Wednesday, September 30, 2009

RW Quarterly, Vol. II - Issue 3

Any whore worth his salt knows you have to step back from the daily grind now and again to do a little bookkeeping. The Reel Whore Quarterly indexes all the films I've seen over the last 13 weeks.

Every review I've posted is linked. Films italicized in blue are in the review queue so be sure to check back for those. If a film below deserves a whore-treatment but isn't slated to receive it, request it!

As the third quarter of 2009 comes to a close, I've managed to watch another 39 films. Despite thinking I was once again falling behind, I have actually increased the pace, ever so slightly. I speculated at the end of second quarter that my rampant TV-on-DVD watching would curb my movie consumption. As you can see, catching up on Flight of the Conchords, Mad Men Season 2, Secret Diary of a Call Girl and getting engrossed into a full slate of fall television hasn't had much effect.

Sadly, the number of reviews to be posted is on the rise. My television addiction coupled with my evening class aren't going to improve that trend anytime soon. Maybe I should just take a weekend off from the theater to catch up...NAH!

The Reel Whore's Movies Watched
July 1 to September 30, 2009

73. The Brothers Bloom
74. Obsessed
75. Public Enemies
76. Next Day Air
77. Powder Blue
78. Dazed and Confused
79. Sleepaway Camp
80. Moon
81. Away We Go
82. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
83. G-Force
84. Fast & Furious
85. Whatever Works
86. Funny People
87. Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (CDtZ submission)
88. A Perfect Getaway
89. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
90. Jane Austen Book Club
91. Julie & Julia
92. The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard
93. Shaun of the Dead
94. Food, Inc.
95. District 9
96. X-Men Origins: Wolverine
97. RocknRolla
98. O'Horten
99. Green Lantern: First Flight
100. (500) Days of Summer
101. Conan the Barbarian
102. Easy Virtue
103. Inglorious Basterds
104. Extract
105. 9
106. Paper Heart
107. Hurt Locker
108. World's Greatest Dad
109. Choke
110. Slaughter High
111. The Surrogates

Large Association of Movie Blogs

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

The Jizt: Away We Go

In this fast-paced world of blogging, tweeting and fly-by-night film voyeurism, sometimes one doesn't have the time to give a film proper treatment. More importantly, others do not always have the time to read it. Sometimes you just have to take it around back and squeeze one out in 1-2-3 quick licks.
Think of
The Jizt as the wham, bam, thank you ma'am of reviews.

Away We Go

elease: 06.05.09
DVD Release: 09.29.09
Rated R
1 hour, 38 minutes


Cast: Maya Rudolph (Idiocracy), John Krasinski (Smiley Face), Paul Schneider (Lars and the Real Girl)

The Build-up: Expectant parents Burt and Verona travel the country visiting family and friends in search of the perfect place for their new family to call home.

The Blurt-out: A great movie for armchair travel, yet how this impoverished duo affords their jet setting itinerary remains a mystery.

The Jizt: Curling up with a large mug of marshmallow-topped hot chocolate is the perfect way to evoke the warm fuzzies buried within this awkward, flaky tale.

"...and his Jizt literally enveloped my entire hand!"

Large Association of Movie Blogs

Monday, September 28, 2009

MMM: A Picture's Worth

For this week's Monday Mood Music, I'd like to start a little different. By show of hands, how many of you saw Funny People? Hmmm, that few huh. Well, I'm sure at least a handful of you have watched NBC's comedy Parks and Recreation and recognize this young lady:

Her name's Aubrey Plaza. She plays April the intern on that show and played Seth Rogen's love interest, Daisy, in Funny People. Now, I've got a question for you; what's different about this next picture?

If you said the hat, thanks for playing but you have to say goodbye. In fact, what's different is that it is a photo of Diane Birch. Diane Birch is a singer songwriter from Michigan. Obviously, Aubrey and Diane would be the perfect pair for cheerfuld's Sisters From Another Mister over at do you have a flag?. Instead, I thought their uncanny resemblance would be the perfect segway into this week's selection.

I heard her (Diane's, that is) single Nothing But a Miracle earlier this summer on VH1 one Saturday morning. It popped back onto my radar a few weeks back prompting me to download her album, Bible Belt. Since that time I've listened to it about seventeen bazillion times and still can't get enough! Okay maybe I exaggerate a little, but the point is her old soul sound has burrowed a comfortable little nest up in my brain. Now, for those who haven't heard that first single, here's your chance to become infected by her sound by checking out her debut television performance:

Diane Birch - Nothing But a Miracle

Yeah, yeah it's another piano playing lady. So sue me. I dig what I dig and I'm digging Diane a LOT. So should you.

Large Association of Movie Blogs

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Thin as Paper, Lacking in Heart

Paper Heart

Release: 08.07.09 limited
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 28 minutes

A Netflix Night

Musician-comedienne Charlyne Yi (Knocked Up) has never been in love and believes she never will. She finds the whole romantic concept suspect. With her friend and director Nicholas Jasenovec (Jake M. Johnson, Redbelt), she travels the United States to film a documentary on people's perspectives on love. Along the way, Charlyne meets Michael Cera (Superbad) and the camera crews roll with fingers crossed that Charlyne may understand the elusive emotion.

Back in 1984, a young Christopher Guest, Michael McKean and Harry Shearer made the highly entertaining mockumentary This is Spinal Tap under the direction of Rob Reiner. Guest has since had repeated success mixing comedy and documentary. In 2006, Scott Glosserman proved horror could work in the mockumentary style when he crafted Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon. It's frustrating to watch Paper Heart attempt and fail to effectively combine romance and the mockumentary.

During her cross-country tour, Charlyne asks people young and old about their experiences and expectations of love. Their anecdotes and the paper mache reenactments provided by Charlyne and her father Luciano are interesting and entertaining. However, as the relationship between Charlyne and Michael develops, the focus blurs. The tag line reads, "a story about love that takes on a life of its own." This begs the question, why does their burgeoning romance feel so forced? The sincerity of the interviews devolves into scenes equal in quality to a poorly staged reality show.

Being a movie and not a documentary, obviously the scenes are going to be staged. If it were truly attempting realism, the director would have appeared as himself instead of hiring an actor to portray him. Paper Heart felt most real during Charlyne's playground excursion. Let's face it; it's hard to keep kids on task so that's the closest to pure, unscripted fun they achieved. My preference would have been to see the romantic elements intertwined with these authentic interactions. Instead, Paper Heart's creators seemed to make it up as they went, forgetting they needed to keep their passengers entertained.

Dirty Undies
If you have a chipmunk fetish, Charlyne's puffy cheeks are adorable. Though if you're like my wife, you'll wish she'd do her hair, wear a different hoodie, or just maintain some general minimum of hygiene. If you're looking to discover love, who better to be your beau than universally likable Michael Cera? In fact, Charlyne and Michael were an item up until the release of Paper Heart. Despite their real-life coupling, their onscreen chemistry feels less than authentic.

The Money Shot
Occasionally funny, somewhat goofy, but disappointingly dull. This flick's three elements--interviews, re-enactments and scripted love story-- mix about as easily as oil, water and a hard-boiled egg.

Large Association of Movie Blogs

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

The Jizt: Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

In this fast-paced world of blogging, tweeting and fly-by-night film voyeurism, sometimes one doesn't have the time to give a film proper treatment. More importantly, others do not always have the time to read it. Sometimes you just have to take it around back and squeeze one out in 1-2-3 quick licks. Think of The Jizt as the wham, bam, thank you ma'am of reviews.

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

Release: 05.01.09

DVD Release: 09.22.09
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 40 minutes

A Netflix Night

Cast: Matthew McConaughey (The Wedding Planner), Jennifer Garner (Catch and Release), Michael Douglas (One Night at McCool's)

The Build-up: Lecherous photographer Connor Mead is forced to re-examine his womanizing ways, A Christmas Carol-style, when he encounters his one true love at his brother's wedding weekend.

The Blurt-out: Why is it that one of the three ghosts visiting Connor is neither a ghost nor a girlfriend past?!

The Jizt: The glittering beauty of the cast may be distracting, but no amount of polish can mask the lingering stench of this turd.

Calm down, Matthew, we're not asking you to choke down THAT much Jizt!

Large Association of Movie Blogs

Monday, September 21, 2009

MMM: She Came Back Around!

I don't know about you, but September seems to be whizzing by. Part of what helps make time fly is having entertainment-filled evenings. Since quality theatrical releases have been scarce this month, I have relied on Netflix, plays and concerts to keep my need to be amused sated. Tonight is one such example.

After work, I'm headed down the road to the Cat's Cradle. Like myself, the Cradle's been bringing joy to the masses for over thirty years. Tonight the Cradle brings Ingrid Michaelson back to town. Her name may not be familiar to you, but if you've tuned into network television in the past couple of years, particularly Grey's Anatomy, you've probably heard her music. Having never watched Grey's, I have to thank for introducing me to Ingrid.

I missed her first concert, but I scooped up my tickets lickety-quick this time before the show sold out again. Tonight, I'm looking forward to hearing her older tunes from her Girls and Boys and Be OK albums. I'm very excited to hear more than just a thirty second clip of her new songs. That's why this Monday Mood Music selection was chosen from her latest album, Everybody. Enjoy!

Ingrid Michaelson - Maybe

While looking up her background, I discovered Ingrid and another favorite singer-songwriter of mine, Sara Bareilles, are friends. Don't be surprised if a Sara post appears before too long.

Large Association of Movie Blogs

Friday, September 18, 2009

Who's That Lady? - It's Judy Greer!

Nearly everyone can recognize Jolie's or Johansson's, um, talents from across a crowded theater, but what about the woman playing their best friend, mom, or even Pilates instructor? Here I shine a spotlight on those actresses that live in the shadows and ask the question:

Who's That Lady?
Judy Greer

Judy Greer was born in Livonia, a town outside of Detroit. For nearly ten years, she trained as a dancer. The most intriguing notation I found about Judy's life is that she worked as an oyster shucker. Was that a high school summer job, or a struggling-actress-looking-for-work job? Considering that three days after graduating from DePaul University's theater program, she landed her first acting gig, I'm thinking the former. To find work in the industry so quickly, it had to be kismet.

3 Unforgettable Roles
Cursed - A horror movie, especially such a lame one, must seem an odd choice. As Joanie, Jake's jealous ex-lover, Judy's the only reason anyone should ever want to sit through this. One particular outburst by Joanie almost made it worth the price of admission.

The Great New Wonderful - As Allison, one of the main characters in this series of vignettes concerning post-9/11 New York, Judy gives an nuanced performance as a mother in denial about her son's dysfunctional emotional state. I hope this serious, sensual character is just the beginning of larger roles for Ms. Greer.

TV: Arrested Development
- Those with exceptional taste in television will remember Ms. Greer most famously for the not-so-last wor
ds, "It's the last time you'll see these!" as spoken by her character Kitty Sanchez.
What can I say about Kitty? Well, Judy sells Kitty's sex-crazed ways perfectly. Just talking about it makes me want to hunker down for an evening marathon of Kitty episodes.

Honorable Mentions: Interesting factoid: Judy played a secondary character named Kitty in The Village and was the main patient on the TV medical drama, House. That episode, coincidentally, was titled Here Kitty. Strange, right? I guess it would've been too much for the writer's of Californication to name her hooker role Kitty instead of Trixie.
In 27 Dresses, Judy has some fun as Jane's raunchy best bud. Her small part as the waitress Alice in Adaptation almost edged out Cursed. She was so cute that I just didn't understand why Kaufman wouldn't lock that down.

Saw it, but even I don't remember her in it!
Who doesn't remember George Clooney's sex scene at the beginning of Three Kings? What I don't remember is that Judy was the other half of that sex sandwich! However, that's not the only time I overlooked her presence.

Films: Elizabethtown, Jawbreaker, What Women Want, The Wedding Planner, American Dreamz

Knowing Judy Greer plays the patented best friend or the sexually-charged lady, you'd think I'd recall seeing her more often. If you want to know more about her career, check out her IMDB and Wikipedia pages.

Opening this weekend, you can catch Judy portraying Jennifer Aniston's friend Marty in Love Happens. Judy Greer has four upcoming movies and a recurring role on the new television show Glen Martin, DDS. Of those five, my excitement is torn between the phenomenal cast of Peep World and the nadless adventures of Barry Munday. Guess that means I'll have to watch them both!

Large Association of Movie Blogs

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Movie Menage: X-Men Origins Wolverine

Lately, it seems for every movie I review, I've got three to four more waiting in the wings to be serviced. Exponential expansion, while sometimes good, can also be a burden. The Reel Whore is always looking to spice up his movie life for both his benefit and yours, stargazers.

In this latest innovation, the Reel Whore will surreptitiously pluck a couple of reviews from fellow LAMBs and other film bloggers. The brief blurbs from these two reviewers coupled with the Reel Whore take constitute a critique à trois, if you will. Getting three opinions of a film tossed together should be better than one, right?

X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Release: 05.01.09
DVD Release: 09.15.09
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 47 minutes


Fanboys' favorite member of the X-Men, Wolverine (Hugh Jackman, Van Helsing), started as a tiny, sickly young boy named James. On the run at an early age, he and his half-brother, Victor (Liev Schreiber, Scream), found that a life of fighting suited them. It isn't until joining a secret government team led by William Stryker (Danny Huston, 30 Days of Night) that Logan (the Wolverine moniker comes later) gets fed up with Victor and the gang's cold-blooded ways. Years later, he's working the wood daily as both lumberjack and boyfriend when Stryker surfaces to give him a proposition he can't refuse. Several explosions, a handful of mutant cameos and a LOT of killing later, the no-nonsense killing machine Wolverine is born.

The first of our lovers trio:

... The movie also doesn’t follow the franchise’s own canon, which makes it unbelievable to watch. The movie’s so focused on blowing shit up that the plot at times crosses into the grotesque. When Stryker realizes that he’s made Wolverine indestructible, he shoots him with adamantium bullets because his brain will heal…but his memories won’t.


... from the Black-Eyed Peas is in this movie. Why, I’m not sure. It seems as though the prerequisite for his character, Wraith, was to have a terrible Southern accent and be willing to wear a lot of turquoise jewelry. In that regard, succeeds. In every other way, he is astonishingly, depressingly bad to watch.

Uncover Caitlin's full, uncensored opinion.

Joining in the fun is our second partner:

... Liev Schreiber clearly relishes playing a man who bounds up buildings like Tigger and slashes faces with his fingernails. He practically purrs his lines.

Hugh Jackman, for his part, spends most of the movie sharpening his claws or screaming at the sky — his tan, much-muscled frame either nude, shirtless or clad in a torn white wife-beater. Meow!

Sarah's waiting for you to come calling.

Two major issues with Wolverine are the amazingly weak special effects and the blatant misuse of Ryan Reynolds (Blade: Trinity). The special effects in the early scenes with the mercenary teams are pretty spanky. Evidently, when time came for Wolverine's adamantium upgrade, the money was running thin. Several times Wolverine's claws looked as believable as a pair that came packaged with my nephew's Halloween costume. Victor's Tigger-esque bounding became laughable. Only the lack of lifebars on the screen and a controller in my hand saved the climactic fight scene on Three Mile Island from feeling like a poorly choreographed video game.

Speaking of the final fight scene, why would you hire the sexy, smart-mouthed Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool only to make him play a mute while literally defacing him?! The inclusion of Reynolds in the cast was the driving factor for me to see Wolverine, but his five minutes of screentime was an insult.

Wolverine is entertaining enough if you just roll with the mostly landed punches and don't get hung up on pesky details like plot or faithfulness to the source material. Logan's saga was pretty well covered in the X-Men trilogy, yet they're already talking an Origins sequel. If the next installment is similarly flawed, I doubt even his phenomenal healing factor could revive it.

Large Association of Movie Blogs

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Doin' DragonCon

In case you were wondering this IS primarily a movie blog, contrary to the last few posts. I've got so many movie reviews waiting in the wings, you may not be able to handle it once I release. Before I let those dogs out, I want to recap my trip to the ATL, specifically to DragonCon. At times it was frustrating, crowded and hectic, but it was always tons of fun.

My main goal at D*C09 was stargazing. There was a long list of talent in attendance and I met the majority of folks I had planned to see.

My most random encounter came while standing in the lobby of the Hilton on Thursday night. As I people-watched from the center of the floor, the sliding doors parted and a warm gust of exhaust-tinged air preceded a quick-moving gaggle of people. The group approached with two hotel security guards taking the lead. In the center of the five remaining people I saw a stocky man sporting a white Cuban shirt with a matching Havana straw hat. The brim was pulled so low only a pair of ruddy, squirrelish cheeks were visible. As the group parted around me, the little devil on my side was tempted to shout, "It's Shatner!" at the top of my lungs and watch the chaos ensue. Instead, I quietly turned and watched as the security guards threw open a pair of double doors at the opposite end of the hall and quickly herded the entourage away from fanboy clutches.

That random moment aside, I can't decide which celebrity was most excited to meet. Instead of trying to figure it out, I'll mention a few highlights and let you browse the meet-and-greet photos.

My very first stop in the Walk of Fame was to meet Eric Roberts. Why him, you may ask? Because he's the fuckin' man, that's why! We talked a little about Best of the Best and It's My Party along with his upcoming appearance in The Expendables and his new role on the TV show Crash.

As a Friday the 13th fan, I had to stop by Kane Hodder's table. He was a great guy and posed for a couple of different photos with me and my pal. Who knew Jason was such a softie underneath that mask? Dude is too cool for school.

From Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I got to meet Julie Benz, Charisma Carpenter and James Marsters. I was chastised by the very sexy Julie for having never tuned in to the "most amazing show on television," Dexter. Honestly, I have no excuse seeing as how even Netflix says I'll give it a 5.0 out of 5.0. All was forgiven when she learned I watched her Lifetime movie Held Hostage. Julie's performance makes it worth the watch as does the supporting role of That Guy Bruce McGill.

I was nervous to meet Charisma after all the years I drooled while watching BtVS, Angel and Veronica Mars. To answer a friend's question, "Was she as hot in person?" She's hot, with a capital DAMN! We talked about her upcoming Syfy flick House of Bones and how she's the big female draw for The Expendables.

Marsters was also great fun. Our converse centered on his role as Brainiac and his appearance on Torchwood. I've got to tell you, if you ever get the chance to meet him, he gives great camera! I've posted a handful of poses he did with several lucky ladies that's a must see. Needless to say, the wife was not happy that I insisted on being included in her photo op with James.

By far the most affectionate celeb was Doug Jones. If you ever get to meet the man underneath the costuming of the Silver Surfer and Abe Sapien, be prepared to be squeezed! My wife tells me everyone needs four hugs a day. I'm certain Doug filled my daily quota and gave me a few to grow on, all within a few minutes' time. If you ever find yourself down and out at a con and Doug's nearby, he'll turn that frown upside down.

I was disappointed I never got the chance to meet Battlestar Galactica's Mary McDonnell. I swung by the last day I was there only to find that she had left for the day. On the other hand, meeting The Guild's Felicia Day was an quest too impossible for this Con newb to complete. I thought Nimoy and Shatner had long lines, but she put them all to shame!

If celebrities aren't your thing, you should check out the variety of characters you'll encounter at DragonCon. Of all the photos I took, I think the Marvel Zombies, the Dragon Lady, Ms. Klingon Empire 2009, and the green punk chica are the most memorable. Which ones stand out for you?

I also managed to snap some half-assed shots of the Parade. Nowhere other than the D*C Parade will you find a legion of Ghostbusters, an army of Browncoats and every Star Wars character imaginable in one place.

With all this going on, you may be surprised to learn that we managed to do the Atlanta tourist thing, too, swinging by the World of Coca-Cola, the Botanical Garden and the Georgia Aquarium. It's been nearly two weeks since all this happened and the whirlwind is still kicking up dust in my mind. Having gone to both SDCC and D*C now, I can't think of what kind of nerdly mischief I'll find myself in next year. Any suggestions?

Large Association of Movie Blogs

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Huh, Huh, You Said "Poll" - In Memoriam

Yesterday the sad news was announced that Patrick Swayze had passed away. My wife immediately reminded me that a recent article in Rolling Stone pointed out that his movie Road House aired 45 times last year on three networks. That's the great thing about movies; it's sad that our favorite actors are no longer around to make new entertainment, but we can always
revisit our fondest memories of them.

Patrick Swayze
1952 - 2009

That brings me to the crux of my new poll. I am an unflappable fan of Swayze in Road House, but never liked Point Break. He gave a command performance as Vida in To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar, and I love when he dipped into skeezy for Donnie Darko and Powder Blue. Watching Swayze duke it out with Tex Cobb in Uncommon Valor is also a great cinematic memory for me.

I want to know, as we reflect on the life and career of Patrick Swayze, what film holds the best memories for you?

Large Association of Movie Blogs

Monday, September 14, 2009

MMM: Happenstance

There's lots happening this week. As such, it was quite difficult to select an appropriate Monday Mood Music. I had to consider that this week marks one year since I started this weekly feature. Aside from the imposed medical hiatus taken in the fall of last year, the MMMs have fared much better than a few other Reel Whore features.

I debated long and hard how to celebrate this milestone, even thinking I'd post another song from Norah Jones, the MMMs original inspiration. Instead, I thought it best to focus on another great artist. Thinking back through my concert experiences, I realized Nelly Furtado was one of my fonder memories yet she's never been featured here.

For those who don't know, this week Nelly is releasing her fourth studio album. That's right fourth. Most people forget about her second album Folklore; a shame considering it features some great songwriting. This fourth album will be the first Spanish language album for the Portugese-Canadian singer. Furtado started with a folky sound and unique vocal styling which evolved into a hip-hop vibe so I'm curious to see what direction she takes with her Spanish sound.

Sadly, I couldn't find a video that grabbed me from her Folklore album. Instead, I chose the second and most popular single from her debut album Whoa, Nelly! Watching this live version brought me back to that concert nearly a decade ago. The only difference here is I recall her wearing a different colored tight shirt at our show.

Nelly Furtado - Turn off the Light

Nelly Furtado has come a long way considering what a tiny venue my buddy and I saw her in back then. Coincidentally, Nelly's newest album releases the week of same-said buddy's birthday who has shook many a night away to Spanish music. It's the perfect gift to get her and it'll be a total surprise since that slacker always forgets to read my blog! How serendipitous.

Large Association of Movie Blogs

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Today I Feel Like This...

Large Association of Movie Blogs

Monday, September 7, 2009

MMM: Shake It, Shake It!

*This post is on Excursion Engage auto-pilot.*

As of this posting I should still have a few hours of partying to do in the ATL - Atlanta, Georgia that is. What group can better keep a party going than the Dirty South duo of Big Boi and André 3000 a.k.a. Outkast?

Of all their songs, this one has to have the most adrenaline-fueled fun. Without delay, the first single from the album Stankonia:

Outkast - B.O.B (Bombs Over Baghdad)

Now that'll put some pep in your Monday step!

Large Association of Movie Blogs

Friday, September 4, 2009

Trailer Trash: The September-09 Gang Bang

*This post is on Excursion Engage auto-pilot.*

After divvying up the August Trailer Trash into a weekly ordeal, I can't tell you how good it feels to host the gang bang once again. Given the large number of releases this month, you probably think I'm being too enthusiastic.

Trust me stargazers, it's all the studios' doing; I had nothing to do with releasing fifteen films this month. Let's not waste time talking about how many have showed up to play. Let's just get into the releases, according to IMDB. As always, they are ranked from worst to best for your enjoyment.

Exercise the Right To Cinematic Celibacy.

Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs (09.18) Is it just me or did they forget to even hint at the story in the trailer? I'll only see this is if I get pelted by a crusty meatball and wonky-stumble into the theater by accident.

Sorority Row (09.11) Even though this is chock full of young hotties and Rumer Willis, I think I'd rather spend my weekend being subjected to unspeakable tortures with a pimped-out, 4-way lug wrench.

Gamer (09.04) Based on my affection for Six Feet Under's Michael C. Hall, I should be psyched about this. However Lamer, as it's known 'round the Whore house, looks to be less about Hall doing his best Richard Dawson (a la Running Man), and more about Gerard Butler and his pimply faced puppeteer.

Carriers (09.04) I can just hear the guys at Paramount back in May: "Folks are eating the new Star Trek up! Do we have any crap films starring this Chris Pine fella we can shove into theaters to capitalize off his newfound stardom?" And thus this craptastic zombie-spin was rescued from the straight-to-DVD bin.

Whiteout (09.11) Two things are immediately wrong with Whiteout. One, it looks like all the boring Armageddon-in-the-snow sequences from the upcoming 2012 were spliced together for a crappy preamble. Two, why would anyone pay to watch Kate Beckinsale prance around overclothed for any length of time?

Fame (09.25) If the original Fame was a musical, what's this? I can't figure how Debbie Allen gets barely a second in the trailer, while Roc and Frasier appear to be the backbone of this after school special. There needs to be a lot more substance if they want to sell this to me, or anyone for that matter.

It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.

Love Happens (09.18) The thing I'm most happy about with this premise is that Aniston and Eckhart are practically the same age. Rare, considering most Hollywood pairings match "mature" dudes to barely legal teens. It looks like love happens, but very little else in this date night fodder.

I Can Do Bad All By Myself (09.11) With Academy Award nominee Taraji P. Henson alongside musical guests Gladys Knight and Mary J. Blige, why do the trailers focus on Madea and her recent trip to jail? Melodrama aside, the music should at least be worth the cheap seats.

Pandorum (09.25) I watched both trailers, and I still don't have a clue what this is. One says survivors fighting hallucinations, the other says survivors versus mutants. Whatever the hell is going on, I'd just as soon wait to find out on DVD.

Astro Boy (09.23) Maybe it's the kid in me, or maybe I'm just happy to see an animated movie that's not in 3D, but I'm digging Astro Boy. It looks like good, lighthearted fun with a touch of action to keep the adults awake.

Jennifer's Body (09.18) Megan Fox is on my list. Well, she is on THAT list, too, but I was referring to the "Sick and Tired" list. That said, Jennifer's Body looks to be the most promising horror movie this month. Still, my disdain for her won't let me be too excited.

This is a No Fox Zone. Move Along.

All About Steve (09.04) Look, it's another Ken Jeong spotting! Oh yeah, Sandra Bullock also stars. I don't know whether to laugh or cry at the state of her career as she gets passed from one rising male star to the next like a doobie. Still, Thomas Haden Church, Keith David and an over-the-top shtick by Bullock should make this passable and funny despite itself.

Moist With Antici...Pation!

The Surrogates (09.25) Any movie starring Bruce Willis automatically sucks the admission price right out my wallet. Fortunately, the intriguing sci-fi future depicted in The Surrogates also has me sold. The graphic novel it's based on is at the top of my reading stack, so I can't wait to compare and contrast.

9 (09.09) In the spirit of all things 9:

Oh My God, Everything About This Looks Beyond Awesome!

Extract (09.04) You had me at Mike Judge:

If that doesn't float your boat, everything about this trailer oozes hilarity, from Bateman's deadpan delivery to the great That Guys & Gals to what looks to be an enjoyable Affleck performance. At a minimum, you can stare at the mighty fine Mila for ninety minutes.


Back to true Gang Bang form, I have abstained from including limited releases. A shame, really, since Matt Damon's The Informant! (09.18) looks like a smartly written laugh riot. It may be deserving of some special treatment later in the month. What say you, Bateman?

Large Association of Movie Blogs

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Today I Feel Like This...

*This post is on Excursion Engage auto-pilot.*

Large Association of Movie Blogs

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Excursion Engage!

Hailing stargazers, this is the Reel Whore speaking. I mentioned imminent vacation plans in Monday's Mood Music. The course has been set for fun, but fear not. While I enjoy the pleasures of Risa, the site will post entertaining content in my stead.

I shall return rejuvenated with lots to share. Catch you on the flip side of Labor Day.

Mr. Crusher, Engage!

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