Wednesday, March 10, 2010

The Jizt: Alice in Wonderland

In this fast-paced world of blogging, tweeting and fly-by-night film voyeurism, sometimes one doesn't have the time to give a film proper treatment. More importantly, others do not always have the time to read it. Sometimes you just have to take it around back and squeeze one out in 1-2-3 quick licks.

Think of
The Jizt as the wham, bam, thank you ma'am of reviews.

Alice in Wonderland

elease: 03.05.10
Rated PG
1 hour, 48 minutes

Second Run Seats

Mia Wasikowska (Defiance), Johnny Depp (Edward Scissorhands), Helena Bonham Carter (Big Fish)

The Build-up: As Alice runs away from a destiny of tedium, she tumbles into the bland Wonderland, and into her destiny to end the reign of the mean Red Queen.

The Blurt-out: Director Tim Burton applies great voice casting, mostly great CGI, and some bits of great acting to the beloved tales of Lewis Carroll to create the laziest, most uninspired project of his career.

The Jizt: Like a raven and a writing desk, Burton's Alice in Wonderland can also produce a few notes, though they are very, very flat.

"Here Alice. A spoonful of Jizt is what every growing girl needs."

Large Association of Movie Blogs


  1. Ouch! That's a shame because I had high hopes for this movie at one time ... before all the reviews started coming in. Did you see it in 3D or 2D? Did that even matter?

  2. I saw it in 2D, not a fan of 3D stuff or the added cost. It was one of those watch-things-fly-at-the-camera 3D movies from what I could tell.

    I'm sure my sour attitude was part of it; there was a child who insisted on treating the railing next to me like a jungle gym for the last half of the film - ugh!

    Then again, if the kid was so bored she had to start swinging around like Cheeta, that says a lot too.

  3. The film might suck but its printing cash right now.

  4. Tell me about it. It wouldn't be the first movie to rake it in despite being lame.

  5. It appeals to multiple audiences: kids, lovers of the original, Tim Burton fans, 3D fans, Avatar fans, parents wanting a safe film for their kids that they can enjoy also, etc.

  6. @ Film-Book: It only appeals to those audiences who haven't seen it yet, and are wondering what they're missing!

    @ ReelWhore: I like the Jizt. It's just my speed ;-)

  7. @Monique- Thanks. I need to bang out more jizts before I get too far behind in my review queue.

  8. @ Film-Book: it's pretty, but it's not all that entertaining. Awards for design, but the story is totally uninteresting.

  9. 100% agreed. Even the 3D in Alice was very mediocre.

  10. I'm glad I didn't fork out the cash for 3D Alice. From what I could tell, there were only a couple of scenes where it may have been worth it (meeting the Cheshire cat & the Jabberwocky).