Unmatched by Anything...Including Cake

Easy A

Release: 09.17.10
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 32 minutes


Full Price




Olive (Emma Stone, The House Bunny) is a sassy, whip-smart high schooler who lies to her best friend, Rhiannon (Aly Michalka, TV: Hellcats), about losing her virginity. The school's holy roller, Marianne (Amanda Bynes, She's the Man), overhears and quickly spreads the scandalous news. Having a bad girl rep is much improved to the complete lack of one, so Olive plays along. When good-natured Olive uses her new rep to "aid" less fortunate students, she's labeled skank-superior and each new lie ostracizes her even more from her classmates.

Emma Stone just furthers my belief she'll have a lengthy, successful Hollywood career with every new role. Silly, sexy, sarcastic with a scholastic aptitude far beyond her peers; Stone is wonderful as Olive. At times her performance is overshadowed by the excessively quirky parental performances of Stanley Tucci (The Devil Wears Prada) and Patricia Clarkson (Lars and the Real Girl) or by Thomas Haden Church's  (Smart People) undoubtedly cool teacher role. These are but brief interludes; progressing the story and keeping the audience engaged rests firmly upon Stone's shoulders.

It's apparent director Will Gluck and writer Bert V. Royal are hoping to add their work into the annals of iconic teen comedies. Whether that will happen remains to be seen, but Easy A is a nice homage to John Hughes. The writing is highly entertaining, but there is something overly simplistic about the presentation.

Dirty Undies

Not that Emma Stone isn't captivating, but it is nearly impossible to focus during the first fifteen minutes. That is mainly due to the two stars of TV's Hellcats hogging the spotlight. Have you encountered them?

Michalka's breasts are entirely too distracting! In Easy A they even point out that her tits are how her fellow students know her. Luckily (or sadly, depending on your preference), they step aside once the plot gets going to allow Emma to shine. Despite being about fake rocking people's worlds, Easy A stays relatively chaste. The sauciest thing about Olive is her occasional slip of the tongue.

The Money Shot

Mostly great performances and snappy dialog take Easy A a long ways despite its lack of visual appeal. Be clear, I'm referring to weak direction; its stars are fetching and infectious. Easy A is a bit of a misnomer, Emma Stone works hard to get this film its high marks.

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Abu Dhabi Don't

Sex and the City 2


Release: 05.27.10
Rated R
2 hours, 26 minutes


Group Rental



At the end of the previous movie, Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker, Smart People) is in wedded bliss with Mr. Big (Chris Noth, Cast Away), Miranda (Cynthia Nixon, The Babysitters) regains a balance between career and family, Charlotte (Kristin Davis, Couple's Retreat) realizes her goal of giving birth, and Samantha (Kim Cattrall, The Ghost Writer) is back to fucking any hot hunk within reach. Two years later it's a tale of be careful what you wish for as Carrie finds the routine of married life too mundane, Miranda's boss infuriates her, Charlotte's kids are driving her bonkers, and Samantha's menopause threatens to end her desire to ride the broncos. Samantha finagles an escape to a luxury resort in Abu Dhabi for the foursome, hoping the sun, sand and some stiff drinks will be the stress relief they all need.

I knew this film was in trouble when a very emotionally tender exchange of vows between Stanford (Willie Garson, Fever Pitch) and Tony (Mario Cantone, TV: Sex & the City) was cut at a breakneck pace to give Liza Minnelli (The Oh in Ohio) time to perform her rendition of Beyoncé's Single Ladies in its entirety. The scene was an unnecessary extravagance, completely extraneous and not pertinent to the plot. Very little of the content of the two and a half hour film actually has any bearing on the plot. Instead, writer-director Michael Patrick King (Sex & the City) makes Sex & the City 2 an exercise in indulgence.

Fans might argue that the tale of four Big Apple gals had always been an excuse to savor the latest fashions and trends. However, the show had a knack for balancing plot with the glam. The plot of Sex & the City 2 was nothing more than a mirage in this glitzy desert. King toys with preaching about cultural tolerance and marital compromise, but aside for one poignant conversation between Miranda and Charlotte, the movie is little more than a hodgepodge of hi-jinks and insulting pseudo-vocabulary.

Dirty Undies
Flesh, in various states, is prevalent. Alice Eve (She's Out of My League) plays Charlotte's beautiful, bra-less au pair. If bouncy boobs aren't your tastes, there's a whole kiwi-smuggling team of soccer hooligans lounging poolside for you to ogle. As always, Carrie dares to bare and I found myself drawn to her ample bosom, which saved me from having to stare into her freaky-harsh features. Even Samantha was looking pretty haggard; her sparkly new beau Rikard (Max Ryan, Death Race) was more comely.

The Money Shot
Experiencing Sex & the City 2 is like riding a carousel as an adult; you buy a ticket and hop in the saddle, anxious and excited. The music blares, lights flash and a world of bright colors surrounds you. But it's not as fun as you remember. You exit, exactly where you started, wanting to punch the money-grubbing carnie (and yourself) for believing you could relive your fond memories.

In Rome, Lots of Love for Bell

When in Rome

Release: 01.29.10
DVD Release: 06.15.10
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 31 minutes


Second Run Seats

Keeping with yesterday's confession of contracting TVD, today's review will feature an actress who caught my attention with her short-lived-despite-being-awesome series, Veronica Mars.

Beth (Kristen Bell, Forgetting Sarah Marshall) is a New York gal and curator at the Guggenheim who only has eyes for her latest exhibition. However, she must tear herself away from work to attend her sister's wedding in Rome (such a sacrifice, I know!). As fate would have it, bad cell phone service leads her to the Blackberry of the handsome best man, Nick (Josh Duhamel, Win a Date with Tad Hamilton). Complications arise and, angry for opening herself up to kismet, Beth enacts revenge on fate by stealing five coins from the magical fountain of love. Once back at work in NYC, Beth finds she's attracted five suitors, Nick included, thanks to her Rome shenanigans.

When a movie bases its premise literally on the magic of love, you should give it some leeway in the reality department. For example, when Beth needs a centerpiece for her exhibit, it's convenient that Nick happens to own a rarely seen work that exactly matches her show's theme. Even better; having a starving painter, struggling street magician, male model and the sausage king (I assume of New York, not Chicago) happen to live in the same city as Beth despite tossing their wishes of love in a fountain a quarter-way around the world.

When in Rome scores with its slam dunk casting. Beth's four non-Nick suitors are played by Will Arnett (Hot Rod), Jon Heder (Just Like Heaven), Dax Shepard (Baby Mama), and Danny Devito (The Oh in Ohio) and each is as silly and funny as the next. One less suitor could have helped refocus the story on the romantic resolution, but I'd be hard-pressed to pick which to axe. Current SNL cast member Bobby Moynihan (Mystery Team) yucks it up as Nick's friend; he's the next big thing, trust me. Even TV veteran, Don Johnson (TV: Miami Vice), pops up at the wedding as Beth's dear old dad (not to spoil it, but he didn't sing Heartbeat at the reception).

Dirty Undies
I don't recall anything too racy. Beth's sister Joan (Alexis Dziena, Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist) parades around in an apron and her wedded bliss. If Dax Shepard floats your boat, he's quick to go shirtless, putting his sick puppies, a.k.a. abs, on display. Generally, you have to let your imagination run wild about Duhamel or Bell. As long as Bell is showing off those killer gams I'm happy. I'd be happier if I could wrap those thighs around my head like ear muffs...what?! To lift her above the crowd so she can lead a cheer to her awesomeness. She is rather petite, you know.

The Money Shot
Fans of Kristen Bell, and soon-to-be fans of Kristen Bell should see this because, well, she rocks even in lackluster films (I know, I've seen Fanboys). If you can overlook the little (and big) plot contrivances and roll with the cheesy vibe, you'll find When in Rome fairly enjoyable.

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Dressed for Success: The Oscar Gang Bang

All in all, I've done quite well in terms of Oscar contenders watched. What I haven't done well is post reviews about those nominees. With the Academy Awards just a few days away, there's no better time than the present to play a little catch up. I'll start with five films with two commonalities: their stories involve some degree of lost love and all are nominated for Achievement in Costume Design.

Let's begin:

Bright Star
Release: 09.18.09 (ltd.)
Rated PG
1 hour, 59 minutes

Full Price

Abbie Cornish (Elizabeth: The Golden Age) has gone from wearing Queen Elizabeth's bitch collar to creating her own high fashion as Fanny Brawne. While living in London in the early 1800's, Fanny meets aspiring poet John Keats (Ben Whishaw, Layer Cake). Over many a walk and many a poetry lesson, the two fall helplessly in love. Forces conspire against the lovers as John's indebted status and health problems keep the couple at arm's length from true happiness.

Writer-director Jane Campion (The Piano) floods the screen with lush colors, stunning costumes and passionate performances. Whishaw's noble refusals of Fanny's affections are second only to Abbie Cornish's roller coaster of reactions to the poet's attempts to quell her love. Neither performance tops Paul Schneider. Schneider (All the Real Girls) is exemplary as Keats' partner in poetry, Charles Armitage Brown. He owns both the Scottish accent and the ridiculous, yet no doubt fashionable, plaid pantsuit.

Award Chances
The costumes are so vibrant and detailed that Bright Star is one of my top contenders, if not the one to beat. Now a four time nominee, Janet Patterson was snubbed by the Costume Design Guild in their nominations, which does not bode well for her Oscar chances.

The Money Shot
The visual elements and performances of Bright Star are resonant. I only recently saw this film, but it would have given some serious contention to (500) Days of Summer for best romance had I seen it in 2009.

Coco Avant Chanel
Release: 09.25.09 (ltd.)
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 45 minutes

Matinee

Gabrielle 'Coco' Chanel (Audrey Tautou, Dirty Pretty Things) is a seamstress and singer for a bar. When a visiting baron becomes smitten, she uses the opportunity to escape her station, inserting herself into his life and his estate in the French countryside. Despite being little more than a mistress to him, she uses her time to wow the ladies with her designs. When Arthur 'Boy' Capel (Alessandro Nivola, Junebug), an English businessman, falls in love with her, Coco sees her future broaden.

A slow affair, Coco Avant Chanel is captivating, thanks to how Tautou balances Coco' stubbornness of the character with vulnerability and naivete. Despite a ridiculous-looking mustache, Nivola is as charming as ever. The blossoming romance between Boy and Coco and the complications of her place at the baron's estate makes their romance interesting, to say the least.

Award Chances
Catherine Leterrier received her first nomination for her work on Coco. It may seem simple to mimic the works of a designer, but Leterrier also had the daunting task of showing how Coco's designs defied the status quo of the period. The clash between Coco's outfits and those of the elite are the most memorable scenes. Coco Avant Chanel relies heavily on its costumes and easily makes my short list.

The Money Shot
See it for the romance, enjoy it for the costumes. Coco Avant Chanel puts a face to the name of a brand that everyone knows.

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
Release: 12.25.09 (ltd.)
Rated PG-13
2 hours, 3 minutes

Matinee

Doctor Parnassus (Christopher Plummer, The Last Station) is a man who has lived for more than a millennium, thanks to Mr. Nick (Tom Waits, The Book of Eli). Parnassus and his companions now travel London, offering people the chance to experience ultimate joy in his imaginarium. However, people not willing to sacrifice for happiness may be swayed by Mr. Nick down a path of darkness and destruction. For his own happiness, Parnassus now owes his daughter Valentina (Lily Cole) to Mr. Nick on her sixteenth birthday. Days before it's time to collect, the troupe comes across a stranger, Tony (Heath Ledger, The Brother Grimm), who spices up the bargain.

The words, "From the mind of Terry Gilliam (12 Monkeys)" are never more true than with Parnassus. Gilliam can be an acquired taste, and he is in full, far-fetched mode with his latest work. Thanks to the imaginarium, Ledger's last role was able to be parsed out among Colin Farrel (In Bruges), Johnny Depp (Blow) and Jude Law (Alfie). The imaginarium is a fluid, colorful world where anything goes in contrast to the dismal reality where Parnassus and his crew dwell.

Award Chances
Kudos to first time nominee Monique Prudhomme. It could not have been an easy task to craft the multitude of costumes Parnassus demanded: from past to present, real and imagined, high society to homeless. Prudhomme's design gave each aspect of Gilliam's piece added depth. However, with more than a few audience members confused and frustrated by Gilliam's premise, admiring the costumes will be last on many a voter's mind.

The Money Shot
Doctor Parnassus is not the least accessible of Gilliam's films, but it's out there. While I mostly enjoyed it, I'd be lying if I didn't admit to glancing at my watch more than a few times.

Nine
Release: 12.25.09
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 58 minutes

Second Run Seats

Everyone is pestering acclaimed Italian director Guido Contini (Daniel Day-Lewis, Gangs of New York) about his latest film, Italia. The press, his producer, his costume designer Lilli (Judi Dench, Iris), and even his star, Claudia (Nicole Kidman, Moulin Rouge!), all want a peek at the pages of his next masterpiece. The problem is, there are no new pages because Contini is blocked. Contini revisits his sources of inspiration--the women of his life--in hopes that Italia will reveal itself.

Director Rob Marshall's (Chicago) latest work is one mess of a movie. It's a jumbled blur of glittery costumes and shadowy stage pieces as Guido runs about, on the edge of pulling his hair out. With the exception of the song Be Italian, every musical number blasts the audience's ears with the name Guido, Guido, Guido; in case you forget who's at the story's center. Somehow the actresses portraying the women of Guidi's life still shine above the glitzy flurry, except Kidman, who casts an eerie glow more akin to a spectre than a living person.

Award Chances
This makes the eighth nomination for two-time Oscar winner Colleen Atwood. Needless to say, the Academy appreciates her work. The glimpses of the cabaret showed promise and the bedazzled bustiers worn by Cotillard, Cruz and Dench were quite flattering, but the jittery, spastic whooshing of the camera made it difficult to appreciate.

The Money Shot
Aside from Fergie's lady lumps, the only other performance I appreciated was Judi Dench's number. I plan to lobby that the next James Bond theme be performed by 'M' alone because she's definitely got the chops.

The Young Victoria
Release: 12.18.09
Rated PG
1 hour, 45 minutes

Matinee

Before becoming the longest-reigning monarch in English history, Victoria (Emily Blunt, Sunshine Cleaning) had to contend with her power hungry mother, the Duchess of Kent (Miranda Richardson, Sleepy Hollow), and her comptroller, Sir John Conroy (Mark Strong, Sherlock Holmes). She finds a friend and equal in Prince Albert (Rupert Friend, The Libertine), who, though sent to woo her affections for the good of Belgium, wishes for her to love him.

Emily Blunt glows before the camera. She captures the naivete and stubbornness of a woman above taking orders, but shows vulnerability, too. Friend's Albert is at his best when he sets aside his fawning for Victoria to set someone straight, be it Lord Melbourne (Paul Bettany, The Da Vinci Code), Sir Conroy, or even Victoria. Jim Broadbent's (Moulin Rouge!) portrayal of King William is brief but most delightful. I could watch him lambast Victoria's mother for her wickedness over and over.

Award Chances
The costumes are lavish and Ms. Blunt wears the adornments of queen well. The cinematography melds the wardrobe subtly into the background rather than showcasing it. This makes designer Sandy Powell's eighth nomination and with two statues already on her mantle, it's a good possibility there may soon be three.

The Money Shot
As some critics mentioned, the characterizations in Young Victoria are flat, but that is more a fault of a story simplified for younger audiences than any of the actors' portrayals.

Thin as Paper, Lacking in Heart

Paper Heart

Release: 08.07.09 limited
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 28 minutes

A Netflix Night


Musician-comedienne Charlyne Yi (Knocked Up) has never been in love and believes she never will. She finds the whole romantic concept suspect. With her friend and director Nicholas Jasenovec (Jake M. Johnson, Redbelt), she travels the United States to film a documentary on people's perspectives on love. Along the way, Charlyne meets Michael Cera (Superbad) and the camera crews roll with fingers crossed that Charlyne may understand the elusive emotion.

Back in 1984, a young Christopher Guest, Michael McKean and Harry Shearer made the highly entertaining mockumentary This is Spinal Tap under the direction of Rob Reiner. Guest has since had repeated success mixing comedy and documentary. In 2006, Scott Glosserman proved horror could work in the mockumentary style when he crafted Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon. It's frustrating to watch Paper Heart attempt and fail to effectively combine romance and the mockumentary.

During her cross-country tour, Charlyne asks people young and old about their experiences and expectations of love. Their anecdotes and the paper mache reenactments provided by Charlyne and her father Luciano are interesting and entertaining. However, as the relationship between Charlyne and Michael develops, the focus blurs. The tag line reads, "a story about love that takes on a life of its own." This begs the question, why does their burgeoning romance feel so forced? The sincerity of the interviews devolves into scenes equal in quality to a poorly staged reality show.

Being a movie and not a documentary, obviously the scenes are going to be staged. If it were truly attempting realism, the director would have appeared as himself instead of hiring an actor to portray him. Paper Heart felt most real during Charlyne's playground excursion. Let's face it; it's hard to keep kids on task so that's the closest to pure, unscripted fun they achieved. My preference would have been to see the romantic elements intertwined with these authentic interactions. Instead, Paper Heart's creators seemed to make it up as they went, forgetting they needed to keep their passengers entertained.

Dirty Undies
If you have a chipmunk fetish, Charlyne's puffy cheeks are adorable. Though if you're like my wife, you'll wish she'd do her hair, wear a different hoodie, or just maintain some general minimum of hygiene. If you're looking to discover love, who better to be your beau than universally likable Michael Cera? In fact, Charlyne and Michael were an item up until the release of Paper Heart. Despite their real-life coupling, their onscreen chemistry feels less than authentic.

The Money Shot
Occasionally funny, somewhat goofy, but disappointingly dull. This flick's three elements--interviews, re-enactments and scripted love story-- mix about as easily as oil, water and a hard-boiled egg.

The Jizt: Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

In this fast-paced world of blogging, tweeting and fly-by-night film voyeurism, sometimes one doesn't have the time to give a film proper treatment. More importantly, others do not always have the time to read it. Sometimes you just have to take it around back and squeeze one out in 1-2-3 quick licks. Think of The Jizt as the wham, bam, thank you ma'am of reviews.



Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

Release: 05.01.09
DVD Release: 09.22.09
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 40 minutes


A Netflix Night



Cast: Matthew McConaughey (The Wedding Planner), Jennifer Garner (Catch and Release), Michael Douglas (One Night at McCool's)

The Build-up: Lecherous photographer Connor Mead is forced to re-examine his womanizing ways, A Christmas Carol-style, when he encounters his one true love at his brother's wedding weekend.

The Blurt-out: Why is it that one of the three ghosts visiting Connor is neither a ghost nor a girlfriend past?!

The Jizt: The glittering beauty of the cast may be distracting, but no amount of polish can mask the lingering stench of this turd.

Calm down, Matthew, we're not asking you to choke down THAT much Jizt!

You Had Me at Mayo

New in Town
Release: 01.30.09
DVD Release: 05.26.09
Rated PG
1 hour, 37 minutes

Second Run Seats


Product of Miami, Lucy Hill (Renée Zellweger, Down With Love), has her lemon-face and sour attitude uprooted from her cozy corporate office to a wood-paneled one in extremely rural Minnesota. Lucy's been sent to downsize a foodstuffs manufacturing plant, but until she downsizes that enormous chip on her shoulder, she'll get little help from the townsfolk or the hunky single-father/union representative, Ted (Harry Connick Jr, Copycat). Prolonged exposure to their good-hearted nature melts Lucy's frostbitten spirits and lonely heart.

I'll give you two unexpected reasons to see New in Town: Siobhan Fallon (Baby Mama) and J.K. Simmons (I Love You, Man). Simmons' role as plant manager Stu Kopenhafer is minor at best, but the man shines brighter from the shadows. Siobhan Fallon, on the other hand, steals the show away from whomever she shares the scene. As Lucy's assistant Blanche Gunderson, Siobhan performs the somewhat naive, seemingly simple-minded scrapper with pitch-perfect hilarity.

There is nothing particularly new in regards to New in Town's story. Standard fish-out-of-water shtick applies (performed amiably by Zellweger). Harry Connick Jr. has a goofy, panicked-father moment that he lands without a hitch. The budding romance follows familiar footsteps with one exception. Lucy and Ted get all hot and bothered at a completely unrealistic and awkwardly emotional moment. New in Town attaches a fairy tale, anti-corporation message as Lucy and her Minnesota peeps unite to quash their potential termination, but every awww-inducing scene has been telegraphed from the trailers.

Dirty Undies
It was a little hard to get all gooey over Harry Connick Jr.'s Ted. I think the mountain man beard obstructed that winning smile. At least they opted to explain away his accent in lieu of him attempting a Minnesotan one. There is some EXTREMELY mild sexual humor mainly involving Zellweger's undergarments, keeping New in Town firmly in its PG designation.

The Money Shot
New in Town is a sap-happy affair right down to the Fa-Who-Foray, Da-Who-Doray sing-along by the town tree at Christmas (I could be mistaken, but be on the lookout for a Christmas troll in the crowd!). If you can stomach uninventive rom-coms with uninspired titles, you can do worse than putting this on your queue.

Fun For the Select Family

Adventureland


Release: 04.03.09
1 hour, 47 minutes
Rated R


Second Run Seats



After graduating college, James Brennan (Jesse Eisenberg, The Squid and the Whale) learns that his summer in Europe has been downsized much like his father's job. To scrimp and save for his graduate education at Columbia University, James gets hired to work games at Adventureland. He'd prefer to run the rides, but the owner Bobby (Bill Hader, Hot Rod) is certain James looks very gamey. James makes fast friends with fellow gamers Joel (Martin Starr, Knocked Up) and Em (Kristen Stewart, The Messengers). James's heart soars in Em's presence, but her affection may be harder to win than a giant-ass panda.

What better day to review Adventureland than on the 19th birthday of its lead actress, Kristen Stewart! Happy Birthday Kristen. I've only seen Ms. Stewart in a few films but she really knocked her Adventureland performance out of the park. In my opinion, its by and far her best role to date no matter what you Twilighters might think. Both her and Eisenberg do an excellent job conveying the awkwardness and misery of their circumstances. Ryan Reynolds (Waiting...) gives a surprisingly subdued performance as the park's older, cooler maintenance guy. It's also a shock to see Kristen Wiig (Semi-Pro) really rein in her over-the-top wackiness to portray Bobby's simple, silly wife Paulette.

For all the trailers touting Adventureland's hilarity, the laughs are spaced few and far between in this introspective tale of being trapped in Pittsburgh in the eighties. The obviously autobiographical tale by writer-director Greg Mottola (Superbad) both excels and stumbles in it's thoughtfulness. James, Joel and Em have this sophisticated air in contrast to the Philistines that run the rides; in particular Frigo (Matt Bush) and the lovely Lisa P. (Margarita Levieva). By the way I'm not saying this ain't true, but if I were writing my wonder years, I'd have the hottest chick around fawn all over me, too. But I digress. Many times the trio talk and behave so superior to the other characters that it alienates Adventureland from mass audience appeal. There is also considerable underdevelopment of supporting details like James's homelife, which stands out in a film where so much care is given to craft perfectly disdainful retorts and observations.

Dirty Undies
Even in the most retina-searing fashions of the eighties, Lisa P. is smokin' hot! Watching her and BFF Kelly (Kimisha Renee Davis) get their choreographed groove on to jams like Rock Me Amadeus is just too cool for school! Disappointingly, the young Ameircans engage in more sex talk than actual sex. Mostly the gang hangs around drinking booze and smoking James's stash of weed.

The Money Shot
Despite talking over his audience's head a lot, Mottola's Adventureland has some worthy merits. The eighties style and music are spot on. James's atypical honesty and Em's emotional turmoil give this romance a refreshing twist. But if you purchase a ticket to Adventureland searching for a rollercoaster of fun, you'll be in for a swift punch to the nads.

Grumpy Old Spies

Duplicity
Release: 03.20.09
Rated PG-13
2 hours, 5 minutes

Second-Run Seats

CEO Howard Tully (Tom Wilkinson, Michael Clayton) and CEO Richard Garsik (Paul Giamatti, The Illusionist) spare no expense to one-up each other in the battle to be the #1 multinational. Rival spies, Claire Stenwick (Julia Roberts, The Mexican) and Ray Koval (Clive Owens, Inside Man), escape the drudgery of government work to the fast-paced world of corporate espionage. Claire and Ray plan to take advantage of the Tully-Garsik personal vendetta, assuming their own suspicious natures don't lead them astray.

Evidently the Gray Panthers Convention allowed some time between seminars to catch a movie. As I sat next to my friend, the only other non-retiree in the audience, I wondered where were the younger fans of Roberts and Owen. Then again, I was there for Tom Wilkinson as much as I was for Owen. It was disappointing to discover Wilkinson's role amounted to a glorified cameo, though the opening scene (pictured above) was a satisfying morsel of screentime.

Writer-director Tony Gilroy (Michael Clayton) focused on Claire and Ray's complicated relationship amidst the whirlwind of corporate cloak and dagger. The film isn't a death-at-the-door nail biter, yet Gilroy infuses every conversation with a riveting quality. About every fifteen minutes, Gilroy reveals another piece of the larger plot puzzle via a flashback. The four-way splitscreen transitions for the flashbacks are more tedious than impressive, especially as the romantic complications (and the lack of chemistry between the leads) dragged down the momentum.

Dirty Undies
It's funny that Duplicity's PG-13 rating really didn't open the doors to younger fans. Gilroy could have gone a lot further than having Clive Owen sport a low-dangling towel without affecting the box office. Outside of a couple of mild "sexual situations," Duplicity is a film you can watch with your grandparents...if they didn't already see it without you.

The Money Shot
All in all, Duplicity is a fun, twist-filled romantic thriller. It's too complex to relate the details to friends. Though I saw it only a few days back, it's already mostly forgotten. It will find a nice home in the TBS rotation before long where can watch it time and time again.

"Forever. Begins. Now." - Oh, How True.

Twilight


Release: 11.21.08
Rated PG-13
2 hours, 2 minutes


Second-Run Seats ($$)



With her mom and stepdad traveling the country, Isabella "Bella" Swan (Kristen Stewart, The Messengers) returns to her hometown of Forks, Washington to live with her father, Police Chief Charlie Swan (Billy Burke, Untraceable). The aloof Bella receives a warm welcome in high school, but feels drawn to the odd Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire). The strange boy and stranger attraction draws Bella into an inhuman world. As her romantic fantasy with Edward becomes real, an outsider, James (Cam Gigandet), chooses Bella as his next murder victim.

I haven't read the Twilight series. I tend to dislike movies if I've read the book first. For perspective, I accompanied a Twilighter (a fan of the series). We both agreed the movie really makes you want to read the book - just to have proof the tween phenomenon is not as bad as this adaptation. Like to hear why? Here it go:

During the first half, Bella's angst and yearning is impenetrable. Bella is greeted warmly by the most diverse group of students ever for a town with a population of 3,125. Bella, in return, is rudely indifferent to the Mouseketeers, repeatedly turning down invitations and ignoring them. Unbelievably, their onslaught of kindness never falters. When Edward shares the screen, the duo mostly share intense eye contact. Their occasional snippets of conversation end abruptly and cryptically. At one point, Edward confesses to Bella he can read everyone's mind except hers. That's because she has the personality and aptitude of a doorknob. This budding romance is so frustratingly slow that even the camera goes insane; it's like riding a carnival Orbiter on a dreary day.

Having to establish the prevailing series arc doesn't help the pacing either for director Catherine Hardwicke (Thirteen). Several characters are irrelevant, but need introduction for the inevitable sequels. The excruciating slowness picks up after the one-hour mark when Bella and Edward finally reveal their love and he, his secrets. Edward manages to stop looking nauseated around Bella and she actually smiles; both improve the tale by leaps and bounds. If you're like a few from my screening, it won't matter because you've left long before the climax.

Dirty Undies
This barely deserves its PG-13 rating. Their love is a chaste one, though the then under-aged Stewart is a little agressive. Us adults are free to stare at the other 'high schoolers'; the glittering chest of Pattinson or the slight cleavage of Anna Kendrick (Rocket Science) is about all the heat this steamy tale musters. The climatic final battle was pretty exciting, with a little blood and some insinuated brutality. It probably wasn't that great, but I was feening for a fight fix after sitting this long.

The Money Shot
Hardwicke portrays Bella as a strong, independent young woman, the one thing my Twilighter buddy found improved from the needy character in the books. If you, like me, are one of the contributors to Twilight's huge opening box office, I feel your pain. If you haven't anted up yet, save your money. Us dupes have helped to greenlight the sequel; I only hope we'll know better next time.

Nick & Norah: Worth the Underwire

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist
Release: 10.03.08
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 30 minutes

Full-Price ($$$$) <
> Matinee ($$$)


Nick (Michael Cera, Juno) sits at home pining over Tris (Alexa Dziena, Havoc), the girl who dumped him on his B-day. His buddies show up to drag him from his emo-cocoon to play bass and operate the drums at their band, The Jerk Offs, latest gig. Nick hops into his Yugo and sputters into the Big Apple. In Engelwood, Norah (Kat Dennings, The House Bunny) and Caroline (Ari Graynor, Mystic River) head into the city for a night of fun and a chance to find the elusive indie band Where's Fluffy?. Norah, rattled by Tris's attitude at The Jerk Offs gig, pretends Nick is her new boyfriend. Her ruse is exploited by Nick's mates asking Norah to give Nick a chance at love while they babysit Caroline.

Despite the weird title, I was stoked to see N&N because of my favoritest two youngbloods. The perpetual high schooler, Cera plays Nick differently from that of his Juno and Superbad roles, though he does slip into that nervous, jittery vibe now and then. Dennings' Norah is a straight arrow and mother hen to her friend Caroline. Surprisingly, you'll find yourself remembering Caroline's drunken antics as much as the N&N romance. Graynor is given a Banks-able role which she exploits (minor but memorable enough to launch a star; a la Elizabeth Banks in Forty Year-Old Virgin).

Dirty Undies
Cera may be a total mo, but Dennings is looking voluptuous from head to toe. She has the goods to give ScaJo a run for her money. Nick's buddies' new friend Lethario (Jonathan B. Wright) has a hunky Josh Hartnett vibe going. I won't be the only person expecting to see more from him.

Some might say that N&N is "full of the gays" so if you've got a complex maybe you should steer clear. Nick's gay bandmates and the gay clubs visited are just a part of the night. This casual inclusion is refreshing in contrast to the usual movies loaded with homophobic or homosexual hi jinks. The vulgar moments lie instead in hetero sex talk, slutty dancing and underage drinking.

The Money Shot
The strength of N&N is the authentic awkwardness of their young love. Neither is sure what to say and when they do speak it's goofy or sounds bitter. Just as Norah warms to Nick he rolls out the Tris-talk to kill the mood. Enter Tris, the completely selfish skank, pouncing on Nick before he finds happiness outside of her clutches. Likewise Norah's ex Tal, (Jay Baruchel, Knocked Up) unleashes the Jew fire just as Nick thinks he's in the zone. The night is full of ups and downs, cock-blocking ex-lovers, a frenetic Caroline on the lam, and mistakes and mercies that remind us the fun is not missing the moment while trying to capture it.

Cruz Crushin' - Part 2

Elegy
Release: 08.08.08
Rated R
1 hour, 53 minutes

Full Price ($$$$) <
> Matinee ($$$)


Welcome to Part 2 of Cruz Crushin'. After seeing Penélope Cruz stride confidently among, and all over, the cast of Vicky Cristina Barcelona, it was amazing to see her in such a vastly different, and substantially more sane character.

David Kepesh (Ben Kingsley, Sexy Beast) is a literary critic and professor. He was married early in life but escaped from that union years ago. His son, Kenny (Peter Sarsgaard, Kinsey), continues to carry rage over his father's abandonment. David enjoys a unique relationship with a savvy businesswoman and former student, Carolyn (Patricia Clarkson, Married Life). His closest bond is with his trusted friend, poet George O'Hearn (Dennis Hopper, Swing Vote), with whom he talks at length of sexual desires and exploits. When he meets Consuela Castillo (Penélope Cruz, Blow), his student and a woman three decades younger, David's feelings for this magnificent creature debunk his firmly established hedonistic principles.

Elegy, based on the Philip Roth novel, The Dying Animal, is adapted by Nicholas Meyer (Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country) and directed by Isabel Coixet (Paris, je t'aime - Segment: Bastille). The film opens with a voiceover from David, making observances on the nature of aging. It's a debate of the mind wanting what the body can no longer have, sexually speaking. When David sees Consuela in his class, his mind immediately wants her but he fears his body will be too old to attract her. However, David is patient and professional. Instead of throwing Ms. Castillo across his desk during his first available office hours, he waits until his post-semester party to court her appropriately.

The courtship and budding romance of David and Consuela is subtly directed, with careful attention to detail, by Coixet. Ironically, the film proves you're never too old to experience young love. The camera is as much in love with Penelope Cruz as David is with Consuela. The film solely chronicles David's life; we know nothing about the other characters outside of their interactions with David.

Ben Kingsley is intense. Watching him sit and stare into the distance is more defining than an hour's worth of dialogue. Cruz matches his excellent performance. Hopper's role, though small, is perhaps his best performance in years. Sarsgaard has an equally minuscule, yet crucial role. His story serves to remind the audience, and David, of his past stance on matters of love and fidelity.

Dirty Undies
The expression 'make love to the camera' comes to my mind again and again with Elegy. In one scene, Patricia Clarkson lounges in a chair dressed in her business attire and just the position of her crossed legs is stimulating. Cruz lies about nude a lot, with each scene carrying a different emotional weight. In the more stressful scenes, I had to remind myself to absorb the pain in her teary eyes, not to etch the image of her ample naked bosom in my mind.


The Money Shot
Coixet is amazing behind a camera and her cast amazing in front of one. I found myself empathizing with David, which I think was the goal. If anything, this bittersweet tale frustrates because David does exactly those things you expect and that you would do, too, if you were in love for the first time.

My Blah-berry Night

My Blueberry Nights
Release: 04.04.2008 limited
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 30 minutes

Second-Run Seats ($$) <
> Matinee ($$$)


In her film debut, Norah Jones stars as Elizabeth (a.k.a Beth, Lizzie, Betty), a young woman who learns from local cafe owner Jeremy (Jude Law, The Holiday) that her boyfriend is seeing another woman. Night after night Elizabeth visits the cafe; at first, to sulk and skulk over her man, but eventually to eat blueberry pie and fraternize with Jeremy. Seeking answers, Elizabeth leaves New York for Memphis where she takes up waitressing at a bar and a diner to save for a car. She meets kindred spirits in Arnie (David Strathairn, Blue Car) and Sue Lynne (Rachel Weisz, The Shape of Things). Her next serving gig leads her to the Midwest and the wild Leslie (Natalie Portman, Closer) who furthers her quest for answers and an affordable automobile.

Let me start by chiming in on my familiarity with writer-director Wong Kar Wai's work. I have seen three of his previous films: Fallen Angels, In the Mood for Love, and 2046. Without a doubt, In the Mood for Love is my personal favorite and his strongest work. My Blueberry Nights...not so much. Wong Kar Wai has a very stylized direction full of vibrant colors and languid, savory scenes. All those films also revolve around relationships and love, time and distance. But watching My Blueberry Nights was off-putting. I compare Wong and his latest work to Tony Scott, another very stylized director who reached near perfection with the dark and manic Man on Fire only to overindulge, making Domino an incoherent, epileptic seizure. Wong took his palette of slow-motion shots and radiant hues and applied them with a paint roller, resulting in a film that fails to maintain its hold on viewers.

Norah Jones likewise fails to draw you in at every emotional level. Granted, for her first film role, she proves herself far more adept than many other singers-turned-actors (cough Beyonce cough). However, she didn't convince me when stronger emotions were required, leaving this sensitive piece lacking. Singer Cat Power ,a.k.a Chan Marshall, also makes a cameo that is likewise strained. But Jones' other costars all performed admirably. In particular, David Strathairn's sympathetic and unstable Arnie deserves a nod for best performance. The only thing more memorable than the performances is the soundtrack; a hauntingly perfect mood for the film.

Dirty Undies
If you didn't notice, the beautiful pedigree of the cast is worth the price of admission alone and probably is why I nudged this film towards the Matinee rating. Norah Jones just looks adorably soft and scrumptious. Jude Law with his effortless charisma is magnified with a layer of scruffy stubble. I was nearly ready to tap out of the film until Natalie Portman appeared in the final half hour. She literally lights up the screen with her smile, her presence and short fire-like curls of blonde hair. Even Rachel Weisz, whom I don't normally go for, was in an especially sexy way. Take a gander:

(Oh Natalie...)

The Money Shot
My Blueberry Nights is a very vivid and visual emotional journey. It's also an excellent case for when style outweighs the substance of the work. If you find this phenomenal, your head just might explode from elation when you see In the Mood for Love.

A Winning Pair

What Happens in Vegas...

Release: 05.09.2008
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 39 minutes

Matinee ($$$)


Jack and Joy went to Vegas to forget their crappy lives.
Jack got drunk. So did Joy. They awoke as husband and wife.
Like oil and water they part, but then Jack and Joy win big.
Now they're stuck like glue in wedded bliss or 'til one reneges.
Pesky pranks and wacky friends make Jack and Joy so much fun.
Will they commit to life as one or split the cash and run?

Enough with the grade school rhyming! Let's get the skinny on What Happens in Vegas. Billed as Cameron Vs. Ashton a.k.a. Joy Vs. Jack, Vegas begins as a contest to see which actor can out-ham the other. Hand to the heavens, there's even a moment during this battle of the sexes when Ashton winks at the audience. Folks going to see this film aren't expecting exceptionally moving performances; they just want to be entertained through the lowbrow series of gags.

Laugh you shall, due in large part to Jack's friend Hater (Rob Corddry, Semi-Pro). This was a complete 180 from his over-the-top performance in Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay. Dennis Farina (Get Shorty), Michelle Krusiec (Saving Face), Jason Sudeikis (Semi-Pro) and even Treat Williams (1941) complete the list of talented and funny supporting cast members who sorely needed more screen time.

Vegas is a series of witty, cutting remarks and mean-spirited pranks that almost completely avoids delving into crude bathroom humor to dredge up a laugh. It's an inoffensive shuck and jive, like watching a television comedy sans the laugh track. Not surprising since director Tom Vaughan seems to have done more TV than films.

Dirty Undies
In the Cameron vs. Ashton battle, the winner in the arena of hotness is...Ashton. Cameron had a glistening sheen on her face for much of the film; she looked like a well-worn saddle that had been slathered with oil to prevent cracking. She did have a few F'n Hot moments, but against Ashton's pretty-boy charms and shirtless self it's no contest. Corddry plays the friend you won't claim as he inflicts both physical and oral damage with his uncouth schemes and vulgar ways.

The Money Shot
Technically speaking, What Happens in Vegas... is mostly a mess. If you're interested in this type of flick, it's because you're looking to laugh, not to critique the greatest piece of cinema ever written. Much like the city, Vegas promises cheap, shallow thrills and pays out.

If Life Gives You Lemons, I Say F*ck Lemons and Bail.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Release: 04/18/2008
Rated R
1 hour, 52 minutes

Full Price ($$$$)




Peter Bretter (Jason Segel, Knocked Up) has a comfortable life in Los Angeles. He composes music for the television drama Crime Scene and dates the star of the show, Sarah Marshall (Kristen Bell, Pulse). When Sarah returns home and surprises Peter by announcing the end of their five-year relationship, he collapses in heap of sorrow and naked-man flesh. On the advice of his step-brother, he goes on vacation to Hawaii where he just happens to run into Sarah and her new man, English pop sensation Aldous Snow (Russell Brand). Thanks to the charity of the hotel concierge, Rachel (Mila Kunis, American Psycho 2), and the other hotel staff, Peter pulls himself out of his rut and begins to enjoy a new outlook on life.

If you assumed this to be a Judd Apatow production in the vein of 40 Year-Old Virgin and Knocked Up and not Anchorman or The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, you'd be correct. As in the former films, Apatow & Company take their popular brand of crude humor and mingle it with a tangible drama of relationships. I still proclaim 40 Year-Old Virgin as the best of the lot while each new incarnation shifts the perfect balance of laughs and love a little farther to the dramatic side. Still, the balance isn't too far to the right and FSM had me laughing well into the credits.

Let's be honest; this is my kind of movie: a crude comedy with beautiful women and a hilarious cast. The great supporting cast includes Bill Hader (Hot Rod), Jonah Hill (Superbad), Jack McBrayer (30 Rock) and Paul Rudd (Reno 911!: Miami). Ahh, Paul Rudd, who doesn't love you? The film even has a nice cameo that I won't spoil for you. I will say I was excited to see Branscombe Richmond (The Scorpion King), but disappointed he had barely a minute of screen time. FSM has already lit up my Confessions radar for memorable characters, lines and scenes. It also features some original songs with hilarious lyrics including Inside Me and Dracula’s Lament. FSM gives much needed big-screen cred to Bell and Kunis, whose only previous film endeavors I have seen (mentioned above) were not their shining moments. I especially love that this film bashes one of those stinkers, although obscurely.

Dirty Undies
I have mad, nasty love for Kristen Bell, so I brought my drool bib. After seeing FSM, I wish I had brought a spare because, DAMN, if Mila Kunis wasn’t equally tent-pitching. Sure, she was cute on That 70's Show, but her radiant face and wavy, brown locks will inspire a whole new level of infatuation on equal footing with the lovely Bell. Jason Segel owes the casting director big!!! First-born-son big.

If Apatow's star continues to rise I foresee his ultimate masterpiece. In the future, his number-one film will be called Cock. And that's all it will be for 90 minutes: a flaccid penis. It will win eight Oscars, including best screenplay. Whether Segel will win the starring role in Cock is uncertain, but FSM gave him some good practice.

The Money Shot
I think the major divide between FSM and Knocked Up in comparison to 40 Year-Old Virgin stems from the caliber of their stars’ performances. Segel and Rogen are no Carell, stargazers. But it doesn’t really matter because the material is funny enough that literate monkeys could make this a success.

No Maybe About It, A Definite Must See

Definitely, Maybe

Release: 02/14/2008
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 45 minutes

FULL PRICE ($$$$)


Advertising exec William Hayes, portrayed by Ryan Reynolds (Just Friends), traverses the busy streets of Manhattan to pick up his daughter, Maya, played by Abigail Breslin (Little Miss Sunshine). Troubled by her parents' impending divorce, Maya suckers Dad into reliving the tale of how he and her mom met. What Maya did not expect was that her dad had two other women in his life around the same time. Settling in to a series of flashbacks, Maya gets a bird's eye view of where Will's affections lie.

Before I break Definitely, Maybe down, I'd like to stress that despite recent readers' opinions, I do not have a vagina...or a man-gina for that matter. I do consider myself in touch with my feminine side, and my inner Oprah is telling me that this is a extraordinarily romantic film. Reynolds, while looking too young to play father to a ten-year-old (especially within the established timeline), eliminates all doubt. He taps into the sarcasm that had me sold on him since episode one of Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place while conveying sincere vulnerability to create a character the audience can invest in emotionally.

Abigail "the Dakota Death-Knell" Breslin is spunky, adorable and on par with Reynolds' performance. Elizabeth Banks (Seabiscuit), Rachel Weisz (About a Boy), and Isla Fisher (Hot Rod) portray the three women who share the leading man. Each offers a solid supporting role, but if I had to choose a favorite it'd easily go to Mrs. Cohen.

Writer and director Adam Brooks (Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason) does an excellent job of pacing the tale of the sordid affairs in the life of Will Hayes. Beginning the flashbacks during the other Clinton's presidential campaign of 1992 gives us thirty-somethings a soundtrack for our generation (remember the other Arrested Development). Brooks maintains the mystery behind which woman is Maya's mother, develops strong romantic bonds between the couples and creates a loving father-daughter relationship. In a genre rife with unconvincing relationships and unbelievable outcomes, Definitely, Maybe presents a more realistic look at love with all its messy complications.

Dirty Undies
Definitely, Maybe is full of some BEAUTIFUL people! I couldn't help but imagine how satsifying a wild orgy with this cast would be. Granted, Weisz would have to get the sloppy thirds, maybe even sloppy fourths if Reynolds participates. Sadly, other than looking yummy enough to inspire said raunchiness, the film is visually chaste, i.e. no bedroom luster, no partially bare bodies, no appeal aside from the actors' smiling faces. The father-daughter candor is a bit cheeky and sexually tinted, but like the film's situations, the dialogue is ultimately tame and inoffensive. The most vulgar thing, which the film repeatedly points out, is William's past indulgences into smoking and drinking.

The Money Shot
To some of you, my masculinity may still be in question. However, there should be no doubt in anyone's mind, male or female, that Definitely, Maybe is the romance to see this year. If I said you'd earn major brownie points for seeing 27 Dresses, you won't believe the relationship cred this will afford you.