Whew, my fingers are going numb and not for the reason you're thinking! No time for complaining, let's jump on into...
Yesterday I awarded 2010's Sexiest Awards. If you somehow missed that post, you really should take a moment and soak it in. See, wasn't that worth it?
One of the most important contributions to the cinematic experience are those characters always in the supporting shadow. I am, of course, referring to the animals. This year I discovered the American Humane Association has been keeping track of the efforts of these talented thespians. Unfortunately, they are more concerned with adequate treatment than gifted performances. In an effort to rectify this gross exclusion from the award community, I'd like to present the next award:
One of the most important contributions to the cinematic experience are those characters always in the supporting shadow. I am, of course, referring to the animals. This year I discovered the American Humane Association has been keeping track of the efforts of these talented thespians. Unfortunately, they are more concerned with adequate treatment than gifted performances. In an effort to rectify this gross exclusion from the award community, I'd like to present the next award:
Award #9: Most Memorable Animals: Solo or Ensemble Performance of 2010
The Sloppy Seconds:
 | Cockatoo (Iron Man 2)- Apparently, Mickey Rourke requested that his personal cockatoo join him for the second half of the movie. Obviously, Rourke knows talent when he sees it. |
Dog (Greenberg)- Numerous animal thespians have had to play second fiddle to Ben Stiller over the years. As the ailing Mahler, Sam the German shepherd was able to draw the most humanizing performance to date from him.
Cat (Wild Target)- Victor Maynard was a cold, calculating assassin from a long line of assassins, but get him home to his Snookems and he melted like butter. This fluffy feline even had to dye its hair pink for the sake of a laugh. That's dedication.
Squirrel (Hot Tub Time Machine)- This squirrel's work on the set of Hot Tub Time Machine included some rather adept maneuvering on a green screen. This furry-tailed rodent is now so popular you can become a fan of him on Facebook!
 | Dog (Due Date)- Sunny the French bulldog played Ethan's companion 'Sonny' in this surprisingly funny road trip film.He was such a joy to work with that costar Robert Downey Jr. tried to pull a Mickey Rourke and adopt Sunny as his own. |
Goat (Our Family Wedding)-Looks like the GAG's (Goat Actors Guild) cinematic influence slipped some in 2010. This poor creature was reduced to performing Panamanian-wanna-hump-hump humor to earn his keep. Still, it was a Stooges-worthy comedic performance.
And the award for Most Memorable Animal: Solo or Ensemble Performance of 2010 goes to:
Little Blackie a.k.a Cimarron
(True Grit)
In True Grit, Cimarron was called upon to play Mattie Ross's steed, Little Blackie. River-crossing stunts, prancing and playing dead were all necessary to show Little Blackie had as much true grit as his owner. If the Oscars were being handed out for a moving animal performance, Cimarron would win by a mile.
Award #10: 2010 Paula Jai Parker Award for Most Memorable Line
The Paula Jai Parker Award recognizes the most memorable line delivered in a movie. It honors the combined wittiness of well-written dialogue with unforgettable delivery by an actor.
Many of you may be wondering, who is Paula Jai Parker? She's an under-appreciated actress who's been on the big screen for well over a decade. In the context of this award, she nabbed it not once, but twice in a row. In honor of her efforts, I renamed it in 2006 in her honor. I only wish she'd get more work; I know she has more golden words to grace us with.
Looking back, 2010 seemed to be a thin year for great lines. There were some great moments, but few were rich enough to make the final cut. Here are 2010's nominees.
The Sloppy Seconds:
Easy A - Principal Gibbons (Malcolm McDowell) "This is public school. If I can keep the girls off the pole and the boys off the pipe, I get a bonus." |
 | Winter's Bone - Teardrop (John Hawkes) "I said 'shut up' once already, with my mouth." |
City Island - Michael Malakov (Alan Arkin) "All of a sudden, Brando comes along and everyone says, 'Oh my God he's a genius, did you see him thinking?!' Anyone here see 'The Fugitive Kind?' Somebody asked Brando what his name is. He's gotta think about it. Why?! Why does he have to think about that. It takes him a half hour to get back to the guy! It's not acting ... it's not thinking ... it's just ... well, it's just bullshit!" |
You Again - Grandma Bunny (Betty White) "I'm so sorry I couldn't attend your funeral last year." |  |
The Fighter - Micky Ward (Mark Wahlberg) "That guy did not just get off the fuckin' couch. If he did, I'm gonna get a couch like that." |
Machete - Machete (Danny Trejo) "Machete don't text." |
And the winner of the 2010 Paula Jai Parker Award is:
MacGruber - MacGruber
(Will Forte)
"Look, I will suck your dick. I will suck your fucking dick. I will do it, just join my team. I'll suck your dick. You can fuck me or get fucked by me. You can watch me fuck something. Just point at something, and I'll fuck it for you. Just tell me what you want me to fuck!"
Surprised by the winner? MacGruber may have been a box-office failure, but I had to watch it to see just how bad of a train wreck it was. Turns out it wasn't terrible; it did give me the funniest line of the year. Forte delivered it so earnestly, it had to be recognized. That said, unlike the other memorable line contenders, I wouldn't recommend you rush to see MacGruber.
That's all for now. Only one more day left. You've hung in for this long; be sure not to miss tomorrow's big finale!
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I had completely forgot about that MACGRUBER line. Hate to say it, but that was a funny scene, and I'm glad you included it here.
ReplyDeleteThe "Machete don't text" seems to be a quote nearly all movie bloggers dig.
Thanks, it was so completely unexpected and it worked so well. By the third time he tried to pull it off, it had worn a little thin.
ReplyDeleteMy adoration for Danny Trejo may have biased me a bit. Honestly though, the suave way he delivers it totally sells it. I chose between that line, a Bridges line from True Grit, and a line from The Other Guys.
I think my favourite line of the year would be Mark Zuckerberg's "have I adequately answered your condescending question", as well as the entire speech that comes before it. Burned
ReplyDeleteThat was a great line. Since it was more of a conversation, it made my memorable scenes of 2010 back on Day 4. So good and I'm glad they used that clip during the Oscars.
ReplyDelete