Already a new month, time for another gang bang. I would have released this post on Tuesday had I known that Hancock's producers would be so desperate to earn maximum box office that they would open it on a Tuesday? No matter, I will give that its just desserts soon enough. July has ten major releases, all looking to be the peak of summer success before the excitement dwindles in August. So strap in and see what I think has the cojones to make me squeal.
Exercise the Right To Cinematic Celibacy.
Journey to the Center of the Earth (07/11) Brendan Fraser returns to the summer-blockbuster screen as an explorer who falls in a hole that leads him to the planet's core where he unearths the mummy of the Dragon Emperor...Um, wait, I think I am mixing up Fraser's exciting-looking August Mummy sequel with the craptastic-looking Walden remake of the Jules Verne classic. I got no qualms with Fraser, but I think I've made my opinion of Walden Media's half-assed book adaptation efforts abundantly clear.
Meet Dave (07/11) If there's anyone that's done more to sully family friendly films in the last few years besides Walden Media, that person is Eddie Murphy. In this film Murphy gets to play the captain of an alien vessel/android that just happens to look just like Eddie Murphy because you can never have too much Eddie in a film. My appreciation for Elizabeth Banks and Gabrielle Union makes me almost want to support them. Almost. I know it's hard for a black woman to find good roles, Ms. Union, but to go from Tyler Perry to Queen Latifah to Eddie Murphy productions...it is a slippery slope you tread.
Mamma Mia! (07/18) I caught the traveling production last summer. The music was disco-y fun, the costumes sparkly disco-y vibrant, and the disco dancing not too shabby. Kudos to the professional troupe who puts on that show night after night and twice on weekends. What I find interesting is that this musical has lots of music in the trailer, yet we only see Amanda Seyfried singing. I don't know if I'm ready to be serenaded by the likes of Colin Firth, Meryl Streep and Pierce Brosnan...All great actors, but musical professionals?
Space Chimps (07/18) When I heard there was a movie with Andy Samberg voicing a chimpanzee in outer space, I was excited. Then I saw the trailer. All I can say is...it's animated. They tout that it's from one of the primates who brought us Shrek, but they didn't mention the guy also brought us Happily N'ever After the worst animated film I've seen in recent years.
It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.
Hancock (07/01) More often than not, Will Smith can pull off a good summer blockbuster. This time he has Jason Bateman to provide sarcasm and wit. The first trailers, which I saw eons ago, had me somewhat excited. Then I saw the endless ads in the weekly Best Buy circulars, saw the same smarmy spot during every TV commercial break, and I even think Barack Obama called our house seeking our support for Hancock this Fourth of July weekend. Or maybe it was Michelle. Either way, I'm over it, supremely over it. I will go see it because, well, I'm the Reel Whore, but I've got little faith that I'll love it.
Kit Kittredge: An American Girl (07/02) With Abigail Breslin, Joan Cusack, Jane Krakowski, Stanley Tucci and Glenne Headley, Kit Kittredge has quite the acting pedigree. But it all evens out with Chris O'Donnell as Papa Kittredge. An inoffensive mystery for all ages, it shows promise for providing a few laughs, a few perilous moments and all-around warm fuzzies for anyone looking to detox from all the summer films' action and violence.
X-Files: I Want to Believe (07/25) I guess with David Duchovny's recent return to fame via Californication and Gillian Anderson's brief appearance in The Last King of Scotland, the iron is as hot as it's gonna get to strike for this belated sequel. The trailer tells us, at best, that Billy Connolly is receiving messages from something somewhere. It's the most intensely exciting trailer about absolutely nothing, and I can almost buy the hype. I am more likely to buy this as a maneuvering to Pimp My X-Files, a relaunch of the TV show with Mulder supervising the young, hip investigative duo of Amanda Peet and Xzibit.
Moist With Antici...Pation!
Hellboy II: The Golden Army (07/11) Months ago they announced that the new trailer for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was online. I promptly watched it and felt all giggly, like a little kid. Then I noticed the trailer for Hellboy II was also available so I checked it out. My immediate reaction:Indy Who? Where Hellboy was really good, though not great, I think Guillermo del Toro has been throwing his directorial weight around to make this one awesome. If nothing else, the fantastical creatures look stellar. And, oh yeah, Ron Perlman is the fucking man.
Step Brothers (07/25) Deep down I worry that this film may only be worth a middling "It's Friday. I Don't Want to be Alone" rating. However, I have no reason not to give the Shake-n-Bake duo of Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly the benefit of the doubt. Hopefully, this won't be a Walk Hard or Kicking and Screaming where all the best jokes are in the trailer. Doesn't matter; I'll be there to see the bed fall on Ferrell and Richard Jenkins law down the law to these troubled boys.
Can Someone Bring me a Towel?!
The Dark Knight (07/18) That's right, I'm so excited about The Dark Knight I had to create a Trailer Trash designation even higher than the highest! This is Heath Ledger's final complete performance and it looks extraordinary. Does the Academy give the award for acting posthumously? Batman Begins was a phenomenal relaunch for the Batman franchise after the Schumacher years. With the inclusion of Aaron Eckhart and Maggie Gyllenhaal, the movie just keeps getting better every time I see the trailer. Rumor has it Anthony Michael Hall and Cillian Murphy are in it, too. And we can see it in IMAX! Is there anyone who doesn't want to see this?! What's your major malfunction, soldier!?
***
Seriously, I think I need a towel. Hope you enjoy July at the movies. I'm out.
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