Week of Reel Whorror!: Who Wants a Clean House?! - Day 7

Happy Halloween Stargazers! As you may have noticed it's Day 7 of the Week of Reel Whorror!, but the last post was only Day 5. Make no attempts to adjust your PC. That post, much like the Freelings' home, and my grandiose plans and good intentions has imploded, never to be seen in our realm. Not one to dwell over spilt milk, or in houses of evil, I am moving on to wrap this domicile-centric endeavor with the premier of a show worth watching, whether it's Halloween or not.

American Horror Story, Season 1




Premiered: 10.05.11
Channel: FX


Full Price



I had my misgivings with the first season of American Horror Story right from the start. It seemed they were trying to cram too many different types of horror into one seemingly innocuous Los Angeles home. I usually give a show three episodes, and by Murder House, the only things that kept me from moving on was Jessica Lange's wonderfully bigoted and hate-filled performance, the promise of yet another delightfully twisted character portrayed by True Blood's Denis O'Hare, and the undeniable allure of seeing Alexandra Breckenridge slinking around in a naughty maid's outfit. Let me tell you just how thankful I am for those three things, especially the latter.

Somehow I made it to the episode Piggy Piggy due to the continued promise of fun guest appearances like Eric Stonestreet, Alessandra Torresani, and Mena Suvari. It was with that sixth episode I realized the show would only last six more episodes, and decided to see where this strange mesh of horror cliches and sadistic characters would lead.

Boy am I glad I decided to maintain residence with the Harmon's a little longer. Each episode got a little darker, the acting of Taissa Farmiga, Evan Peters and Connie Britton had drawn me in. Lange was getting nastier and more mesmerizing with every episode, and I found myself calculating all the possibilities of where it would lead.

AHS hit the final turn with Smoldering Children and turned everything on its head. Even me, with my vast years of television and movie watching was thrown for a loop. I found myself wishing I had waited to watch AHS on DVD; not because it had grown dull, but so I could immediately jump into the next episode. Instead I had to wait and wait for two more whole weeks for the ever darkening conclusion.

In the end, I was mostly satisfied and a little disturbed by it all. I fretted the second season would return for more of the same in the dreary home, particularly when I heard Jessica Lange and Evan Peters, among others, would be returning. I was relieved to hear the setting had changed to an asylum for season 2, though I was concerned it would be more of the same monsters lurking in dark corners. Two episodes in and I am already floored by Lange's Sister Jude, and while the walls are coated with tons more horror cliches, I can't wait to see how they flow together.

If you've not seen Season 1 of American Horror Story, do what I did not give myself the opportunity to do; rent or buy the DVD and plow through the episodes one after another. Unlike going to live in the Murder House, you won't regret it.

Week of Reel Whorror!: Who Wants a Clean House?! - Day 5

Today is normally reserved for my Monday Mood Music, and though it's posting later than usual, it's a selection that also fits in snugly with the Week of Reel Whorror!. Seeing as how this week's all about the evil that houses do or hold, it's impossible not to mention the film Rob Zombie crammed every conceptual ounce of horror into. And, being a rocker prior to debuting as a writer-director, he was all too happy to supply his initial offering with a killer (no pun intended) soundtrack which included his cover of this Commodores classic. 

Brickhouse -

Rob Zombie featuring Lionel Richie and Trina

House of 1000 Corpses


Release: 04.11.03
DVD Release: 08.12.03
Rated R
1 hours, 29 minutes


Matinee


I have to go on record as saying House of 1000 Corpses is perhaps one of the best and one of the worst horror films I have ever seen. Approximately three-fourths of it is edgy and phenomenal in its delivery; the remaining just utter filth and a waste of good celluloid. Then again, the horror genre has a wealth of depraved avenues one can traverse; I just prefer some concepts more than others.

The debut picture from musician turned writer-director Rob Zombie opens on All Hallow's Eve with four college kids traveling along the back roads of Texas (has a familiar ring to it, right?). Captain Spaulding (Sid Haig, Jackie Brown) runs the roadside Gasoline, Fried Chicken, and Horror Museum where the kids stop to stock up for the last leg of their voyage home. The museum tour chronicles notorious mass murderers, including the local legend, Dr. Satan, which sparks the kids’ need to drive out to the fabled killer's remote stomping grounds in the cold, rainy dead of night. One hitchhiker named Baby (Sheri Moon) and one flat tire later, the kids end up at the home of the Firefly family. After partaking in the Firefly Halloween celebration and getting the car repaired, their fun really begins.

The darkest, most twisted character is Otis, creepily portrayed by Bill Moseley (Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2). Otis will single-handedly freak you out. He’s the answer to the question “What if Ted Nugent was insane?...correction...an insane mass murderer?” Sid Haig's Captain Spaulding is a vulgar, dreadful delight and may just hold the record for most profanity per minute from a character. Spaulding couldn't open his mouth without making a sailor blush. I always wished Haig would start appearing in more features after 1000 Corpses, but seems only Mr. Zombie appreciates his talent. Sheri Moon's Baby is a sexy, sultry psychotic woman who flaunts it. Her high-pitched, joyful schoolgirl giggle will send chills up and down your spine. My favorite sedate scene with Baby involves a liquor run to the local ABC store with the ingenious name. (I was so enamored by her character that I penned two pieces of fan fiction for the LAMB).

The unsuspecting travelers are played by Chris Hardwick (Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines), Erin Daniels (One Hour Photo), Jennifer Jostyn (Deep Impact) and a then, mostly unknown Rainn Wilson (Juno). As each becomes the playthings of their sadistic hosts, they give great ear-piercing screams. The gore and torture are wonderfully sick and twisted; the influences of many horror classics are plainly evident in 1000 Corpses. It's a very bloody and deliberately brutal film with a smidgen of violence tossed in to help offset the blood. Unfortunately, 1000 Corpses has many horrific horror film fumbles that disengaged my interest at times. Likewise, Zombie's direction is tense, creating a nail-biting ambience, but at other moments he segues into a music video vantage with random cuts and digital effects unnecessary to the story's development.

House of 1000 Corpses has something for every aficionado of the horror genre, and that is where it fails. In trying to make a dish palatable to all connoisseurs, Rob Zombie inevitably created a film with some indigestible tripe. That said, it is still a must see. I recommend 1000 Corpses on the well-developed and unique characterizations alone; what you try to get from the rest of the flick is done so at your own risk.

Week of Reel Whorror!: Who Wants a Clean House?! - Day 4

Actually, you can't always blame the houses for horrific deeds done within their walls. Sometimes evil just meanders its way to the front door and let's itself in.When that happens, it's always best to be prepared; just ask the Collingwoods.

The Last House on the Left



Release: 03.013.09
Rated R
1 hour, 50 minutes


 
Matinee


Meet John (Tony Goldwyn, Abandon), Emma (Monica Potter, Saw) and Mary (Sara Paxton, Soldier); the Collingwood Family. They've left behind their daily drudgery for their annual summer vacation at the lake. Mary bounces into town to visit her friend, Paige (Martha MacIsaac, Superbad). The two teens finds themselves in the midst of a clan of miscreants, led by recently escaped convict Krug (Garret Dillahunt, No Country for Old Men). The Family Krug and the Family Collingwood are on a collision course with destiny. The sign post up ahead reads "Lake Ends in the Road." Your next stop: the last house on the left.

I really dug Last House. Granted, it's a far cry from the insanity of the original, but it's a well structured tale of terror. So I keep asking myself, why am I hung up on this damned house!? Let me explain. John's a doctor and Emma seems to do important work, too. Obviously well-to-do, it seems only natural that they own a summer home. But the family owns a two-story home at the lake, with a boat house, a massive tool shed AND a two-story guest house!?! Both domiciles are loaded with furniture, linens and even the medicine cabinets are fully stocked. The main house even has a cabinet full of wine, enough to carry the family through Indian summer. Is it just me or does this seem a bit excessive? And the kicker; they own a 10,000 watt, faux-wood veneer, approved-for-nuclear-testing microwave you'd find in your gram-gram's kitchen. Really?! You couldn't spring for a portable funcooker like normal people!! But I digress.

Dillahunt is my man. I've enjoyed his roles on Deadwood as well as Sarah Connor Chronicles and his twinge of devilishness works well here. However, he and his compatriots aren't nearly as crazy and drug-addled as the original's gang...except, maybe, Sadie (Riki Lindhome, Million Dollar Baby). Potter and Goldwyn, too, make you feel the anguish and anger over the evening's events. By the way, what's up with Monica Potter's career? It's like she's been on the Sandra Bullock short bus for her entire career. I don't think Paxton will suffer the same fate. She gives a top-notch performance and her Aquamarine training probably helped, too.

Dirty Undies
Last House isn't for the timid or faint of heart. The Family Krug are introduced in an explosion of blood-spatter, but their deviant ways settle into a very cautious and calculated routine that's surprisingly weak in comparison to the meek Collingwoods who wreck shit once their ire's agitated. The film does feature scenes of graphic rape and torture, but its conservative nature keeps it from attaining Firefly-family infamy.

The Money Shot
The Last House on the Left pulls off a decent amount of tension and dread, but it could have been truly nail-biting had they trimmed off a solid fifteen minutes. Still, horror films with a fairly realistic, well-explained story are a rarity these days, so you should catch the good ones whenever possible.

Week of Reel Whorror!: Who Wants a Clean House?! - Day 3

Whether a house is truly haunted by spirits or inhabited by fiendish people, one thing that makes a house truly scary is its history. A house with a history of malevolence, whether true or imagined, makes it far scarier than that cookie-cutter home in the cul de sac. 
 
Since the Week of Reel Whorror! has been resurrected, I felt it fair to resurrect another of the Reel Whore's delightful features.The Jizt is the wham, bam, thank you ma'am of reviews and a perfect fit for the busy pre-Halloween weekend.

Silent House


Release: 03.09.11
1 hour, 26 minutes
Rated R

 

Full Price



Cast: Elizabeth Olsen (Martha Marcy May Marlene), Adam Trese (Zodiac), Eric Sheffer Stevens (Julie and Julia)
 
The Build-up: Sarah returns to her family's lakeside vacation home to help her dad and uncle prep it for sale, but finds herself trapped inside, hunted by a mysterious figure.
 
The Blurt-out: Were it not for Olsen's exceptional acting and magnetic screen presence, my TV screen would have gone as dark as the recesses of this house within the first half hour.
 
The Jizt: Shot as real-time, this tense thriller is the kind of well-made remake that makes me want to go back and see if it improved upon the original film.

Why it's always a good idea to read the manual before operating power tools.

Week of Reel Whorror!: Who Wants a Clean House?! - Day 2

I hope last night you didn't have too many things go bump in the night. No matter, the Week of Reel Whorror! continues nonetheless. Not all houses are built evil. Some have evil bred into them. It's a strange concept to be sure, and some movies do a real shit job in conveying that idea. This is one such story.

The Haunting in Connecticut


Release: 03.27.09
1 hour, 42 minutes
Rated PG-13


Group Rental




In the same way her son Matt (Kyle Gallner, TV: Veronica Mars) can barely stomach his cancer treatments, Sarah Campbell (Virginia Madsen, Number 23) cannot bear to watch him suffer on their long road trips back to suburban Connecticut. Sarah and husband Peter (Martin Donovan, The Quiet) decide to rent a house near the treatment facility to ease everyone's stress. Sarah finds the perfect house for cheap; perfect and cheap if you don't mind living in an old funeral home. No one minds, except for the wayward souls that keep lurking around the Campbell's dying son.

Haunting, based on true events, tries to strike a balance between Matt's battle with cancer and the recurring appearance of ghosts in his basement digs. At times, Matt sees through the eyes of a young spirit, Jonah, who appears to Matt as an extra crispy version of his former self. The KFC spectre mainly just stares at Matt and lurches over him while he sleeps. Startling moments of here-one-second, gone-the-next are the extent of the film's overused scare tactics. I was more frightened by how often mommie dearest inexplicably left her children alone for large spans of time.

The whole damn film is one huge exercise in tedium. Like most lame-ass, teen-friendly horror flicks, jittery flashbacks tease audiences with the house's dark side. Whenever the KFC spectre goes on break, Matt splits his time between entertaining his siblings and cousin Wendy (Amanda Crew, Sex Drive), and by calling fellow cancer patient, Reverend Popescu (Elias Koteas, Zodiac), to talk death and ghosts. Judging by the Reverend's baggy attire, I assume John Goodman backed out of production and the budget didn't allow for a refitting for Koteas. Regardless, Koteas gives it his all.

Haunting cuts a lot of corners. Scenes are notably grainy. At first it seemed to set a mood, but when conversation sequences shift continually between poorly-shot and strikingly clear, it's friggin' annoying. The script works the same. When Matt's visits by the KFC spectre are confirmed, Encylopedia Wendy is on the case and in an afternoon uncovers the entire history of the hell house. The religious faith of Sarah and the Reverend are treated as taboo, almost as if the spirits themselves didn't allow more to be written into the story. I could stomach all these weaknesses if I wasn't being spoon-fed every other frivolous detail of the Campbells' life.

Dirty Undies
Gentle scares are mildly unnerving at best. The children seem to be in peril, but aside from treating Matt like an Etch-A-Sketch, the ghosts do very little besides stand around. Also, the shockingly horrific reveal doesn't make a lick of sense! A sure-fire indication a horror flick sucks is when the explanation creates more questions than it answers.

The Money Shot
The Haunting in Connecticut was so dull, I felt my brain shut off about ten minutes into it. As the climax approached and I snapped to attention, I realized I didn't know anything about Matt, his family, the KFC spectre or the other spirits I'd been watching for over an hour. The worst part? It didn't fucking matter. When it was all said and done, The Haunting in Connecticut amounted to nothing more than boredom in the theater.

Week of Reel Whorror!: Who Wants a Clean House?! - Day 1

As Carol Anne would say, They're here. While I've been a complete blog slacker most of this year, there was no way in hell I'd let Halloween go by without resurrecting my Week of Reel Whorror!. For those savvy horror fans, I have no doubt you've deduced this year's theme is houses!. If it's gloomy and creaks or is home to a family of freaks, for the next seven days we'll be taking up residence. If it's got a roof, four walls, and a door that's keeping otherworldly denizens at bay, we'll be part of the group of idiots dumb enough to snoop around.

ENTER... IF YOU DARE!!! 

House

Release: 02.28.86
Rated R
1 hour, 33 minutes

Matinee

Roger Cobb’s (William Katt) writing career and marriage falls apart after his son mysteriously vanishes from the house of his Aunt Elizabeth (Susan French). After his aunt’s passing, Roger moves into her house and starts penning his latest project, his Vietnam War autobiography, hoping the book will end his terrible wartime flashbacks of his buddy, Big Ben (Richard Moll). However, the house, always thought to be haunted, has plans of its own for the tortured writer.

Billed as a horror-comedy, House is successful at satisfying both descriptors with jump scares, outlandish monsters, and riotous dialogue delivered with deadpan seriousness. William Katt, portraying Roger at first as a tired, suffering writer turns him quickly down the path of full blown looney tunes once the house intimidates him with self-propelled hand tools, flopping fish mounts, and grotesque harbingers. The nervous wreck that Roger becomes is at his most hilarious when he simultaneously flirts with his sexy neighbor and keeps a bloated zombie from wriggling out from under a tarp. The role is also quite physical for Katt; he’s tossed down stairs, into pools of water, and dragged around for a substantial chunk of the story.

Pairing Katt with George Wendt is pure genius. Wendt, who plays Roger’s neighbor Harold, has the role of oblivious neighbor down to a tee. His delivery of the line, “solitude’s always better with someone else around,” still has me cracking up as does his reaction to Cujo, the raccoon. As Big Ben, Richard Moll gets to chew up the scenery by playing crazy with a capital K and shooting up most of the sets.

Following the plot of House isn’t quite as enjoyable. While it’s clear the house is haunted, the supernatural logistics of the house are somewhat at odds with the overarching premise. Sorry if that’s too vague, but I don’t want to give too much away in case you still haven’t had a chance in the last twenty-six years to watch it. All I can say is, House is just further proof of how good the drugs were in the 80s.

Sometimes shocking, sometimes confusing, and sometimes just plain weird, House is entirely entertaining. If you have been putting off viewing it, queue it up before its thirtieth anniversary for a good laugh.