Thursday, August 12, 2010

The Tantric Jizt: Inception

In this fast-paced world of blogging, tweeting and fly-by-night film voyeurism, sometimes one doesn't have the time to give a film proper treatment. More importantly, others do not always have the time to read it. Sometimes you just have to take it around back and squeeze one out in 1-2-3 quick licks.

Think of
The Jizt as the wham, bam, thank you ma'am of reviews.


Release: 07.16.10
Rated PG-13
2 hours, 28 minutes

See It, Take a Friend, Buy the DVD!

Note: In the spirit of Inception, this installment of The Jizt will be multi-layered; a jizt within a jizt within a jizt or, to put it more eloquently, a tantric jizt.

Cast: Ken Watanabe (Batman Begins), Cillian Murphy (Red Eye), Tom Berenger (Training Day)

The Build-up: Desperate to escape his life of subconscious espionage, Cobb accepts an offer from corporate mogul, Saito, to destroy his rival's company using inception.

The Blurt-out: I want to know who ate Tom Berenger and started wearing his skin!

The Jizt: Easily the most inventive premise of 2010, Inception has planted an idea in the minds of studios that will undoubtedly be run into the ground.

"Even though this is a dream, Mr. Fischer, your drink can still be tainted with Jizt."

Cast: Joseph Gordon-Levitt (The Lookout), Tom Hardy (RocknRolla), Dileep Rao (Drag Me To Hell)

The Build-up: Tasked to implant an idea into a person's mind rather than extract one, Cobb and his team construct an elaborate, three-tiered dreamscape to hustle their mark.

The Blurt-out: Arthur never had a cool codename like the Forger or the Chemist, but I dub him the Acrobat because his weightless fighting scenes are awesome!

The Jizt: Watching the succession of kicks that will rouse the extraction team from their chemically-induced slumber is so intense audiences will have bitten their nails down to the quick.

"Dammit, Arthur, how many times do I have to tell you not to leave your Jizt in the car!"

Leonardo DiCaprio (Shutter Island), Ellen Page (Hard Candy), Marion Cotillard (Big Fish)

The Build-up: The inquisitive new architect, Ariadne, finds herself to be her team's protector when she discovers the manifestation of Cobb's guilt can threaten not only their mission, but also their lives.

The Blurt-out: Although nothing good can come of Mal's appearance in the dreamscape, her anger-fueled determination is so sexy that imagining her is a guilty pleasure.

The Jizt: While the ambiguous nature of the final scene will leave you wondering if the story ends happily or sadly, the more relevant question is did it end at all?

"Cobb, that is one massive amount of pent-up Jizt you got there."

---cue sound effect---

Large Association of Movie Blogs


  1. JGL was the Point Man, wasn't he?

  2. Ack! You're absolutely right! Now I have to go and come up with a whole new witty one-liner. :-(

  3. The Blurt-out: I want to know who ate Tom Berenger and started wearing his skin!


    Great film. Loved it.

  4. Glad you liked that. I love Berenger and felt a little guilty writing that, but that was my initial reaction when he came onscreen.