Trailer Trash: The October 14th Quickie

A bright and sunny weekend lies ahead, the State Fair is in town and AMC's The Walking Dead premiers. This leaves very little time for going to the movies. If you or I do make it to the theater, IMDb says there are three major releases looking to lure us away from its competitors. The question is which, if any, has the right stuff to do just that?


Footloose The idea of banning dancing and good ol' Rock'n'Roll seemed redonkulous in 1982 and remaking the concept for today's headphones-wired-into-our-cortex society deserves a new descriptor. How about Footfukintardtastic?

Maybe not. No worries. I've got plenty of time to come up with one since I'll be staying way the fuck away from this one.


Verdict:  Exercise the Right to Cinematic Celibacy.


The Big Year I'm very excited about The Big Year. Don't misunderstand, the trailers gives me some serious heebie-jeebies. I'm guessing this will be a colossal fail. I'm excited because its release means Steve Martin will be hosting SNL very soon thus tying Alec Baldwin's record. Those eps are always a blast to watch.




Verdict:  Exercise the Right to Cinematic Celibacy.


The Thing No lie, I watched the original for the first time two days ago and it held up pretty damned well. Not sure how this remake will fair, but its got three things going for it;

Mary,
Elizabeth,
Winstead.  

North Carolina Represent!


Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!


Daylight's burning stargazers. I'm off to enjoy the hell out of my weekend and I hope you do the same.

Dull Drillbit Doesn't Pierce the Funny Bone

Drillbit Taylor

Release: 03/21/2008
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 42 minutes

Matinee ($$$) <
> Second-Run Seats ($$)

Owen Wilson (Shanghai Noon) portrays Drillbit Taylor, an AWOL Army Ranger who's made a life for himself panhandling and dumpster-diving. When he's evicted from his ocean view lean-to, Drillbit decides it's Canada or bust. Before he can go north, he decides to scam some kids out of their money by agreeing to be their bodyguard against the high school bully. Torn between his homeless colleagues' ruthless intentions and his growing conscience, Drillbit 's carefree life is in danger of being filled with hard-learned lessons and emotional fulfillment.

Hollywood's latest golden boy, Seth Rogen (Superbad), co-wrote Taylor with help from Tom Green Show scribe Kristofor Brown and '80's teen icon John Hughes. When you hit it big like Rogen, it's inevitable that the crap in your portfolio will rise to the top. I wish I could be so lucky that even my shit ideas were produced, but Rogen is and audiences are not. I enjoyed Drillbit Taylor. I remember laughing many times. That's all I really remember. Well, that and Wilson's ass, but that's for other reasons. Within two hours, I found this movie nearly all but forgotten. Why?

The dialogue doesn't snap, but there are moments when you know Wilson is just shoveling it from off the cuff. The situations are bland. Again, Wilson peps up moments that seem far-fetched and forced. All, and I mean all, the characters are one-dimensional. The school bully, Filkins, played by Alex Frost, is the most sadistic and overbearing person on the planet. It is impossible a student like him could exist without some sort of authoritative intervention. Even worse, the writers want us to swallow that parents will side against their children?! I know the kids were bullied in the movie; now let me bully Nate Hartley, Troy Gentile (Good Luck Chuck), and David Dorfman (The Ring), too. Boys, it helps not to laugh when you're supposed to be irate. Granted, sometimes a comedic talent like Wilson can have you so in stitches that it can't be helped, but I wasn't laughing nearly that hard, and you shouldn't have been either.

Even worse is that so many supporting actors are wasted. Leslie Mann (Knocked Up) is little more than a blow-up doll for Wilson's amorous ways. Danny "Bust-Ass" McBride (Hot Rod), Cedric Yarbrough (Reno 911!), Lisa Lampanelli (Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector), and Stephen Root (Idiocracy) do little more than fill the gaps between funny moments. All these problems I blame on the writers and on director Steve Brill (Mr. Deeds) who could have (and should have) given us material worthy of the Knocked Up/Superbad promotional hype.

Dirty Undies
I think I've already mentioned Wilson's ass, which is featured as prominently as his crooked nose. Some brutal teen abuse at the hands of an insanely maniacal bully and lots of foul 'ball' and 'shit' references makes you feel like you're right back in high school, at least some extreme version of it.

The Money Shot
I admit I am being harsh to a movie that was pretty funny; heck, far funnier than many flicks I've seen. Two days later, the only things I remember most are that the bully was a mega-douche and Wilson's funniest moment came when he whipped out the line "crap on a shit sandwich." I rest my case.

All Aboard the Anderson Express!

The Darjeeling Limited

Release: 10/26/2007
Rated R
1 hour, 31 minutes

FULL PRICE ($$$$)

It’s been three years and we all know what that means. Well, some of us know that the diligent directing and writing of Wes Anderson (The Royal Tenenbaums) has evolved into his latest eccentric-family tale.

Adrien Brody (Hollywoodland), Jason Schwartzman (Rushmore), and Owen Wilson (The Royal Tenenbaums) portray Peter, Jack and Francis Whitman, estranged brothers traveling aboard the Darjeeling Limited. The brothers have reunited after a year at the behest of Francis to undertake a spiritual journey to rejuvenate their familial bond. As the train ambles through the Indian countryside, Francis’s bossiness and laminated itineraries conflict with the others’ secretiveness jeopardizing the reunion and the special surprise Francis has in store.

It’s nice to have an Anderson film in theaters again. While I have never been a doting fan of his entire body of work *cough* “Rushmore” *cough* “Life Aquatic” *cough*, I can at least say that even his worst outshines many other buddy-travel films (I’m looking at you, “Wild Hogs”). In “Darjeeling” Anderson returns with the familiar theme of a strange and estranged family trying to make it work. Only this time the reunion occurs not in a big city or on an oceanic expedition but is set against colorful Indian villages. A great soundtrack of songs from Indian films accompanies the scenic journey. Anderson is in superb form both with cinematography and dialogue.

His outlandish characters are callous and selfish but immensely compassionate. If that sounds contradictory, well, that’s how Anderson rolls. Wilson at his best is as commonplace as credits in an Anderson film, and “Darjeeling” is no exception. Brody gives an excellent performance in his virgin voyage aboard Anderson’s adventure. Co-writer Schwartzman also proves deft at wielding the quirky material. Other mainstays Anjelica Huston, Kumar Pallana, and Bill Murray also appear in small roles.

Dirty Undies
Rita, a.k.a. Sweet Lime, portrayed by Amara Karan, radiates an alluring vibe with her full lips, horn-rimmed glasses, and cigarette. Her partially exposed booty is a plus. She is a stark contrast to the combined fugliness of the Brothers Whitman. Wilson’s bruised and scarred visage, a bloodied Brody, and the lusty Schwartzman help earn an R rating, although the repeated F-bomb explosions have the most impact.

The Money Shot
For fans of Anderson, there is a comfort in the familiarity of ‘The Darjeeling Limited,” a comfort that should extend to wider audiences. Some complain that Anderson should step out of his zone to deliver something new, but M. Night Shyamalan received the same criticism, and look where he isn’t right now. By and large, “The Darjeeling Limited” has undeniable appeal unless you’re just an Anderson hater. In that case, save your money for that “Wild Hogs/Dan in Real Life” value-pack, you know you want to.