Friday, November 30, 2012

American components, Russian Components, ALL MADE IN TAIWAN!

Although you might assume The Accountant in Drive Angry is immortal and has no need to celebrate trivial milestones like birthdays, but the vault loves a birthday. The vault also loves That Guys so that’s why I could not pass up the chance to wish William Fichtner a happy 56th birthday! We’re celebrating with a look back at his role as Colonel Willie Sharp in Michael Bay’s 1998 film Armageddon.

After a meteor shower rains down in the Atlantic, wreaking havoc on portions of New York City and Finland, NASA commander Dan Truman (Billy Bob Thornton) and his scientists confirm the devastation is but a prelude. An asteroid the size of Texas is hurtling towards the Earth and its impact will trigger an extinction level event. The single best option NASA devises is to send two teams of astronauts onto the asteroid to drill an eight-hundred foot hole and drop a nuke into its core. To prep the mission crew and refine the equipment, Truman recruits Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis), the best driller in the world, to train them. With only 18 days, Harry can’t train astronauts the fine art of drilling so he and his rowdy crew of men are instead given a crash course on space travel and sent into the ether to teach this massive hunk of cosmic rock you don’t tread on our Earth.


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Monday, November 26, 2012

Oh Shit. There Goes the Planet

Three weeks ago the Walt Disney Co. announced its purchase of Lucasfilm Ltd. Ever since the interwebs have been all abuzz about Episodes VII, VIII, and IX; who’s writing, who’s directing, who’s starring, and, most importantly, how much shittier (or for the hopeful, better) will they be than the last three installments? Personally, they will be what they will be and they will keep coming because it’s such a major cash cow. Thinking about all the money Disney stands to make not only with the new trilogy, but with merchandising, it’s the perfect time for Mel Brooks to dust off script ideas for Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money.
Once upon a time warp very, very, very, very far away, a ruthless race known as the Spaceballs has nearly exhausted the supply of fresh air on their home planet. On behest of President Skroob (Mel Brooks), Dark Helmet (Rick Moranis) has been dispatched to kidnap the Druish Princess Vespa (Daphne Zuniga) on her wedding day. Cold feet drive Vespa off planet, prompting King Roland (Dick Van Patten) to hire Captain Lone Starr (Bill Pullman) and his Mawg partner Barf (John Candy) to rescue the princess from the clutches of Helmet and return her safely home.

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MMM: Growing Up So Fast

Just heard this for the first time today despite their album releasing in May of this year. Can't believe I'm so behind. It's a decent little tune and the quirky video makes it even better. Enjoy.

Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros -
That's What's Up

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Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Those Aren't Pillows!

It’s two days before Thanksgiving and many of us are finalizing plans to travel home to feast on bird and visit with family. I wish you well on your travels and hope you have better luck than Neal Page.

It’s two days before Thanksgiving and ad exec Neal Page (Steve Martin) need only catch his 6pm flight to Chicago to return home to his loving family. His indecisive boss, a fleet-footed businessman (Kevin Bacon), and a cab thief signal the beginning of his troubles. While waiting on his delayed flight, he meets Del Griffith (John Candy), a shower curtain ring salesman and the thief of his rush hour cab. The irritable, hostile Neal couldn’t be more opposite to the easy-going, upbeat Del, but when their Chicago-bound flight is diverted to Wichita, Neal has little choice but to team up with this jovial tradesman if he has any hope of making it home for the holidays.


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Monday, November 19, 2012

I Done Told You Once...

Sorry for the Monday Mood Music's recent absence, but I'm bringing it back! Since I just reviewed a movie set in Georgia, why not post a little music feautring the Peach State? Enjoy.

The Charlie Daniels Band - 
The Devil Went Down to Georgia

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Sunday, November 18, 2012

Daniel Day-Lewis vs. The Confederacy: Part I

Spielberg’s latest epic, Lincoln, expands to theaters nationwide today and reviewers are raving. It stars Daniel Day-Lewis and we all know the man is a phenomenal actor. It got me thinking; he’s so good in these weighty, dramatic roles, but has the man ever made a funny movie? Turns out, he has.

Tightly-wound Henderson Dores (Daniel Day-Lewis) moved from Britain to New York for his fiancee Melissa (Laurie Metcalf). In NYC he meets computer saleswoman, Irene Stein (Joan Cusack), and though his love for Melissa has faded, he’s still employed as an art buyer by her father. Henderson’s fortune is about to change because he’s being sent to Luxora Beach, Georgia to procure a rare Renoir painting thought lost. With Melissa’s daughter Bryant (Martha Plimpton) in tow, Henderson arrives at the less than stately manor of Loomis Gage (Harry Dean Stanton) who’s more than happy to sell. But his son Freeborn (Maury Chaykin) is anxious for Henderson to scram because he’s already made a side deal to sell the painting. Henderson just has to suffer the wrath of Gage’s children for a few days for the happy ending he thinks he has coming.


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Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Don't Cry. Hold It Back!

Three months ago, intrepid Lead Contributor Justin began keeping us abreast of the latest news concerning the upcoming release of the Red Dawn remake. Like Justin, I was at first intrigued by Chris Hemsworth’s latest feature, especially considering I’ve enjoyed his roles thus far. With it’s release just one week away, what better time than now to finally queue the original Red Dawn?

A Soviet Union wheat shortage, unrest in South America and the dissolution of NATO signals that the world is going to hell in a hand basket. In the sleepy little All-American town of Calumet, Colorado, enemy soldiers literally descend upon the town and, after quickly killing the Town’s one black man, the high school history teacher (Frank McRae), lay siege upon the heartland. In the chaos, Jed Eckert (Patrick Swayze) rescues his brother Matt (Charlie Sheen) and a handful of other young men and together they seek refuge in the mountains. Months pass, the war drags on, and the boys, surviving forty-miles behind enemy lines, begin to employ guerrilla tactics against the invading forces and adopt the moniker of their high school mascot, the Wolverines, as a symbol of hope.


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Friday, November 9, 2012

One Night in Paris...

The vault can’t get enough James Bond! It was just one month ago that Timothy Dalton’s The Living Daylights was featured in honor of Global James Bond Day. Today, on the opening of Bond’s twenty-third film, Skyfall, I reached into the hat and pulled out a worthy Bond title to feature.

Egomaniacal media mogul Elliot Carver (Jonathan Pryce) is poised to launch the Carver Media Group’s satellite news network with the tragic, breaking news of an impending war between China and Great Britain. He knows this because his henchmen, Henry Gupta (Ricky Jay) and Stamper (Götz Otto), have instigated the entire incident on his behalf by sinking the HMS Devonshire and destroying a Chinese fighter jet. As the British Royal Navy mobilizes to confront the Chinese fleet in the South China Sea, M (Judi Dench) orders her top agent, James Bond (Pierce Brosnan), to uncover the truth. With only forty-eight hours before the advent of World War III, Bond finds himself teamed with fellow spy, Wai Lin (Michelle Yeoh) of the Chinese People’s External Security Force, to stop the presses on this madman’s war for ratings.


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Thursday, November 8, 2012

MILF Rendezvous: The Blustery Gang Bang

With Halloween, my birthday and the election all happening these past couple of weeks, I've been delinquent in rendezvousing with Man, I Love Films. Before I dig my hole any deeper, let me bang out a few all at once to get back on track.

The vault’s Halloween hoopla continues as does our all-too-favorite practice of celebrating celebrity birthdays! It was this day fifty years ago that the world welcomed the actor that would one day be known as the Dread Pirate Roberts, or to Psych fans as Pierre Despereaux. He also has the distinction of starring in two films about the vampire Dracula. The first, 1992′s Bram Stoker’s Dracula is a more traditional retelling of the legend while the second, today’s selection and a more innovative retelling, is the 2000 film Shadow of the Vampire.
Director Friedrich Wilhelm Murnau (John Malkovich) is filming the last of his studio shots in Berlin for his masterpiece, Nosferatu. The next day he and his crew embark for Czechoslovakia to join their principal star, Max Schreck (Willem Dafoe). Schreck, who will portray Murnau’s vampire Count Orlok from his thinly veiled plagiary of Bram Stoker’s Dracula, always appears to the crew in character; full dress and make-up, demanding only to be shot at night. Unbeknownst to them, Schreck’s predilections are not a product of his acting style, but because he is in fact the vampire Count Orlok that Murnau has struck a shady bargain with in order to add authenticity to his work.

Today is October 30th, the day before Halloween, and the night which is referred to as Devil’s Night. The Crow is the first time I ever heard of Devil’s Night and, since the story centers on events occurring on this night of mayhem and mischief, I could think of no better choice for this month’s last vault selection.
It’s Devil’s Night and Eric Draven (Brandon Lee) returns home to find his fiancée Shelly (Sofia Shinas) being beaten and raped by four thugs. Though he attempts to stop them, he is stabbed, beaten, shot and thrown from their window to his death for good measure. One year later those responsible; T-Bird (David Patrick Kelly), Funboy (Michael Massee), Tin Tin (Laurence Mason), and Skank (Angel David), get pumped for another night of arson, debauchery and wanton destruction on behalf of their boss Top Dollar (Michael Wincott). Elsewhere, a crow ushers Eric from his grave. He’s returned from the dead to inform their murderers that, as he explains to Sergeant Albrecht (Ernie Hudson), “they’re all dead, they just don’t know it yet.”


If you’re living in America, especially in a battleground state, you have got to be absolutely sick of all this election hoopla. Candidate ads monopolize every commercial break. I never thought I’d be so relieved to see that herpes commercial or even Pepsi’s idiotic dancing baby ad. Well, maybe I’m not that relieved. At any rate, the vault can not ignore the importance of the electoral process so we’re throwing out a single bone before moving on to less wearisome subjects.
Early one Omaha morning, high school history teacher Jim McAllister (Matthew Broderick) runs into the peppy, enterprising Tracy Flick (Reese Witherspoon) in preparation to bid for Student Council President. Jim doesn’t much care for Tracy, especially since he considers her responsible for the dismissal of his friend and coworker Dave (Mark Harelik). The overachieving Tracy quickly amasses the required signatures to run, and is anxious to start her campaign though she’d be running unopposed. In the spirit of healthy competition, Mr. McAllister convinces the simple-minded jock, Paul Metzler (Chris Klein), to throw his hat in the political ring. Shortly thereafter, Paul’s apathetic, malcontent sister Tammy (Jessica Campbell) decides to run against her brother since her special lady friend Lisa (Frankie Ingrassia) left her for Paul. As tensions run high, McAllister finds himself drowning in personal and professional dilemmas.

Today is huge. Sure, sure, it’s election day, but what’s more important is it’s my birthday! Like all of us, I share my birthday with quite a number of talented celebrities. I ultimately decided to honor 81-year-old comedian, director, producer and writer Mike Nichols who’s been at the helm of memorable projects since his first Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? to his most recent, Charlie Wilson’s War. Of his projects, I have chosen the 2004 play adaption Closer because it’s also my birthday and ogling Natalie Portman as she sports a sequined lavender thong that barely covers her jungle book and executes a spread eagle split on the back of a plush purple couch seemed like a nice treat to myself.
Obits writer Dan (Jude Law) is traversing the crowded London streets on his way to work when he’s enamored of the vibrant, disarming woman approaching. Her mystique is cut short when she’s hit by an oncoming taxi. Dan rushes to her aid and so begins his romance with Alice (Natalie Portman). Later, Dan visits photographer Anna (Julia Roberts) for head-shots for his upcoming novel and confesses he’s been instantly smitten with her. Denied his heart’s desire, Dan enters a cyber-sex chat room pretending to be Anna and woos Larry (Clive Owen) into a lewd rendezvous. The prank backfires and Anna and Larry become romantically involved. Much later, they all meet at Anna’s exhibition, revealing their loving relationships are anything but.

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