Whew, if not for The Hangover, June would have been a total wash. Before you ask, yes, I did see Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and, well, my review will be posted soon. I'm not here to lament over last month's middling mediocrity; I'm here to dip my wick in July's offerings.
July has some seriously tempting treats. This will be the true test. If I don't come away from this month with at least two great film experiences, I may have to exercise my right to cinematic celibacy for the entire month of August!
Here are July's releases according to the IMDb Summer Movie Guide, ranked from worst to best for your reading enjoyment.
Exercise the Right To Cinematic Celibacy.
Aliens in the Attic (07.31) I've never walked out of a trailer before, but when Doris Roberts did the Shōryū-ken, I was nearly disgusted enough to do so. Then she slid down the banister and I actually felt a little bit of my brain leak out my ear.
Orphan (07.24) This muddled-looking mess stars Claire Farmiga or Vera Forlani or something like that. It's hard to tell since all the trailer focuses on is the creepy Morton Salt girl. Peter Sarsgaard awoke from his couch in hysterics when he realized he'd agreed to costar.
Maggie gets The Dark Knight, and I get this?! Aaaarrrgh!G-Force (07.24) Hot off his breakout role in The Hangover, Zach Galifianakis stars as government liaison to a team of talking, superspy guinea pigs. Way to keep that rising star firmly anchored, big G! But with Bruckheimer producing, here's hoping the fuzzy buggers are rigged to explode!
It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.
The Ugly Truth (07.24) I'd rush out to see this if I hadn't already seen everything in the trailers. Unless Katherine Heigl pops out a boob a la Heather Graham in The Hangover, I'll just set aside a $1.00 for the future Redbox rental.
Click to see uncensored photo...you wish!Adam (07.29) Rose Byrne has true breakout potential, but she can't seem to snag that winning role or that winning movie *cough Knowing cough*. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Rose, but hitching your wagon to Hugh Dancy won't get you much farther.
Brüno (07.10) Borat was so wrong and yet so hilarious, but as this trailer reminds us, "That was so 2006." Maybe if Sacha Baron Cohen had released this in 2007 or even 2008 I'd be more excited, but now it feels very been there, done that, girlfriend.
I Love You, Beth Cooper (07.10) This looks plain stupid, but it looks like my kind of stupid. I'm interested in seeing Panettiere in something non-Heroes even if she has to run around with that creepy thirty-year old dude draped on her arm. I'm talking about co-star Paul Rust, not her current boyfriend Steve Jones.
Moist With Antici...Pation!
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (07.15) It's about gorram time! I've logged many an hour in the theater watching the adventures of Harry & Co. so why would I stop now? Besides, it does look bloody exciting, doesn't it?
I'm curious to see how many grey hairs Ron has now.(500) Days of Summer (07.17) This is not a love story. This is a story about love. I love Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I love Zooey Deschanel. I love that this looks delightful. If you have to see one movie starring JGL and Deschanel, why not make it this one?
Yum.Funny People (07.31) ATTENTION STARGAZERS! THIS IS AN ACTUAL APATOW PROJECT, NOT JUST A FILM HE SIGNED THE CHECKS FOR! Even better, Adam Sandler stars alongside the usual suspects Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill and Leslie Mann. The screen's going to be filled with so much Jew-fire, its release date may be declared a holiday.
Public Enemies (07.01) How do you make a summer hit? Get actors who played two of the best movie characters of the last five years (read: Jack Sparrow and Batman) and cast them opposite one another in a Michael Mann film. Mann directing the delicious Depp and spank-bankable Bale; my pants are sticky just at the thought of it.
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I'm keeping my fingers crossed the indie theater here will get Blood: The Last Vampire this month, but considering we just got Away We Go this week I'll just go ahead and add it to my NFQ. How excited are you for July's releases?
Ha, I just saw Ice Age 3 last night. It's not all bad, but it's nothing special, either.
ReplyDeleteMy Moist picks are in line with yours, though I'm not nearly so hot to see Funny People. Been wanting to see 500 Days for some time now, though.
I think Beth Cooper looks too dumb to like, and I feel bad for the lead kid...he's just too ugly.
@Fletch: I don't think the lead actor in Beth Cooper is ugly, but he looks way too old to be a high school senior.
ReplyDelete@Fletch- Since I've never seen IA2, I'm thinking IA3 will never make it into my busy watching regime.
ReplyDeleteWhy no love for Funny People?
@Dodge This- I'm with you and Fletch, dude is too old to play a high schooler and he's pretty fugly. At least DJ Qualls is goofy-looking and funny. Unless the trailer is hiding it, this guy is all funny looking, not funny ha-ha.
When you said yum, were you talking about Joseph Gordon-Levitt? Cause he is very hot, but I had no idea you would think so too.
ReplyDeleteUmmm...G-Force? I vote super-boo. Time for that dude to get Ari Gold for an agent.
Wasn't Peter Skarsgaard (sp?) in the stupid "Skeleton Key" as well? What's up with that.
I was talking about JGL & Zooey. I should've been more clear and said Double Yum. He's a great, under-appreciated actor who's very easy on the eyes.
ReplyDeleteI dunno what's up w/ G-Force, but I really need to watch Entourage more often.
Unfortunately, Sarsgaard was in Skeleton Key. He just can't get a break. At least he was smart enough to wed Maggie, got that locked down.
Oh, I caught Obsessed over the weekend. You'll have to check back for that post.