Huh, Huh, You Said "Poll"

The results are in! A few weeks back I asked the burning question:

How do you feel about the 3D experience?

Here's how you stargazers (as represented by the 11 voters) like this latest, movie-going fad:

1 voter Loves It!!! - The line for more Kool-Aid starts behind by Jeffrey Katzenberg and James Cameron.

3 voters Like It. - If there is no other format option available, you won't be offended to shill out a few more bucks.

3 voters Not Interested. - You didn't realize Hollywood was hyping a new film format; that's how much you care about it.

1 voter Don't Like It! - (Bad grammar aside) You'd prefer to keep your hard-earned money to spend on more non-3D movies.

and 3 voters plus myself...

Hated It!!!

We'd rather gouge our eyes out than support this fad!!! We give this 3D hoopla three snaps in a jump-off-a-the-screen-in-your-face circle, jerk-ass!!!

***

With that out of the way, let's talk about lameness. Specifically, the Reel Whore's lameness at posting. Lately I haven't been able to get a leg up on my review queue. I currently have a dozen films to be reviewed. My plan is to knock all those out within the next week to give my dear stargazers the quality content you deserve.

Since I've been so behind, my specialties have suffered greatly. Sure, I still manage to post my Monday Mood Music every week. I continue to faithfully chronicle my opinions of upcoming films by releasing my Trailer Trash at the beginning of every month. However, my loyal stargazers no doubt hate that I haven't posted a Who's That Lady?, Face Punch, or Spank Bank in, like, forever!

Thus brings us to my latest poll. I want to know which of my specialties would you like to see comeback with a vengeance? Would you prefer I spice things up with a new feature? Do you just not give a damn about anything but my reviews? In this poll, you can vote for as many of these as you'd like, Reel Whore has not limits. No tell me...

Which of my specialties do it for you?

.

Huh, Huh, You Said "Poll"

To continue the spirit of my maniacal soapboxing from yesterday, I'm gonna bitch about one more thing that bugs the piss out of me.

For those of you who went to the theater last weekend, how did it feel to have Hollywood shove their grubby little fingers deeper into your honeypot? If you weren't aware of the new shit that has come to light, it was announced last week box office prices country-wide were raised (3-D movies up 8.3%, IMAX movies up 10%, and the 'classic' medium up 4%). Industry people believe consumers are "hungry for 3-D content" while Box Office Mojo President Brandon Gray believes "It's more of an industry push than an audience push, at least currently." Thrice last year I plopped down the extra bucks for the "3-D experience" and my overall conclusion: I wish I hadn't.

I've got lots of reasons to hate on 3-D; First off, not all glasses are as environmentally friendly as others. IMAX sends its glasses through their own on-site sterilization machine enabling them to get about 500 uses out of the glasses. Sounds fairly green to me. Dolby Theaters also have on-site cleaning methods, though their is some skepticism as to their cleanliness.

But if you're like me, your 3-D glasses come prepackaged in plastic (plastic that nearly always finds its way to the trash). Once your enhanced viewing experience is over, most moviegoers "recycle" their glasses in a designated cardboard stand outside the theater.

There are still some people that insist on keeping their glasses under the misguided belief they can save themselves money at the next 3-D affair. Sorry folks, but as a friend of mine learned, you are paying for the "technology," not the glasses. But I digress. If that box is full of used glasses provided by RealD or National Amusements, Inc., they get shipped cross country to recycling centers where they are washed, inspected, repackaged and sent back into the world. How green does that sound?

Granola griping aside, I have a hard time paying an extra $3.50 for a "technology" that allows me to watch movies in a new, excitingly blurry way. I've never gotten physically ill from the 3-D motion onscreen, but I have been sickened knowing I paid more for a less appealing experience. Seriously, if I want to see a flower in all it's three-dimensional glory I will go outside and find one. At least when it sways in the breeze, the image won't get distorted.

Not to mention I already wear glasses, so why the hell would I want to wear two pair of glasses to watch a movie?

Is this Whore just being a bitch? Do you agree that 3-D is more industry hype, or is it the greatest thing since sliced bread to you? For the next few weeks you'll have your chance to let me know. A simple poll, using the Netflix ratings scheme is now up in the sidebar. Here's how they translate:

How do you feel about the 3-D experience?

Love it!!! - More Kool-Aid please!!!
Really Like it! - If the movie is made for 3-D, it's totally worth it!
Like it. - If there's no other choice, I can deal.
Not Interested. - There are 3-D movies?
Don't Like it! - I prefer to keep my hard-earned money!
Hate It!!! - I'd rather gouge my eyes out than support this fad, jerk-ass!!!

Can't wait to hear your opinions on 3-D!

3D: Death, Depravity...and Dismal Technology

My Bloody Valentine 3D

Release: 01.16.09
Rated R
1 hour, 41 minutes

Second Run Seats (New Rating!)


I can't believe I'm admitting this, but this flick is the first 2009 release I saw in theaters...and I paid for it! Usually, my first three or four films of the year are all from free passes, but this year I broke tradition and shilled out for a matinee.. and sprung the extra $2.50 for the RealD glasses. The box-office attendant said the charge was not for the glasses but a "technology surcharge." More on that in a moment.

Years ago in the town of Harmony, a group of miners were trapped in, you guessed it, a mine. One dude, Harry Warden, went batshit loco, plunging his pick into the skulls of his friends like he was milking coconuts. Unconscious when rescued, Warden awakens in the hospital on Valentine's Day and proceeds to murder beaucoup people until supposedly killed in his mine hideout. Ten years pass and the kid responsible for the initial mining accident, Tom Hanniger (Jensen Ackles, TV: Supernatural), has returned to Harmony to sell the mine and put the past behind him...until the murderous Miner returns to kill again.

Back to the RealD experience. A few moments are pretty spanky; a couple of out-of-the-screen images might even make you flinch. Then there's a really cheesy eyeball scene that makes Friday the 13th Part 3-D's eyeball scene look spectacular. When the camera pans real slow, the 3D effects are solid, but once the camera or the subjects gain any momentum, it turns into a migraine-inducing blur.

I did take some time to shift my focus to the more thematic elements. The direction is decent; character establishment and the twisty story progression are strong for this type of B-movie horror concept. The acting is also mostly B-grade with more than a few C- and D-grade performances that are more distracting than supporting. Two shining lights are serial-sheriff actor Tom Atkins (Maniac Cop) and Roadhouse's Tilghman, Kevin Tighe.

Dirty Undies
Valentine excels in graphic excess. A massive maniac miner running around town, planting his pick in about every bodily location imaginable, provides enough blood and gory goodness to satisfy us depraved fans. The overreaching 3D moments rarely do the bloodshed justice; the severed hearts were far more creepy. Valentine only musters a single sex scene but I hope Betsy Rue got some serious cheddar. She spends the bulk of her screentime running around in platforms buck-ass naked.

The Money Shot
Is My Bloody Valentine 3D a great flick? Ha, not by a longshot! It is nasty, cheesy fun. I don't recommend pissing away the extra cash on the marvel that is 3D technology. I am hoping Valentine's problems are due to low budget and that James Cameron's $200 million budget for Avatar will be spooze-worthy (I'm not holding my breath). See it for the gore, but don't expect anything more.