The Spank Bank: Rosario Dawson

Fresh off my 100^th post, I decided to revisit my infrequent feature, The Spank Bank. The third deposit goes to a special lady who got the second-highest number of readers’ votes in my last poll.

This inductee has been a personal favorite of mine for a long time (just ask my wife). She also has the distinction of being the only inductee I have had the pleasure of meeting. Many know her as an actress, thanks to her extensive and varied body of work over the last thirteen years, but she’s recently donned her producer’s hat. This vibrant lady has ambitions to not only continue producing projects, but move into directing as well.

One last note: her induction also coincides with her 29^th birthday. Let’s all raise our voices high and wish my newest Spank Bank inductee a very Happy Birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY,
ROSARIO DAWSON!

The First Time My Eyes Met: I remember this moment like it was yesterday, and not just because it recently played on Encore. Rosario first came to my attention in Spike Lee’s He Got Game as Jesus’s girlfriend, Lala. Ooh, Lala. It was a tiny role but it made a huge impression. She was the perfect combination of sexy and sassy that would become her trademark.


She had me at ‘Hello’: In a severely underwritten, and dare I say, token role, Ms. Dawson portrayed Valerie Brown in Josie & the Pussycats. She may have been in the shadows then, but who’s playing lead now?!



Sexiest Movie Moment: I don’t think she’s ever not been sexy. The Rundown and Sin City come to mind immediately, but her standout moment is as Naturelle in 25^th Hour. There’s a sparkly little silver number that she wears out to the club, and the entire moment was shot as if the camera was lusting over her.


Let’s Never Speak of This Again: This is a tough one. I lost weeks off my life suffering through Alexander just because she was in it. Her character was nearly nonexistent, and the nude scene was so spastic and bizarre it was intolerable. Well, almost. I still got a glimpse of her FINE body.

However, at the screening of her first production, Rosario bashed The Adventures of Pluto Nash as her worst film. Given that we can at least enjoy her sexual ferocity for 0.5 seconds in Alexander, I’ll have to side with her. That Eddie Murphy film didn’t do her, or its audience, any favors.


It Brings a Smile to My Face: Her first production, Descent. It wasn’t the absolute best film I’ve ever seen, but it was the first film where Rosario had the starring role. She wasn’t the girlfriend or one of a dozen characters in an ensemble. The whole film relies on her conveying a tumultuous range of emotions, and in that respect, it’s an amazing success.


My Biggest Regret: I’ve seen most of the films where she has more than two lines so there is little left from which to choose. I’d have to say A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints ranks the top spot. It’s got a great cast, aside from the obvious.


Her Winning Feature: This is a highly disputed area. When we met Rosario, my wife commented that she has perfect skin. I agree, but is it her best feature? I pored through my mental Rolodex and came across a disturbing trend. Rosario’s last three films, Clerks II, Grindhouse and Descent, all featured men adoring her feet (toenail painting, licking and sucking, respectively). Granted, it ain’t Hammertime in her shoes, but really? Her feet?!

Her body (feet included) is banging, but for me it’s her face. It always appears luminescent. Her large eyes and wide grin can be joyous and inviting one moment, and then with an arch of an eyebrow and a curl of the lip she looks ready to devour you alive. Come and get it!

(Loving and Fun...)

(Lusty and Wild!)

If I could walk in his shoes: This could have gone many ways. There was the tough-as-nails Gail from Sin City, the sexy Naturelle of 25^th Hour, and the list continues. After much debate, I’d have to tell Brian O’Halloran, a.k.a Dante of Clerks II, to take a hike. I don’t think it would’ve taken me nearly as much time to dump the fiancé, paint some toenails and start making raunchy ass-to-mouth sex talk with Rosario’s scrumptious and funny Becky.



Most Anticipated Upcoming Project: Explicit Ills, Eagle Eye, Seven Pounds, Poor Things, and of course, Sin City 2 are all at the top of my viewing queue. The upcoming project I’m most excited for is Killshot. Supposedly, this thriller was released in April. It’s not in my neighborhood but you’ll hear my screams of joy when it arrives.


My Dream of Working with the lovely Ms. Dawson: If this ain’t a dream, I don’t know what is. One day in the not so distant future, Warner Brothers and DC Comics decides to pull their thumbs from their asses and start making more than a single superhero film every other year. I’ve helped my new writing buddy Joss work out the rough edges to his script, and now I’ve been tapped to direct Rosario Dawson in the title role of Wonder Woman. That’s right, Rosario Dawson as the Amazonian Princess. She’s smoking hot, exotically beautiful and she’s proven more than once that she can be compassionate, diplomatic or kick your ass, if needed. She’s killer in a pair of high-heel boots and I believe the golden brassiere would runneth over.

Wonder Woman is a great symbol of empowerment for women, making her worthy of Rosario’s personal passions, but it’s also pure blockbuster material. And who knows, if the film is a success Rosario and I might have to put the golden lasso to good use. Not that I’m into bondage – but for her I’d be willing.


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I barely mentioned many of her roles, especially her more action-oriented films. Rosario is truly a woman of many talents, her comic book property, O.C.T. Occult Crimes Taskforce, included. If all you know about her are the more popular films, you’ve got to expand your knowledge, people!