Trailer Trash: The October 15th Quickie

As we enter the third weekend of October, the number of new releases is slim. According to IMDb, we have two limited releases and three major releases, one being some piece of bullshit propaganda that somehow weaseled it's way into mainstream theaters. Before I get on my soapbox, let's look at actual weekend entertainment.

Jackass 3D I've never been much for the antics of the Jackass crew. For those not familiar with these fellas, they are the Jersey Shore-equivalent idiots of MTV's new millennium generation. That said, this installment piques my interest. Mainly, I just want to see Bam Margera smacked in the face by a big fucking hand. Luckily I've seen that in the trailer so I'm set.

Verdict: Exercise the Right to Cinematic Celibacy.

  
Red What is Red? Red is not just a color, it's a choice. When you choose Red, you are not only choosing a movie, but your enjoyment. One Red ticket buys not only a fun, two-hour diversion, but the charisma of Morgan Freeman. Red buys the loveliness of Helen Mirren. Red buys the scene-chewing of John Malkovich. When you choose Red you get the awesomeness of Bruce Willis, and isn't that worth more than the other options? So at the movies, choose Red.  

Red is not the only choice for weekend entertainment, but it's the best choice.
 
Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!

 Conviction (limited) It's been over a decade, but Sam Rockwell is back behind bars. Lucky for him, Hilary Swank is on the case and, if anyone's seen her previous movies, you know she's in it to win it. I expect no less than phenomenal performances from these two, but I do worry how thick the melodrama will be. Either way, I will catch this if it comes 'round this way. 

Verdict: It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.

 

I Want Your Money Until this week, I hadn't heard about this. In fact, the official trailer wasn't released until last week. The Whore's not one to get political, but I'm so sick of this Tea Party rhetoric polluting my TV, and now they invaded my sanctuary!

The film's caricature of Obama pounding Reagan (may he RIP) into the mat may incite those who'd dub the Gipper a god. FYI, within the first two years of Ronnie's presidency, unemployment was 10.8%, the highest post-Great Depression rate to date. Plus, the national debt tripled to 3 trillion under his watch. To put that into perspective, those are in 1980s dollars accrued during peacetime. I'll step off my soapbox now, but instead of wasting time and money on a collage of pandering clips, why not get properly edumucated?

Verdict: Exercise the Right to Cinematic Celibacy.


That's all I wrote folks! Well, technically I'm writing this part too, so this would actually be ALL that I wrote. Unless I keep going like this in which case this is all I wrote. You know what? Have a great weekend, go see a good movie, and don't over think it.