You think it's a Schwinn!

Burn After Reading

Release: 09.12.08
Rated R
1 hour, 36 minutes

Full Price ($$$$) <
> Matinee ($$$)



If you're Joel or Ethan Coen and you've just exhausted yourself finishing what will be one of the most critically acclaimed films of the year, what would you do next? I'd get together with my family and some friends and enjoy myself. That's exactly what the Coens did. For them, enjoyment is penning and directing a dark comedy like Burn After Reading.

The audience enters into the story of Burn quite literally as the world turns, swooping down from the stars into the stark halls of CIA headquarters. Longtime analyst Osborne Cox (John Malkovich, Shadow of the Vampire) enters into his supervisor's office. He is told he's being demoted due to his drinking problem, to which he tells his accusers where they can stick their new job and all his years of service. Once home, Osborne can't seek solace from his cold wife, Katie (Tilda Swinton, Constantine), because they are preparing to host guests, including their friend, and Katie's lover, Harry (George Clooney, Intolerable Cruelty). Cut to Linda Litske (Frances McDormand, Friends With Money), a middle-aged lady looking to improve her physique through a series of medical procedures. When Linda's friend and fellow Hardbodies gym employee, Chad Feldheimer (Brad Pitt, True Romance), uncovers intelligence information on a CD found in a locker room, they concoct a plan to return the CD to its owner, hopefully reaping a bountiful Good Samaritan's reward in the process.

If there's one thing I've learned from my cinematic encounters with the Coen brothers, it's that they write stupid well. Not just stupidity, but egotism and arrogance, too. Even though the characters' stories seem random and only superficially interconnected, Osborne, Katie, Chad, Harry, and Linda are all afflicted with a staggering case of self-involvement. Despite their highest hopes, the world does not revolve around them, which the Coens point out through clever camera work. The assembled cast is excellent. Malkovich plays haughty indignance to perfection. Clooney gets to goof around with some quirky hang-ups and fascinations. Pitt and McDormand, and Richard Jenkins (North Country), who plays their boss, bring clueless to a whole new level.

Burn has a constant intrusion of thrilling espionage music that will keep you on edge as the stories unfold. I fully expected this barrage of random events to erupt into a coherent conclusion like any fulfilling spy movie. That neatly packaged ending never came, but as always, the Coen brothers satisfyingly resolved the film.

Dirty Undies
The confusing story elements really keep you off guard, which is awesome when a random act of violence or sex punches you, causing gut-wrenching laughter. These moments were the most reminiscent of The Big Lebowski for me. Also, Chad has an affinity for the shit; he talks about the shit, gets excited about the shit, thinks the shit will solve all their problems, but can't handle it when the shit rises.

The Money Shot
Despite my excitement, I wasn't completely sold on Burn After Reading. Deep down, my action fiend yearned for some grand climax. When I see it for a second time, I will no doubt enjoy it more. In the best Coen films, there is always something new to be gleaned from multiple viewings. I can't wait to see what I learn next...you best get started so you can tell me what I missed.

That, and a Pair of Testicles.

The Big Lebowski

Original Release: 03.06.1998
Rated R
1 hour, 57 minutes


FULL PRICE ($$$$)




I am writing this because it was supposed to be a contribution to the LAMB Movie of the Month. Even though I am a day late and dollar short from being listed as a bonafide contributor, this is one film that deserves a few words.

If you haven't figured it out by the Dirty Undies subsection in my reviews or the Que Ridiculo! Award in my Confessions of a Reel Whore year-in-review segment, I'm what you call a fanatic of this particular Coen Brothers masterpiece. If you're like Donny and have no frame of reference for the film I am speaking of - and if you didn't get that reference, it's obvious you're like a child who wanders into the middle of a movie and wants to know - I am speaking, of course, about The Big Lebowski.

Jeffrey Lebowski, a.k.a. The Dude (Jeff Bridges, The Fisher King), is an easy breezy guy who spends his time bowling with his best buds Walter (John Goodman, Raising Arizona) and Donny (Steve Buscemi, Big Fish), drinking White Russians and adhering to a pretty strict drug regimen to keep his mind limber. One day the Dude returns home to be attacked by two men looking to collect money for debts his 'wife' Bunny Lebowski has incurred all over town. The Dude convinces these guys that it is all a case of mistaken identity. The Dude decides this aggression will not stand and seeks reparation from the other Jeffrey Lebowski. This mundane request ripples through the Dude's peaceful existence, introducing a barrage of eccentric characters, outrageous situations and a few drug-induced hallucinations. And to think, all Dude ever wanted was his rug back.

The Big Lebowski is the Coen Brothers' Bohemian Rhapsody!

There. I said it. A pretty bold statement to be sure, but one that is well deserving. To me, The Big Lebowski was that film project that the Coen Brothers knew was golden despite warnings to the contrary. There's no argument that it's a comedy, but it's got a smidgen of mystery, a touch of western flavor, and an astounding amount of poetry, both verbal and visual. I discover something new with every viewing. The Big Lebowski is just layer upon layer of detail. It's storytelling and direction at their greatest.

But the Coen Brothers wonderful style alone isn't what makes this movie click. The actors are phenomenal. I'd say that the Dude is the greatest role of Jeff Bridges' career. John Goodman's Walter - insanely fun. Julianne Moore (The Ladies Man) has a wealth of strong characters in her cv, but Maude rests in the top five. And John Turturro (Barton Fink) as fucking Jesus Quintana?! I gotta say, nobody fucks with the Jesus!




Also, the film features some great 'that guys' such as Jon Polito (Crow) and Peter Stormare (Constantine), a then up-and-coming Philip Seymour Hoffman (Flawless), and the rising-star- before-the-fall Tara Reid (American Pie). Plus, who doesn't love any excuse to see Sam Elliott (Road House)?

Dirty Undies
"It's my dirty undies, Dude, the whites." That line spawned this segment so it's only fair I mention it. Why do I use it? Well, according to IMDB, the word Fuck is used 281 times in the movie; that's 2.4 times per minute. Not too shabby. Lebowski's got drug and alcohol use. It's got nudity. It's got naked porn superstar Asia Carrera. It's a little bloody. It's violent. Hell, it's got violent animals!

The Money Shot
I could probably write for a week on what The Big Lebowski means to me and what it should mean to you. The point is, it's a great fucking movie, and it's just a crying fucking shame if you've never seen it. I had the pleasure of seeing it on the big screen for the first time just a few weeks back. I still noticed something new. I still loved it. If you get the chance to see it, you may not get the true retro vibe of seeing preivews for Under the Cherry Moon, King Ralph, and Tucker: The Man and his Dream, but The Big Lebowski will still be entertaining without them.