Sunday, February 20, 2011

Confessions 2010: Reel Whore vs. the Movies- Day 2

Yesterday I began my week-long tribute to 2010 releases. If you missed the festivities, why not rewind to the beginning?

Before we move on to Award #2, I'd like to take a moment to recognize those films that I somehow missed in 2010. This year, be it by second-run theater, Netflix or Redbox, they will be seen. My Top 7 Must See Films are:

The Sloppy Seconds:

Tamara Drewe- I find that I enjoy a quirky British comedy now and again. Stephen Frears directs good work. Gemma Arterton is easy on the eyes. How many more reasons do you need?


Blue Valentine- This only recently opened here and I was hoping to catch it before the Oscars. Despite having my history with Katie Holmes, I've come to enjoy Michelle Williams's acting choices in the post-Dawson's Creek world.
Mother- Many, many people have told me I would love this Korean thrill ride from the creator of The Host. One thing I know for certain is that old lady in the poster looks like she means business!


Love Ranch- It seems kind of a no-brainer that the Reel Whore would have a film about Nevada's first legal brothel on his must-see list. Besides the intriguing subject matter, the film features some of my favorite actors. It was a crying shame that it never opened in my area.
Middle Men- Keeping with themes similar to Love Ranch, here's a film that highlights the birth of internet porn. It also features Luke Wilson in lead alongside a very talented cast. This rests near the top of my Netflix queue.
Animal Kingdom- This was nearly my #1 choice for biggest missed opportunity in 2010. However, it was in my town for weeks and I somehow managed to see every other movie around. In retrospect, I regret putting it off, but lucky for me that's what rentals are for. I can't wait to discover just how gritty this is. 

And the Winner is:

Centurion- Neil Marshall has given me such cool films as Dog Soldiers, The Descent and Doomsday so you can say I was a little more than pissed when Centurion was never even released in my town! It's Romans versus Vikings, and I can only assume (and hope) that it is 5 minutes of story development, followed by 85 minutes of bloody, piss-and-vinegar-filled  battles.


I also get the feeling had I seen this in 2010, Olga Kurylenko would have made my shortlist for both Sexiest Actress and Memorable Character. I'll have to let you know.
 

Award #2: Most Wasted Actors of 2010
Yesterday was all about recognizing awesome cameos, but sometimes an actor or actress is hired for a film that essentially wastes their talents. As an audience member, I feel gypped when someone I was excited to see is barely a footnote in the film. Shame on these 2010 movies for wasting the brilliant stars.
The Sloppy Seconds:

Ron Livingston- The lead of Office Space has long been swept into best bud and ex-boyfriend roles, but this year he was twice dissed. In Dinner with Schmucks and Going the Distance he was little more than a co-worker with barely two lines to rub together. That's a double damn shame.
Lily Taylor- In Brooklyn's Finest, Lily Taylor plays Ethan Hawke's pregnant wife with little more to do than weeble-wobble in bed. The movie juggled multiple plots, but could have stood to add one more; Ms. Taylor deserves an arc of her own.

Alice Krige- Alice Krige is the go-to gal for villainous women, but The Sorcerer's Apprentice essentially gave her one scene to inspire fear in the hearts of audiences. What a colossal waste of her devilish talents. 
Monica Belluci- The Sorcerer's Apprentice couldn't stop with Ms. Krige, it had to also drag the lovely Monica Bellucci into the muck. As a cursed woman and Nic Cage's love interest (those are two different things, trust me) she barely has enough screen time to be a damsel, let alone one in distress.  
Maria Bello- Grown Ups not only wasted countless opportunities to be funny, it treated some great actresses as little more than arm candy for their hubbys. Maria Bello speaks in maybe three scenes and each time I had to remind my disbelieving self that, yes, that is Maria Bello shucking for Sandler scraps. 
Clancy Brown- Aside from being a painful re-imagining, A Nightmare on Elm Street committed the most heinous atrocity imaginable. It turned one of the baddest That Guys around into a high school principal! Nancy's dad should have been a fear-inspiring cop, not a man who's biggest threat is detention.

And the award for Most Wasted Actor of 2010 goes to:
Danny Fuckin' Trejo- That's right; Machete was fucking robbed in 2010, but not for Machete. In Predators, he was cast as an enforcer for a Mexican drug cartel who has to go up against the big bad alien killing machines. How does he fare? He goes out like a cinematic bitch, with an offscreen whimper! How does one go about casting Danny Fuckin Trejo in this day and age and not have him spilling neon blood and chewing up the damned scenery?

Neither me nor Mr. Trejo wants to hear any bullshit about using him as an example of the Predators' prowess. We'd buy that had you given his character a fighting chance. Somebody owes us reparations for this injustice.
 

And that's all I have to say about that. Tune in tomorrow to see which musical number from 2010 beat out all others!

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Large Association of Movie Blogs

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