Thursday, September 17, 2009

Movie Menage: X-Men Origins Wolverine

Lately, it seems for every movie I review, I've got three to four more waiting in the wings to be serviced. Exponential expansion, while sometimes good, can also be a burden. The Reel Whore is always looking to spice up his movie life for both his benefit and yours, stargazers.

In this latest innovation, the Reel Whore will surreptitiously pluck a couple of reviews from fellow LAMBs and other film bloggers. The brief blurbs from these two reviewers coupled with the Reel Whore take constitute a critique à trois, if you will. Getting three opinions of a film tossed together should be better than one, right?

X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Release: 05.01.09
DVD Release: 09.15.09
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 47 minutes


Fanboys' favorite member of the X-Men, Wolverine (Hugh Jackman, Van Helsing), started as a tiny, sickly young boy named James. On the run at an early age, he and his half-brother, Victor (Liev Schreiber, Scream), found that a life of fighting suited them. It isn't until joining a secret government team led by William Stryker (Danny Huston, 30 Days of Night) that Logan (the Wolverine moniker comes later) gets fed up with Victor and the gang's cold-blooded ways. Years later, he's working the wood daily as both lumberjack and boyfriend when Stryker surfaces to give him a proposition he can't refuse. Several explosions, a handful of mutant cameos and a LOT of killing later, the no-nonsense killing machine Wolverine is born.

The first of our lovers trio:

... The movie also doesn’t follow the franchise’s own canon, which makes it unbelievable to watch. The movie’s so focused on blowing shit up that the plot at times crosses into the grotesque. When Stryker realizes that he’s made Wolverine indestructible, he shoots him with adamantium bullets because his brain will heal…but his memories won’t.


... from the Black-Eyed Peas is in this movie. Why, I’m not sure. It seems as though the prerequisite for his character, Wraith, was to have a terrible Southern accent and be willing to wear a lot of turquoise jewelry. In that regard, succeeds. In every other way, he is astonishingly, depressingly bad to watch.

Uncover Caitlin's full, uncensored opinion.

Joining in the fun is our second partner:

... Liev Schreiber clearly relishes playing a man who bounds up buildings like Tigger and slashes faces with his fingernails. He practically purrs his lines.

Hugh Jackman, for his part, spends most of the movie sharpening his claws or screaming at the sky — his tan, much-muscled frame either nude, shirtless or clad in a torn white wife-beater. Meow!

Sarah's waiting for you to come calling.

Two major issues with Wolverine are the amazingly weak special effects and the blatant misuse of Ryan Reynolds (Blade: Trinity). The special effects in the early scenes with the mercenary teams are pretty spanky. Evidently, when time came for Wolverine's adamantium upgrade, the money was running thin. Several times Wolverine's claws looked as believable as a pair that came packaged with my nephew's Halloween costume. Victor's Tigger-esque bounding became laughable. Only the lack of lifebars on the screen and a controller in my hand saved the climactic fight scene on Three Mile Island from feeling like a poorly choreographed video game.

Speaking of the final fight scene, why would you hire the sexy, smart-mouthed Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool only to make him play a mute while literally defacing him?! The inclusion of Reynolds in the cast was the driving factor for me to see Wolverine, but his five minutes of screentime was an insult.

Wolverine is entertaining enough if you just roll with the mostly landed punches and don't get hung up on pesky details like plot or faithfulness to the source material. Logan's saga was pretty well covered in the X-Men trilogy, yet they're already talking an Origins sequel. If the next installment is similarly flawed, I doubt even his phenomenal healing factor could revive it.

Large Association of Movie Blogs


  1. Allow me to turn into a 14 year old for a moment:

    OMG OMG OMG!!!! I totally LUV this post!

    Ok, that wasn't very accurate. A 14 year old would have had a number of typos in there as well. Anyway, excellent idea, Wayne - simple, yet effective. I might have to give you a special shout out on the LAMB after you've done a couple of these.

  2. Eeeeeeeeeee! (My attempt at squealing like a little schoolgirl over your approval.)

    I always welcome the publicity. Don't be surprised to see one of your posts show up here before too long. Extract, Paper Heart, 9, Basterds are all reviews I've still got to churn out.

  3. What a great idea! I'll definitely have to whip up a critique a trois for my own blog.

    I agree with everything you and our fellow blogger said, with the exception of Ryan Reynolds being sexy.

    Smart-mouthed, yes. Sexy, no. The man annoys the hell out of me.

    (You may have also motivated me to finally write a "9" review. I was planning on just ignoring it, but now ..."

  4. @Sarah: Thanks. I look forward to your own critique a trois. I'm hoping I'll get 9 out this week. Don't hold me to it, though.

    Wow, not a Reynolds fan. I thought everyone was gaga for my boy, at least wanted him for his body.

  5. This blog is quite good,because it based on action movies.The x-men wolverine movie is very good movie it is full of action.I have a site also where you can Download Action Movies.And you can get others action movies also.