MILF Rendezvous: Weird Science

Today’s vault selection has two very excellent reasons behind its choosing. I will soon be headed to yet another convention, and for any must-meet guests in attendance, I always like to watch a few choice films to get amped. Anthony Michael Hall is an actor I’ve enjoyed for decades on both the big screen and television. As Dylan recently attested in his post, Top 5 Stars Deserving Of a Comeback, Hall is long overdue for a role more substantial than an occasional guest spot on television, although his appearance on Community was cool, cool, cool.

Weird Science

Gary Wallace (Anthony Michael Hall) and Wyatt Donnelly (Ilan Mitchell-Smith) fantasize about being the cool kids; the guys wooing the ladies, throwing the parties, and being envied by the masses. In reality, they are repeatedly beaten and ridiculed by their classmates Ian (Robert Downey, Jr.) and Max (Robert Rusler) and relentlessly antagonized by Wyatt’s freakish asshole of a brother, Chet (Bill Paxton).  With another lonely, depressing weekend ahead of them, Gary convinces Wyatt to use his computer to simulate an ideal girl, one that will teach them the secret to coolness. They surpass their wildest dreams when, through some sort of weird science, they create living, breathing perfection… Lisa (Kelly LeBrock).

Rendezvous...

MILF Rendezvous: Addams Family Values

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MMM: I'm Takin' No Direction and I Walk-a Real Slow

Morning stargazers. I don't know about you all, but it's a chore to get going today. I hope this isn't a sign of the week to come. I don't have anything fun scheduled for the days ahead, so I'll have to rely on the forthcoming long weekend. So different than last week when I had the Nellie McKay concert on Tuesday. Actually, it was the Madeleine Peyroux concert, Nellie was just the opener, but she was the reason I traveled to Durham after dark. It was a great opening show and if she and Madeleine pop up in your area, I recommend you check them out.

Nellie McKay - Caribbean Time

Trailer Trash: May 18 of 2012

If you want to save yourself some time, this weekend's new releases look like horrid shit, tedious shit, and shit that is coming out smelling like roses. You can probably guess which is which, but in case you'd like a little more exposition, here you go.

Battleship A.K.A. The Horrid Shit. Oh my does this look like a fucktastic failure. The action effects appear to be the scraps from Transformers and most likely are. Underwater alien ships that island fisherman have known about forever, but whose presence has somehow gone undetected by imaging satellites for decades, really? I pieced that shit-ass plot point together from Rihanna's hackneyed dialogue. Which reminds me, if I had any desire to see Rihanna in any kind of movie, it'd better be a porn. Battleship's casting has the makings of a promising gangbang, but I can damn well guarantee the only people getting fucked senseless will be audiences who waste the money to go see this HORRID SHIT.

Verdict:  Exercise My Fucking Right to Cinematic Celibacy.

The Dictator Early trailers for The Dictator looked like Sasha Baren Cohen doing the same tired-ass shit he's done in Borat and Bruno. Then I saw John C. Reilly and Anna Faris are joining him and found out there's an actual scripted plot instead of random hijinks. Very nice. Probably not going to be ground-breaking, but tolerable enough that I'll catch it sometime.



Verdict: It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.

What to Expect When You're Expecting A.K.A. The Tedious Shit. I'm quickly growing sick of these vaguely book-related adaptations. The concept is almost as lame as adapting a fucking board game into a movie. I love me some Elizabeth 'Banksable' Banks, but not even her infectious awesomeness can pull me into the theaters. Her magnetic effect on me must be canceled out by all the negativity generated from her costars.


Verdict:  Exercise the Right to Cinematic Celibacy.

I am planning to see Dark Shadows finally and if I really need to see a second movie, there's Space Prison, a.k.a. Lockout at the cheap theater. I can always go enjoy The Avengers a second time too. Anything is preferable to this week's offerings.

MILF Rendezvous: The Addams Family

My original intention was to ride the weekend boon of Dark Shadows into a Sequel Suicide, but complications have arisen. One, Dark Shadows didn’t do as well as hoped, although I’d love for a project of my making to earn thirty million in one weekend. Two, I just now discovered The Addams Family franchise spawned a third, straight-to-video installment with a completely different cast, save for the return of Carel Struycken as Lurch and Christopher Hart as Thing. This raises the question, does a direct-to-video sequel count in a franchise total? Until we come to a decision, I’d like to amend this series to the more apropos, You Decide… Sequel Suicide?

The Addams Family

It’s been twenty-five years since Fester (Christopher Lloyd), brother of Gomez Addams (Raul Julia), went missing. Ever since the falling out which Gomez believes precipitated his disappearance, the Addams clan gathers for a séance led by Granny (Judith Malina) to call to Fester. This year, they get an answer. That’s because Gomez’s lawyer Tully Alford (Dan Hedaya) has discovered that Gordon (Christopher Lloyd), the son of his loan shark Abigail (Elizabeth Wilson), is the spitting image of Fester. Together the trio plots to infiltrate the Addams family using Gordon to get their hands on the family’s countless riches. That is, assuming Gordon can survive life as an Addams.

Rendezvous...

MMM: Thanks Betsy

Morning stargazers! So far this week is off to a quiet start; a good thing for those of us recovering from a weekend a Mother's Day travels. To keep the mood light just a little while longer, I'm passing along a tune my friend Betsy forwarded last week. I'm not a huge fan of country, but how I have not heard this particular song at some point in the past year is beyond me. If this one's new to you too, you're in for a treat. Enjoy!

Trace Adkins - Brown Chicken Brown Cow

MILF Rendezvous: The Terminator

This Sunday is Mother’s Day and if you’re trying to decide what to get your mother,  just keep in mind, you can’t really top John Connor’s gift. Is there any better way to show your mom you care than to send a sergeant from your future army into the past to make pipe bombs and lay pipe to protect her from and preserve the future? I can’t think of one.

The Terminator

It’s been a shit day for the not-yet-mother Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton). Work went terribly, her hot date canceled, and the news has pronounced her dead. Actually, it’s a woman with the same name, but still, bummer. On this clear LA night in 1984, it’s also raining men, naked ones at that! That’d be a wonderful thing for a young available woman normally, but one free-swinger is a cyborg (Arnold Schwarzenegger) sent from 2029 to assassinate her and the other is a soldier from the future, Kyle Reese (Michael Biehn), who’s come to protect her. This is so not the memorable weekend Sarah was hoping for.

Rendezvous....