Week of Reel Whorror!: Who Wants a Clean House?! - Day 7

Happy Halloween Stargazers! As you may have noticed it's Day 7 of the Week of Reel Whorror!, but the last post was only Day 5. Make no attempts to adjust your PC. That post, much like the Freelings' home, and my grandiose plans and good intentions has imploded, never to be seen in our realm. Not one to dwell over spilt milk, or in houses of evil, I am moving on to wrap this domicile-centric endeavor with the premier of a show worth watching, whether it's Halloween or not.

American Horror Story, Season 1




Premiered: 10.05.11
Channel: FX


Full Price



I had my misgivings with the first season of American Horror Story right from the start. It seemed they were trying to cram too many different types of horror into one seemingly innocuous Los Angeles home. I usually give a show three episodes, and by Murder House, the only things that kept me from moving on was Jessica Lange's wonderfully bigoted and hate-filled performance, the promise of yet another delightfully twisted character portrayed by True Blood's Denis O'Hare, and the undeniable allure of seeing Alexandra Breckenridge slinking around in a naughty maid's outfit. Let me tell you just how thankful I am for those three things, especially the latter.

Somehow I made it to the episode Piggy Piggy due to the continued promise of fun guest appearances like Eric Stonestreet, Alessandra Torresani, and Mena Suvari. It was with that sixth episode I realized the show would only last six more episodes, and decided to see where this strange mesh of horror cliches and sadistic characters would lead.

Boy am I glad I decided to maintain residence with the Harmon's a little longer. Each episode got a little darker, the acting of Taissa Farmiga, Evan Peters and Connie Britton had drawn me in. Lange was getting nastier and more mesmerizing with every episode, and I found myself calculating all the possibilities of where it would lead.

AHS hit the final turn with Smoldering Children and turned everything on its head. Even me, with my vast years of television and movie watching was thrown for a loop. I found myself wishing I had waited to watch AHS on DVD; not because it had grown dull, but so I could immediately jump into the next episode. Instead I had to wait and wait for two more whole weeks for the ever darkening conclusion.

In the end, I was mostly satisfied and a little disturbed by it all. I fretted the second season would return for more of the same in the dreary home, particularly when I heard Jessica Lange and Evan Peters, among others, would be returning. I was relieved to hear the setting had changed to an asylum for season 2, though I was concerned it would be more of the same monsters lurking in dark corners. Two episodes in and I am already floored by Lange's Sister Jude, and while the walls are coated with tons more horror cliches, I can't wait to see how they flow together.

If you've not seen Season 1 of American Horror Story, do what I did not give myself the opportunity to do; rent or buy the DVD and plow through the episodes one after another. Unlike going to live in the Murder House, you won't regret it.

MMM: Happy Endings

Not sure what all TV you're watching, but overall fall's new show line-up has sucked pretty hard. I've already dropped several of the new shows and it's looking like I'll nix a few more once I've given them a full three episodes to impress/disappoint. I owe a debt of gratitude to my returning shows for being quite exceptional, and thereby making the overall fall 2012 television season decent.

I have only the premier of Happy Endings (this Tuesday!) before I can say I'm completely satisfied with the returning shows. I'm not too worried because I love me some Elisha Cuthbert, even more so now thanks to this show. I first tuned into Happy Endings mainly to ogle Elisha in all her yumminess, but she and her costars had me in stitches within seconds. Since I also tuned in to see how Casey Wilson was faring after being axed from SNL, I was very pleased to discover she has found a non-Wiig world where her talent could really be showcased. Happy Endings is a hilarious show that you should be watching. And, even though I just featured Weezer here a month ago, flaunting Elisha on the site should help sway you to tune in. Enjoy!

Weezer - Perfect Situation

MMM: Good Grief!

I hate to start off the week on my soapbox, stargazers, but it must be said. I'm not sure if it's happened in your neck of the woods, but this weekend one local radio station began churning out nothing but Christmas music and is still at it today! Guess this means I'll need to skip this station until the week of Christmas; you know, the on time it's actually appropriate to listen to non-stop holiday cheer.

That said, when I flipped over to the channel this morning, they were playing a song that actually is appropriate for the entire holiday season. Linus and Lucy, better known as the Charlie Brown theme song, is a tune that's most in sync with fall and winter. You can set your holiday watch to the specials It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving and A Charlie Brown Christmas, which is nice since you can't trust radio anymore.

If you're like me and not quite ready for full-blown Christmas cheer; why not enjoy a year-round, spirit lifting classic by American jazz pianist Vince Guaraldi.

Vince Guaraldi Trio - Linus and Lucy

Jazz Impressions of A Boy Named Charlie Brown

MMM: You Gon Make Me Clutch My Pearls

Happy Fourth of July! I hope everyone is having a great holiday. I took this weekend as an opportunity to start watching a television series everyone has been chastising me for not watching sooner; True Blood. I've seen the first four episodes so far and I'm interested, but not yet a hardcore fan. One friend tells me it's the greatest series ever, but TB has a long way to go to topple Justified from that spot.

In honor of my latest TV addiction, this week's selection is the show's theme song. Nothing sets the mood for fangbanging and vampire mayhem quite like this tune.

Jace Everett - Bad Things

I Love It When a Movie Comes Together!

The A-Team


Release: 06.11.10
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 57 minutes


Full Price



When a mission in Mexico goes south for Templeton 'Faceman' Peck (Bradley Cooper, The Hangover), Hannibal Smith (Liam Neeson, (Taken) recruits the aid of disgraced Ranger B.A. Baracus (Midnight Meat Train) and pilot H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock (Sharlto Copley, District 9), to complete the job and pull Peck's ass out of the fire. Eight years and eighty successful missions later, the guys are unofficially recruited for a black ops mission; a mission that goes, to put it lightly, badly. The A-Team, now incarcerated in separate maximum-security installations, promptly escape in an effort to clear their names.

Given the formulaic nature of the A-Team television series, the camaraderie of the cast had to be on-point to attract audiences. And for nearly one hundred episodes, it was. The great thing about the feature length movie is Neeson, Cooper, Jackson and Copley strike that same harmonious chord. Mind-bending missions, thrilling chases, and daring escapes work so well because the foursome jibe and antagonize one another as if they were genuinely the best of friends.

A relationship that doesn't work onscreen is between Peck and Sosa (Jessica Biel, Stealth). There is a complete lack of chemistry. An exchange in a photo booth between the two was uber-creepy instead of romantically tense. Maybe the extreme close-ups during that sequence failed to capture any emotion, but I fear there wasn't any spark to film. Given that Sosa is external to the guys' plight, she can easily be written out of future installments.

Dirty Undies
With respect to the thrill factor, director Joe Carnahan (Smokin Aces) has a above average handle on crafting an action flick. That said, my one quibble, one that I often have with contemporary action movies, is once you set the bar for a certain level of over-the-top scenarios, don't exponentially surpass those constraints. Case in point? The finale, which strains even the most liberal reality.

The uneven quality of the special effects and choppy edits plagued many of the outlandish sequences. At times I was caught up in the riptide of hard-hitting action while other times, the shoddy look of the scene took me totally out of the moment. It didn't ruin my overall enjoyment of the A-Team; it's just something to be mindful of in future installments.

The Money Shot
Children and adults of the eighties know all too well that if you had a problem, if no one else could help, and if you could find them, maybe you could hire the crack commando unit known as the A-Team. Hollywood reached out to these boys and they have rescued the summer box office from being a complete wash.

Abu Dhabi Don't

Sex and the City 2


Release: 05.27.10
Rated R
2 hours, 26 minutes


Group Rental



At the end of the previous movie, Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker, Smart People) is in wedded bliss with Mr. Big (Chris Noth, Cast Away), Miranda (Cynthia Nixon, The Babysitters) regains a balance between career and family, Charlotte (Kristin Davis, Couple's Retreat) realizes her goal of giving birth, and Samantha (Kim Cattrall, The Ghost Writer) is back to fucking any hot hunk within reach. Two years later it's a tale of be careful what you wish for as Carrie finds the routine of married life too mundane, Miranda's boss infuriates her, Charlotte's kids are driving her bonkers, and Samantha's menopause threatens to end her desire to ride the broncos. Samantha finagles an escape to a luxury resort in Abu Dhabi for the foursome, hoping the sun, sand and some stiff drinks will be the stress relief they all need.

I knew this film was in trouble when a very emotionally tender exchange of vows between Stanford (Willie Garson, Fever Pitch) and Tony (Mario Cantone, TV: Sex & the City) was cut at a breakneck pace to give Liza Minnelli (The Oh in Ohio) time to perform her rendition of Beyoncé's Single Ladies in its entirety. The scene was an unnecessary extravagance, completely extraneous and not pertinent to the plot. Very little of the content of the two and a half hour film actually has any bearing on the plot. Instead, writer-director Michael Patrick King (Sex & the City) makes Sex & the City 2 an exercise in indulgence.

Fans might argue that the tale of four Big Apple gals had always been an excuse to savor the latest fashions and trends. However, the show had a knack for balancing plot with the glam. The plot of Sex & the City 2 was nothing more than a mirage in this glitzy desert. King toys with preaching about cultural tolerance and marital compromise, but aside for one poignant conversation between Miranda and Charlotte, the movie is little more than a hodgepodge of hi-jinks and insulting pseudo-vocabulary.

Dirty Undies
Flesh, in various states, is prevalent. Alice Eve (She's Out of My League) plays Charlotte's beautiful, bra-less au pair. If bouncy boobs aren't your tastes, there's a whole kiwi-smuggling team of soccer hooligans lounging poolside for you to ogle. As always, Carrie dares to bare and I found myself drawn to her ample bosom, which saved me from having to stare into her freaky-harsh features. Even Samantha was looking pretty haggard; her sparkly new beau Rikard (Max Ryan, Death Race) was more comely.

The Money Shot
Experiencing Sex & the City 2 is like riding a carousel as an adult; you buy a ticket and hop in the saddle, anxious and excited. The music blares, lights flash and a world of bright colors surrounds you. But it's not as fun as you remember. You exit, exactly where you started, wanting to punch the money-grubbing carnie (and yourself) for believing you could relive your fond memories.

I've Caught the TVD!

It was inevitable. With the films of 2010 sucking so much, the Reel Whore had to look elsewhere for satisfaction. In the darkened corner of my living room skulked an old mistress, waiting to welcome me back into her arms. Her warm glow has comforted me at a time when the theater could not. Stargazers, I've stepped out on movies and caught the TVD!

TVD, or TeleVision Disease, is a sneaky infection. With cinematic entertainment lacking, I found myself doing what I never do, flipping channels. While seemingly harmless, you can quickly find yourself enveloped by a show. If you are as compulsive as I am, you can't just catch a random episode here and there; you must watch every episode in the series! Thanks to commercials and promotions, one show led to another and another and, well, you know.

Until last week I didn't realize I was infected. I assumed my lack of website postage was due to the slim pickins. Partially true, but when I looked at the increasing list of movies in my review queue, the truth could not be denied. My TVD has become so rampant it's interfering with my first love.

Luckily, the Reel Whore can handle multiple partners. I just need to be upfront and honest with both film and television. I want to confess the indulgences that have kept me riveted to the couch these past few weeks.

Recent Fraternizations:

Dexter - I finished S3 last week and can already feel the tremors starting. Unfortunately S4 won't be released until August so I'll be going through serious withdrawal. Until then I'll be dreaming darkly of Dexter.

Burn Notice - It's like MacGuyver, Magnum, P.I. and the A-Team had some sort of freaky, deaky orgy and the offspring was left to right wrongs and wreak havoc on the streets of Miami. Jeffrey Donovan rules.


Glee - Jane Lynch and her incessant belligerence towards Matthew Morrison's curly locks is just one reason to tune in every week. I'm trying to resist the urge to watch it all over again this summer during Fox's re-airing of the season.

Hell's Kitchen - I can't remember why I started watching, but I know I can't stop watching. Crafty editing and endless recapping aside, I've got to hang on til the end to see whether me or the wife called the final two from the first episode.

Avatar: The Last Airbender - I've been streaming the animated series off of Netflix in anticipation of the upcoming Shyamalan film adaptation. I really love Ang's quirkiness and childish ways. It worries me the tone of the movie seems so serious.

Justified - Phenomenal! Abso-fucking-lutely phenomenal! Best season finale of 2010, no question. There is so much to love about Justified. Instead of listing them, check out fellow LAMB Fletch's Favored Five.


Boondocks - Aaron MacGruder's comic strip about Huey and Riley returns to animated life on Cartoon Network for its third and final season. The Hateocracy was genius, but then Riley comes along and blows me away in both Smokin With Cigarettes and The Fundraiser.

Doctor Who - The first turn of Matt Smith as the Eleventh Doctor. It had a bit of a rocky start, but I'm beginning to find the groove. It's got to be hard for anyone to follow on the heels of David Tennant's brilliant portrayal.


Upcoming Rendezvous:

Psych - Shawn and Gus, a.k.a. Black and Tan, return for their fifth season. I totally dig the random pop culture references buried in every episode, but I can't decide if I'm more excited to see which awesome guest stars will appear or how the duo will slam The Mentalist for scamming its concept.


Being Human - Don't stop me if you've heard the one about the vampire, the werewolf and the ghost who rent a flat together because you haven't heard this story. First season was a slow boil, spilling into more questions than they can possibly answer in the new season. Get caught up now so you won't be behind come July.

Mad Men - If you watch the show, you are counting down the minutes until its July premiere. Everything we knew before has changed; is it wrong to secretly hope for some happy resolutions?


This isn't even counting shows I want to grab from Netflix like Rome, Breaking Bad, Entourage, The Inbetweeners, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, True Blood...the list goes on.

That's what has been and will be captivating my attention. Have you caught TVD? If so, which shows are responsible?

In keeping with my TVD confession, expect to see more television-related content all week. Check out yesterday's TV theme Monday Mood Music if you missed it.

MMM: Post, Finally!

Readers who know me well saw this coming, especially after the release of the A-Team. By the way, I did see it this weekend and you can expect a review in the immediate future. Right now's not the time for movies, it's time for the Monday Mood Music!

Today's artist, Leland Postil, has amassed an excellent catalog of tunage which made it difficult to choose a single selection. I managed to narrow it down to six songs that are ingrained into my mind for all eternity. Call it the nostalgia of childhood or a sign of a talented composer, either way, these songs are instantly recognizable to not only me, but millions.

That's because these multiple mood musics are all theme songs composed or co-composed by Mr. Postil, a.k.a. Mike Post, for some great television series of the eighties and nineties. Take a walk with me down memory lane.

The A-Team Theme - Pete Carpenter & Mike Post
I love how they left in the sound of B.A. kicking in the door.

Doogie Howser, M.D. Theme - Mike Post
NPH rules!

Greatest American Hero Theme - Pete Carpenter & Mike Post
Makes me want to pop in the show and watch it.



Hill Street Blues Theme - Mike Post
This was more of my parents show than mine, but the theme song sticks with you.

Magnum, P.I. Theme- Pete Carpenter & Mike Post
My mom was a huge Magnum fan. I think everyone's mom was in love with that mustache and hairy chest.

Quantum Leap Theme - Mike Post & Jerry Grant
FYI: As I understand it, only the first rendition in this video belongs to Mike Post and Jerry Grant.

Mike Post is also responsible for many equally popular theme songs for shows still running. Law & Order and all its spin-off spawn to name a few. Which Mike Post theme song if your favorite?

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Trailer Trash: The Boondocks Season 2

As I sat at my PC, cursor blinking, my thoughts on The Strangers wouldn't manifest into a review. Then it came to me: today is Tuesday. Today is the day new movies are released on DVD. Today is the day The Boondocks Season 2 arrives in stores. Today is the day I can see the two episodes that were omitted from the regular season! Today is GLORIOUS!

Why did I choose to hype the television show The Boondocks Season 2 under the Trailer Trash banner instead of a movie? It was only about a year ago I had fully expected this phenomenal series to return to Adult Swim. Then for some reason it was delayed, and all we got was this intriguing trailer. If you've never seen The Boondocks, here's a little taste from Season 2:

Pure genius. This show can be rude and crude at times, but it is always funny and it'ss always saying something important. On October 8, 2007, my TV fix was complete as Episode 16 ...Or Die Trying aired. I was on the floor. Week after week I was rolling on the floor, watching the same episodes two and three times, and entertaining my wife to no end by repeating phrases like "You gay" and "Eat a dick!" But my excitement was short-lived. Two of the episodes from Season 2 were pulled by Sony due to the threat of litigation from BET for defaming content. And with that, the second season was over. The countless Adult Swim repeats of The Boondocks episodes Tom, Sarah and Usher, The S Word, and Attack of the Killer Kung-Fu Wolf Bitch, were now just bitter reminders that I was short-changed my full entertainment.

Today I can say that no more! Today I can go out and buy the COMPLETE Boondocks Season 2. Today I can tell all my friends that if they don't know Aaron McGruder's work, there's no time like the present. Our TV shows are ending, June movies are looking rather weak, and it's too damn hot to be outside. Why not curl up with fifteen episodes of The Boondocks second season, or better yet, check out all thirty episodes from both seasons. Trust.

Watch it...unless you's a bitch!

Verdict: Moist With Antici...pation!