Coraline? More Like BOREaline!

Coraline


Release: 02.06.09
DVD Release: 07.21.09
Rated PG
1 hour, 40 minutes


Second Run Seats


Coraline Jones (Dakota Fanning, I Am Sam) is the new kid on the block, or more appropriately, the only kid at the apartments where she moves with her parents. As Mother (Teri Hatcher, Tomorrow Never Dies) and Father (John Hodgman, Baby Mama) type away at their garden catalog, Coraline searches for excitement and uncovers a small locked door. In the wee hours of the morning, Coraline discovers the door opens to a magical world where she meets fun and interesting versions of the people she knows. To make this world her reality, all Coraline need do is trade in her eyes for buttons like those her Other Mother has.

Writer-director Henry Selick (Monkeybone) turns Neil Gaiman's book into a warm and inviting spectacle. I didn't have the pleasure of seeing it in 3-D, and I can't help but wonder how more impressive the peculiar antics and acrobatics of Coraline's neighbors Mr. Bobinsky (Ian McShane, Kung Fu Panda), Miss Forcible (Dawn French, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban) and Miss Spink (Jennifer Saunders, Shrek 2) would have been. Still, Selick makes the colors pop and the screen literally blossoms with creativity.

Sadly, the script pales in comparison. Coraline's real world is dull and uninteresting. Mother and Father are inconvenienced by her presence. Her only companion is Wybie (Robert Bailey, Jr., The Happening), the grandson of the tenant house's landlord. Sadly,Wybie's Cat is far more interesting, and not only because he's voiced by Keith David (TV: Gargoyles) in the Other World.

In the Other World, Coraline quickly becomes a nuisance to Other Mother and the Other residents. Even when Coraline must uncover the truth behind Other Mother, the resolution is tedious and unclear. Key plot points which should have been amply foreshadowed in the previous acts for the sake of its kid-centric target audience are rushed into the third act.

Dirty Undies
You'd think an animated PG kid's film wouldn't have any unmentionables, but Coraline is rife with adult fare; yea for me, boo for the chits. At one point, the elderly Miss Spink whips out her jugs for all to behold. Granted, the nipples are covered, but little else is left to the imagination. On the darker side, the Other Wybie has his face stitched into a permanent smile to please Other Mother, which is just creepy for a viewer of any age. Danger and death abound so parents, consider yourself duly warned.

The Money Shot
Coraline is astounding to behold yet surprisingly arduous to sit through. The vibrant colors of the DVD advertisements snap and pop on my HDTV; I am tempted to watch it again. But like Coraline, I'm wise to things that look too good to be true.

Counting Down the Zeroes: Run! Rabbit! Run!

This post is part of COUNTING DOWN THE ZEROES, brought to you by IBETOLIS of FILM FOR THE SOUL.

*****************

House of 1000 Corpses

Release: 04.11.03
DVD Release: 08.12.03
Rated R
1 hours, 29 minutes


Matinee



I have to go on record as saying House of 1000 Corpses is perhaps one of the best and one of the worst horror films I have ever seen. Approximately three-fourths of it is edgy and phenomenal in its delivery; the remaining just utter filth and a waste of good celluloid. Then again, the horror genre has a wealth of depraved avenues one can traverse; I just prefer some concepts more than others.

The debut picture from musician turned writer-director Rob Zombie opens on All Hallow's Eve with four college kids traveling along the back roads of Texas (has a familiar ring to it, right?). Captain Spaulding (Sid Haig, Jackie Brown) runs the roadside Gasoline, Fried Chicken, and Horror Museum where the kids stop to stock up for the last leg of their voyage home. The museum tour chronicles notorious mass murderers, including the local legend, Dr. Satan, which sparks the kids’ need to drive out to the fabled killer's remote stomping grounds in the cold, rainy dead of night. One hitchhiker named Baby (Sheri Moon) and one flat tire later, the kids end up at the home of the Firefly family. After partaking in the Firefly Halloween celebration and getting the car repaired, their fun really begins.

To read the full post, head over to Film for the Soul...

Run, Dwayne! Run!

Race to Witch Mountain

Release: 03.13.09
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 38 minutes

A Netflix Night


It's not a good time to be Jack Bruno (Dwayne Johnson, Be Cool). He's a cabbie in Vegas scratching out an honest living while the geeks arriving en masse to the UFO Expo irritate the piss out of him. To make matters worse, he's accosted by his old boss’s henchman and finds a fare, two kids, waiting in his cab. The kids, Sara (AnnaSophia Robb, Bridge to Terabithia) and Seth (Alexander Ludwig), are actually alien children who have landed on Earth to retrieve a data storage device that holds the key to saving both their world and ours. As government agents and an alien assassin track them, Bruno enlists the help of a UFO expert, Dr. Alex Friedman (Carla Gugino, Night at the Museum), to help return the kids to their ship.

Kudos to the actors, I think they all worked hard to pull off this thin story. The only things working harder than them were the two buttons on Gugino's blouse that barely held back the twins. While drooling during that brief scene, I could almost hear director Andy Fickman (She's the Man) reminding wardrobe that this is a kid-friendly film. Bring on the zip-up jacket! Gugino lights up in geeky glee and spouts astro-jargon like a pro in any attire. Johnson is charismatic, manly with just enough scruff to prove he's down on his luck. Robb excels as the empathetic alien while Ludwig delivers what I assume is a deliberately wooden performance.

Witch Mountain screws the pooch by taking the race concept to the extreme. Amazingly efficient government agents chase the kids at every turn yet repeatedly fumble the apprehension. The uber-powered alien assassin stalks the kids through a flame-engulfed underground cavern, but the bright yellow cab on the lonely desert highway somehow eludes detection. Bruno's totally unnecessary sidestory rears its ugly head as the henchmen return to add yet another level of chase complexity to the story. It's a dizzying onslaught of explosions, crashes and fights that feels like you're in a theme-park simulator ride that doesn't move. I wanted all the flurry and bustle to stop so I could get off and vomit.

Dirty Undies
Being able to ogle Johnson and Gugino was the only thing that kept my absolute disgust and disinterest in check. Fickman did pass up a couple golden opportunities to have Dwayne go shirtless, but maybe covering up his tattoos would have been too costly. Johnson flexes his guns, throws a few good punches, and fires that winning smile. It's almost enough to make us forget how weak the film is…almost.

The Money Shot
The cool effects and whirlwind pace of Race to Witch Mountain will mesmerize kiddies high on the salty-sugar infusion of popcorn and soda. However, we more seasoned viewers will notice the plotholes are larger than the Nevada desert. Sometimes a pretty face is all it takes. This time, there needed to be a lot more.

Squidward Never Gets Invited to the Party

Watchmen

Release: 03.06.09
Rated R
2 hours, 43 minutes


See It, Take a Friend, Buy the DVD!



In the city, a Comedian laughs one final time as he is murdered. In a research lab, an irradiated scientist worries that the Russians may begin a nuclear holocaust to end all humanity, not realizing that he is slowly losing his own. A retired hero pines for a return to his former glory and past friendships. A brilliant entrepreneur works to end man's reliance on fossil fuels in the hope of ushering in a new era of peace. A lover's patience is pushed to the limits while her heart is pulled to another man. All the while, one man in a mask stalks the streets exacting justice and searching for answers to a conspiracy only he imagines. These are the Watchmen. They watch over us. The question remains:

Who Watches the Watchmen?

The answer:

Audiences who...

...are fans of comic books.

...enjoy serious, thought-provoking superhero films; the antithesis of The Fantastic Four.

...can tolerate the somewhat stunted acting of Malin Ackerman (27 Dresses).

...can forgive the haphazardly applied aging makeup.

...drool uncontrollably over astounding special effects.

...can vibe along with a phenomenal soundtrack.

...miss the eighties, and watching Max Headroom (Matt Frewer, Dawn of the Dead).

...always felt Nixon got a bum rap.

...enjoy seeing men and women in form-fitting latex suits.


...love watching violent and deviant acts perpetrated on their fellow man.

...try to see every film Jackie Earle Haley (Little Children) ever released.

...have bladders and tailbones that can withstand the pressure from three hours of sitting.

...can stomach bones snapping and people popping like overinflated luftballoons.

...want to know what Patrick Wilson's (Lakeview Terrace) ass would look like after ten years of marriage.

...want to see what kind of pipe the Blue Man Group swings under their turtlenecks.


...like a little softcore action mixed into their R-rated movies.

...don't care that Hitler's pissed they deviated from the original ending. (Spoiler Link!)


The Money Shot
The original graphic novel illustrates how superheroes in all their virtue, would realistically act when accounting for their accompanying vices. Zack Snyder's (300) theatrical version may not follow every detail to the letter, but the spirit is ever-present. The few corners cut in making the film keep it from being the best superhero movie ever, but they weren't terrible enough for me to knock it down to a Full Price rating.

Double Team'd: Tyler Perry Style

It's sad to admit this, but I can't recall the last time I wrote an actual movie review! With all the goings and the comings, with the hospitals and the holidays, the sands of the hourglass were like the days of my life. Like how I squeezed in a soap opera reference? It's more than appropriate, given this double review of Tyler Perry's 2008 melodramas Meet the Browns and The Family That Preys. I know Invisible Woman has been waiting to hear this for a long, long time.


Meet the Browns

Release: 03.21.08
DVD Release: 07.01.08
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 40 minutes


Second-Run Seats ($$) <
> Group Rental ($)



Brenda Brown (Angela Bassett, Akeelah and the Bee) is a young single mother of three children in Chicago who struggles to make ends meet. Finances are strained further when she loses her job. She receives a letter explaining her estranged father has passed away along with three bus tickets to Georgia. The Chicago Browns head down South and meet up with her outrageous Georgia Brown kin. Oh yeah, a basketball scout named Harry (Rick Fox, He Got Game) gets shoehorned into the story, too.

I'd really love to know why Angela Bassett took this role. She does a phenomenal job, which is painfully obvious as the rest of the cast try and keep up. Some characters like Leroy Brown (David Mann) are strictly comic relief. Vera (Jenifer Lewis, Dead Presidents) shows out, and is the singlemost reason to watch this film.

Then there's Cheryl (Sofia Vergara, Four Brothers), the loud Latina stereotype, and Michael (Lance Gross), the 'If I can't ball, I'll sling dope' brother among others. My wife says we can forgive Rick Fox because he's just so damned delectable. With all the hype around his films, Tyler Perry needs to to slow down and churn out a higher quality script with better developed and less grating characters.

The Dirty Undies
My wife is right, Mr. Fox is delectable. My choice would be Ms. Vergara though her natural heat may be too much for my tastebuds! It's hard to go into a Tyler Perry film and not find beautiful people. Ms. Bassett has on some heavy makeup, but that's probably to hide twenty of her fifty regal years in order to pass for the role. There's some drugs and minor mention of sexual depravity, but nothing you wouldn't see in an after-school special.

The Money Shot
Tyler Perry needs to slow down and hone his craft. Learn to frame your shots better. Work out your audio issues. Most importantly, stop showing up in your damn films! This advice will probably go unheeded and why not? The films still make serious jink, even when they're as bad as this.


The Family That Preys

Release: 09.12.08
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 51 minutes


Matinee ($$$)





In a small Georgia town, Alice Pratt (Alfre Woodard, Down in the Delta) runs a small diner and lives a happy, though modest, life. Her two daughters Andrea (Sanaa Lathan, Something New) and Pam (Taraji P. Henson, Hustle & Flow) are like night and day. Pam has stayed to help momma with the business while Andrea is an executive for a construction firm owned by Alice's good friend, Charlotte Cartwright (Kathy Bates, The Waterboy). While the mothers travel cross-country, Andrea and Charlotte's son, William (Cole Hauser, The Cave), conspire to gain control of the company.

Not knocking other actors, but Family boasts the most accomplished cast to grace a Tyler Perry film. Woodard and Bates turn in strong performances that enhance the humor and sadness of the story. My girl Sanaa Lathan plays one of the most callous characters of her career. Not all the performances are stellar, cough Tyler Perry cough, but overall it's pretty compelling.

Don't get me wrong, the melodrama is thick like gumbo. I recall a scene where William's wife has collapsed on the porch of the mansion all woe-is-me after discovering her husband's dubious ways. Overall, I credit Family for showing growth in Tyler Perry, as he seems to give more attention to the story more so than he has with his play-to-film conversions.

Dirty Undies
I'd pretty much sworn off Perry films after Daddy's Little Girls, but I must thank my infatuation with the lovely Sanaa Lathan for luring me into Family. Even though she's so cold-hearted Io almost didn't find her attractive, Lathan gives me one of the most memorable scenes in all of 2008 - you have to watch it to see. Mustache-twirling double-cross plots of soap opera proportions litter the story along with a few half-naked men, perfect for the housewives.

The Money Shot
Just when I thought it was safe to wash my hands of the whole Tyler Perry mega-business, he goes and reins in my interest. Maybe he's a shrewder entrepreneur than he's given credit. The Family That Preys is a step in the right direction, but somehow I think this film will be the exception more so than the rule.

Bourne...Jason Bourne - Sorry, my mistake!

Quantum of Solace


Release: 11.14.08
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 41 minutes


Matinee ($$$)



Picking up shortly after Casino Royale, James Bond (Daniel Craig, Layer Cake) brings the villainous Mr. White in for questioning. After an attempt on M's life (Judi Dench, Notes on a Scandal), White escapes and Bond is in hot pursuit. The trail leads to the environmentalist Dominic Greene (Mathieu Almaric, Munich) and his lover Camille (Olga Kurylenko, Hitman). Bond must go rogue, disobeying MI6 orders, to prove Greene is part of a larger conspiracy known only as Quantum.

Bond 22 kicks off like a good Bond film should; with an action packed adrenaline rush that flows into the title sequence. The title sequence, a sandy silhouette of Bond, bullets and curvaceous babes was extremely satisfying for this fanboy. From there, the film continues with an action-heavy front end, though much of those scenes are an unrecognizable blur. One particular fight sequence instantly reminded me of the Bourne series. First, I blamed director Marc Forster (Monster's Ball) for being unable to shoot action properly; having to rely upon a frenetic, indiscernible flurry of shots. Ironically, my research uncovered that second unit director Dan Bradley was hired specifically for his previous Bourne work. Many PG-13 films tend to rely on blurred action to keep the film short while maintaining a faux brutality. Personally, I'd rather have stretched the run time of Quantum over two hours if it meant clearly-shot fight sequences and well framed chases.

Speaking of time, Casino Royale may have clocked in an hour longer, but Quantum felt just as long. The beginning action had to diverge into a lengthy exposition of Bond, Camille and Greene's stories to give the climax the proper umph. Craig still approaches Bond as a no nonsense, unstoppable force of reckoning. Kurylenko played Camille as stubborn, her story tragic, and she pulled off the anger and sympathy while still looking amazing. Dench played the normally unshakable M with a tinge of vulnerability at the thought of a powerful, secretive society right under her nose.


Dirty Undies
Car, plane and boat chases, highlighted by plain ol' ass-whoopings were plentiful, even if the action was a jumbled mess more often than not. Kurylenko was oh so hot, even with the barely explained scarring. My friends would have preferred to have seen more Gemma Arterton (and I assume her character), but Kurylenko was the appropriate fit to match Bond's fixated and hurried pace.

The Money Shot
I like the homages in Quantum; the Universal Exports business card and the Goldfinger scene helped to remind me this was in fact a Bond film and not some Shooter, Bourne or Transporter wannabe. The superb acting, story and the few allusions to Bonds of yore make Quantum of Solace a formidable addition to the 007 history. I, with five friends in tow, went into Quantum with expectations high. When we all exited expressing similar misgivings about the dark direction of the series, it couldn't let it go unmentioned. Bond has been a spy of unparalleled prowess for decades, it's time he starts to act like one.

***

Creative Suggestions
I feel the conclusion of Quantum leaves the door open for the series to see a return to familiar ground. Here's a few things that will make this Bond fan extremely happy:

1) Hire a director that can balance well-developed story telling with coherent action sequences.

2) Get some new writing blood so you can lighten (just a bit) the weighty emotional turmoil of the characters.

3) M needs a Miss Moneypenny, if for nothing more than to give Bond a softer, more playful side.

4) We need a nearly unbeatable henchman. A big, burly mutha that Bond can't smackdown in five to seven seconds. He doesn't need any steel-rimmed hat or metal teeth gimmick, he just needs to present a challenge that can't be removed with fists.

5) Bring back the quips! A Bond is only as good as his banter and ability to laugh in the face of danger. I'm not saying go all "Snowboards and California Girls" on us, but a little fun is acceptable.

6) How about Bond have better gadgets than a cell phone that takes really great photos? Again, the car doesn't have to turn invisible, but can we get a tear gas pen?

AND

7) Major Boothroyd a.k.a. Q must not be absent any longer! Hiring Ricky Gervais or Simon Pegg is a bit of overkill for such a small role. Might I suggest Alan Tudyk of Firefly fame or that naked stand-in from Love Actually, Martin Freeman. A charming fellow along these lines will help soften the rugged exterior of Craig-Bond. This, EON Productions, is non-negotiable.

You think it's a Schwinn!

Burn After Reading

Release: 09.12.08
Rated R
1 hour, 36 minutes

Full Price ($$$$) <
> Matinee ($$$)



If you're Joel or Ethan Coen and you've just exhausted yourself finishing what will be one of the most critically acclaimed films of the year, what would you do next? I'd get together with my family and some friends and enjoy myself. That's exactly what the Coens did. For them, enjoyment is penning and directing a dark comedy like Burn After Reading.

The audience enters into the story of Burn quite literally as the world turns, swooping down from the stars into the stark halls of CIA headquarters. Longtime analyst Osborne Cox (John Malkovich, Shadow of the Vampire) enters into his supervisor's office. He is told he's being demoted due to his drinking problem, to which he tells his accusers where they can stick their new job and all his years of service. Once home, Osborne can't seek solace from his cold wife, Katie (Tilda Swinton, Constantine), because they are preparing to host guests, including their friend, and Katie's lover, Harry (George Clooney, Intolerable Cruelty). Cut to Linda Litske (Frances McDormand, Friends With Money), a middle-aged lady looking to improve her physique through a series of medical procedures. When Linda's friend and fellow Hardbodies gym employee, Chad Feldheimer (Brad Pitt, True Romance), uncovers intelligence information on a CD found in a locker room, they concoct a plan to return the CD to its owner, hopefully reaping a bountiful Good Samaritan's reward in the process.

If there's one thing I've learned from my cinematic encounters with the Coen brothers, it's that they write stupid well. Not just stupidity, but egotism and arrogance, too. Even though the characters' stories seem random and only superficially interconnected, Osborne, Katie, Chad, Harry, and Linda are all afflicted with a staggering case of self-involvement. Despite their highest hopes, the world does not revolve around them, which the Coens point out through clever camera work. The assembled cast is excellent. Malkovich plays haughty indignance to perfection. Clooney gets to goof around with some quirky hang-ups and fascinations. Pitt and McDormand, and Richard Jenkins (North Country), who plays their boss, bring clueless to a whole new level.

Burn has a constant intrusion of thrilling espionage music that will keep you on edge as the stories unfold. I fully expected this barrage of random events to erupt into a coherent conclusion like any fulfilling spy movie. That neatly packaged ending never came, but as always, the Coen brothers satisfyingly resolved the film.

Dirty Undies
The confusing story elements really keep you off guard, which is awesome when a random act of violence or sex punches you, causing gut-wrenching laughter. These moments were the most reminiscent of The Big Lebowski for me. Also, Chad has an affinity for the shit; he talks about the shit, gets excited about the shit, thinks the shit will solve all their problems, but can't handle it when the shit rises.

The Money Shot
Despite my excitement, I wasn't completely sold on Burn After Reading. Deep down, my action fiend yearned for some grand climax. When I see it for a second time, I will no doubt enjoy it more. In the best Coen films, there is always something new to be gleaned from multiple viewings. I can't wait to see what I learn next...you best get started so you can tell me what I missed.

Cruz Crushin' - Part 2

Elegy
Release: 08.08.08
Rated R
1 hour, 53 minutes

Full Price ($$$$) <
> Matinee ($$$)


Welcome to Part 2 of Cruz Crushin'. After seeing Penélope Cruz stride confidently among, and all over, the cast of Vicky Cristina Barcelona, it was amazing to see her in such a vastly different, and substantially more sane character.

David Kepesh (Ben Kingsley, Sexy Beast) is a literary critic and professor. He was married early in life but escaped from that union years ago. His son, Kenny (Peter Sarsgaard, Kinsey), continues to carry rage over his father's abandonment. David enjoys a unique relationship with a savvy businesswoman and former student, Carolyn (Patricia Clarkson, Married Life). His closest bond is with his trusted friend, poet George O'Hearn (Dennis Hopper, Swing Vote), with whom he talks at length of sexual desires and exploits. When he meets Consuela Castillo (Penélope Cruz, Blow), his student and a woman three decades younger, David's feelings for this magnificent creature debunk his firmly established hedonistic principles.

Elegy, based on the Philip Roth novel, The Dying Animal, is adapted by Nicholas Meyer (Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country) and directed by Isabel Coixet (Paris, je t'aime - Segment: Bastille). The film opens with a voiceover from David, making observances on the nature of aging. It's a debate of the mind wanting what the body can no longer have, sexually speaking. When David sees Consuela in his class, his mind immediately wants her but he fears his body will be too old to attract her. However, David is patient and professional. Instead of throwing Ms. Castillo across his desk during his first available office hours, he waits until his post-semester party to court her appropriately.

The courtship and budding romance of David and Consuela is subtly directed, with careful attention to detail, by Coixet. Ironically, the film proves you're never too old to experience young love. The camera is as much in love with Penelope Cruz as David is with Consuela. The film solely chronicles David's life; we know nothing about the other characters outside of their interactions with David.

Ben Kingsley is intense. Watching him sit and stare into the distance is more defining than an hour's worth of dialogue. Cruz matches his excellent performance. Hopper's role, though small, is perhaps his best performance in years. Sarsgaard has an equally minuscule, yet crucial role. His story serves to remind the audience, and David, of his past stance on matters of love and fidelity.

Dirty Undies
The expression 'make love to the camera' comes to my mind again and again with Elegy. In one scene, Patricia Clarkson lounges in a chair dressed in her business attire and just the position of her crossed legs is stimulating. Cruz lies about nude a lot, with each scene carrying a different emotional weight. In the more stressful scenes, I had to remind myself to absorb the pain in her teary eyes, not to etch the image of her ample naked bosom in my mind.


The Money Shot
Coixet is amazing behind a camera and her cast amazing in front of one. I found myself empathizing with David, which I think was the goal. If anything, this bittersweet tale frustrates because David does exactly those things you expect and that you would do, too, if you were in love for the first time.

Cruz Crushin' - Part 1

Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Release: 08.15.2008
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 36 minutes

Full Price ($$$$) <
> Matinee ($$$)


LAMBScore:



Before I begin, I must admit that I never really warmed up to Penélope Cruz until I saw her in Volver. Since then, my appreciation has increased, especially after seeing her portray two very different women in two films in the span of one weekend. Hence, this review is titled Cruz Crushin', Part I. Yeah, Hence.

***

Woody Allen (Match Point) brings to the screen his latest project, which centers around best friends Vicky (Rebecca Hall, The Prestige) and Cristina (Scarlett Johansson, Scoop) as they summer in Barcelona, Spain. Sensible Vicky is there to study for her masters in Catalan identity. Bohemian Cristina tags along, searching for her artistic voice and whatever will excite her in life. That excitement introduces himself as painter Juan Antonio (Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men) and offers to fly the women to Oviedo where they can wine, dine and make with the sex. Vicky is insulted, Cristina titillated at Juan's sincere offer. Ultimately, the trio take flight and the inclusion of Juan Antonio rattles the ladies' plans, especially when his ex-wife Maria Elena (Penélope Cruz, Volver) and Vicky's fiancé (Chris Messina, Rounders) unexpectedly infringe on their holiday.

If it acts like Woody Allen and sounds like Woody Allen, should I feel guilty that I enjoy it more when it doesn't look like Woody Allen? The dialogue is unmistakably Allen despite his absence from the screen. Hall and Johansson take turns emoting the nervously neurotic inflections of the director. Bardem and Cruz give the words a natural heat; the two ooze sexuality even though reading from Allen's script. I have to mention Patricia Clarkson (Married Life), who appears briefly as Judy, an old family friend who encourages the ladies to enjoy all Barcelona has to offer.

Allen also wisely chooses to focus on the beautiful landscapes and architecture of Barcelona. The cinematography is warm and inviting, probably the best tourist commercial the City could hope to have. Thoughtful discussions of love, loyalty and human nature fit appropriately against the romantic backdrop.

However, the narration does not seem to fit, if you ask some people. I quickly grew accustomed to the omnipotent narrator filling in the story gaps, but wasn't quite sold on the 60's era educational inflection. My wife, on the other hand, had no qualms with it. To each their own, I say. The narration is only a small element to this easily approachable film.

Dirty Undies
It'd be stiff competition for sexiest performance between Vicky, Cristina, Juan Antonio and Maria Elena (no pun intended). Bardem's eyes express an intense passion and just watching him swagger into a scene will make one swoon. Cruz may play a crazy lady, but her frank and honest attitude shows even as she sits spread-legged or tosses her lion's mane of jet black hair about.

I can't help but wonder if Allen isn't piecemeal pimping Ms. Johansson to audiences. She's been oiled up bareback (Match Point), lifted wet and shimmering from the pool (Scoop), and here she not only has rather liberal sexual relations with her Spanish friends, but nearly exposes her ample breasteses to the world. I figure at this rate she'll be fully nude by their fifth collaboration. If it's for our benefit, great. If it's for his benefit, Soon-Yi best keep an eye out!

The Money Shot
Vicky Cristina Barcelona is exactly that, a film about two women lost in the alluring fantasy of a beautiful City - even if only for a short time. Like a romantic evening, it's full of tasty treats and warm lighting; there's great conversation and some anxiety; and there's a little sexual exploration before reality returns.

A Quickie: The Fall

The Fall

Release: 05.09.08
DVD Release: 09.09.08
Rated R
1 hour, 57 minutes

Full Price ($$$$) <
>Matinee ($$$)

Remember that Jennifer Lopez film, The Cell? I didn't think much of the story, J. Lo's believability as a psychotherapist or Vince Vaughn's tortured yet creepy Agent Novak. Given all that, you'd be surprised to learn that The Cell is in my DVD collection. It resides on my shelf because I am still mesmerized by the beautiful direction of Tarsem Singh. The bizarre dreamscape Tarsem creates -the vibrant colors, wonderful imagery- are reason enough to warrant repeat viewings.

Eight years later, Tarsem has found a far more endearing canvas with The Fall. Set in a California hospital in the 1920s, the story follows an absolutely adorable little girl, Alexandria (Catinca Untaru), as she pokes her nose, and broken arm, in whatever nook or cranny she can find. One such cranny houses an dentured, elderly old man, a hypochondriac, and a recently paralyzed stuntman named Roy (Lee Pace, Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day). An instant spark develops between Alexandria and Roy. He enchants her with a grandiose tale of five mythic heroes, whom she imagines as even more fantastical than he describes. Roy withholds the tale's conclusion from Alexandria, bartering for medications that she can steal from the pharmacy. As the reality and fantasy merge, their relationship is strained to its limits.

Did I mention that Catinca Untaru is impossibly cute?! Tarsem has said he scoured the world looking for the perfect child. I think his patience paid off. Lee Pace is similarly compelling as the tragic Roy. I also found comfort that Alexandria's imagined heroes were lifted from her hospital surroundings in a sort of Wizard of Oz tribute. Tarsem excels at crafting a visual masterpiece, and does so with no special effects. If you watch this, you will find it difficult to believe such a thing of beauty is possible, especially in our current age of CGI over saturation.

I found the tale as striking emotionally as it was visually. Marilyn of Ferdy on Films, etc. had the pleasure of attending a Q&A session with Tarsem after viewing The Fall and gives a far more elegant and thorough critique than I could ever muster. I highly recommend you check it out if this film interests you.

The larger the screen available, the better the enjoyment of The Fall's spectacular imagery. But no screen, no matter how large, can hold the emotional wallop the film lands.

A Quickie: Son of Rambow

Son of Rambow
Release: 05.02.08
DVD Release: 08.26.08
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 36 minutes

Matinee ($$$) <
> Second-Run Seats ($$)

When the teacher rolls in the cart with the telly, that's the cue for Will Proudfoot (Bill Milner) to move out to the hall and wait until the educational video finishes. His religion's rules forbid television, but ironically, they give him the opportunity to meet delinquent Lee Carter (Will Poulter). Lee Carter is a mischeivous little shit who is constantly bucking the system and swindling everyone he meets. Lee Carter tricks Will into literally chauffering him home. It is there Will is exposed to his first film while hiding from Lee Carter's older brother (Ed Westwick, Children of Men). Will watches the climactic battle sequences of First Blood, and the creativity the bootleg sparks soon drowns his devout commitment.

Lee Carter enlists Will as the stuntman for his submission into an amateur film contest. The one stipulation: that Will be the son of Rambow! I grew up in the country and remember as a child that every rusted-out car and dilapidated barn was a source of fun limited only by my imagination. In much the same respect, Will and Lee Carter's total disregard for personal safety or their physical limitations is perfect. As Will is catapulted and launched for the good of the film, you watch as the friendship between the two grows. Audiences witness how the newfound popularity the boys find at school, especially from suave French exchange student Didier Revol (Jules Sitruk), and the family tension it causes for Will whittles away at their fast friendship.

Milner and Poulter's performances, while not stellar, were fun to watch. Will's drawings and imaginations are animated over the landscapes where the kids frolic, thanks to the vision of writer-director Garth Jennings (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy). It was easily discernible that the film's creator most likely thought in much the same way as Will in his formative years. The supporting performances were amusing, especially that of Sitruk, who slowly and deliberately creeps into the lead role of the boys' project.

Honestly, even though I watched this back in May, it feels as if it was the early eighties. The wacky situations the two get themselves into left the most lasting impression, but I vaguely recall the more serious repercussions of their friendship (Will's religion and Lee Carter's overbearing brother) stumbling the momentum of Son of Rambow. It's definitely worth the watch, especially now that you can do so for the price of a rental.

"A Heist Gone Wrong...In All the Right Ways"

The Bank Job


Release: 03/07/2008
Rated R
1 hour, 50 minutes


Full Price ($$$$) <> Matinee ($$$)



I should let everyone know that I write this review having broken one of my cardinal rules. Over the years one thing I have adhered to before watching any film is that:

I never read any critic's review of a film before I see it and especially before I write about it (assuming I plan to see and write about it).

That said, I was forewarned by a fellow blogger that I would be disappointed with The Bank Job. I came close to reading his review, but abstained, grabbed the wifey and headed to the theater. When we came out, we were digging it and I couldn't help but think what about this bugged my blog buddy?! Hastening home to the PC, I broke my rule and read his review, then the review's comments, and then the review of another blog buddy with a similar position. I agree they both have some valid points, but now I must suffer the error of my ways. All these opinions have caused me to think way too much for way too long about Bank Job, a film not completely deserving of the attention. Here's my attempt to salvage what is left of my initial opinion.

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Based on true events in 1971, Bank Job follows David Statham (The Italian Job) as Terry Leather, a London car dealer with loan-shark debts. One day his mate Martine Love, played by Saffron Burrows (Enigma), a right fine bird with bedroom eyes, gives him the scoop on a bank ripe to be robbed. Even though he and his shady buds aren't quite proper villains, Terry believes they can pull this off without a hitch. What Terry doesn't know is that Martine is being used by a government spook to retrieve compromising photos of a prominent royal figure from the vault.

Numerous con/heist movies, including Heist, Snatch, Confidence, and Ocean's Eleven, Twelve, and Thirteen are full of clever twists, turns, and the unanticipated missing piece that makes audiences tee-hee with glee once unveiled. The Bank Job is fairly lacking in these tumultuous, chest-thumping and mind-bottling moments. Instead, the film focuses on the rather serious task of robbing a bank with a few basic tools and without a lot of flash and attention. This lack of spectacle and uber-smooth safecrackers strengthened the 'true events' side of the tale. Obviously, the British government's D-notice (a news media hush-hush), a sealed secret file on Michael X (the photographs' purported owner), and a lack of verification from the heist's culprits makes it hard to discern the truthiness of these events. For all intent and purposes, the lack of bedazzlement gave this film a bit of grit and edge lacking in more polished heist films.

One problem with the film is a subplot involving secret agent Gale Benson, played by Hattie Morahan, as she tries to delve into the sordid world of drugs and prostitution surrounding black radical Michael X, played by Peter De Jersey. One assumes it serves the purpose of establishing the evil of Michael X and giving further historical accuracy. Unfortunately, it takes away from the details of the post-heist complications because it doesn't really progress the major plot, i.e. the bank job. The other issue I had with the film is that it features rather poorly chosen music. Sometimes, the music builds tension at inappropriate moments and is generally forgettable.

Dirty Undies
I knew there would be nudity in this; I just didn't realize it'd be out on Front Street within the first minute of the film! The film features a few clips of completely nude women, save one. I was disappointed that Saffron Burrows, for all her purported promiscuity, manages little more than passionate kisses. The plot would have been much better served by showing Saffron's sexcapades instead of the Government Gale tale. The post-heist scenes are brutal due to some mildly graphic torture. Statham gets the chance to bring his patented fighting skills to the table...I gotta tell you that cranium of his could pulverize walnuts!

The Money Shot
I enjoy a spectacular heist film as much as the next person (my DVD collection proves that). I also enjoy a dramatic film that keeps my attention without resorting to the usual sparkly bag of tricks. I'm not saying this is a must-see event, but its worth putting your own two cents.

-By the by, did anyone else think the vault attendant looked more than a tad familiar? I can't get no satisfaction until his celebrity identity is discovered!