad habits. Lee copes with emotional pain by causing physical pain to herself. In an effort to achieve some normalcy, she takes a typing class and starts dating an old high school friend, Peter (Jeremy Davies, Saving Private Ryan). She even hits the job scene, becoming a secretary for a lawyer, Mr. E. Edward Grey (James Spader, Mannequin). While the job offers Lee escape from her family and its troubles, an infatuation with her boss grows into something far more profound.

To read the full post, complete with enticing photographs, head over to Film for the Soul...

Counting Down the Zeroes: Spectacular! Spectacular!

Moulin Rouge!

Release: 06.01.01
DVD Release: 09.10.02
Rated PG-13
2 hours, 7 minutes

See It, Take a Friend, Buy the DVD!





This post is part of COUNTING DOWN THE ZEROES, brought to you by IBETOLIS of FILM FOR THE SOUL.


A recent advert for the DVD release of Slumdog Millionaire touts it as the best film of the decade. I couldn't help but laugh when I read this. Have people forgotten about Moulin Rouge!?

Slumdog Millionaire and Moulin Rouge! have similar roots; both projects' directors were inspired by Bollywood films. However, while Millionaire was the Academy darling this past year, winning eight of its ten nominations, Moulin Rouge! was widely snubbed, winning only Best Costume Design and Best Art Direction from its eight nominations. Baz Luhrmann (Romeo + Juliet) wasn't even nominated for Best Director! Could it be Rouge! is the inferior, less entertaining of the two?

I think not. The exclamation point in the title says it all; expect excitement. On the day I saw Moulin Rouge! in theaters, many audience members were not prepared. I know this because I watched at least four people leave before the Diamond Dogs began to can-can. When friends asked my opinion of Moulin Rouge!, I made it clear that it was awesome, but you had to give it at least fifteen minutes to adjust to the frantic pacing and wild cinematography.

Before I get too far ahead of myself, Moulin Rouge! is the tale of Christian (Ewan McGregor, Big Fish), a young British writer who moves to Paris at the turn of the nineteenth century to embrace the Bohemian lifestyle. Shortly after arriving, Christian meets the dwarf Toulouse-Lautrec (John Leguizamo, Spawn) who is developing a new play with his Bohemian friends for the Moulin Rouge's owner Harold Zidler (Jim Broadbent, Gangs of New York). Christian and his mad writing skills are quickly accepted into the group and he is presented to the Rouge's star, Satine (Nicole Kidman, To Die For), to secure her favor for their play. Only problem is Satine mistakes Christian for the Rouge's potential financier, the Duke (Richard Roxburgh, Van Helsing). Ultimately Satine must seduce the Duke, while keeping her burgeoning romance with Christian a secret.

Once Christian and Lautrec meet, there is barely a moment's pause in the singing. Beginning with music from the Sound of Music flowing to the popular cover of Lady Marmalade and culminating in my favorite scene, a medley of love songs atop an Elephant's head, it's nearly forty-five minutes before the film returns to a standard story format. In Moulin Rouge! you find popular songs from artists such as David Bowie, Madonna and Nirvana in mash-ups against seemingly contrary songs, sampled as part of a larger medley, or used in their entirety to particularly comic effect. You might think the result would be irritating, but it's quite captivating. The music of Moulin Rouge! grabbed me in such a way that I snatched up the soundtrack the first chance I got and still give it a listen every couple of months. Until researching this post, I never knew they released a Volume Two. Needless to say, I will cop that tout de suite.

The rousing music is barely even the half of it. Colors jump off the screen. Deep reds, cool blues, neon greens and pale whites are so crisp they crackle. When the doors to the Moulin Rouge first open, a swirling, dizzying flurry of vibrant costumes and leering faces assaults the eyes; Luhrmann uses the visual overstimulation to mimic Christian's perspective on his virgin voyage to the cabaret.

If the music and imagery don't excite you, gazing upon Ewan McGregor will topple your defenses. His boyish smile and adamant belief in the love that he and Satine share is irresistible. You can feel McGregor giving it his all in every scene. Kidman is equally impressive. In fact, from Broadbent's boisterous showmanship to Leguizamo's absinthe-tinged lisp and Roxburgh's nasally tantrums, all the actors deliver scene after hilarious scene. Like Luhrmann's visuals, they can turn on a dime to deliver the most heart-wrenching and dismal moments, changing the playful nature of Rouge! into a rueful affair.

Outstanding music and exhilarating visuals presented by some of the most talented actors--you couldn't ask for anything more. Bollywood films are designed to give audiences their money's worth and Luhrmann does exactly that with Moulin Rouge!.

Counting Down the Zeroes: A Beastly Feast for the Eyes

Brotherhood of the Wolf
Le Pacte des loups

Release: 10.11.01
DVD Release: 10.01.02
Rated R
2 hours, 32 minutes

Full Price




This post is part of COUNTING DOWN THE ZEROES, brought to you by IBETOLIS of FILM FOR THE SOUL.

It is said that the best tall tales germinate from a seed of truth. For Le Pacte des loups, a.k.a. Brotherhood of the Wolf, the truth began in the French countryside during the mid-eighteenth century. Over one hundred people were killed in attacks by beastly wolves. The legend of the Beast of Gévaudan is still shrouded in mystery to this day.

In Brotherhood, the mystery is revealed by the recollections of the Marquis d'Apcher as he pens his memoirs. He recalls the brutal killings and how the King dispatched Grégoire de Fronsac (Samuel Le Bihan), his taxidermist, to investigate the monster. Grégoire and his Iroquois companion, Mani (Mark Dacascos, Cradle 2 the Grave), quickly discover the beast is larger and more deadly than any normal wolf. As the search continues, Grégoire chases more than wolf tales, specifically the courtesan Sylvia (Monica Bellucci, Shoot 'Em Up) and the Count's daughter, Marianne de Morangias (Émilie Dequenne), which her creepy brother Jean-François (Vincent Cassel, Eastern Promises) is none too happy about. As repeated efforts by the local guard to hunt and kill the beast bear no fruit, Grégoire learns the beast's true nature is tied to a political coup.

Period pieces have never really been my cup of tea. How then would one propose to tell a story that is appealing to audiences not typically interested in stuffy clothing, fluffy wigs and verbose posturing? Start by brutally killing a busty damsel. If that doesn't hook them, toss in a savage from a faraway land; let's make him a Native American and, just for kicks, give him mad ninja skills. This savage and his civilized companion are the King's Green Berets compared to the Keystone Cops running around shooting at every shadow in the forest. Horror, action and comedy are covered, but if still unsatisfied, mix in a brothel of naked women and debauchery to lighten the mood even more. You do want to keep the story's tone dark, so it's best to add a pinch of conspiracy and intrigue, another reason to have us looking twice at every character.

Writer-director Christophe Gans (Silent Hill) and writer Stéphane Cabel manage to incorporate all of the above-and more- into Brotherhood. As outlandish as it sounds, they pull it off superbly. Beginning in bloodshed, Brotherhood quickly slips into a cadence, alternating between story exposition and spectacle about every ten minutes. Those spectacles range from bone crunching, hand-to-hand combat to the silky, heaving bosom of Monica Bellucci to peasants tossed about like chew toys by the Beast.

Through a combination of clever transitions and slow-motion, Gans makes Brotherhood a savory visual feast. The Beast, once revealed, is a bizarre and sinister creature that seems nigh unstoppable. Gans ensures audiences understand just how powerful the creature is through a complex battle with Grégoire, Mani and the Marquis (Jérémie Renier, In Bruges). Brotherhood's gruff sound effects drive home the weighty impact of the bullets and the jagged tearing of the blades in ever action sequence.

Gans takes similar care with the softer moments. Watching the camera glide over Bellucci's heart-shaped derriere as the scene subtly changes to the snow-covered hills of Gévaudan was one of my favorite moments, and not solely for a glimpse of bare Bellucci. Gans has a knack for crafting scenes that feel poetic even if the story isn't.

If you find the opportunity to watch it, I highly recommend doing so twice; once with subtitles and once dubbed. I normally prefer subtitles, but with so much action a second, dubbed viewing helps to appreciate the visual details. Being a film not in my native tongue, I hesitate to comment on the acting. Cassel steals every scene he's in, but from what I've seen of him, that is usually the case.

With all that happens in Brotherhood it's hard to imagine it feeling sluggish, but it does lag in parts. The slowness is a minor quibble about an otherwise exhilarating tale of legendary proportions. Thanks to Gans' flourishes, you forget that Brotherhood is little more than a monster movie.

Counting Down the Zeroes: I Love This Flick Like It's Made Outta Ham!

Best in Show


Release: 09.29.00
DVD Release: 05.15.01
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 30 minutes

See It, Take a Friend, Buy the DVD!




This post is part of COUNTING DOWN THE ZEROES, brought to you by IBETOLIS of FILM FOR THE SOUL.


Thinking back to the year 2000, I'm fairly certain I never saw Best in Show in theaters. Maybe it never released in my limited little area of the world or if it did, I didn't care to spend that kind of cash on a ticket. However, if I were a gambling man, I'd bet it did play locally, but there was little to pique my interest at the time of its release.

At the time, I had never seen the much-touted hit film This Is Spinal Tap, so the comedic writing of Christopher Guest was unknown to me. I believe I scooped up Best in Show at the rental store due partly to Eugene Levy's stellar performance as Jim's dad in the non-noughtie film American Pie. I'd attribute the rest to Parker Posey after seeing her hilarious turn as Fiona in Josie and the Pussycats, which coincidentally released in theaters only a month prior to the DVD release of Best in Show. Thanks to the comedic chops of Levy and Posey, I now understand the greatness that is the Guest mockumentary.

Down in Florida, Cookie Fleck (Catherine O'Hara, Beetlejuice) and her husband Gerry (Eugene Levy) have packed up the van and headed to Philadelphia with their competition hopeful Winky. Meanwhile, life partners Scott Donlan (John Michael Higgins, The Break-Up) and Stefan Vanderhoof (Michael McKean, True Crime) are preparing to leave Tribeca to escort Miss Agnes to victory. Harlan Pepper (Christopher Guest, Waiting for Guffman) is the owner of a tackle shop in my home state of North Carolina. He thinks his bloodhound, Hubert, will be the young pup to bring home the glory. Meg (Parker Posey) and Hamilton Swan (Michael Hitchcock, Happy, Texas) are obsessed over Beatrice's stress level prior to the show...or they could be experiencing the lingering effects of Starbucks coffee. These four must all contend against Rhapsody in White, a two-time Best in Show winner. Rhapsody's owner, Sherri Ann Cabot (Jennifer Coolidge, American Pie), and trainer Christy Cummings (Jane Lynch, Role Models) have no doubt that the poodle will win her third straight championship without much of a challenge.

Guest and Levy not only star in Best in Show, they are the creative minds behind the film's premise. Following this broad cross-section of America as they prepare for competition is the perfect platform for hilarity. While some jokes are obvious, the more subtle comments and reactions by the characters are the comedic gold. For instance, watching good-natured Gerry silently seethe, biting his tongue betwixt his buck teeth whenever one of Cookie's former lovers step on his two left feet to drool over his wife, is a funny, and all too frequent, recurring joke. Watching Sherri Ann Cabot's eyes dart side to side after she realizes she's just given an inappropriate answer to the interviewer is just awesome. From Christy's tepid confidence to Scott's unabashed flamboyance, all the actors are so convincing in their roles you could easily mistake this for a real documentary.

What also helps the authenticity of Best in Show is the inclusion of professional show dogs and their handlers. Seeing Winky's tiny legs scurry across the carpet alongside Cookie works because Winky was born to perform, just like the actors. In my end-of-year awards, I honor memorable animal performances. If I had been publishing my reviews in 2000, Beatrice the Weimaraner would have placed #1 for her phenomenal performance. In fact, this entire canine cast would have dominated my Memorable Animal category.

Best in Show excels because of its simplicity. Under his director's cap, Guest keeps a simple hand-held perspective trained on all his characters. The setting is a stringent competition where everyone's goal is simply to win. It's far from a simple task for a cast and crew to create a film that appears effortless.

I've always felt comedians have a stronger grasp on the dramatic than they are given credit. Best in Show, like the other Guest projects, proves this to be true. In the noughties, reality-based television has dominated the airwaves. If you were to stumble across Best in Show one lazy Sunday afternoon and didn't recognize the actors, you'd be hard-pressed to distinguish it from the truth. And that's why Best in Show deserves the blue ribbon.