The Spank Bank: Julianne Moore

I don't usually post on a Sunday, but I've committed to inducting a new member into the Spank Bank at the start of every month, so here we are. Aside from having the distinction of being August's deposit, this actress will also be the highlight of the LAMB Acting School 101 this month.

There are a lot of things that makes this special lady friend, well, special. I am most proud she is a fellow North Carolinian (represent!). She was born at Fort Bragg in Fayetteville, affectionately known as Fayette-nam. It's not clear how long she lived in the state, but her career is proof positive that goodness grows in NC. I do know she broke into the acting business in the early 80s, but it wasn't until the late 90s that she started receiving mad props.

Today, and throughout the month, let us show our appreciation for August's Spank Bank inductee:

Julianne Moore

The First Time My Eyes Met: Technically, The Hand That Rocks the Cradle would have been the first movie I ever saw her in, but I don't think I was old enough to appreciate the talent before my eyes. Still, I find it funny her role as Marlene Craven was just a supporting one, yet she's the only actress from the film whose career is still going strong.

She Had Me At ‘Hello’: Jump forward three years to Assassins, and Julianne captures your attention as Electra, the computer hacker with the fetching green eyes. She may have gotten lost in Stallone's shadow, but who could forget those pigtails?

Sexiest Movie: Ms. Moore has had quite a number of sexy roles over her career, but Dr. Catherine Stewart is on a whole different level. If you haven't seen Chloe, stop reading now, rent it, watch it and once you've cooled down, you can come back and finish this post.


Let’s Never Speak Of This Again: For a long time, I was upset Julianne was associated with the Psycho remake. Then, Freedomland came along. Psycho wasn't bad, just wholly unnecessary, but even her great performance as Brenda Martin isn't reason enough to watch this mess.

It Brings A Smile To My Face: Yes, yes the little Lebowski supporting role and proud we are of all your scenes. The number of times I have quoted Maude is incalculable, Also unforgettable is her ten-pin Valkyrie getup (pigtails, again). Another role that proves Ms. Moore is a good actress, and thorough.

My Biggest Regret: Back in 2003, Ms. Moore was doubly-snubbed for an Oscar by the Academy. I've seen Far From Heaven, but after costar Nicole Kidman nabbed Best Actress, I vowed to never watch The Hours. I now regret that decision because no one should deprive themselves of Julianne Moore's performance.

Her Winning Feature: Duh, she's a redhead! Whether it's long and luxurious, frayed and frizzy, rolled into a bun, or Heaven help us, in pigtails; her ginger locks draw us in like a moth to a flame.

If I Could Walk In His Shoes: I'd have to step into the platform shoes and bell bottom jeans of Eddie Adams, a.k.a. Dirk Diggler, from Boogie Nights. Coitus with a pornstar in a room full of onlookers might be awkward, but having Amber Waves whisper to cum inside her would have to be a serious ego boost.

Most Anticipated Upcoming Project: Ms. Moore currently has five upcoming projects, but Crazy, Stupid, Love is the only one with any details at IMDb. Moore's presence is enough to pique my interest, but casting of other reliable actors such as Steve Carell, Marisa Tomei and Ryan Gosling has me wondering when can I buy my ticket.


My Dream Of Working With The Fantabulous Ms. Moore: Honestly, I don't have a specific dream I associate with Julianne Moore. All I know is that I would love to have a hand in the movie that wins her the Oscar she sorely deserves. Even better, produce two films in one year where she could win both the Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress Oscars. How would the Academy like dem apples?

The major role should be the biopic of Margaret Sanger. Julianne could capture the fervor and overcome any controversy that might be generated from the champion of birth control. Julianne could be cast as one of Ted Kennedy's wives for the supporting role. She'd probably have no more than five minutes of screen time, but she'd blow away critics and the competition.

She blew Jack Donaghy's mind and she was only giving it 50%. If Julianne were to be riding a career-defining, double-winning high, I doubt I would survive the hurricane of celebratory ecstasy Julianne would unleash.

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