Confessions 2010: Reel Whore vs. the Movies- Day 7

Welcome back to the grand finale...

I've got a lot of awards left to dish out, so let's hop to it!

Award #11: 2010 Dirty Undies Award

Those who frequent the Reel Whore know that I enjoy any film that gives me something dirty to talk about. I try to acknowledge any appreciable measure of violence, gore, sex, nudity and general foulness in a film, though it's getting harder with all the kid-friendly, nauseating 3D, PG-13, over-the-pants-hand-job films being released. Even so, every year a few films pop up that still flaunt their grittiness. This award commends those films steeped in Dirty Undies.

The Sloppy Seconds:

Kick-Ass; Hot Tub Time Machine; The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo; Love & Other Drugs; The Girl Who Played With Fire; Machete

And the winner of the 2010 Dirtiest Undies Award is:

Piranha

 

Spring Break by a lake filled with a school of prehistoric, flesh-eating fish. That combination yields scene after scene of gratuitous nudity, excessive substance abuse, and more gruesome maiming and death than you can shake your shaker of salt at. Half the nudity was provided by pornstars while Jerry O'Connell's Derrick provided all the debauchery, drugs, and foul-mouthed douchebaggery. Overall, Piranha didn't wow me as I hoped it would, but if you're looking for some old-fashioned filthiness, it doesn't get much better than this.

Every year, I like to point out the movies that I feel were misjudged. A handful of films seem to never leave the theater, making beaucoup dollars despite being mediocre. Conversely, there are far more deserving films that get their screens limited and advertising cut in order to make room for more conventional fare. Here's my tip of the hat to those Severely Underrated and a wag of my finger at the Most Overrated films of 2010.

Most  Overrated	Severely Underrated
Alice in Wonderland	Never Let Me Go
Kick-Ass	The Ghost Writer
Grown Ups	Paper Man

With that recognition done, only one order of business remains.

Drumroll please!

It's taken seven days but I now present to you...

Award #12: 2010's Best and Worst By Genre:

Back on Day 1, I listed all the movies in contention by genre. The time has come to announce the best in genre for the year, the two also-rans, and finally, the single worst film that robbed precious moments from my life.

ACTION

Best: Red Sloppy Seconds: Unstoppable Sloppy Thirds: Machete Worst Attempt: Bitch Slap

Red features one of the best ensemble casts of 2010, and I'm not just saying this because I'm a Bruce Willis fan. I was skeptical as to how Mary-Louise Parker would fit into the premise, but she quickly made herself at home among the carnage and chases. Unstoppable is a tense action flick and Denzel always delivers. Machete, while it was pretty awesome, had the difficult task of overcoming its own hype. Machete is still a must-see, unlike Bitch Slap whose camp factor turned me off more than its cast of hotties could turn me on.

COMEDY

Best: The Other Guys Sloppy Seconds: Date Night Sloppy Thirds: Hot Tub Time Machine Worst Attempt: Sex and the City 2

There weren't that many outstanding comedies this year, but when they were on point, they kept the laughs coming. The unlikely combo of Ferrell and Wahlberg narrowly defeated the comedic chops of Fey and Carell, though both are great, silly rides. Trailing closely behind is Hot Tub Time Machine, which had it not been for Rob Corddry may have sunk into the dregs of 2010. If any of you saw Sex and the City 2, I'm so very sorry. It was so bad it made other lame 2010 comedies Oscar-worthy.

DRAMA

Best: The King's Speech Sloppy Seconds: The Social Network Sloppy Thirds: The Fighter Worst Attempt: Why Did I Get Married Too?

Looks like the "The's" have it! The Oscars are going to prove to be a tough decision because I was splitting hairs to pick any one of these three as the best of the best. King's Speech edged out the others if for no other reason than Geoffrey Rush never lets me down. That said, Eisenberg is quickly becoming a force to be reckoned with, especially when armed with Sorkin's words. But no one wants to go in unarmed against Mark Wahlberg and his guns. Of all the ensemble pieces this year, Tyler Perry still manages to accomplish the least, no matter how much talent he assembles on screen.

HORROR

Best: Predators Sloppy Seconds: Splice Sloppy Thirds: Daybreakers Worst Attempt: 30 Days of Night: Dark Days

Horror selections were thin in 2010, especially when you avoid most because you're sick of sequels and remakes of far superior films. That said, Predators took top honors despite a few missteps. It delivers what it promises and manages to make Adrien Brody respectable. His respect slips a bit in Splice. There's something undeniable about the premise of Splice, even if it does go way into left field in the third act. To a lesser extent the same is true of Daybreakers. A promising story gives way to a shoot-'em-up ending, but Dafoe's scenery-chewing can't be missed. I wanted so much more from Dark Days, but sadly, it never quite lived up to the danger in 30 Days of Night; the movie and the comic.

ROMANCE

Best: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World Sloppy Seconds: Easy A Sloppy Thirds: Love & Other Drugs Worst Attempt: Valentine's Day

Sure, it may be more of a guy's romance, but defeating evil exes is much more romantic than sending a girl flowers and candy. In Easy A, Emma Stone brought a humorous YouTube- documented spin on love and looked great doing it. Meanwhile, Jake and Anne just looked great doing it a lot in Love & Other Drugs. Oh yeah, there may have been a few heartfelt moments in between the sex, I'm sure of it. If you were writing a thesis about how not to make a romantic movie, look no further than Valentine's Day. Too many stories drowned in shallow, superficial tales of sentiment and heartache made a nauseatingly dull experience.

SCI-FI/FANTASY

Best: Toy Story 3 Sloppy Seconds: How to Train Your Dragon Sloppy Thirds: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I Worst Attempt: The Last Airbender

When Woody and the gang enter the frame, all others might as well bow out gracefully. If not, Pixar will grab your heart by its strings and yank them until you bawl. Dragon places a distant second, but it didn't have the built-in emotional ties like our other two. Potter has a built-in audience, but more attention was paid to the book, which made this installment the most tolerable since Azkaban. Choosing to largely ignore history and anger countless fans by filming the most lifeless Airbender imaginable, M. Night Shyamalan once again makes everyone wonder how he's still allowed to be in Hollywood.

THRILLER

Best: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Sloppy Seconds: Black Swan Sloppy Thirds: True Grit Worst Attempt: ***

Damn, this had to be my toughest decision of the year! I really wanted to show Aronofsky and Portman much love, but when it comes to a nail-biting thriller, few could top the first installment of The Girl trilogy. Black Swan and True Grit are still dueling it out for the also-ran positions. Any of the three I would watch over and over again. In fact, 2010's thrillers were the best I've seen in a long time. So much so, not a single one was worthy of ridicule. It wouldn't be a bad thing for you to see every one of the thrillers from my list. 

***

That's all I wrote, folks. I'm going to ice my hands now. Thank you all for stopping by to enjoy my Confessions. Although 2010 was far from being a great year overall, there were more than a few gems worth remembering. We can only hope that 2011 offers us as many, if not more, outstanding films.
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