I hope my track record is better in November than October. Of the eight films I most wanted to see last month, I only found time to catch two. Granted three of those (A Serious Man, Black Dynamite, Boondock Saints II) never opened in the area, but still, two out of five is pathetic for the Reel Whore. After all, I have an average to uphold.
Luckily there are fourteen releases guaranteed to open in this area this month. There's also a number of limited releases that, fingers crossed, may also open here by Thanksgiving. Here's the complete November lineup according to IMDB. Now time to trash these trailers (ranked from worst to best)!
Exercise the Right To Cinematic Celibacy.
2012 (11.13) I'm so excited this opens in just one week! That means within two weeks this festering taint pimple of an advertising blitz will finally burst. Sorry Johnny boy, but don't be surprised if the DVD doesn't end up for sale before Santa comes to town.
There's nothing you can do, John. Your career, just let it go.Planet 51 (11.20) The best thing I can say about this tired, one-joke movie is at least it looks more compelling than 2012. Honestly, who would pay to hear Dwayne Johnson voice a character when he's so much hotter to ogle?!
A Christmas Carol (11.06) Never saw Polar Express or Beowulf. I don't care much for watching CGI renderings of actors playing characters when they could just as easily be filmed in live-action. Besides, Scrooged was the last version of A Christmas Carol worth watching, period.
The Twilight Saga: New Moon (11.20) Got to admit, Twilight 2: The Bark and Bite of Bella's Beefy Beaus looks really exciting. Maybe if the original's insufferably dull memories weren't still lingering, I'd at least consider renting this on DVD.
It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.
The Blind Side (11.20) You can always count on the end-cap months (Nov-Feb) to deliver a based-on-a-true-story-yet-somehow-formulaic-but-surprisingly-heartfelt-sports movie. Though an appearance by Kathy Bates takes it up a notch, I'll get to this once I knock Miracle and We Are Marshall off my NFQ.
The Fourth Kind (11.06) I'm a devoted patron of Milla Jovovich movies, but what the fuck is going on here? Is this is a dramatization of alien abduction stories, or a faux documentary of filming a dramatization based on "actual footage" clips? Basically, how much is fuzzy video and how much is sexy Milla?
Old Dogs (11.25) Though I was less than amused by Wild Hogs, something about the Old Dogs trailer has me believing it won't be nearly as lame. If Seth Green and Justin Long can make this a winner, maybe next year we'll get Bold Frogs starring Bill Nighy and Stephen Fry.
The Box (11.06) I trashed this trailer a while back, but since then my interest has waned a tad. It's still a shit-hits-the-fan thriller with a creepy vibe akin to The Shining, there's just a couple of more interesting flicks on the market.
Moist With Antici...Pation!
Ninja Assassin (11.25) An assassin so badass you have to repeat it in two languages. The stylized action may be less than dazzling, but the snippets of violence and gallons of blood promise good mindless entertainment for your Thanksgiving weekend.
Pirate Radio (11.13) Don't get the Boat That Rocked confused with Hoffman's directorial debut. His flick, Jack Goes Boating, had him sporting a knit beanie at the Oscars. In this one he's shucking and jiving alongside Nighy, Ifans and Frost which looks hilarious, but even if horrible we'll still get great music.
The Men Who Stare at Goats (11.06) What the hell are Verbal Kent, Obi-Wan Kenobi, The Dude, and Ulysses Everett McGill doing in a movie together?! I haven't got the slightest clue, but I guarantee you I'll find out ASAP!
That goat's got devil eyes!Fantastic Mr. Fox (11.25) Fall '09 is Clooney's time. Producing, acting, and now voicing Mr. Fox who, by the way, does look fantastic. I'm a sucker for Wes Anderson's eccentric movies, so I can't wait to see what kinds of fun he'll have with an animated tale.
Precious (11.06 ltd., 11/20 wide) Whoa...just whoa. This looks depressing as hell, but I'm compelled to see it. Casting Mariah Carey makes me wary, but if anyone can get a good performance out of her, I trust Lee Daniels can.
The Road (11.25) Been ready to take that long walk with Viggo since they first teased us with this trailer a year ago. The Coca-Cola scene reminds me of Tallahassee's Twinkie quest in Zombieland, but I'm thinking the any similarities end there.
***
So how many of these movies were based on a true story this month? I lost count. I guess if the predictions in 2012 turn out to be true, I'll wish I had seen it so I'll know how to escape the end days. Then again, if I've only got three years left, why waste it suffering through bad movies?
Though I'm a heterosexual woman, I, too, have an unflinching love for Milla Jovovich. She really is a talented actress (watch "Dummy" if you don't believe me, or the first -- and best -- "Resident Evil") who looks FREAKING AWESOME when she fights onscreen.
ReplyDeleteNo need to preface your Milla love here. I'm a hetero guy, but there's many a studly actor that I give much love.
ReplyDeleteI've never seen Dummy. Another one for the NFQ. She is so AWESOME in Resident Evil!
As usual, I'm 85% with you on your picks, though I think I'd put most of your Friday/Alone flicks in the Celibacy range, save for The Box, which I already saw.
ReplyDeleteSaw Goats as well; good, not great.
Not dying to see Precious, but undoubtedly will due to what will be undying awards coverage. Ready for Mr. Fox next.
Each time I see the Blind Side and Old Dogs trailers, they slip further down. They'll be worse than 2012 by their opening weekend.
ReplyDeleteStill haven't seen the Box, but I'm with you on Goats - it was good, but it didn't wow me like I'd hoped. Me and my buddy are already planning a Thanksgiving double of Mr. Fox and Ninja Assassin - now that's a pairing isn't it!?
"I'm a devoted patron of Milla Jovovich movies, but what the fuck is going on here?"
ReplyDeletehaha! no kidding right? i thought the same thing!
not missing much w/ black dynamite in my opinion, but everyone i know that saw it loved it, so take my opinion for what it's worth.
loved, loved, loved precious--am guest blogging about it on someone else's blog, but will be reposting on my own blog.
the box surprised me--not that bad.
james marsden is fine as hell. that is all.
by the way, HATE anything that has to do with wild hogs, dogs, frogs et.al.
ReplyDeleteI saw the fourth kind. It's good. Best acting I have seen from Milla.
ReplyDeleteBeen waiting for The Road myself. It's out in limited release now but Ii do not want to take a fifty minute car ride to see it. I'm waiting for it to go wide.
@IW: I need to revise my Old Dogs opinion. That last trailer they released looked horribly painful!
ReplyDeleteI missed Fourth Kind & Box. They were in/out of theaters here w/in two weeks!
Looks like Black Dynamite will never show here. It'll be on the NFQ before long.
I'm still waiting to see Precious. Just been slack.
BTW, Marsden is a QT and funny too. His roles in 27 Dresses & Sex Drive last year were the highlight of his career for me.
@film-book: I think the 4th Kind will open at the cheap theater in another week or two. I'll be sure to catch it.
Who knows when we'll get the Road here. I can't wait though!
I think the Weinsteins made a bad decision with the slow roll out for The Road.
ReplyDeleteTell me about it - It STILL hasn't opened here. Another week or two and I think we'll have the Road. By then, who'll even remember what it is.
ReplyDelete