Trailer Trash: The April Gang Bang

March just seemed to evaporate before our very eyes, didn't it? We're already four days into April. No worries; I've been taking it for the team. April holds twelve major releases and nearly as many limited or exclusive-release films (according to IMDB and The Numbers). Like last month, I chose to focus on the big twelve for my sanity's sake.

Exercise the right to Cinematic Celibacy.
Prom Night (04/11) First off, my prom was held in the school cafeteria, so I can’t relate to this grand hotel concept. That aside, I'm usually stoked about cheesy horror. But when the “not yet rated” trailer became the no-guts-no-glory PG-13 version, my interest faded. Boo! Hiss! I'll wait for the R-rated DVD, thank you very much.

88 Minutes (04/18) I get the nagging feeling we’re going to feel every last second of this 88 Minutes. Whoo-ah! It'll be a lot of Pacino chewing up lines and scenery while some solid That Guys and Gals (William Forsythe, Alicia Witt, Neal McDonough) just struggle for scale.

The Forbidden Kingdom (04/18) The pairing of the century is finally here: Jet Li and Rasta Chan! Wait, what the fuck is that mop on Jackie's head? And since when was Brooklyn a neighbor of China? How else do we explain Michael Angarano stumbling around in this “epic?” I'm enticed by Bingbing Li and her ultra-long white locks, but seeing as how this was directed by the guy who brought us Stuart Little (1 & 2); I'm not holding my breath.

It's Friday, I don't want to be alone.
Leatherheads (04/04) I enjoy George Clooney in screwball mode about as much as any man could. I concede that Renee Zellweger is a great actress, but like her lemon-face, these trailers have soured on me. I count on this being funny in a shticky sort of way; I’m just not rushing to find out. On the plus side, Stephen Root makes this, like, his tenth film this year!

Nim’s Island (04/04) Okay, raise your hand if you actually recognized Jodie Foster from the posters. I didn't know who that spackled chica was. All I know is Breslin has nearly reached AnnaSophia Robb status in my book of awesome child actors, but even her rising star can't amp me up for yet another Walden debacle.

The Ruins (04/04) As far as horror goes, I was stoked to see that this film from A Simple Plan writer promised gore, nudity AND starred Jena Malone! Excited as I was, I skipped seeing the free sneak preview to stay home, watch Aliens, and write about the Ruins trailer. That doesn't reek of confidence, does it?

Street Kings (04/11) Another fence straddler for me. The concept comes from some awesome action writers (Dark Blue, Equilibrium) and Forest is playing a badass and not the usual bumbling buddy. The big negative is Canoe has turned his stiff acting skills from teaching inner city youth Hardball to just gunning them down. Hmmm.

Deception (04/25) This promises to be a typical, turn-the-tables thriller in the vein of Derailed. You know: the somewhat predictable twister full of sexy people. This grouping brings together Hugh Jackman, Ewan McGregor and Michelle Williams. Trailers don't mention Natasha Henstridge or Maggie Q by name, such a shame. If I'm in the mood for hotness you might catch me overcoat-ing it to the cinema.

Moist with Antici...pation!
Smart People (04/11) Despite the skeletal Mole Lady (Sarah Jessica Parker), I still want to see this. Quaid has always held a solid position in my book of faves, and I'm curious to see Ellen Page portray the anti-Juno with all the McGuff and none of the liberal tone. However, I predict the big treat for audiences will be watching Thomas Haden Church steal the show.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall (04/18) Jason Segel, a.k.a. the creepy friend from Knocked Up, has managed to write himself a comedy where he is dumped by Kristen Bell and seeks solace in Hawaii with Mila Kunis. Okay, so reality isn't his strongsuit, but with his Apatow My Circle we can expect better-than-average fare. Here’s hoping Jack “Kenneth” McBrayer gets raw like sushi!

Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay (04/25) It's been four years since Harold and Kumar ate those tiny-but-delicious burgers, and decided, on a whim, to fly to Amsterdam. Picking up from there may be awkward but it could be nearly as insane as the first film. A few of the jokes look more suited to the Scary Movie franchise, but hopefully Neil Patrick Harris will save this from total lameness.

Baby Mama (04/25) The wifey and I are huge Tina Fey-natics, and when we want wild and crazy, Amy Poehler tops the list. In fact, I think Poehler is the funniest woman on SNL since Gilda Radner (Sorry, Maya. You know I'd still love to get you pregnant!) Speaking of, Fey has crafted this comedy about prego-alternatives while the rest of Hollywood churns out yet another romantic comedy slop-fest. You go, Dirty Diva!

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Whew, another month and another onslaught of films before us. From the looks of things, my funny bone is itching this month. Hope you didn't mind the excessive SNL/30 Rock love but I've been feening for my Baldwin/Fey/Morgan fix.