Showing posts with label Natalie Portman. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Natalie Portman. Show all posts

Thursday, November 8, 2012

MILF Rendezvous: The Blustery Gang Bang

With Halloween, my birthday and the election all happening these past couple of weeks, I've been delinquent in rendezvousing with Man, I Love Films. Before I dig my hole any deeper, let me bang out a few all at once to get back on track.


The vault’s Halloween hoopla continues as does our all-too-favorite practice of celebrating celebrity birthdays! It was this day fifty years ago that the world welcomed the actor that would one day be known as the Dread Pirate Roberts, or to Psych fans as Pierre Despereaux. He also has the distinction of starring in two films about the vampire Dracula. The first, 1992′s Bram Stoker’s Dracula is a more traditional retelling of the legend while the second, today’s selection and a more innovative retelling, is the 2000 film Shadow of the Vampire.
Director Friedrich Wilhelm Murnau (John Malkovich) is filming the last of his studio shots in Berlin for his masterpiece, Nosferatu. The next day he and his crew embark for Czechoslovakia to join their principal star, Max Schreck (Willem Dafoe). Schreck, who will portray Murnau’s vampire Count Orlok from his thinly veiled plagiary of Bram Stoker’s Dracula, always appears to the crew in character; full dress and make-up, demanding only to be shot at night. Unbeknownst to them, Schreck’s predilections are not a product of his acting style, but because he is in fact the vampire Count Orlok that Murnau has struck a shady bargain with in order to add authenticity to his work.
Rendezvous...

Today is October 30th, the day before Halloween, and the night which is referred to as Devil’s Night. The Crow is the first time I ever heard of Devil’s Night and, since the story centers on events occurring on this night of mayhem and mischief, I could think of no better choice for this month’s last vault selection.
It’s Devil’s Night and Eric Draven (Brandon Lee) returns home to find his fiancĂ©e Shelly (Sofia Shinas) being beaten and raped by four thugs. Though he attempts to stop them, he is stabbed, beaten, shot and thrown from their window to his death for good measure. One year later those responsible; T-Bird (David Patrick Kelly), Funboy (Michael Massee), Tin Tin (Laurence Mason), and Skank (Angel David), get pumped for another night of arson, debauchery and wanton destruction on behalf of their boss Top Dollar (Michael Wincott). Elsewhere, a crow ushers Eric from his grave. He’s returned from the dead to inform their murderers that, as he explains to Sergeant Albrecht (Ernie Hudson), “they’re all dead, they just don’t know it yet.”

Rendezvous...


If you’re living in America, especially in a battleground state, you have got to be absolutely sick of all this election hoopla. Candidate ads monopolize every commercial break. I never thought I’d be so relieved to see that herpes commercial or even Pepsi’s idiotic dancing baby ad. Well, maybe I’m not that relieved. At any rate, the vault can not ignore the importance of the electoral process so we’re throwing out a single bone before moving on to less wearisome subjects.
Early one Omaha morning, high school history teacher Jim McAllister (Matthew Broderick) runs into the peppy, enterprising Tracy Flick (Reese Witherspoon) in preparation to bid for Student Council President. Jim doesn’t much care for Tracy, especially since he considers her responsible for the dismissal of his friend and coworker Dave (Mark Harelik). The overachieving Tracy quickly amasses the required signatures to run, and is anxious to start her campaign though she’d be running unopposed. In the spirit of healthy competition, Mr. McAllister convinces the simple-minded jock, Paul Metzler (Chris Klein), to throw his hat in the political ring. Shortly thereafter, Paul’s apathetic, malcontent sister Tammy (Jessica Campbell) decides to run against her brother since her special lady friend Lisa (Frankie Ingrassia) left her for Paul. As tensions run high, McAllister finds himself drowning in personal and professional dilemmas.
Rendezvous...


Today is huge. Sure, sure, it’s election day, but what’s more important is it’s my birthday! Like all of us, I share my birthday with quite a number of talented celebrities. I ultimately decided to honor 81-year-old comedian, director, producer and writer Mike Nichols who’s been at the helm of memorable projects since his first Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? to his most recent, Charlie Wilson’s War. Of his projects, I have chosen the 2004 play adaption Closer because it’s also my birthday and ogling Natalie Portman as she sports a sequined lavender thong that barely covers her jungle book and executes a spread eagle split on the back of a plush purple couch seemed like a nice treat to myself.
Obits writer Dan (Jude Law) is traversing the crowded London streets on his way to work when he’s enamored of the vibrant, disarming woman approaching. Her mystique is cut short when she’s hit by an oncoming taxi. Dan rushes to her aid and so begins his romance with Alice (Natalie Portman). Later, Dan visits photographer Anna (Julia Roberts) for head-shots for his upcoming novel and confesses he’s been instantly smitten with her. Denied his heart’s desire, Dan enters a cyber-sex chat room pretending to be Anna and woos Larry (Clive Owen) into a lewd rendezvous. The prank backfires and Anna and Larry become romantically involved. Much later, they all meet at Anna’s exhibition, revealing their loving relationships are anything but.
Rendezvous...

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Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The Hump: No. 1

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Friday, December 3, 2010

Trailer Trash: The December 3rd Quickie

I'm glad I'm headed to Atlanta in a few hours because film pickins be slim 'round these parts. There is only one major release coming to town this weekend.If you include the limited and very limited offerings IMDb lists the total is seven, but most of us won't be getting these anytime soon. Since I'm getting the shaft on the weekend I go to meet Shaft, I'll keep this week's trash'n to just the major and limited offerings.


The Warrior's Way If you can't wait until next summer for Cowboys and Aliens, one studio decided Cowboys and Ninjas can brighten our Christmas holiday. The trailer had me with the first fantastic wire-works display; casting Geoffrey Rush was the delectable icing on this violent looking treat. It may not live up to my action expectations, but it's not like it has any competition.



Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!


All Good Things (limited) The first of two films with possible Oscar noms for Ryan Gosling and the trailer makes sure we all know it. Though strong in cast, the trailer is weak in plot details aside from the "inspired by true events" shingle which leaves me less than excited. I'll wait to hear audience reactions before plopping down my hard-earned cash.




Verdict: It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.


Black Swan (limited) Even if I weren't a big fan of Darren Aronofsky's work, they had me at Natalie Portman - Mila Kunis sex scene. Oh, I'm sure the story will be equally awesome. 








Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!


Reel Whore has been majorly slack in terms of actual movie review content and being out of town this weekend isn't going to help the situation. Maybe if you ask Santa nicely, he can grant your movie review wishes.

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Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Repeat Bidness: V for Vendetta

Remember, remember the fifth of November. In honor of Guy Fawkes Night and the rousing victory speech President-elect Barack Obama gave around midnight this day (EST), I thought it'd be appropriate to revisit this film:

V for Vendetta

Original Release:03.17.06

DVD Release: 08.01.06


Rated R
2 hours, 12 minutes

Full Price ($$$$)


"Who IS that Masked Man?!"

A great dish always starts with a great recipe. Using the Wachowski Brothers’ (The Matrix) adapted screenplay of the Alan Moore and David Lloyd graphic novel, first time director James McTeigue serves up one hell of a film for audiences. V for Vendetta is set in a totalitarian Britain made so by the outbreak of a war in Iraq. The people of Britain live a subdued life thanks to their government’s curfews and strict laws. The appearance of a darkly clad man in a porcelain mask, known only as V, awakens the population with promises of a life without fear. One citizen in particular, Evey Hammond (Natalie Portman, Mars Attacks!), finds herself embroiled in V’s treasonous plot to blow up Parliament. The government hopes to squelch V, his ideals and his dangerous promises by locating the aggressor and his would-be accomplice while countering their message with pro-government propaganda.

By enlisting the aid of the talented and effervescent Portman alongside the haunting demeanor of Hugo Weaving (The Matrix ), McTeigue had the toughest work of story-telling covered. Portman, adept at playing opposite non-existent Star Wars creatures, proved equally extraordinary acting opposite an expressionless face. Weaving spouts extensive, emancipative dialogue flawlessly, imparting eloquence to the purported monster behind the mask. When V is not haranguing the tyranny of the society, he is delivering severe yet stylistic ass-whoopins to anyone attempting to oppress. Portman gets in a few one-two punches herself though it’s her conveyance of Evey’s revelations and subsequent evolution that grips audiences.

If audiences are unsure of the film’s intent; yes, it has political undertones. The story is designed to inspire unease with complacency and to urge freedom of thought as the precedent to all other freedoms. Clever wordplay is found to be sharper and more lethal than any bombs, daggers or karate gimmicks V utilizes. Multi-layered meanings and the repetition of symbols and situations help bond the lives of the main characters as well as the lives of the masses. Surprisingly, the film is not action-packed but sets an exciting and thrilling pace simply through discourse and careful sequencing while the plot unveils. V for Vendetta is a contemporary allegory worthy of attention for more than its stylistic filming.

Dirty Undies
Well, Portman doesn’t sport a thong a la Closer, but audiences would flock if they knew she dresses in a “Good Ship Lollipop” motif complete with a lacy pink dress, knee high socks and Mary Janes, and let’s not forget pin curl pigtails. Had a few scenes of that image been included in the trailer, the opening box office would’ve increased by another $5 million, easy. Fans of Natalie need not worry about her hairless head; she looks almost sexy enough to bring the Sinead O’Connor cut back into fashion. Those not interested in Portman will be out of luck as Vendetta is devoid of anyone else attractive, unless bloated Brits or gaunt interment-camp prisoners are your thing. The action is good and bloody but occurs infrequently. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, especially since the scenes shown are very vicious and violent.

The Money Shot
No doubt, Vendetta has a bone to pick with oppression, and more so with any society that allows oppression to persist. The director cloaks the film in a veil of action and style but Vendetta’s memorable dialogue, contributed by both the vigilante and onlookers, will ring in your ears long after viewing. V for Vendetta can best be summed up by Evey: “Artists use lies to tell the truth. Politicians use them to cover it up.” You should pay to listen to what these artists are saying.

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Tuesday, May 20, 2008

My Blah-berry Night

My Blueberry Nights
Release: 04.04.2008 limited
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 30 minutes

Second-Run Seats ($$) <
> Ma
tinee ($$$)


In her film debut, Norah Jones stars as Elizabeth (a.k.a Beth, Lizzie, Betty), a young woman who learns from local cafe owner Jeremy (Jude Law, The Holiday) that her boyfriend is seeing another woman. Night after night Elizabeth visits the cafe; at first, to sulk and skulk over her man, but eventually to eat blueberry pie and fraternize with Jeremy. Seeking answers, Elizabeth leaves New York for Memphis where she takes up waitressing at a bar and a diner to save for a car. She meets kindred spirits in Arnie (David Strathairn, Blue Car) and Sue Lynne (Rachel Weisz, The Shape of Things). Her next serving gig leads her to the Midwest and the wild Leslie (Natalie Portman, Closer) who furthers her quest for answers and an affordable automobile.

Let me start by chiming in on my familiarity with writer-director Wong Kar Wai's work. I have seen three of his previous films: Fallen Angels, In the Mood for Love, and 2046. Without a doubt, In the Mood for Love is my personal favorite and his strongest work. My Blueberry Nights...not so much. Wong Kar Wai has a very stylized direction full of vibrant colors and languid, savory scenes. All those films also revolve around relationships and love, time and distance. But watching My Blueberry Nights was off-putting. I compare Wong and his latest work to Tony Scott, another very stylized director who reached near perfection with the dark and manic Man on Fire only to overindulge, making Domino an incoherent, epileptic seizure. Wong took his palette of slow-motion shots and radiant hues and applied them with a paint roller, resulting in a film that fails to maintain its hold on viewers.

Norah Jones likewise fails to draw you in at every emotional level. Granted, for her first film role, she proves herself far more adept than many other singers-turned-actors (cough Beyonce cough). However, she didn't convince me when stronger emotions were required, leaving this sensitive piece lacking. Singer Cat Power ,a.k.a Chan Marshall, also makes a cameo that is likewise strained. But Jones' other costars all performed admirably. In particular, David Strathairn's sympathetic and unstable Arnie deserves a nod for best performance. The only thing more memorable than the performances is the soundtrack; a hauntingly perfect mood for the film.

Dirty Undies
If you didn't notice, the beautiful pedigree of the cast is worth the price of admission alone and probably is why I nudged this film towards the Matinee rating. Norah Jones just looks adorably soft and scrumptious. Jude Law with his effortless charisma is magnified with a layer of scruffy stubble. I was nearly ready to tap out of the film until Natalie Portman appeared in the final half hour. She literally lights up the screen with her smile, her presence and short fire-like curls of blonde hair. Even Rachel Weisz, whom I don't normally go for, was in an especially sexy way. Take a gander:


(Oh Natalie...)

The Money Shot
My Blueberry Nights is a very vivid and visual emotional journey. It's also an excellent case for when style outweighs the substance of the work. If you find this phenomenal, your head just might explode from elation when you see In the Mood for Love.

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Thursday, October 25, 2007

Natalie, You are a Badass Bitch...

Hotel Chevalier
Film Short playing with
"The Darjeeling Limited"

Rated: R
13 minutes

Second Run Seats ($$)

It’s no shock to people who know me that I occasionally do things back asswards. Well viewing “Hotel Chevalier” is no exception. The sneak peek of “The Darjeeling Limited” didn’t include or ran without the short film, and while I thought I would have watched it long before now, iTunes and my Vista-handicapped PC had other notions.

After much finagling, I finally saw the much talked about “Hotel Chevalier” and Ms. Portman’s nude scene, and I must say, nyeh (the short, not the nudity). I don’t feel the short really added anything to the story of the “The Darjeeling Limited.” If anything, it sets you up for more confusion than necessary. As for seeing Natalie in the buff, it was nice but definitely over-hyped. I think I am still more aroused from seeing her don a sequined lavender thong that barely covers her jungle book and then execute a spread eagle split on the back of a plush purple couch.

In the end I must give mad props to Ms. Portman not for her work in this Wes Anderson short, but in an earlier short. If you haven’t seen it in a while, let the proof, as they say, be in the pudding.

Ms. Portman, I will always pay for your dry cleaning.

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