Trailer Trash: The October 31st Quickie

Finally! The last October quickie is here. Don't misunderstand, a quickie is never a bad thing but I do miss the hard-pounding trailer onslaught the Gang Bang provides.

Unlike the last few weeks, the 31st promises only four new releases with only two slated to reach all the masses. Let's peek at what's up for viewing.


The Haunting of Molly Hartley The trailer's end echoes the names Chace Crawford and Haley Bennett, like that will draw people into seats. It looks about as scary as coming home to find a nearly nude Asian boy kneeling in your living room with his mouth agape. Like the latter is more of a NAMBLA wet dream, Molly Hartley is more of a High School Musical 4: Hell High than a true tale of terror. I'll take a U(nsatisfactory) in this course.

Verdict: Exercise the Right To Cinematic Celibacy.


Zack and Miri Make a Porno With only a few days before the election, I whole-heartedly endorse Zack and Miri for your weekend movie selection. I'm worried the comic stylings of the Apatow crew involved may not mesh so well with the View Askew fellas. But seriously, a raunchy Kevin Smith script starring the wise-ass Seth Rogen and the Banks-able Elizabeth Banks alongside porn stars like Traci Lords? Make Zack and Miri the choice to sate your inner whore!


Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!


Splinter (limited) It was the perfect weekend until they're kidnapped, trapped and that's not the worst of it; The Porcupine Monster Attacks! No, really. This trailer is ninety one-second sequences fluttering before you. Amid the flicker of panic, blood and splinters my best guess is the couple and their captors are ravaged by a prickly mutated rodent. I may be wrong about the monster, but the sick vibe makes viewing a possibility.

Verdict: It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.


The Other End of the Line (limited) Priya, Indian call center employee, takes a chance on love by flying to San Francisco to meet her repeat customer Granger. Sound like something you want to see? Go view the trailer and save your cash. Seriously, it's the entire story with no surprise unturned in under two minutes! If starved for cross-cultural Indian romance, rent Mississippi Masala or Outsourced instead of suffering through this.

Verdict: Exercise the Right To Cinematic Celibacy.


Looks like this weekend's choice is clear; watch Zack and Miri or catch up on the releases of the last few weeks. I'll be doing both.

Trailer Trash: The October 17th Quickie

Welcome to the second week of my October Trailer Trash coverage. I'm not sure if the format is as nifty as I'd like but I've had no complaints thus far.

I never made it out to theaters this past week. This self-inflicted house arrest must end soon! According to IMDB, the October 17th releases may offer the incentive I need as the number of interesting films in theaters keeps rising.



W I don't know what to think about this film. I saw the first trailer and wasn't too impressed. Since, the countless TV spots sell it as bitingly funny. Still, I've lived the W nightmare the last eight years and can't see paying to relive any fraction of it, or his life prior. On the other hand, Josh Brolin is a damn convincing Bush and would make it worth the price of admission.


Verdict: It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.


Max Payne I've been excited to see this since before Mark Wahlberg could talk to animals. I need something to wash away the foul taste The Happening left. I'm starving for a good actioner and crossing my fingers this will fit the bill. If not, at least I can stare at Mila Kunis and Olgo Kurylenko, although why Kurylenko wears the same red number from Hitman is a little curious.


Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!



Sex Drive Actually, I saw this film two months ago, long before any trailers aired. Assuming I've never seen it, this road trip trailer has three things going for it; Seth Green as an Amish dude, James Marsden as a dick and Clark Duke just being funny. Also, MGMT's cool song Time to Pretend prominently hypes the film. Wait, that's four things isn't it? Expect a proper review later today.


Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!



The Secret Life of Bees Based on the best-selling novel with Love & Basketball's Gina Prince-Bythewood helming you'd think it'd be a good flick. No disrespect to the talent of Latifah, Hudson and Keyes but this isn't a musical. Just saying Nia Long, Meagan Good, Gabrielle Union, etc would have liked an audition. Having Fanning in the Haley Joel fugly teen years doesn't help either. At any rate, wifey will be dragging me to see this, despite my minor protests.


Verdict: It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.


What Just Happened (limited) The official trailer has this looking snappy and fun. Then again, I am a sucker for Bruce Willis and watching him play himself with a belly and bushy beard is an almost sell. But I realize in all the spots, I've seen no clue as to what's happening - never a good sign. Since word on the street says its bleh, even Bruce Willis won't get me in the seat opening weekend.


Verdict: It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.


Morning Light (limited) This is the amazing true story of fifteen teens chosen to participate in a 2300-mile ocean race despite having no sailing experience. Um yeah, I don't watch reality shows on television so I'll be damned if I pay money to watch one in theaters. I thought Disney had an entire channel they could dump garbage like this?


Verdict: Exercise the Right To Cinematic Celibacy.


That's a wrap. Hopefully, I'll make it to the theaters this weekend so I can return to writing reviews next week. Until then...