Repeat Bidness: Casino Royale

Casino Royale

Release: 11.17.06
DVD Release: 03.13.07
Rated PG-13
2 hours, 24 minutes


Full Price ($$$$)



After Die Another Day wrapped in 2002 Pierce Brosnan officially “retired” the mantle of James Bond. The search began for the new Bond and many names surfaced; Clive Owen, Jude Law, Ewan McGregor, Henry Cavill, among others. Ultimately, the role went to Daniel Craig (Munich). Many people, myself included, wondered if Craig could measure up to the role.

Casino Royale opens in warm black and white with Bond verbally sparring with a fellow agent. The scene's mood, much like that of the audience, is one of anxiety. Then, like a splash of cold water to the face, the dialogue is interrupted by flashbacks to Bond in a gritty fistfight with an informant. The sequence ends in a familiar way: Bond with gun in hand spins on his heel to face the camera, a shot rings out, and the bleeding gun barrel wavers into the title sequence. Even with one of the quickest and dirtiest openings in a Bond film, the question--can the blue-eyed, blond haired Craig be Bond--was yet to be answered.

Casino Royale is a return to the origins of Bond. Newly promoted to 00 agent status, James is on a mission to follow a trail of bombers and blood money to find the funding source for terrorists. After disappointing boss M (Judi Dench, Tomorrow Never Dies), Bond continues his search which leads him to the banker Le Chiffre (Mads Mikkelsen, King Arthur). Bond, accompanied by HM Treasury agent Vesper Lynd (Eva Green), must infiltrate a high stakes card tournament in the hopes of defeating Le Chiffre, and thus destroy his organization.

Like many Bond films before it, Casino Royale incorporates the latest cultural fads to update this decades-old character. Bond plays Texas Hold ’em, villains text message, the buzzword is terrorism, and James even has an extended chase of a bomb maker where the two utilize their aptitude for the French extreme sport of parkour. But like every Bond film, the basics are still prevalent: the tailored tuxedo, the loaded Astin Martin, the dry wit and the martini shaken, not stirred. Director Martin Campbell (Goldeneye) reignites the series. He captures a look and feel of Bond reminiscent of the Sean Connery era. Scenes in the Bahamas have a vibrant, crisp almost Technicolor feel to them. Bond’s wardrobe is trim, stylish yet classic. In fact, a scene of Craig swaggering to the hotel in a white linen shirt and pressed, bluegray slacks immediately conjures an image of Connery. And if that isn’t enough for you, seeing Craig take a “spin around the block” in a 1964 Astin Martin will definitely hearken back to the films of yore. Much like Connery and Brosnan, Craig is a no-nonsense Bond. He meets danger head-on with unparalleled smugness and can spit lines that make women buckle at the knees. But when the time for talk is over, Bond throws down be it in slugfests or elaborate action sequences. Craig portrays Bond as a man on a mission, one which often requires that, without hesitation, he get his hands dirty.

As for the story, most classic elements remain. Aside from some spectacular cellular technology, Royale is fairly devoid of the standard array of Q inspired gadgets and Q himself. Even Miss Moneypenny got a holiday. Royale doesn't even have hat-throwing assassins or massive overgrown thugs to hinder Bond. At least, the film does have a brief appearance by Felix Leiter (Jeffrey Wright, Syriana). Mikkelsen has a seediness to his visage that’ll make Le Chiffre an instantly memorable Bond villain. And Le Chiffre’s special lady friend Valenka, played by Ivana Milicevic (Love Actually) says little but has an equally up-to-no-good look in her eyes. Speaking of women, Bond has a turn with breath-taking ladies Eva Green and Caterina Murino.

Casino Royale sets the record as the longest Bond film ever made at nearly two and a half hours. It was only near the end that the length weighed on me. I am uncertain whether it was due to tidying a few unwieldy loose plot elements or if I just needed a bathroom break. Despite these few minutes of languid storytelling, I wasn’t about to excuse myself no matter how briefly, from this riveting film. The only fault I truly have with the film is that it had one of the weakest title sequences in years, though the title song by Chris Cornell was on point.

Dirty Undies
As mentioned, Milicevic, Green and Murino provide a wealth of Bond-woman hotness. Murino in particular makes you wish Casino Royale could have been the first R-rated Bond film! But Craig is no slouch himself. He gets several opportunities to prove that Bond has to look as good out of his clothes as he does in them. Whether he’s rising from the ocean or being tortured for his secrets, Craig’s rock hard pecs and abs will make you think twice, maybe even three times about messing with Bond. Craig uses those mus-kles to beat down the bad guys with a callous brutality. This Bond film definitely spills more than its share of blood.

The Money Shot
So with the film watched and all that said, is Craig Bond? I must admit to being a Craig skeptic from the moment he was chosen for the role. But having seen the film, I say with certainty he has the swagger, the demeanor and the charisma to be Bond. I personally still think his face looks like that of a battered monkey at times but only in certain lighting. Primate poutiness aside, I can’t wait to see where Craig and the new era of Bond take the world, and I hope you will be as excited as I am.

Repeat Bidness: V for Vendetta

Remember, remember the fifth of November. In honor of Guy Fawkes Night and the rousing victory speech President-elect Barack Obama gave around midnight this day (EST), I thought it'd be appropriate to revisit this film:

V for Vendetta

Original Release:03.17.06
DVD Release: 08.01.06

Rated R
2 hours, 12 minutes

Full Price ($$$$)

"Who IS that Masked Man?!"

A great dish always starts with a great recipe. Using the Wachowski Brothers’ (The Matrix) adapted screenplay of the Alan Moore and David Lloyd graphic novel, first time director James McTeigue serves up one hell of a film for audiences. V for Vendetta is set in a totalitarian Britain made so by the outbreak of a war in Iraq. The people of Britain live a subdued life thanks to their government’s curfews and strict laws. The appearance of a darkly clad man in a porcelain mask, known only as V, awakens the population with promises of a life without fear. One citizen in particular, Evey Hammond (Natalie Portman, Mars Attacks!), finds herself embroiled in V’s treasonous plot to blow up Parliament. The government hopes to squelch V, his ideals and his dangerous promises by locating the aggressor and his would-be accomplice while countering their message with pro-government propaganda.

By enlisting the aid of the talented and effervescent Portman alongside the haunting demeanor of Hugo Weaving (The Matrix ), McTeigue had the toughest work of story-telling covered. Portman, adept at playing opposite non-existent Star Wars creatures, proved equally extraordinary acting opposite an expressionless face. Weaving spouts extensive, emancipative dialogue flawlessly, imparting eloquence to the purported monster behind the mask. When V is not haranguing the tyranny of the society, he is delivering severe yet stylistic ass-whoopins to anyone attempting to oppress. Portman gets in a few one-two punches herself though it’s her conveyance of Evey’s revelations and subsequent evolution that grips audiences.

If audiences are unsure of the film’s intent; yes, it has political undertones. The story is designed to inspire unease with complacency and to urge freedom of thought as the precedent to all other freedoms. Clever wordplay is found to be sharper and more lethal than any bombs, daggers or karate gimmicks V utilizes. Multi-layered meanings and the repetition of symbols and situations help bond the lives of the main characters as well as the lives of the masses. Surprisingly, the film is not action-packed but sets an exciting and thrilling pace simply through discourse and careful sequencing while the plot unveils. V for Vendetta is a contemporary allegory worthy of attention for more than its stylistic filming.

Dirty Undies
Well, Portman doesn’t sport a thong a la Closer, but audiences would flock if they knew she dresses in a “Good Ship Lollipop” motif complete with a lacy pink dress, knee high socks and Mary Janes, and let’s not forget pin curl pigtails. Had a few scenes of that image been included in the trailer, the opening box office would’ve increased by another $5 million, easy. Fans of Natalie need not worry about her hairless head; she looks almost sexy enough to bring the Sinead O’Connor cut back into fashion. Those not interested in Portman will be out of luck as Vendetta is devoid of anyone else attractive, unless bloated Brits or gaunt interment-camp prisoners are your thing. The action is good and bloody but occurs infrequently. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, especially since the scenes shown are very vicious and violent.

The Money Shot
No doubt, Vendetta has a bone to pick with oppression, and more so with any society that allows oppression to persist. The director cloaks the film in a veil of action and style but Vendetta’s memorable dialogue, contributed by both the vigilante and onlookers, will ring in your ears long after viewing. V for Vendetta can best be summed up by Evey: “Artists use lies to tell the truth. Politicians use them to cover it up.” You should pay to listen to what these artists are saying.

Jesus Christ. A Time Machine. Hamlet. Tucson.

Hamlet 2
Release: 08.22.08 (limited); 08.27.08 (wide)
Rated R
1 hour, 32 minutes

Full Price ($$$$)


If you'd asked me last year what those four things had in common, I would've said, not a damn thing. But now, it's a simple answer: Hamlet 2.

Teacher Dana Marschz (Steve Coogan, Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story), in order to save his high school drama program from the chopping block (and simultaneously prove his worth as a thespian and human being) crafts a sequel to a Shakespearean classic. The result, Hamlet 2, resurrects the entire cast through a plot device, Jesus Christ in a time machine. Let the fun and heresy begin.

Marschz (pronounced Marshesz...maybe) lives the age old adage, those who can't, teach. After accepting defeat as an actor, he resides in the armpit of America, Tucson, with his wife Brie (Cathering Keener, 40 Year-Old Virgin) and their housemate Gary (David Arquette, Scream). As the struggling teacher and husband, Coogan is absolutely brilliant. He aspires to inspire young minds with theater in the vein of Stand and Deliver or Dangerous Minds, yet he can't inspire his own seed to find perch within Brie's womb. The conception of his play changes everything. Once invisible to others, he soon becomes despised for simultaneously ruining a classic, taking the Lord's name in vain and defiling America. As the few strands of his self-worth slip from his grasp, Marschz's students must rally together to refocus him on making opening night a success.

Besides solid performances from Keener and the mostly silent Arquette, students Rand (Skylar Astin), Epiphany (Phoebe Strole), Octavio (Joseph Julian Soria) and Ivonne (Melonie Diaz, Be Kind Rewind) provide a tons of hilarity with their quirky characters. Amy Poehler (Baby Mama) also appears as balls-to-the-wall attorney Cricket Feldstein who comes to defend the play from litigation.

Writer Pam Brady (Hot Rod) and director Andrew Fleming (The Craft), with contributions by Steve Coogan, penned a script that steadily builds from mild chuckles to a cacophony of laughter. When I saw a sneak preview, there were times when the clever dialogue was lost to the audience's guffaws.

Dirty Undies
Coogan's Jesus does, in fact, make me wanna sing Rock Me Sexy Jesus. If you don't have love for sexy Jesus, there's always the cute Melonie Diaz and, let us not forget, everyone's favorite babysitter, Elisabeth Shue (The Saint), who appears as herself, in all her yummy goodness. If you've found the crude commentary of South Park offensive over the years, some of the dialogue from Hamlet 2, is not for you.

The Money Shot
Some may remember that in my Summer of LAMB prediction, I made the pronouncement that either Son of Rambow or Hamlet 2 would be this year's Little Miss Sunshine. I'm now satisfied that I was at least half right Hamlet 2 will be this summer's breakout success. Help make my prediction a reality. If you don't, I'll feel as if I have been raped in the face.

Some days, you just can't get rid of a bomb.

The Dark Knight

Release: 07.18.2008
Rated PG-13
2 hours, 32 minutes

> FULL PRICE ($$$$)

LAMBScore:


Thanks to my vacay, I came a bit late to The Dark Knight. For the seventeen of you in the world that have yet to see this film and the gaggles of readers who have been waiting with bated breath, let's see what the Whore has to say about the biggest film of the year.

The Dark Knight picks up some time after the events of Batman Begins with Batman (Christian Bale, The Prestige) continuing to fight crime on the mean streets of Gotham. As the caped crusader works with Lt. Gordon (Gary Oldman, The Fifth Element) to take down Gotham's crime bosses, an individual known only as the Joker (Heath Ledger, I'm Not There) is threatening the city as well as its established mob syndicates. On the flipside, District Attorney Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart, Thank You For Smoking) is quickly rising as Gotham's shining knight within the Halls of Justice. As Batman, Gordon and Dent pledge to eradicate the city's organized crime, their targets employ the Joker to put the interfering bat out of commission.

Writer-director Christopher Nolan (Memento) returns to the Batman franchise, crafting a tale with Jonathan Nolan (Memento) and David S. Goyer (Blade) that attains a structure and momentum unseen in comic-book adaptations to date. Mob bosses divvy up the City's burrows, dirty cops sell their colleagues to the wolves, gangs of bat-inspired vigilantes wreak as much havoc as the madmen who attempt to carve their own initials into Gotham's underbelly. Painting these mainstays of Gotham into the film gives the story a vibrance and solidifies the hefty burden Batman and his like-minded partners have shouldered. In simpler comic book tales, we see the central hero battle against one, maybe two villains who are hellbent on a singular purpose. In the Dark Knight we see Gotham as a festering mass, with the Joker erupting from its epicenter as a whole new kind of evil, a product of his surroundings much like Batman.

With the world's stage set, the actors come to play. Bale remains phenomenal as Batman and playboy Bruce Wayne. Oldman just breathes the integrity of Gordon. The hype surrounding Ledger's final performance is far from hype; within the first few moments of his official introduction to the mob, I was sold that a) he is the Joker and b) this film was going to kick ass. And yes, Aaron Eckhart made me believe in Harvey Dent. Returning cast members Michael Caine (Quills)and Morgan Freeman (Unleashed) add a jovial and fatherly counterbalance to Batman's brooding. The character of Rachel Dawes, now played by Maggie Gyllenhaal (Criminal), is a breath of fresh air. Gyllenhaal asserts Dawes as a woman who is both fearful of the path the men in her life tread and steadfast to weather the turmoil. Eric Roberts (It's My Party) plays devilish well and I look forward to seeing what he and Anthony Michael Hall (TV: The Dead Zone) will contribute to the next installment of this franchise.


Dirty Undies
To say Dark Knight is a dark tale is an understatement. The Joker is represented at his best when he's conceived as coldly calculating yet seemingly random. His wanton destruction, murder and callousness are so dark and devious they'll send a shiver down your spine. All the doom and gloom is lit up by explosions that leave massive carnage in their wake. The fight and chase sequences have only improved from Batman Begins with the camerawork yielding more blunt impact and fewer jittery sequences. Though it has a PG-13 rating, expect a film that emits an R-rated tone.

The Money Shot
If you haven't seen The Dark Knight by now, shame on you or whoever has kept you from it.

Wanted is Just What I Needed!

Wanted

Release: 06.27.2008
Rated R
1 hour, 50 minutes

FULL PRICE ($$$$)


Wesley Gibson (James McAvoy, The Last King of Scotland) is a pussy. Maybe it'd be more appropriate to call him a little bitch. His life sucks. He gets pushed around by his boss and his girlfriend every waking day. His best bud is a mega-douche who's screwing his girl. Of course, Wesley knows all this but he's too chickenshit to do or say anything about it. Instead he keeps his anxieties in check with a stew of medication. That is, until a wild lady named Fox (Angelina Jolie, Mr. & Mrs. Smith) shows up bearing gifts. Wesley is given a sense of history, of significance, of mad skills and as the newest member of the assassin's guild, the Fraternity, he starts to make up for his pathetic existence.

Director Timur Bekmambetov tweaks the tale of Wanted with the visual stylings of his vampire films, Nochnoy dozor (Nightwatch) and Dnevnoy dozor (Daywatch). As with any supernatural -superhuman tale, establishing the parameters of your new world is as important as telling the story itself. From the onset, Wanted brands its violence as humans who not only live above the law, but also react beyond the limits of the natural law. The assassins can run faster, heal quicker and literally sling bullets; feats far beyond those of the sheep of the world.

It's not all about the expanded limits of the assassins. It's also about crafting characters that remain true to their nature and beliefs. Wanted follows Wesley as he emerges from his fragile shell into a cold-blooded killer struggling with the moral implications of his new life. His tutors, Fox and Sloan (Morgan Freeman, Lucky Number Slevin), guide him in the ways of the Fraternity even as he is tested by those whose oppose the guild. It's the sense of order within the madness that gives Wanted more of a kick than your garden-variety summer fluff.

Dirty Undies
Though his part is very small, I'm glad Bekmambetov brought 'Watch star Konstantin Khabensky to play Wesley's other compatriot, The Exterminator. He adds some emotional moments to a film that would be sorely lacking otherwise. But it's not really about the emotion; it's about the flurry of wickedly awesome chase scenes and kick-ass bloodbaths that overload your senses. Killing for the sake of carnage. Wanted is not for the weak of stomach; McAvoy is seen being beaten to a bloody pulp that's reminiscent of Fight Club beatdowns. McAvoy and the crew also drop, and in some cases, spell, F-bombs liberally. All in all, my kind of movie.

The Money Shot
I'll say it again. Wanted is my kind of movie. My only sticking point I had was that it veered greatly from the premise of the comic upon which it was based. I liked the more palatable story used in the film. However, I wish Wanted the film could have abstained from Wanted the comic's condescending slant towards its audience.

Thank God for Hellboy!

Hellboy II: The Golden Army

Release: 07.11.2008
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 50 minutes

FULL PRICE ($$$$)

This sequel picks up after the events of 2004's Hellboy, but a few quick introductory sequences alleviate having to have seen the original. Hellboy (Ron Perlman, Blade II) still proudly wears his mantle as the red-skinned stepchild of the B.P.R.D. (Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense). He's got Chief Manning (Jeffrey Tambor, Eurotrip) at wit's end as it is becoming harder and harder to hide the big lug's existence from the general public, especially when Red doesn't consider himself stealth. To make matters worse, Liz (Selma Blair, The Sweetest Thing) is a bit sensitive to Hellboy's insensitivities, straining their relationship and making the team’s missions even more awkward.

Meanwhile, the elven Prince Nuada (Luke Goss, Blade II) has surfaced from the underworld to recover the missing pieces of the Crown of Bethmoora. If Nuada reassembles the crown, he will command the industable, um, indestructible, Golden Army and all of mankind will suffer and cower at his feet. Sounds like a job for...

Based on the comics of the same name created by Mike Mignola, writer-director Guillermo del Toro crafts a tale brimming with action, laughs and complex characters that is widely accessible to audiences both young and old. Where the first film focused on the conflict between Hellboy and the villain Rasputin, Hellboy II tackles the team's acceptance issues. Del Toro takes his character-driven story and polishes it with some spectacularly imaginative creatures. From lumbering ogres with mechanical appendages to diminutive and ravenous tooth fairies to a massive forest elemental; the richly crafted underworld creatures are breathtaking to behold and pose a variety of challenges to Red and the gang. There are a couple changes to the make-up and effects for Abe and Liz that perplex me, but they are easily overlooked. Del Toro's script is heavy-handed in foreshadowing, but given the deep characters he's created, it is easily forgiven.

The actors' portrayals are equally impressive. Goss's haughty attitude and impressive acrobatics make Nuada a worthy nemesis for Red. Perlman is still perfect as Hellboy. He delivers a great one-two punch with his combination of brawn and wittiness. Granted, some of his one-liners are a little weak, but are you gonna be the one to tell the big guy he shouldn't be so cheesy? Besides, hearing Hellboy utter 'oh crap' mid-battle instead of always having the perfect turn of phrase is what makes him so damn endearing. Blair's Liz is vastly improved from her minor role in the original. Abe Sapien (Doug Jones, Pan's Labyrinth; Voice: David Hyde Pierce, A Bug's Life) is also given a hefty subplot and much more screentime to admire his fantastic makeup. It's a film where you get the feeling everyone is having a lot of fun, especially when Manilow reverberates through the halls.


Dirty Undies
The fight sequences are intricately choreographed yet not overly bloody, nor do they need to be. Del Toro's eye for action makes you almost feel the brute force behind every blow from Hellboy's red right hand, every ground-shaking blast from his Samaritan sidearm. When that quality of action mixes with the amazing visuals, the team's mild cursing and just plain funny stuff, the results are oh-so-satisfying.

The Money Shot
Prince Nuada wants the humans to cower before his superiority. Hellboy desires to be at the center of the public's adoring eye for his heroics. When the two collide, the result is fun and excitement for everyone. What makes it even better is that del Toro, in an effort to keep the franchise viable, inserts so many subplots that future installments will not only be necessary, audiences will demand them!

Yes, they use the Carl Douglas song.

Kung Fu Panda


Release: 06.06.2008
Rated PG
1 hour, 28 minutes

Full Price ($$$$) < > Matinee ($$$)



All his life young Po (Jack Black, Nacho Libre) has had dreams of being a legendary kung fu warrior like his idols the Furious Five. He knows about their every adventure; he knows every maneuver by heart, but he's the son of a noodle chef, and as dear old dad (James Hong, Mulan) reminds him,"broth is in our veins." When kung fu master Shifu (Dustin Hoffman, Hook) is forewarned of the dreaded return of Tai Lung (Ian McShane, Shrek the Third), a tournament is announced to name the dragon warrior. As the Furious Five contend for the honor, Po's attempts to glimpse the competition create a commotion that awards him the opportunity to train alongside the Five. With Tai Lung approaching, Shifu and the Five have little time to impart to Po the wisdom of the ancients.

Having mainstream actors lend their voices to animated films can be a mixed bag. During the first chunk of Kung Fu Panda, I found myself preoccupied in the throes of 'Dammit,I know that voice!' I got James Hong immediately (who wouldn't!?) but it was the credits that revealed Hoffman as Shifu and Angelina Jolie as Tigress. Personally, I like my animated characters' voices with a little more pizazz and, um, character. In that regard, Black and McShane save this film. Their voices, the staged antics and the familiar-but-well-laid plot drew my attention from my nagging hang-up and I began enjoying Kung Fu Panda.

Black, who I worried would grow tiresome, is quite lovable as an animated panda. His interactions with his compatriots offer up cute and funny moments aplenty. The CGI wasn't exceptionally cuddly - the animals had the appropriate fur or scales but they didn't have the rich visual texture of, say, Monsters, Inc.

Dirty Undies
You may not believe I'm going to say this: Kung Fu Panda is more action-packed than Indiana Jones 4. Sure, they're all cartoon animals but the fervor with which the Furious Five and Tai Lung battle rocks the very foundations of the city. The excellent crafting of the tale makes the impact of their punches feel more real as you actually fear for these characters. It's not as heart-wrenching as watching Optimus Prime die in Transformers: The Movie (circa 1986), but it does tug the heartstrings a little.

The Money Shot
Conventional and uninspired? Two of the scribes credited for this also wrote Bulletproof Monk; the same film sans the cute animals. It's absolutely conventional, but sometimes great storytelling is all you need. Quick paced with humor for both child and parent, this uphill climb is a fun exercise to enjoy with our underdog underpanda.

A.D.A! (Arrested Development Alert!)

Last thing, I promise:

My 2 on Indy 4

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Release: 05.22.2008
Rated PG-13
2 hours, 4 minutes



***Updated Rating - 06.02.2008***
For Fans: Second-Run Seats ($$)
For Moviegoers: Full Price ($$$$) <> Matinee ($$$)
***

Dr. Henry "Indiana" Jones, Jr. (Harrison Ford), after a run in with the Russians and their leader Irina Spalko (Cate Blanchett, The Gift), is scrutinized by the government during the height of the McCarthy communist scare. While departing for greener pastures, a young greaser by the name of Mutt Williams (Shia LaBeouf, Constantine) brings word that two of Indy's dear friends, 'Ox' (John Hurt, Hellboy) and Mari Williams ( Karen Allen, Raiders of the Lost Ark), have been kidnapped to help the Russians uncover the lost Kingdom of the Crystal Skull; or what people know as El Dorado. Indiana changes course, with Mutt in tow, to save his friends and perhaps uncover the secret behind the City of Gold.

I've debated a dozen different ways of writing this review. I started to just read the myriad of other posts and simply highlight those with similar views to mine. However, the handful of you that come here come looking for my opinion, so here it goes:

The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is a satisfying installment in the life and times of Indiana Jones. By that I mean it satisfies the unspoken requirements of an Indy-level event; it's got the love interest, the sidekicks, the villains of the era, the larger-than-life action sequences inflated just beyond believability. These ingredients, plus his hat and whip, fuel another mystic quest of religious origin. Rumor has it director Steven Spielberg (War of the Worlds) even kept the quality of special effects in place so that Crystal Skull would feel more akin to its predecessors. That was problem number one for me. As an audience, our palates have seasoned over the last twenty years. Seeing an action film, especially one that thrives on being just on the outrageous side of plausible, is totally off-putting when it doesn't look real. As a viewer I can forgive a film made twenty-five years ago because its creators worked with what they had, but it's disappointing when the power is available and unused. I mean, damn, Lucas spent years polishing the old Star Wars, so why not give the Indiana Jones series a spit-shine?

I can forgive directorial prerogative and enjoy the spectacle and excitement. But what happened to the story development? The human element so familiar to the previous installments seems more of an afterthought. Revelations of, and reunions with, Indiana's past are squeezed into the crannies of the action, a complete detriment to the series's appeal. It's a shame because the actors are giving it their all. If you aren't going to give the character's history proper respect, then don't bother adding it to the story.

Dirty Undies
Over the years, the Indiana Jones films have gotten slimmer and slimmer in the categories of brutal violence and sex appeal, and Crystal Skull keeps up the kid-friendly trend. There's loads of bare-knuckle fighting and harrowing chases, but none of the associated bloodshed you'd imagine from the confrontations. It's easily the least violent and most chaste of the series.

The Money Shot
The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is a worthy addition into the annals of the Indiana Jones chronology. I know it doesn't sound like it, through my nitpicking, but I loved Crystal Skull from a pure summer-movie standpoint. The inevitable comparison of the film to its brethren exposes the mystery of the Crystal Skull to be a rather weak story with a glossed-over footnote of Indiana's personal history. Simply put, The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull meets the expectations of those who grew up with Dr. Jones but it does little to impress a new generation of Indiana followers.

A Quickie: Young@Heart

Young@Heart

Release: 04.09.2008 limited
Rated PG
1 hour, 47 minutes

FULL PRICE ($$$$)

Young@Heart is a documentary which follows the Young@Heart chorus from the beginning of their hectic seven-week rehearsal schedule until opening night in their hometown of Northampton, Massachusetts. The big deal? The chorus is comprised of members whose average age is 80 years old. Choral Director Bob Cilman started the chorus back in 1982 to perform showtunes, but its repertoire has evolved over the years to include complicated numbers by classic and contemporary rock and pop artists such as James Brown, the Clash, Sonic Youth and even Coldplay.

British filmmaker Stephen Walker caught this venerable choir's performance in London and followed them back to the States to get a behind-the-scenes look at what makes it all work. Walker interviews several choir members about their lives and why they perform. Eileen Hall is a spry 92 years old and you can tell Walker is smitten by her charms and energy immediately. Former member Fred Knittle, returning to the chorus after a long illness, is damn funny despite being tethered to an oxygen machine. Walker gets the giggles just being around him, or almost any other chorus member. Given that there are so many members in the chorus, it's clear that not all their stories could be shown within the film's runtime (and it's possible some members preferred not to be spotlighted). Walker intertwines snippets of the group's rehearsals and concerts with brief personal interviews and spices it up with a series of inventive music videos!

With only a couple of questions and a steady camera, the interviewees' tenacity and liveliness radiate onscreen. In just a brief stint, the Young@Heart chorus captivate audiences with their uplifting and heartwarming stories. Be warned that you may experience uncontrollable surges in your emotions.

Rigorous practice regimens, music video shoots, documentary interviews and world tours...I thought the Rolling Stones were the only elderly rockers able to maintain such a daunting schedule! Heck, Eileen has her own key to the nursing home so she can come and go when the attendants are sleeping. Young@Heart is a wonderful film that you shouldn't be reading about; you should be experiencing it.

P.S.- After seeing this film, check out their site to learn even more about these inspiring folks.

The Golden Goose (Now with Red Accents!)

Iron Man

Release: 05.01.2008
Rated PG-13
2 hours, 6 minutes

FULL PRICE ($$$$)

Ka-ching! Did you hear that? It’s the sound of the till overflowing courtesy of the first film of the blockbuster summer. Marvel’s Iron Man opened this weekend to the tune of $104 million, pounding the competition into the pavement. In the vein of comic adaptations before it, Iron Man is an origins story, chronicling the evolution of brilliant, corporate mogul Tony Stark (Robert Downey, Jr., U.S. Marshals) into the red-and-gold metallic hero. His fast cars, fast women and devil-may-care attitude are thrown out the door when Stark is kidnapped by terrorists and ordered to build his latest weapon of mass destruction, the Jericho. Instead, Stark is inspired to build a metal suit to affect his own rescue. Once back in the comforts of his lavish lifestyle, the disturbing events of his abduction lead him to improve his unwieldy escape harness into a lean, mean, defending machine.

Any action film that opens rocking out to AC/DC’s Back in Black wins immediate brownie points. Cliché though it may be, when it works it works. Downey is both smug and charismatic; for all the reasons there are to despise Stark you can’t help but desire to be near him…Reporter Christine (Leslie Bibb, Talladega Nights) is proof of that. Also in continuous orbit around Mr. Stark are his assistant Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow, Se7en), his friend Jim Rhodes (Terrence Howard, Hart’s War) and his trusted advisor Obadiah Stone (Jeff Bridges, The Vanishing). The story development is quick-paced and tight. Director Jon Favreau (Elf) develops Stark’s transition from wild playboy to a man on a mission in a way that grabs audiences and consumes our attention. Favreau balances violent, gun-blazing action with sincere emotion and dedication to doing the right thing.

If there is a flaw to be found, I would point my finger at the pseudo-science of suit development. The series of sequences detailing the evolution of the suit had an engineer’s wet dream of a work space complete with intelligent robots, 3-D holographic blueprints, and endless wires, nuts and bolts. It also provided some much needed comic relief via a few failed test runs. Personally, I could have done with less production gadgetry in lieu of a few more test gags. Though I admit I come from a time when left-for-dead Officer Murphy wakes up transformed into the coolest cybernetic body (a.k.a. Robocop) sans the dull and plodding evolutionary jargon. The elaborate workspace made me speculate on the suit’s true limits and the safety of its pilot, but those less nerdy than I should not let my minor quibble deter them.

Dirty Undies
As a boozing, good-time billionaire, Stark has it all, even a private plane with ultra hot stewardesses who transform into strippers at 30,000 feet. Downey is charismatic, though a bit scrawny for a superhero. I guess Terrence Howard was hired to up the manly eye candy since he’s given little else to do. The earlier battle sequences are rapidly paced and satisfyingly destructive. I would have appreciated a more staggering scale of devastation in the climactic battle, but it works well enough to qualify as a proper superhero film.

The Money Shot
It’s taken a while but Marvel seems to grasp the idea; a quality cast really does help the end product. It also helps to have a well-developed script in the hands of a competent director who obviously cares for the material. I don’t think it quite reaches the success of Spider-Man but at least it’s a far cry from Daredevil-Hulk-Punisher-Ghost Rider…um, you get the idea.

P.S. – True believers will enjoy our staple cameo, Stan Lee. But those lovers of all film projects Marvel may want to stick around for a nice foreshadowing cameo after final credits roll.

Suck It Monkeys, I'm Going Corporate!

Baby Mama

Release: 04/25/2008
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 36 minutes


Full Price ($$$$) <
> Matinee ($$$)




You heard right; Tina Fey (Mean Girls) is rising from her SNL beginnings into a starring film role, and not with a character created for the show. Many fans probably expected Andy Samberg to be the next huge household name among SNL alums transitioning into hit comedy films, but Hot Rod notwithstanding you'd be wrong. Fey brings it and does us one better by tag-teaming with fellow alum Amy Poehler (Blades of Glory). After seeing Baby Mama I've got to tell you, this duo is the best thing since Will Ferrell and Chris Kattan! (Can I get a What! What! for Night at the Roxbury? No? Snobs!) Umm, scratch that, they’re the best thing since Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly!

Fey and Poehler! Shake and Bake!

I may be all jacked up on Mountain Dew, but I'm also all stoked to see another genuinely funny film this month. If you don't know, Fey plays Kate Holbrook, a single, successful, 37-year-old VP of an Earth-friendly grocery chain known as Round Earth. The only thing missing in her life is the pitter-patter of little feet. Adoption is difficult, and her womb even more so. The only option left: surrogacy. Shortly after the process begins, Kate finds her surrogate, Angie, at her doorstep after Angie leaves her boyfriend Carl (Dax Shepard, Idiocracy). It's an odd coupling who ultimately learn from one another despite their differences and secrets.

Fey and Poehler play perfectly off one another. But to thicken the pot, they've assembled a stellar supporting cast including Sigourney Weaver (Heartbreaker), Greg Kinnear (As Good As It Gets) and Steve Martin (Bowfinge), all in roles slightly more fleshy than cameos. I was laughing at these guys just as much as our dynamic duo. Although a contemporary premise, the formulaic story, written by Michael McCullers (Undercover Brother), could have benefited from some freshness in structure. His direction also needed more pizzazz, but at least it didn't feel like an SNL skit gone on far too long.

Dirty Undies
I know this may not be popular with the cool kids, but Baby Mama keeps it clean. Seeing Fey skanked up with her boobage shoved into her neck is about as visually risqué as it gets.

The Money Shot
You go see this now if for no other reason than to give Tina Fey an Apatow-like producing power that she may wield to better the future of film entertainment. Baby Mama does suffer from predictability, but hey, you ride Splash Mountain 'cause it's fun, and not for the twists and turns. So what are you waiting for? Get wet, bizzlenatches!


To finish off my truly random thoughts on this subject, I leave you with this little diddy. North Carolina Represent!:

If Life Gives You Lemons, I Say F*ck Lemons and Bail.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Release: 04/18/2008
Rated R
1 hour, 52 minutes

Full Price ($$$$)




Peter Bretter (Jason Segel, Knocked Up) has a comfortable life in Los Angeles. He composes music for the television drama Crime Scene and dates the star of the show, Sarah Marshall (Kristen Bell, Pulse). When Sarah returns home and surprises Peter by announcing the end of their five-year relationship, he collapses in heap of sorrow and naked-man flesh. On the advice of his step-brother, he goes on vacation to Hawaii where he just happens to run into Sarah and her new man, English pop sensation Aldous Snow (Russell Brand). Thanks to the charity of the hotel concierge, Rachel (Mila Kunis, American Psycho 2), and the other hotel staff, Peter pulls himself out of his rut and begins to enjoy a new outlook on life.

If you assumed this to be a Judd Apatow production in the vein of 40 Year-Old Virgin and Knocked Up and not Anchorman or The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, you'd be correct. As in the former films, Apatow & Company take their popular brand of crude humor and mingle it with a tangible drama of relationships. I still proclaim 40 Year-Old Virgin as the best of the lot while each new incarnation shifts the perfect balance of laughs and love a little farther to the dramatic side. Still, the balance isn't too far to the right and FSM had me laughing well into the credits.

Let's be honest; this is my kind of movie: a crude comedy with beautiful women and a hilarious cast. The great supporting cast includes Bill Hader (Hot Rod), Jonah Hill (Superbad), Jack McBrayer (30 Rock) and Paul Rudd (Reno 911!: Miami). Ahh, Paul Rudd, who doesn't love you? The film even has a nice cameo that I won't spoil for you. I will say I was excited to see Branscombe Richmond (The Scorpion King), but disappointed he had barely a minute of screen time. FSM has already lit up my Confessions radar for memorable characters, lines and scenes. It also features some original songs with hilarious lyrics including Inside Me and Dracula’s Lament. FSM gives much needed big-screen cred to Bell and Kunis, whose only previous film endeavors I have seen (mentioned above) were not their shining moments. I especially love that this film bashes one of those stinkers, although obscurely.

Dirty Undies
I have mad, nasty love for Kristen Bell, so I brought my drool bib. After seeing FSM, I wish I had brought a spare because, DAMN, if Mila Kunis wasn’t equally tent-pitching. Sure, she was cute on That 70's Show, but her radiant face and wavy, brown locks will inspire a whole new level of infatuation on equal footing with the lovely Bell. Jason Segel owes the casting director big!!! First-born-son big.

If Apatow's star continues to rise I foresee his ultimate masterpiece. In the future, his number-one film will be called Cock. And that's all it will be for 90 minutes: a flaccid penis. It will win eight Oscars, including best screenplay. Whether Segel will win the starring role in Cock is uncertain, but FSM gave him some good practice.

The Money Shot
I think the major divide between FSM and Knocked Up in comparison to 40 Year-Old Virgin stems from the caliber of their stars’ performances. Segel and Rogen are no Carell, stargazers. But it doesn’t really matter because the material is funny enough that literate monkeys could make this a success.

I am McLovin' Superbad!

Superbad

Release:08/17/2007
Rated: R
1 hour, 54 minutes

FULL PRICE ($$$$)

I know I am a week late with this much anticipated review, but hey, I can’t be fortunate enough to catch sneak previews all the time! But there’s no time for rambling, on with the review:

“Knocked Up” star Seth Rogen and his colleague Evan Goldberg were finally able to greenlight a film the two started writing at the age of thirteen. Their movie, “Superbad,” is a coming-of-age film about best friends Seth and Evan. In the penultimate weeks of their high school years, Seth and Evan are invited to a house party where they may finally hook up with their dream girls, assuming they can use their buddy Fogell and his fake ID to shower the party with booze. This simple task starts a spiraling series of events involving cops, seedy parties with seedier people, and constant bickering that jeopardizes more than their chance to score.

I knew the moment I saw Jonah Hill in “The 40 Year Old Virgin” that he would soon hit it big. Likewise, watching Michael Cera week to week in “Arrested Development” gave me the same tingly feeling, until they cancelled the brilliant and underrated show. Fortunately everything happens for a reason and that reason is “Superbad.” If Cera and Hill were never on your radar that will soon change. Hill plays up Seth as wild and offensive as are his curly, unkempt locks. Cera portrays Evan as the straight man, complementing Hill with a deadpan delivery and somber tone. The duo’s timing meshes perfectly, creating a real sense of camaraderie. Aside from writing the script, Seth Rogen appears alongside SNL cast member Bill Hader (*Hot Rod) as a pair of police who wreak their own brand of insanely riotous mayhem. Hands down, Fogell, a.k.a. McLovin’ will be the most remembered and revered character. This third Musketeer, portrayed by newcomer Christopher Mintz-Plasse, may not be ready for stardom. Let us hope he can handle his skyrocketing fame more deftly than the other recent cult icon, Jon Heder, whose debut in Napoleon Dynamite has been followed by many shortcomings.

While the actors are adept at delivering, the material they are given is equally brilliant. The situations are totally outlandish as with any goofball comedy, but Rogen and Goldberg manage to add a vein of reality that grounds the incidents in an all-too-familiar setting. Looking at “Superbad” on the whole, audience members will be saying, I know a guy just like that! The ability to create such relatable and honest characters and situations is what takes “Superbad” beyond the average film. If there is one glaring weakness in the film, it is the lack of development of the female characters. But assuming Rogen and Goldberg couldn’t know how a woman thinks, maybe it was a smart move on their parts to focus solely on how the guys roll.

Dirty Undies

The various fracases that Seth, Evan, and Fogell are embroiled in, while not overly violent, do leave a few bruises and bloody a few garments, but I will leave it at that. Ironically, nudity is virtually nonexistent. Its constant vulgarity and frank expletives, big talk from small-balled boys, and sexually degrading remarks both appropriate and inappropriate to nearly every situation will have your ears ringing as you realize you can’t wait to see this again!

The Money Shot

“Superbad” has been touted as a film that is, in some ways, in the vein of the “American Pie’ series; basically, a dirty comedy about teenage guys. Mostly “Superbad” excels beyond the by-the-numbers predictability to deliver raunch with a sliver of tenderness at its core. Heck, if you don’t go for any other reason, go so you will fully understand the true glory behind the soon-be-iconic “I am McLovin’!”