Saturday, May 3, 2008

Summer of LAMB - The Whore's Official Entry

After grueling hours pouring over box office receipts and celebrity trending, I was satisfied enough to submit my predictions to the LAMB's big summer prediction extravaganza, Summer of LAMB (SOL). I now post those same predictions here so that you may peruse them and a) marvel at my astute analysis, b) stare at the pretty pictures or c) ridicule me as the box office unfolds completely in opposite to my expectations!

Top Ten Films of Summer 2008
(May-August Releases)

1. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - $400M
2. Iron Man - $325M
3. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian - $300M
4. The Dark Knight - $290M
5. Hancock - $278M
6. Wall*E - $235M
7. Speed Racer - $220M
8. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor - $215M
9. Kung Fu Panda - $195M
10. You Don’t Mess With the Zohan - $145M

Also rans: The Pineapple Express, The Incredible Hulk, Meet Dave

Guaranteed Flop: Oh my Mike Myers how far you have fallen. I can’t see how The Love Guru will do anything but fail. I think it will also fail to the tune of $25M which we all know won’t even cover Myers’ salary.

I would have loved to throw in Postal here too but if you know a film is a flop before it is even released can you really predict it as such?

Rip Van Winkle Hit (sleeper): Would you believe… Get Smart will be the sleeper hit for a major release? I believe it.

If we’re considering limited and exclusive releases a la Waitress and Little Miss Sunshine fame, I’d have to go with Son of Rambow or Hamlet 2….yeah, that’s right Hamlet 2.

3 Movies I'm Moist With Antici…Pation For:

They kicked my baby mama to the curb in favor of Maggie Gyllenhaal but hey, Mrs. Cruise royally stunk up Batman Begins. We’ve got Bale back in the suit, returning cast members Caine, Freeman and Oldman reprising their roles, and Heath Ledger and Aaron Eckhart chewing up the scenery. How is this not on everyone’s must see list!

The House Bunny
Not what you expected? Well, I love me some Anna Faris!!! This will be goofy and predictable no doubt, but at least it’s not another installment of Scary Movie. Plus I still have the McPhever and this is looking to be the year of the Beverly D’Angelo comeback, so why not give this a try?

I remember getting online to see the Indiana Jones teaser and feeling tingly all over. Then I noticed the Hellboy 2 trailer was available and after watching the most breathtaking effects and wicked fight scenes, I was like Indy Who? You da man, Ron Perlman!

…If I could name one more flick that makes me all sweaty, it’d have to be Midnight Meat Train. That has to be one of the most ludicrous titles in recent film history but it’s going to be one helluva ride!

Let the summer box office begin!

Large Association of Movie Blogs


  1. I also submitted my Summer of LAMB entry and the crazy thing about it is that there are a lot of movies coming out this summer that could do really, really well.

    I can see every single film on your list scoring big at the box office, with the possible exception of the Zohan movie that I'm betting will garner big laughs with the kicking bit and then stumble its way to mediocrity.

  2. I've got a buddy who tells me I should've subbed Sex & the City for Zohan. He's probably right, he's always dead on about box office earnings. I suck at this kind of thing.

    I picked Zohan b/c dumb Sandler flicks always seems to score well over $100+. Go figure. I'm probably wrong on the Love Guru too, it'll be this summer's Wild Hogs (ya know -totally crappy but devoured by the masses).

    Only the summer will tell.

  3. I'm glad you are standing up for *The House Bunny*! :)

    I am equally excited for it. And I've equally got a mega-crush on Anna Faris.

    As for *Zohan*, I'm looking forward to it. It seems like a comedy that could have some nice Middle East political touches to it. Three Jews (Sandler, Apatow, and Smigel) writting jokes that go after Hezbollah?? COUNT ME IN!

  4. Anna Faris is SO awesome. If only her film CV were equally so. No matter, she'll have her moment to shine one day.

    Zohan should be a trip. As long as they steer clear of the Mr. Deeds morals and give Nick Swardson a meaty supporting role, it'll be a win win.

  5. I hold the same opinion on Postal as you. Lots of folks were submitting it as their bomb, but what was the last Boll movie that was considered a hit, or even thought potentially to be one?

  6. I guess Boll is the directorial equivalent of Paris Hilton/Britney Spears - a train wreck that people shouldn't watch but can't avert their eyes from. It's sad really.

    How many submissions were there for the SOL?

  7. 10. Not bad considering the abruptness of it. I still have to figure out the scoring method and post the entries, but with the LAMMYS going on, I'm taking my time.