Friday, December 10, 2010

Trailer Trash: The December 10th Quickie

Looking to this weekend, all I'm seeing is more of the same; a couple of take 'em or leave 'em mainstream flicks alongside a few enticing limited releases I won't be privy to until AT LEAST late January. I'm not sure if having more respectable movie options should be reason enough to move to a bigger city, but I can think of worse reasons to uproot yourself. Even though all the good shit won't be coming down the pipe for some time, it's still fun to trash all five of IMDb's listed releases.

The Tourist Best thing about this movie? The Kevin Bacon game just got a whole lot simpler! Depp and Jolie together in a flick that will be forgotten as quickly as it was made. These two are fetching and the action looks peppy, but to me it's nothing more than the winter equivalent of Knight and Day.

Verdict: It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader Over the years I've made my opinion of Walden Media and their Narnia adaptation pretty clear. That said, this doesn't look nearly as painful as Prince Caspian. It also doesn't look worthy of the $7.25 I would have to shill out for a matinee. Maybe I'll use my free time to honor you stargazers' recommendations I revisit How to Train Your Dragon.

Verdict: Exercise the Right to Cinematic Celibacy.

The Tempest (limited) This looks like David Bowie's Goblin King and director Terry Gilliam forced Helen Mirren into an absinthe-fueled threesome on the stage of Shakespeare's Globe Theater. She came out of it kinda crazy, but still looking pretty damned smokin' for a lady of her vintage. The wicked visuals and fantasy rock soundtrack have me more than pissed this isn't open here!

Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!

The Fighter (limited) A hunky specimen of man, Mark Wahlberg stars alongside another unhealthy version of Christian Bale. No matter his size, Bale delivers. For Amy Adams, this flick may prove you can wipe that indelible cheery spirit from her dimples. Any way you slice it, you've got great talent dishing out gripping drama so why would you not see it?

Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!

The Garden of Eden (limited) Last week I was (and still am) all a flutter over the Black Swan Portman-Kunis lesbian romp, but I've got a whole week until it's locally released. I'll have to settle for the girl-on-girl-on-guy antics of Jack Huston, Mena Suvari, and Caterina Murino... Okay, you twisted my arm.
P.S. - Sexual escapades aside, I am worried this adaptation may be a jumbled mess.

Verdict: It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.

While I did promise more content here at the Reel Whore, this week was determined to not make it happen. I will be posting the results of my last FMK Friday! and if you stay tuned, I have a new poll that is not to be missed!


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