The Spank Bank: Sanaa Lathan

In overwhelming numbers, you asked for it, and now it's back! The coveted Spank Bank column has returned after a nearly one-year hiatus! Why this feature fell through the cracks for so long I cannot say for certain, but I am glad you stargazers have given me permission to spank out new inductees until I'm silly!

With the resurgence of the Spank Bank comes one new adjustment to the feature; from here on out, inductees will be named monthly. In theory, this will keep both you and I in fresh, spankable material on the regular. Time to stop flapping my gums about format so we can all start drooling.

To describe my latest inductee in a single word: charm. This special lady has been working in film and television for fourteen years. I hope you've seen her at least once. It'd be a crying shame if you haven't. Her name, a Swahili word meaning 'work of art,' is a fitting representation of this talented, beautiful and woefully under-appreciated actress.

Join with me in showing our appreciation for Spank Bank inductee:

Sanaa Lathan

The First Time My Eyes Met: I watched both Moesha and In the House back in the day, so it's possible I glimpsed Sanaa in some of her earliest work. The most definable first impression is looking into her pain-riddled eyes as she reaches for her newborn son, Eric. As Vanessa Brooks, mother of Blade, I was amped to see her return as sexy Vamped Out Vanessa complete with weave-tastic curls.

She Had Me At ‘Hello’: There's no denying that mutha fuckin' Nia Long is as sexy as she wants to be, but Harper had it right in The Best Man. Why go out for steak when you got Kobe beef at home?

Sexiest Movie Moment: A whole lotta sexy can cover up a little bit of crazy. In Out of Time, Denzel wasn't sweating from the heat of those Florida summer nights; Sanaa's character, Anne Merai Harrison, had his blood boiling.


Let’s Never Speak Of This Again: I have yet to see a film where I have been disappointed by Ms. Lathan's performance. That said, I was none too pleased that her role in Powder Blue was nothing more than three tiny, tiny, tiny scenes as Charlie's late wife. Beautiful as an angel? Yes, but shame on the movie for not having a meatier role for her.

It Brings A Smile To My Face: Watching Monica Wright struggle to prove she got game and can still rock a prom dress. Love & Basketball follows the relationship of ballers Monica and Quincy from childhood to the pros in this realistic romance. Sanaa's portrayal of the hot-headed tomboy remains my favorite performance.

My Biggest Regret: Never seeing Catfish in Black Bean Sauce. I vaguely know the plot concerns Vietnamese siblings who meet their birth mother after being raised by an African-American family. Given Sanaa's track record, I expect it's worth checking out.

Her Winning Feature: Those dimples. Whether she's steeling herself for certain death in AVP or unleashing her anger on a frustrating lover in Disappearing Acts, no one stands a chance once they square off against that lovely face.

If I Could Walk In His Shoes: I'd have to swap places with Brian Kelly in Something New. I am confident I could take excellent care of Kenya McQueen's lady garden.

Most Anticipated Upcoming Project: Sadly, her upcoming projects slate is looking slim with only Macbett and The Middle of Nowhere on the horizon. Seeing Sanaa in anything that puts her front and center of the screen would be appreciated.

My Dream Of Working With The Enticing Ms. Lathan: With such a versatile actress, there are oh-so-many possibilities. The best way to make them all come true? I'd be the great and powerful Oz of casting directors. With a nod of my massive floating head, I'd dub Sanaa Lathan Queen of the Casting Couch, granting her leading roles in sci-fi, drama, action, comedy, horror, romance movies. Roles repeatedly given to the likes of the Aniston-Hudson-Alba-Garner-Fox's of the acting world would be hers to rule. The box office registers ring in harmonious unison as time and again her performances bring in the bank. Sanaa and I would even agree on a nice side-indie project to set her up for the inevitable Oscar. All this she'd accomplish without even the need for a "ride" on the casting couch. But if she wanted to show her appreciation, she'd be more than welcome to pull back this mighty wizard's curtain.

Double Team'd: Tyler Perry Style

It's sad to admit this, but I can't recall the last time I wrote an actual movie review! With all the goings and the comings, with the hospitals and the holidays, the sands of the hourglass were like the days of my life. Like how I squeezed in a soap opera reference? It's more than appropriate, given this double review of Tyler Perry's 2008 melodramas Meet the Browns and The Family That Preys. I know Invisible Woman has been waiting to hear this for a long, long time.


Meet the Browns

Release: 03.21.08
DVD Release: 07.01.08
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 40 minutes


Second-Run Seats ($$) <
> Group Rental ($)



Brenda Brown (Angela Bassett, Akeelah and the Bee) is a young single mother of three children in Chicago who struggles to make ends meet. Finances are strained further when she loses her job. She receives a letter explaining her estranged father has passed away along with three bus tickets to Georgia. The Chicago Browns head down South and meet up with her outrageous Georgia Brown kin. Oh yeah, a basketball scout named Harry (Rick Fox, He Got Game) gets shoehorned into the story, too.

I'd really love to know why Angela Bassett took this role. She does a phenomenal job, which is painfully obvious as the rest of the cast try and keep up. Some characters like Leroy Brown (David Mann) are strictly comic relief. Vera (Jenifer Lewis, Dead Presidents) shows out, and is the singlemost reason to watch this film.

Then there's Cheryl (Sofia Vergara, Four Brothers), the loud Latina stereotype, and Michael (Lance Gross), the 'If I can't ball, I'll sling dope' brother among others. My wife says we can forgive Rick Fox because he's just so damned delectable. With all the hype around his films, Tyler Perry needs to to slow down and churn out a higher quality script with better developed and less grating characters.

The Dirty Undies
My wife is right, Mr. Fox is delectable. My choice would be Ms. Vergara though her natural heat may be too much for my tastebuds! It's hard to go into a Tyler Perry film and not find beautiful people. Ms. Bassett has on some heavy makeup, but that's probably to hide twenty of her fifty regal years in order to pass for the role. There's some drugs and minor mention of sexual depravity, but nothing you wouldn't see in an after-school special.

The Money Shot
Tyler Perry needs to slow down and hone his craft. Learn to frame your shots better. Work out your audio issues. Most importantly, stop showing up in your damn films! This advice will probably go unheeded and why not? The films still make serious jink, even when they're as bad as this.


The Family That Preys

Release: 09.12.08
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 51 minutes


Matinee ($$$)





In a small Georgia town, Alice Pratt (Alfre Woodard, Down in the Delta) runs a small diner and lives a happy, though modest, life. Her two daughters Andrea (Sanaa Lathan, Something New) and Pam (Taraji P. Henson, Hustle & Flow) are like night and day. Pam has stayed to help momma with the business while Andrea is an executive for a construction firm owned by Alice's good friend, Charlotte Cartwright (Kathy Bates, The Waterboy). While the mothers travel cross-country, Andrea and Charlotte's son, William (Cole Hauser, The Cave), conspire to gain control of the company.

Not knocking other actors, but Family boasts the most accomplished cast to grace a Tyler Perry film. Woodard and Bates turn in strong performances that enhance the humor and sadness of the story. My girl Sanaa Lathan plays one of the most callous characters of her career. Not all the performances are stellar, cough Tyler Perry cough, but overall it's pretty compelling.

Don't get me wrong, the melodrama is thick like gumbo. I recall a scene where William's wife has collapsed on the porch of the mansion all woe-is-me after discovering her husband's dubious ways. Overall, I credit Family for showing growth in Tyler Perry, as he seems to give more attention to the story more so than he has with his play-to-film conversions.

Dirty Undies
I'd pretty much sworn off Perry films after Daddy's Little Girls, but I must thank my infatuation with the lovely Sanaa Lathan for luring me into Family. Even though she's so cold-hearted Io almost didn't find her attractive, Lathan gives me one of the most memorable scenes in all of 2008 - you have to watch it to see. Mustache-twirling double-cross plots of soap opera proportions litter the story along with a few half-naked men, perfect for the housewives.

The Money Shot
Just when I thought it was safe to wash my hands of the whole Tyler Perry mega-business, he goes and reins in my interest. Maybe he's a shrewder entrepreneur than he's given credit. The Family That Preys is a step in the right direction, but somehow I think this film will be the exception more so than the rule.