Welcome back to another exciting edition of Fuck, Marry Kill! For those just joining the game, readers are presented with three people and must decide which person they'd like to bed, which they'd wed and which they want dead. It's not always as simple as it sounds.
Last week, our three randoms were the faculty of McKinley High School from the TV show, Glee. Emma Pillsbury, Sue Sylvester & Will Schuester battled for your affections. Out of 10 votes (mine included), the majority chose to:
Fuck Sue,
Marry Emma,
Kill Will
Let's take a closer look at how the choices stacked up:
Fuck Sue: Overwhelmingly, folks would prefer to get buck-wild, freaky-deaky with good 'ol Sue. I fall into this category. The woman may be despicable on so many levels, but her dedication to excellence, coupled with the astounding energy boost her protein shakes provide, would undoubtedly lead to a night of unbridled passion the likes of which would shake the very foundations of whichever sleazy motel you hunker down in.
Marry Emma or Marry Will: Overall, Emma and Will tie for holy matrimony. For me, Will is the marrying type. He's sweet, kind, and in great physical condition. As your spouse, he'd be concerned with satisfying all your needs; emotionally and physically. Sure you'd have to double the size of the bathroom to store his hair care products, but you could lose yourself in those meticulously coiffed locks for days on end.
Kill Emma: Poor, poor Emma got the axe by the majority. Emma is sweet and absolutely adorable. While I'd love the chance to bed or wed the petite redhead; let's be real. With her issues, she'd always be nagging you about cleanliness and, more importantly, there will always be certain...things she just ain't never going to do, no matter how much you beg. She'd have to go.
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With our first FMK out of the way, let's move on to the next round. In honor of the release of the new film, Knight and Day, we're going crazy for Cruise!
The Wives of Tom Cruise
From right to left:Nicole Kidman, Tom's second wife, mother to their two adopted children, and Oscar winner;
Mimi Rogers; Tom's first wife (her second husband), Mensa member, and Golden Space Needle Award winner;
Katie Holmes; Tom's third and current wife, mother of "his" first-born Suri, and MTV Movie Award winner.
This round will run for two weeks, plenty of time to weigh your options carefully. I can't wait to see the results!
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Oh geez. I'd rather just kill all of them.
ReplyDeleteI guess Kidman wouldn't be bad arm candy. But her credibility is sliding with every Spaz Luhrmann film she indulges in.
Still, I cast my vote.
Aw poor Emma. I think she's cute and can relate to some of her compulsive tendencies so marriage seems ok, and Will's frequent bouts of cheesy, super-white rapping/singing/dancing would force me kill him at some point.
ReplyDeleteI'm not even sure who Mimi Rogers is, but Nicole seems too harsh to marry and Katie Holmes annoys the hell out of me, so the F-Nicole, M-Mimi, K-Katie choice made the most sense. Mimi can spend our years together helping to improve my poker skills!
@blake: Ouch!
ReplyDeleteKidman just looks creepy-thin to me now. She used to be a hot, though. Thanks for voting!
@Alex: Haha! I didn't think about his white-boy rap shtick getting annoying but boy it would!
Mimi isn't out in the movie world like she once was. Guess too much time honing her poker skills. That is turning into the popular FMK choice right now. We'll have to see if it holds.