MMM: Karma...

The big music news over the weekend is that Beyonce gave birth to a bouncing baby girl by the name of Blue Ivy. Given that the child was named after Jay-Z's Blueprint album and Beyonce's favorite number four (a.k.a. IV), which is conveniently the title of her current album, I can only assume this child will be dropping her first album as soon as she can formulate words.

Until that dire day arrives, I couldn't help but wonder how Jay-Z feels now that his home is filling up with girls. To be a fly on the wall when he has to explain this little ditty to his daughter:

Jay-Z: Girls, Girls, Girls

A Quickie: Obsessed

Obsessed

Release: 04.24.09
DVD Release: 08.07.09
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 48 minutes


Second Run Seats

Derek Charles (Idris Elba, American Gangster) is living the dream of many a man; beau coup money, two fancy cars, a big new house and Beyoncé Knowles (Dreamgirls) as his wife, Sharon. Everyone knows Derek is a great guy with a perfect life, except the new temp, Lisa (Ali Larter, House on Haunted Hill). Lisa knows his life would be better if he'd just dump wifey and love her psychotic ass.

Elba gives a top-notch performance despite rumors of his regret for doing the project. Larter gives off a sexual predator vibe naturally. You'd hate to be trapped in a dark corner with her...actually, you'd love it until she goes all whack-a-doo over you. I can't believe I'm saying this, but Bey proved she's taken an acting lesson or two. Granted, her Houston twang defies the fact that Sharon was born in San Diego; maybe there's a Texas District in the city.

However, the story isn't without its problems. Derek is a bit of a bitch when it comes to women. He lets Lisa get way too carried away, and Sharon dictates terms to him as the problem explodes. Derek needed to run his house! Obsessed focuses on the Derek dilemma in the first two acts only to pull a bait-and-switch with a Bey-centric third act. That would be acceptable if we knew anything specific about Sharon other than she's a housewife who unpacks furniture in four-inch stilettos. Frankly, you enter the Sharon-Lisa confrontation with more emotional investment in the cuckoo blonde bitch, which is just weird. However, it's not as weird as the final frame focusing on Mrs. J Hova, cutting off Elba's mug in the process. WTF?

I went into Obsessed with LOW expectations and had them surpassed. A fun and forgettable film with enough pretty people to make it fairly painless.

People I Want to Punch in the Face, Vol. 4

This one's been a long time coming, folks! Her unneeded and unwanted appearance on the 81st Academy Awards placed her squarely in my sights. She must figure if she keeps showing up at the ceremonies they'll just give her a damn Oscar to stay away. She sure as hell won't earn one with her "acting talent."

She's the entertainment equivalent of Hurricane Katrina, and I'm living below the levees struggling to breathe. After finally burying that atrocity B'Day, she's now shoveling her latest crap album, I Am...Sasha Fierce, down our throats. The newest atrocity on the airwaves, Diva, reminds us that her ego is dwarfed only by her weave.

The plan was to save this for when her latest film, Obsessed, flops at the box office, but the combination of the new song, the Academy appearance and the inclusion of her Single Ladies song on Fringe has driven me to madness!

My brother-in-law may disown me but someone has to lay the smack down!