Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Confessions 2010: Reel Whore vs. the Movies- Day 5

Back for more, eh? Today is an excellent day to be joining my...

Usually Wednesdays are reserved for my recurring feature, The Hump; if you've seen it, it's self-explanatory. Since my confessions have taken the majority of my time, I have opted to award my two hottest recognitions in place of The Hump. I'm certain this will be more than sufficient.

During this time of year, all those award shows recognize men and women for exceptional character portrayals, but audiences sometimes venture to theaters solely for the eye candy. In the case of leading and supporting men, it's those sparkling eyes, firm pecs and all-around sexiness that appeal to us. Without further adieu I present...

Award #7: Sexiest Actor of 2010

The Sloppy Seconds

Ewan McGregor- We lucky fans were gifted a double dose of that killer smile in 2010. In Ghost Writer, he wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he still sacked the PM's wife. In a total 180, he was little more than a boy-toy to Jim Carrey in I Love You, Phillip Morris; an adorable, irresistible boy toy. 


 Joseph Gordon-Levitt
In Inception, JGL had to play it clever to snatch a kiss from Ellen Page. That was bad writing on Nolan's behalf. Why would JGL have to steal a kiss from anyone, especially when he's looking so dapper in his tailored suit?
 Mark Ruffalo-
The Kids Are All Right proved Ruffalo's scruffalo vibe is a woman's Kryptonite be they straight or homosexual. Hot young waitresses, a daughter's best friend, and even dyed-in-the-wool lesbians somehow swooned in the presence of his hipster ways and furry chest.

James Franco-
The hardest working actor in Hollywood wooed us with a brief appearance as the thuggishly handsome Taste in Date Night. But it was his affectionate, yoga-steeped David in Eat, Pray, Love that had all of us, and not just Julia, blushing.

Penn Badgley-
If you're asking yourself, "who?" he's Lobster Todd from Easy A! While he may not have had the most screen time or be the dreamiest, he was steeped in chivalry. Lobster Todd loved Olive for who she was and wasn't afraid to use every '80s cliche to prove it.

Jake Gyllenhaal- Making the also-rans for the second year in a row, Jake floored us, and Anne Hathaway on several occasions, as the charming drug rep Jamie Randall. Keep dishing out those steamy love scenes and, one day Jake, you'll make my #1.  

And the award for Sexiest Actor of 2010 goes to:

Mark Wahlberg
 Date Night, The Fighter

When Mark Wahlberg has not one, but two films in a single year where he spends most of his screentime shirtless, he's pretty much a shoe-in for the Sexiest Actor award. What makes it that much better is that both characters, Holbrooke Grant and Micky Ward were both really great guys. Be they family or his ex-real estate agent, he went the extra mile to do right by them. Stay classy, Marky Mark.


Now it's time to give equal treatment to the fairer sex. This is my most difficult category because as we all know, I do love the ladies. At least I get the pleasure of sifting through all the mental images left behind by the contenders.

Award #8: Sexiest Actress of 2010

The Sloppy Seconds:

Alice Eve- In 2010, audiences had their choice of Alice Eve the bra-less lesbian nanny (Sex & the City 2) or Alice Eve the successful party planner who has a penchant for sweet losers with no ambition. Two too-good-to-be-true dream girls, but don't wake me yet.
Anne Hathaway- Ass, titties, ass 'n titties, ass, ass, titties, titties. Anne Hathaway gave us so much of both in Love & Other Drugs along with some very suggestive scenes. Though she really outdid herself with that role, playing a phone sex operator in Valentine's Day was the cherry on top of the sexy sundae.


Amy Adams- Nothing is sexier than a woman who stands by her man, even if that means knocking a couple more teeth out of her boyfriend's seven dog-faced sisters. Seeing her tough-as-nails attitude in the Fighter made me wonder what it'd be like to tussle a few rounds with her.
Noomi Rapace- Another tantalizing, tough cookie was Noomi Rapace as Lisbeth Salander in The Girl films. Underneath all the leather, piercings, and tattoos you knew there was a woman that made your dick scared...and that's all kinds of sexy. 

Michelle Rodriguez- Continuing the badass chick theme is the smokin' M-Rod. In Machete, she played Luz, a sexy symbol of freedom. Her body's so bangin' you don't even notice the eye patch at first, but once you do, she totally rocks it.



Scarlett Johansson- Always a sloppy second, never the sexiest. Hard to imagine considering how damn well she wore that skintight cat suit in Iron Man 2. We all wish we could have an assistant with such valuables assets.
And the award for Sexiest Actress of 2010 goes to:

  Julianne Moore
Chloe, The Kids Are Alright
 
Let me put this into perspective; in Chloe Julianne plays a married woman who steps out on her husband with a younger woman. In The Kids Are All Right she is a loving partner to her wife, but she has a fling with her son's sperm donor. See? Julianne Moore is so hot she had a believable lesbian fling with a sexy twenty-something blond while being married to a hunky professor AND THEN had a loving lesbian relationship with a side of organic beefcake. That's one friggin' fiery redhead no matter which way she's swinging.

Wow. I'm sure that smoldering recap of 2010 more than made up for the lack of The Hump! I need to take a moment. I'll see you back here tomorrow for Day 6. 
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