Finally! The last October quickie is here. Don't misunderstand, a quickie is never a bad thing but I do miss the hard-pounding trailer onslaught the Gang Bang provides.
Unlike the last few weeks, the 31st promises only four new releases with only two slated to reach all the masses. Let's peek at what's up for viewing.
The Haunting of Molly Hartley The trailer's end echoes the names Chace Crawford and Haley Bennett, like that will draw people into seats. It looks about as scary as coming home to find a nearly nude Asian boy kneeling in your living room with his mouth agape. Like the latter is more of a NAMBLA wet dream, Molly Hartley is more of a High School Musical 4: Hell High than a true tale of terror. I'll take a U(nsatisfactory) in this course.
Verdict: Exercise the Right To Cinematic Celibacy.
Zack and Miri Make a Porno With only a few days before the election, I whole-heartedly endorse Zack and Miri for your weekend movie selection. I'm worried the comic stylings of the Apatow crew involved may not mesh so well with the View Askew fellas. But seriously, a raunchy Kevin Smith script starring the wise-ass Seth Rogen and the Banks-able Elizabeth Banks alongside porn stars like Traci Lords? Make Zack and Miri the choice to sate your inner whore!
Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!
Splinter (limited) It was the perfect weekend until they're kidnapped, trapped and that's not the worst of it; The Porcupine Monster Attacks! No, really. This trailer is ninety one-second sequences fluttering before you. Amid the flicker of panic, blood and splinters my best guess is the couple and their captors are ravaged by a prickly mutated rodent. I may be wrong about the monster, but the sick vibe makes viewing a possibility.
Verdict: It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.
The Other End of the Line (limited) Priya, Indian call center employee, takes a chance on love by flying to San Francisco to meet her repeat customer Granger. Sound like something you want to see? Go view the trailer and save your cash. Seriously, it's the entire story with no surprise unturned in under two minutes! If starved for cross-cultural Indian romance, rent Mississippi Masala or Outsourced instead of suffering through this.
Verdict: Exercise the Right To Cinematic Celibacy.
Looks like this weekend's choice is clear; watch Zack and Miri or catch up on the releases of the last few weeks. I'll be doing both.
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